George  fV ashitigton  Flowers 
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ESTABLISHED  BY  THE 
FAMILY  OF 

COT,ONEL  FLOWERS 


Digitized  by  the  Internet  Archive 
in  2016 


https  ://archive.org/details/excelsiororessay01  howa 


EXCELSIOR. 


SicJlttS 

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0f  ^Ifaining  Jucccss  in 


Part  I. — For  Young  Gentlemen, 

BY 

T.  E.  HOWARD,  A.  M., 

PBOFEfiBOB  OF  TUE  ENGLISH  LANGUAGE  AND  LITKKATURE  IN  THE  UNIVERSITY  OP  NOTRE  DAMS, 
AUTHOR  or  “a  practical  grammar  of  the  ENGLISH  LANGUAGE,**  ETC. 


Part  II. — For  Young  Ladies, 

BY 

A LADY,  (R.  V.  R.) 


BALTIMORE: 

KELIj'Sr  -A.3STX>  FIEX. 

1868. 


\ 


f- 


Entered  according  to  Act  of  Congress,  in  the  year  isG8,  by 
KKLLY  & PIET, 

In  (lie  Clerk’s  Office  of  the  District  Court  for  the  District  of  Maryland. 


\no  ^ 


a03STTEI>TTS. 


rage. 

PREF^LCE ? 

P-ART  I. 

CHAPTER  I. 

Life 13 

CHAPTER  II. 

Home 20 

CHAPTER  III, 

College 31 

CHAPTER  IV. 

Good  Manners 48 

Cleanliness 52 

Neatness 64 

Manliness 70 

Table  Etiquette 81 

Practical  Hints 91 

CHAPTER  V. 

Conversation  100 

Letters 115 

CHAPTER  VI. 

Vocation 122 

punctuality 129 

1* 


6 


CONTENTS. 


PART  II. 

Page. 

CHAPTER  I, 

Self-Sacrifice 147 

CHAPTER  II. 

Affection  at  Home 151 

CHAPTER  III. 

Cheerfulness  at  Home 157 

CHAPTER  IV. 

Patience  at  Home 161 

CHAPTER  V. 

Housework 168 

CHAPTER  VI. 

Plain  Sewing 175 

CHAPTER  VII. 

The  Besetting  Sin  of  Women 180 

CHAPTER  VIII. 

Mental  Training 189 

CHAPTER  IX. 

Mental  Training — (Cont'nued) 196 

CHAPTER  X. 

Physical  Training 206 

CHAPTER  XI. 

Miscellaneons 216 

CHAPTER  XII. 

Miscellaneous — (Continued) 226 


VERSES.— Part  1 237 

“ Part  II , 277 


The  book  we  now  present  to  young  students  will 
fill,  we  trust,  a-  real  want,  which,  for  our  part,  we  have 
felt  for  a number  of  years.  It  is  not  a’religious  book, 
and  yet  it  is  Christian  in  all  its  bearings,  and  based 
throughout  on  Christian  principles.  It  is  the  result  of 
a reflecting  and  analyzing  e.vperience  of  more  than  a 
quarter  of  a century.  We  feel  certain  confidence  that 
it  will  qualify  young,  gentlemen  and  ladies  to  move  with 
becoming  decorum  and  propriety  in  the  best  circles  of 
American  society. 

The  first  part,  although  written  for  young  gentlemen, 
will  be  found  to  dwell  on  general  principles,  which 
should  be  studied  by  ladies  as  well;  the  second  part, 
directed  almost  exclusively  to  young  ladies  in  academies, 
will  not  be  lost  on  the  other  sex,  if  read  with  a view  to 
obtain  useful  information.  It  will  be  easily  discovered 
that  two  different  minds  have  been  engaged  on  the  work, 
and  the  reason  for  this  will  readily  be  understood  by  all. 
They  have,  however,  acted  in  unison,  aiming  at  the 
same  end. 


PREFACE. 


Ac  tlie  end  of  the  prose  vrork  a poetical  summary  of 
it  is  given,  for  students  to  commit  to  memory.  If  this 
he  faithfully  enforced  the  rules  of  good  manners  will 
probably  be  retained  for  life,  and  be  of  practical  use 
long  after  school  books  have  been  laid  aside. 

The  inmates  of  our  boarding  schools  can  scarcely 
overrate  the  importance  of  good  manners  ; their  pro- 
ficiency in  grammar,  in  arithmetic,  or  algebra,  will  not 
be  found  out  by  everybody  they  may  chance  to  meet; 
but  their  exterior  deportment  will  ever  be  open  to  the 
scrutiny  of  friends  and  foes. 

The  jDresent  essays  are  chiefly  offered  to  boarding- 
schools  for  two  reasons : the  first  is  that  day  pupils 
scarcely  come  in  contact  with  their  teachers  out  of  the 
class-room ; therefore,  the  formation  of  their  manners 
devolves  on  their  parents  at  home,  and  a teacher  would 
feel  a certain  delicacy  in  an  attempt,  for  the  success 
of  which  he  should  have  entire  control  over  his  pupils ; 
the  second  is  that  here,  as  in  Europe,  our  boarding- 
schools  represent,  to  a considerable  extent,  the  wealthy 
families  of  the  land,  or,  in  other  words,  more  to  our 
purpose,  the  influential  portion  of  society — that  portion 
which  always  and  everywhere  give  the  tone  to  the  rest. 
It  is  evident  that  young  gentlemen  and  ladies,  whose 
]5arents  and  connections  are  surrounded  at  home  with 
refinement  and  special  consideration,  should  be  trained 
to  manners  and  habits  in  accordance  with  their  station 
and  in  keeping  Avith  their  associations  in  after  life. 


PREFACE. 


9 


Parents,  in  this  respect,  rely  on  the  institutions  where 
they  place  their  children  for  the  greater  portion 
of  their  youth.  The  institutions  receiving  such  trusts 
become  responsible  for  the  fulfilment  of  a duty  on  which 
parents  generally  g,nd  rightfully  lay  a great  stress. 
Now,  to  redeem  their  pledge  on  this  point,  they  will 
find  next  to  an  .impossibility,  unless  they  make  it  a part 
of  the  programme  of  studies,  and  proceed  as  Avith  any 
other  branch ; but  by  assigning  regular  hours,  and 
placing  in  the  hands  of  the  students  a standard  book  for 
study — with  fixed  jArinciples  carefully  defined  and  pro- 
perly explained- — by  a feAV  verses  to  be  committed,  from 
time  to  time,  to  memory,  and,  above  all^  by  a continual 
attention  on  the  part  of  professors  to  recall  the  same 
to  the  pupil  Avho  forgets  himself,  none  can  fail  to 
obtain  the  happiest  results. 


PART  I. 


FOR  YOUNG  GENTLEMEN. 


CHAPTER  I. 


LIFE. 

rfJ^IFE  is  a journey,  man  a traveler. 
Some  find  a pleasant  road,  others  a 
dreary  one ; while  to  most  men  the 
journey  is  neither  cheerful  nor  sad. 
At  times  the  sun  shines  out  bright- 
ly, the  breezes  freshen,  the  dews 
glisten,  and  the  whole  world  spreads 
before  us,  a banquet  of  beauty. 
Anon,  dark  clouds  cover  the  earth 
like  a pall ; cold,  wet  winds  creep 
over  us;  and  the  sorrow  of  death  seems  to  fill 
the  land 

cloud  or  sun  rules  the  hour. 

Such  is  the  day;  what  of  the  people?  In  our 
childhood  scarce  any  attend  us  but  the  most 
familiar  friends,  fathers,  mothers,  brothers,  and 
sisters.  And  happy  we,  if  even  they  are  with 
us.  Many  a one  begins  this  journey,  stepping 
from  the  cradle  with  not  a soul  to  guide  him. 
Soon,  however,  new  faces  are  seen.  Neighbors 


Again ’t  is  hard  matter  to  tell  whether 


14 


EXCELSIOR. 


drop  in.  The  world  widens  as  we  advance. 
Strangers  become  our  playmates  on  the  way. 
Stranger  hands  grasp  ours,  stranger  eyes  peer 
into  our  faces,  and  stranger  voices  whisper  in  our 
ears.  Some  look  kindly  upon  us ; the  gentle 
soul  wells  up  in  the  mild  eye,  and  we  believe 
them  good.  More  seem  dark  and  moody ; the 
abrupt  voice,  flashing  eye,  and  swift  hand,  seek 
terrible  vengeance  for  a trifling  wrong.  And 
yet  an  act,  a word,  nay,  even  a glance,  will  some- 
times disarm  their  fiercest  anger.  Who  are 
wholly  good?  Who  are  altogether  wicked? 
How  shall  we  judge  this  people?  Can  we  pass 
along  our  journey,  without  harm  to  ourselves, 
doing  some  good  to  those  we  meet  on  our  way? 

My  young  friends,  we  are  all  traveling  this 
journey  of  life.  Which  of  us  is  too  well  pre- 
pared? Is  there  any  one  who  has  nothing  to 
learn,  so  as  to  make  the  road  a safe  one  for  him- 
helf?  Many  of  those  who  travel  with  us  are 
certainly  dangerous  persons.  Robbers  lie  in  wait 
for  us  ail  along  the  route,  ready  to  take  our  most 
valuable  treasures.  Thieves  and  pickpockets 
chat  pleasantly  with  us,  and  wait  a chance  to 
steal  the  jewels  most  precious  to  our  souls.  Liars 
are  there  to  take  away  our  good  name ; and  crim- 
inals of  every  grade  stand  waiting  to  trap  us, 
each  with  his  own  particular  wickedness.  It 
would  be  a hard  matter  to  guard  ourselves  against 
so  much  wrong,  if  we  knew  our  enemies  by  sight ; 
how  much  more  so,  when  it  is  scarcely  possible 
to  tell  the  good  from  the  bad ! 


LIFE. 


15 


Two  remedies  are  left  us : to  protect  ourselves, 
and  to  aid  the  good  against  the  wicked.  We 
must  first  see  that  our  own  soul  and  body  are 
pure ; that  we  may  not  be  touched  by  the  sin 
around  us,  and  become  wicked  ourselves.  We 
must  guard  every  point,  by  wisdom  and  virtue, 
that  no  enemy  may  find  a weak  spot  for  attack. 
Then,  when  we  ourselves  have  become  secure, 
we  must  turn  to  help  our  fellows.  And,  after 
all,  one  of  the  best  means  of  protecting  ourselves 
is  to  help  our  neighbor.  He  will  help  us  in  turn ; 
and  thus  we  shall  be  doubly  strong  in  time  of 
danger. 

But  how  shall  we  begin  ? We  must  first  make 
friends.  ISlo  man  will  open  his  heart  to  you,  and 
show  you  his  secret  griefs,  unless  he  can  trust 
you ; few  men  will  be  willing  to  assist  you  unless 
they  like  you ; that  is,  to  do  good  or  to  be  good, 
to  advance  your  own  interests  or  the  interests  of 
others,  to  be  of  any  use  in  the  world,  either  to 
yourself  or  to  anybody  else,  you  must  make 
friends  and  keep  them;  God  has  so  formed  us 
that  we  cannot  get  along  well  without  one  an- 
other. How  then  shall  we  make  friends?  Hot 
by  force,  certainly ; for  that  would  be  absurd. 
Force  could  not  win  the  good  will  of  a slave  or 
of  a dog,  still  less  that  of  a free  man ; friendship 
is  not  forced,  it  must  be  won.  To  win  the  good 
will  of  another,  you  must  please  him  by  some 
good  qualities  of  your  own.  Men  naturally  ad- 
mire and  love  whatever  is  excellent  in  their  fel- 
low-beings. If  you  are  beautiful,  a well-formed 


16 


EXCELSIOR. 


man,  it  is  a great  point  in  your  favor,  it  is  so 
much  to  win  the  admiration  of  men  ; if  you  are 
wise,  it  is  still  more ; for  men  admire  excel- 
lence of  mind  more  than  of  body.  But  men  of 
wisdom  and  of  fine  form  are  often  without 
friends.  You  must  perform  kind  and  beautiful 
actions,  speak  kind  and  beautiful  words,  for  the 
sake  of  your  companions ; then  indeed  will  you 
have  hosts  of  friends,  whether  you  are  verywvise 
and  beautiful,  or  but  a mere  homely  man  of  com- 
mon sense.  Show  by  your  words  and  your  ac- 
tions that  you  are  friendly  to  others,  and  then 
you  may  be  certain  that  they  will  be  friendly  to 
you.  The  world  over,  you  will  find  that  you  get 
what  you  give.  Good  for  good ; evil  for  evil ; 
and  friendship  for  friendship. 

AVhatever  desire  we  have  in  life,  then,  whether 
the  honorable  one  of  elevating  our  own  position, 
or  the  still  more  noble  one  of  living  for  the  good 
of  others,  it  is  necessary  that  we  cultivate  all 
the  graces  of  the  person,  and  all  the  finer  quali- 
ties of  the  heart.  These  are  the  means  of  cap- 
tivating men.  When  they  distinguish  a true 
heart,  gentlemanly  carriage,  and  elegant  man- 
ners, especially  if  combined  with  common  sense, 
they  are  read}^  to  follow  to  the  ends  of  the  earth. 
How  often  do  we  see  the  man  of  genius  beckon- 
ing in  vain  for  the  multitude  to  follow  him,  while 
ten  thousand  step  into  the  tracks  of  some  polished 
gentleman,  without  half  the  brains!  In  fact, 
this  agreeable  manner  and  generosity  of  heart 
are  the  stock-in-trade  of  half  our  successful  men. 


LIFE. 


17 


A wliole-souled,  polite  individual,  with  a little 
brains,  will  make  his  way  most  successfully 
throug'h  a fashionable  drawing-room,  while  your 
man  of  intellect,  for  want  of  a little  tact,  stum- 
bles along  and  makes  himself  ridiculous.  A 
moneyed  man  will  take  a free-and-easy,  penni- 
less youth  into  partnership,  and  both  will  grow 
wealthy.  Two  lawyers  plead  a case  in  court; 
one  is  learned  in  the  science,  the  other  has  a 
good  word  for  everybody,  speaks  with  feeling 
and  wins  his  suit.  And  so  in  every  pursuit ; this 
desire  and  effort  to  please  does  please,  and  wins 
the  day.  How  strong,  then,  must  that  man  be 
who  has  intellectual  ability  and  this  agreeable 
manner  besides ! He  is  sure  to  succeed.  A 
young  man  of  even  average  talents,  with  refined 
manners  and  a generous  disposition,  need  never 
fear  of  making  his  mark  in  life. 

The  most  cheering  thought  regarding  agree- 
able manners  is,  that  all  men,  with  few  excep- 
tions, can  attain  them  by  cultivation.  With 
mental  gifts  and  bodily  strength  and  propor- 
tions, the  case  is  quite  different ; though  they, 
also,  may  be  improved  to  some  extent.  We 
are  born  with  bodies  and  minds  of  certain 
power,  beyond  which  they  cannot  be  carried. 
But  our  tastes,  habits,  and  conduct  in  general, 
are  capable  of  almost  unlimited  improvement. 
This  is  a merciful  dispensation  of  Divine  Provi- 
dence, by  which  all  men  may  rise  in  spite  of 
mental  or  bodily  infirmities.  Thus  men  become 
equal  because  they  are  men.  The  souls  of  all 
2* 


18 


EXCELSIOR. 


are  alike,  and  give  a manhood  to  the  most 
wretched,  which  even  the  highest  intellect  is 
forced  to  respect. 

Young  men,  you  have,  then,  a delightful  task 
before  you,  to  beautify  and  render  harmonious 
the  dwelling  places  of  your  own  souls.  Farm- 
ers ornament  the  barns  wdiich  contain  their 
cattle,  and  where  they  store  the  yearly  harvest ; 
all  men  decorate  the  houses  in  which  they  live, 
the  public  buildings  in  which  honorable  or  im- 
portant assemblages  are  held,  and  especially  the 
holy  temples  where  God  and  His  people  are 
])resent.  Our  souls  are  spirits  that  belong  to 
Heaven  ; let  us  make  their  bodily  habitations  as 
manly-like  as  possible ; so  that,  when  we  have 
finished  the  journey  of  life,  and  put  on  the 
liabit  of  saints,  we  may  have  approached  as 
near  as  possible  to  the  gentility  of  angels,  who 
are  to  be  our  companions  on  the  endless  journey 
of  eternity. 

I shall  close  this  subject  with  those  stirring 
lines  of  Longfellow,  which  should  be  tlie  inspi- 
ration of  every  earnest  youth  ; 


Life  is  real ! life  is  earnest ! 

And  tlie  grave  is  not  its  goal ; 

“ Dust  thou  art,  to  dust  returnest,” 
Was  not  spoken  of  the  soul. 


Not  enjo3unent,  and  not  sorrow. 
Is  our  destined  end  or  Avay; 
But  to  act,  that  each  to-morrow 
Find  us  farther  than  to-daJ^ 


LIFE. 


19 


Art  is  long,  and  Time  is  fleeting, 

And  our  hearts,  though  stout  and  brave. 
Still,  like  muffled  drums,  arc  beating 
Funeral  marches  to  the  grave. 

In  the  world’s  broad  field  of  battle. 

In  the  bivouac  of  Life, 

Be  not  like  dumb,  driven  cattle ! 

Be  a hero  in  the  strife ! 

Trust  no  Future,  howe’ef  pleasant ! 

Let  the  dread  Past  bury  its  dead ! 

Act,  act  in  the  living  Present ! 

Heart  within,  and  God  o’erhead ! 

Lives  of  greet  men  all  remind  us 
We  can  make  our  lives  sublime. 

And,  departing,  leave  behind  us 
Footprints  on  the  sands  of  time. 

Footprints,  that  perhaps  another. 

Sailing  o’er  life’s  solemn  main, 

A forlorn  and  shipwrecked  brother. 
Seeing,  shall  take  heart  again. 

Let  us,  then,  be  up  and  doing. 

With  a heart  for  any  fate ; 

Still  achieving,  still  pursuing, 

Learn  to  labor  and  to  wait. 


w 


20 


EXCELSIOR. 


CHAPTEE  II. 


HOME. 

■^ET  US  begin  with  -tlie  Family;  the 
fountain  head  from  which  flow 
society,  states,  and  all  human  asso- 
ciations. To  silent  influences,  far 
back  among  the  earliest  recollec- 
tions of  childhood,  we  may  trace 
the  origin  of  almost  everything, 
good  or  bad,  which  has  hajDpened 
to  us  in  life.  Upon  the  impressible 
nature  of  infancy,  boyhood,  and 
youth,  are  stamped  the  marks  which  time  or 
eternity  can  hardly  obliterate. 

From  the  family,  as  a centre,  we  pass  out 
into  the  world  in  all  directions ; and  as  we  have 
learned  at  home,  so  shall  we  appear  in  society. 
It  is  vain  to  think  that  we  can  be  rude  or  un- 
kind at  home  and  not  show  ourselves  the  same 
abroad.  The  mother  goes  out  visiting  or  shop- 
ping, the  father  to  his  daily  occupation,  the 
eldef  sons  to  college  or  to  business,  the  daugh- 


HOME. 


21 


ters  to  tlie  shrines  of  fashion,  to  convent,  or  to 
toil ; the  little  children  to  school,  or  to  spend  a 
holiday  with  their  companions.  Kot  one  of 
these  ■ returns  without  having  impressed  the 
influence  of  his  home  upon  the  society  in  which 
he  has  mingled.  A person  may  have  a common 
dress  for  the  week,  and  a more  elegant  suit  for 
Sunday,  hut  he  cannot  so  easily  have  common 
manners  for  every-day  use  at  home,  and  fash- 
ionable politeness  for  his  holidays  abroad.  If 
he  is  ungentle  to  his  brothers  and  sisters,  his 
rudeness  will  stick  to  him  when  he  attempts  to 
shine  among  his  neighbors.  If  he  ceases  to 
respects  his  own  parents,  he  will  soon  find  him- 
self awkward  in  the  presence  of  all  aged  people. 
But  if  he  is  gentle  and  obliging  in  the  quiet  of 
borne,  with  no  eye  upon  him  but  those  of  his 
nearest  friends,  and  no  reward  but  their  love  and 
the  pleasure  of  doing  right,  then  his  good  man- 
ners become  a graceful  habit,  and  he  mingles  in 
the  world  with  all  the  ease  and  unconscious  ele- 
gance of  a gentleman. 

And  how  readily  the  world  judges  of  our  con- 
duct at  home ! 

“Wliat  a pleasant  person  Mrs.  Wilson  is,” 
says  a lady. 

“Yes,  indeed,”  replies  her  companion,  “it 
always  does  me  good  to  see  her  stop  at  our  gate, 
with  her  cheerful  morning  face.  Happiness 
seems  to  shine  about  her  wherever  she  is.  Ho 
you  know  that  I sometimes  have  a queer  notion 
that  it  is  always  May  morning  with  her?” 


22 


EXCELSIOR. 


“Not  such  a c|ueer  notion  after  all,”  says  the 
lady,  “we  often  speak  of  the  flowers  of  the  soul, 
the  morning  of  life,  the  bloom  of  youth,  <ic. 
What  are  these  but  different  ways  of  expressing 
our  highest  ideas  of  goodness,  beauty,  hope,  and 
gentleness,  in  all  their  heavenly  freshness? 
And  where  can  we  find  them  in  such  a happy 
combination  as  in  the  bosom  of  a truly  Christian 
family,  like  that  of  Mrs.  Wilson?  No  wonder 
she  is  always  cheerful,  and  brings  the  morning 
with  her ; her  children  are  the  most  intelligent 
and  best  mannered  of  my  acquaintance.  Hers 
I call  a truly  polite  family,  and  I am  sure  her 
sons  and  daughters  will  grow  up  noble  men  and 
women.” 

Such  are  some  of  the  conversations  that  take 
place  among  the  neighbors  of  an  agreeable  fam- 
ily. But  these  are  not  the  only  ones,  as  differ- 
ent acquaintances  pass  by ; for  too  many  are 
given  to  the  impolite  and  unchristian  habit  of 
talking  about  the  failings  of  their  neighbors. 

“Ah,  there  goes  poor  Miss  Cummings,”  says 
our  observing  lady;  “she  has  a hard  life  to 
lead.” 

“ AVhat  a shame,”  replies  her  friend,  "for  a 
brother  to  treat  such  a good  girl  as  he  does  her ! 
Why  does  her  mother  allow  it  ? I should  think 
she  might  do  something  with  him.” 

“No,  indeed,”  says  the  lady;  “he  has  some 
little  regard  for  his  sister — they  are  together  in 
public  so  much — but  not  a bit  for  his  poor 
mother.  He  seems  to  think  it  smart  to  call  her 


HOME. 


23 


the  old  woman,  and  treat  her  as  a servant.  I do 
not  see  how  a son  can  find  it  in  his  heart  to  act 
towards  his  mother  so  ungratefully.  If  a true 
gentleman  should  have  for  a mother  the  most 
disagreeable  and  unladylike  woman  in  the  land, 
he  would  never  fail  to  treat  her  as  his  mother ; 
and  would  never  abate  her  one  jot  of  the  respect 
and  attention  due  to  her  who  bore  him  and  at- 
tended him  in  his  helpless  infancy.  And  though 
an  unchristian  world  might  laugh  at  him,  and 
even  ruin  him  for  life,  still  would  he  do  his  duty, 
bravely,  nobly;  his  soul  rising  proudly  in  the 
scale  of  manhood  as  he  performed  his  good 
work.  But  here  is  a youth  who  has  one  of  the 
best  mothers,  and  a sister  of  whom  any  good 
brother  would  be  proud,  and  he  treats  them 
without  a spark  of  gentleness,  to  say  nothing  of 
affection.” 

“And  yet,”  replies  the  visitor,  “what  airs  he 
puts  on  in  the  houses  of  strangers ! What  vul- 
gar politeness ! I suppose  he  thinks  it  the  per- 
fection of  good  manners.” 

“That  is  what  I never  yet  saw,”  says  the 
lady,  “ill  manners  at  home  and  true  politeness 
abroad.  I know  there  are  some  persons  wlio 
think  they  can  act  this  double  character  to  per- 
fection, but  they  are  sadly  mistaken.  Their 
natural  rudeness  will  show  itself  in  every  action 
and  expression.  A well-bred  person  has  not  the 
least  difficulty  in  detecting  manners  put  on,  like 
a new  coat,  for  the  evening;  for  manners,  like 
dress,  to  sit  easy  must  be  worn  for  some  time. 


24 


EXCELSIOR. 


The  leopard  might  as  well  try  to  hide  his  spots 
as  these  persons  their  lack  of  good  breeding.  ” 

How  many  a youth  is  thus  judged  by  his 
acquaintance,  while  he  imagines  that  he  is  daily 
winning  their  golden  opinions ! Do  not  suppose, 
young  men,  that  your  conduct  at  home  is  entirely 
private;  though  no  one,  enjoying  the  pleasure  of 
your  kindness,  or  suffering  from  your  roughness, 
should  complain  of  the  bad  or  praise  the  good, 
still  you  will  tell  of  it  yourselves.  Your  eyes, 
your  countenance,  your  walk,  your  speech, 
everything  you  do  or  say,  will  tell  your  secret. 
And,  even  though  no  one  should  know  your  un- 
kindness at  home,  how  can  you  be  happy  when 
you  feel  that  those  wdio  should  be  dearest  to  you 
of  all  the  world,  are  rendered  unhappy  by  your 
presence.  Your  father  drops  his  honored  head 
when  you  are  mentioned ; your  mother’s  tears 
fall  fast,  and  her  pale  cheek  grows  hollow — the 
hope  of  their  old  age  has  deceived  them;  and 
your  sister  blushes  with  shame  when  other  sisters 
praise  their  brothers.  Even  you  can  take  no 
pleasure  in  that  home  wliich  you  have  made 
miserable  for  every  one. 

With  what  different  feelings  a good-hearted 
young  man  thinks  of  his  home ! How  happy 
you,  if  you  are  such ! You  go  into  society,  you 
go  to  college,  you  travel,  you  meet  with  pleasant 
people  in  all  places,  and,  for  your  personal  worth, 
you  are  a favorite  wherever  you  go ; but  every 
hour  you  think  of  the  absent  ones,  and,  ’mid  the 
gayest  life,  a voice  ever  sings  in  your  heart  that 


HOME. 


25 


glorious  song,  “There  is  no  place  like  home.” 
And  when  you  return  again,  a clearer  smile 
conies  up  from  the  heart  of  father  and  mother 
than  you  have  ever  seen  elsewhere.  Brothers 
and  sisters  crowd  to  meet  you,  with  the  cheery 
words,  “Here  comes  my  brother!” 

How  did  you  win  the  love  of  every  member 
of  this  dear  household?  For,  see,  not  one  hangs 
back  from  you ; love  beams  in  every  eye.  Even 
the  passing  strangers  cannot  help  turning  their 
eyes  for  a moment  to  look  upon  so  much  happi- 
ness. Has  all  this  mutual  love  come  by  chance? 
Was  it  born  with  you?  Hot  at  all;  for,  look, 
here  comes  your  brother,  who  was  also  absent : 
a sudden  coldness,  painful  to  behold,  has  fallen 
upon  the  happy  group.  They  try  to  greet  him 
as  joyfully  as  they  did  you,  but  they  cannot. 
Hature  will  not  suffer  them;  and  the  attempt 
ends  in  an  awkward  silence,  which  secretly 
grieves  everybody.  All  that  young  group  re- 
member, instinctively,  that  one  brother  has  been 
rude,  the  other  gentle.  They  cannot  drive  away 
the  memory,  try  they  ever  so  hard.  They  re- 
member the  cruel  blow  in  the  corner,  the  harsh 
word.  And  with  that  remembrance  comes  the 
thought  of  the  gentleness  that  soothed  the  trou- 
bled heart;  and  of  the  good  brother,  who  took 
the  blame  of  many  a fault  to  himself,  which  the 
other  should  have  borne.  They  wmuld  fain  now 
receive  both  brothers  alike,  but  nature  forbids ; 
the  facts  of  the  past  are  stamped  upon  the 
memory. 

o 

O 


26 


EXCELSIOR. 


Tliink  how  many  an  old  man  suffers  bitterly 
when  he  remembers  his  unhindness  to  the  dear 
ones,  who  are  perhaps  long  since  in  the  grave. 
An  angry  word,  that  brought  a sigh  from  his 
mother ; an  evening’s  absence,  without  consent, 
that  made  sad  his  father’s  heart;  a profane  word, 
that  brought  shame  to  his  sister’s  cheek ; a rude 
push,  that  sent  his  little  brother  sobbing  in  secret, 
till  the  tender  heart  was  bursting  with  grief ; — 
all  these  rush  up  before  the  old  man’s  mind,  and 
he  weeps  vain,  salt  tears  of  sorrow. 

’T  is  but  a few  years,  at  most,  that  we  spend 
together  in  the  family;  parents,  and,  perhaps, 
brothers  and  sisters,  pass  to  a better  life ; and 
we  go  forth  alone  into  the  world.  How  sweet 
may  we  make  the  memory  of  those  Imme  days— 
or  how  hitter ! A cheerful  good  morning,  as  we 
meet  on  a new  day,  will  give  pleasure  to  all. 
The  kind  words  and  gentle  actions  of  the  morn- 
ing are  pleasant  memories  for  the  day.  Those 
at  home  will  wait  with  joy  for  the  nightfall;  the 
absent  ones  will  often  think  of  the  greetings  of 
the  evening,  when  they  shall  return  from  toil ; 
and  these  thoughts  will  make  many  a trouble 
glide  smoothly  by.  Around  them,  perhaps,  are 
wicked  men,  hard  work,  and  they  are  tired  and 
sick  of  all  their  labors ; hut  at  home  all  is  neat 
and  cheerful — no  cross  faces,  no  short  answers, 
no  cunning  cheats,  no  dirt  and  drudgery.  Sud- 
denly they  cry  out  from  the  depths  of  their 
troubled  hearts,  “This  world  is  not  so  bad  as 
we  feared,  there  is  still  a paradise  at  home,  this 
day  will  soon  be  over.” 


HOME. 


27 


What  noble-hearted  young  man,  who  values 
whatever  is  most  precious  in  life,  will  fail,  in 
kindness,  gentleness,  and  politeness,  to  make  his 
home  the  spot  of  all  the  world  where  his  soul 
delights  to  be? 

How  often  have  we  admired  one  of  those 
Christian  homes,  and  called  it,  in  our  heart,  the 
loveliest  emblem  of  Heaven  on  earth ! All  na- 
tions have  found  no  holier  title  than  Father  to 
give  to  the  Author  of  every  good ; no  sweeter 
name  than  Mother  to  call  the  Blessed  among 
women ; no  dearer  rvord  than  Brethren  for  the 
members  of  the  one  Fold.  And  when  we  wish 
to  tell  of  our  utmost  hope  of  happiness  with  God, 
we  speak  of  our  Heavenly  home. 

Let  us  see,  then,  how  we  may  attain  this  high 
ideal  of  a true  home.  Nature  has  done  much 
for  us.  God  has  given  to  parents  an  intense 
love  for  their  children.  Night  and  day  they 
liaA^e  thought  and  labored  for  us,  providing  for 
our  wants  in  infancy  and  youth ; and  even  when 
we  have  become  men,  they  never  relax  their 
solicitude.  It  has  been  well  remarked,  that 
there  was  no  need  of  commanding  parents  to 
love  their  children ; it  is  natural  for  them  to  do 
so.  They  will  do  their  part  to  make  home 
happy.  But  children  are  not  always  grateful 
for  this  unbounded  parental  love,  and  therefore 
God  has  given  them  a special  command  to  love 
their  parents. 

For  children,  then,  the  great  rule  of  conduct 
is  that  given  by  infinite  wisdom:  Honoe  thy 


28 


EXCELSIOR. 


Father  and  thy  Mother.  This  includes  all 
your  duties ; and  let  it  be  remembered  that  this 
law  is  for  everyone.  It  does  not  cease  to  be  in 
force  when  you  become  of  a certain  age.  Who- 
ever thou  art,  child  or  full  grown,  the  command 
is.  Honor  thy  father  and  thy  mother.  I do  not 
suppose  that  any  of  my  young  friends  is  so 
hard-hearted  as  a son  of  whom  I once  heard, 
who  was  well  rebuked  by  his  own  child.  It 
appears  that  this  so-called  gentleman  was  very 
covetous,  and  made  his  aged  father  sleep  on  a 
hay  bed  in  the  barn,  and  live  on  the  coarsest 
food.  Qne  evening,  towards  winter,  the  old 
man,  growing  cold,  asked  for  a blanket.  His 
son  sent  the  little  boy  to  a closet  after  an  old 
one,  and,  when  it  was  brought,  remarked  that  a 
whole  blanket  was  too  much  for  the  old  man,  so 
he  cut  it  in  two.  “Give  me  the  other  half, 
papa,”  said  the  boy.  “ What  do  you  want  of  it 
child?”  he  answered.  The  little  fellow  replied, 
quite  innocently,  “to  keep  till  you  get  old,  to 
make  you  warm  when  you  sleep  in  the  barn  in 
winter.” 

Now,  this  unnatural  man  may  have  been  con- 
sidei’ed  a most  distinguished  member  of  society, 
but  I am  sure  that  every  Christian  gentleman 
will  think  him  vulgar  and  brutish,  and  entirely 
unworthy  to  appear  in  good  company.  And  yet 
how  many  young  men  treat  their  parents  in  a 
manner  not  much  better.  They  will  not  put 
them  to  sleep  in  the  barn,  perhaps ; but  they  will 
insult  them,  mock  them,  neglect  them  in  sick- 


HOME. 


29 


ness  and  old  age,  be  ashamed  of  them  before 
others,  and  treat  them  with  a thousand  indigni- 
ties which  make  the  old  hearts  bleed  in  silence, 
and  bring  silent  tears  down  the  hollow  cheeks. 
Ah ! let  such  children  take  care,  lest,  when  they 
become  old,  they  too  in  their  turn  receive  the 
half  blanket. 

If  any  man  deserves  harsh  treatment  in  old 
age,  it  is  he  who  has  failed  to  honor  his  father 
and  his  mother  in  youth.  And  the  declining 
years  of  such  persons  are  generally  bitter  enough. 
Of  what  is  such  a one  ashamed  in  his  parents? 
Of  their  gray  hairs?  His  own  will  be  gray  if 
he  is  blest  with  a long  life.  Of  their  odd  habits? 
His  own  will  be  odd  to  the  next  generation.  Of 
their  lack  of  accomplishments,  polished  manners, 
and  a good  education?  From  whom  has  he 
received  his  ? They  have  toiled  that  they  might 
give  him  better  than  they  had  themselves ; and 
will  he  turn  about  and  be  ashamed  of  the  givers? 
As  you  value  your  reputation  as  a man,  be  not 
ashamed  of  your  father  and  your  mother. 
Whether  you  are  a child,  a boy,  a young  man, 
or  an  old  man,  always  respect  your  parents.  If 
they  do  wrong,  you  may  hate  their  faults,  but 
never  despise  them.  Pray  for  them,  and  remem- 
ber your  own  failings;  and  whatever  be  your 
position  in  the  world,  though  wealth  and  honor 
How  in  upon  you,  and  all  men  look  up  to  you 
for  guidance,  remember  that  your  parents  are 
your  superiors  in  all  the  social  relations  of  life. 
Hever  dare  to  treat  them  as  inferiors,  nor  pre- 
3* 


30 


EXCELSIOR. 


sume  to  consider  them  as  equals.  To  them 
belongs  the  first  place  in  every  attention ; to 
them,  every  gentlest  act  of  courtesy.  Let  your 
treatment  never  be  such  as  to  make  them  forget 
that  they  are  parents,  and  you  their  children. 
Above  all,  let  them  never  feel  that  they  are  a 
burden  to  you.  If  they  are  feeble  in  old  age, 
remember  that  you  were  helpless  in  infancy. 
And  though  you  treat  them  with  all  gentleness 
and  kindness,  still  you  are  only  doing  your  duty 
and  paying  your  just  debts.  If  utter  strangers 
should  bring  you  up  from  childhood,  treat  you 
well,  and  educate  you,  would  you  not  feel  that 
your  debt  to  them  could  never  be  paid?  Your 
parents  have  done  all  this ; and,  besides,  they 
are  your  parents.  Can  your  debt  to  them  be 
less?  Do  not  be  stingy  of  your  love  and  kind 
actions  for  them.  Treat  them  with  a generous 
abundance  of  all  the  good  things  in  your  power, 
as  they  have  treated  you.  Then  may  you  hope 
that  Heaven’s  blessings  will  rest  upon  you,  that 
all  you  do  will  prosper,  that  all  your  friends  will 
prove  true  to  you,  and  that  you  will 

“So  live  that  when  you  come  to  join 
The  innumerable  throng  that  move  to  the  pale  realms 
Of  shade,  you  go,  not  like  the  quarry  slave. 

Scourged  to  his  dungeon ; but,  sustained  and  soothed 
By  an  unfaltering  trust,  approach  your  grave 
Like  one  ■vvho  wraps  the  drapery  of  his  couch 
About  him,  and  lies  down  to  pleasant  dreams.” 


COLLEGE. 


31 


CHAPTER  III. 

COLLEGE. 

HE  young  man  in  leaving  Eome  for 
college  has  earnest  and  important 
objects  in  view ; otherwise  he  would 
never  consent  to  forego  all  the  de- 
lights of  his  own  family  fireside, 
and  take  up  his  abode  among  dis- 
tant strangers. 

The  college  is  that  place  on  the 
journey  of  life  where  we  part  from 
our  friends  and  home,  to  remain  for 
some  time  among  new  friends,  and  prepare  our- 
selves to  enter  the  broad,  active  world  which  is. 
beyond.  It  is  the  place  midway  between  home 
and  society,  and  in  part  resembles  each.  College 
life  is,  then,  properly  speaking,  a preparation  for 
after  life,  a little  world  through  which  we  pass 
to  the  great  world;  or  it  is  like  the  rehearsal 
before  the  play,  where  we  practice  what  we  are 
to  bring  out  more  fully  at  another  time. 

Now,  every  young  man  who  is  worthy  of 


EXCELSIOR. 


being  called  a man,  is  ambitious  in  some  way. 
He  lias  some  object  in  view,  and  wishes  to  attain 
that  object.  He  marks  out  for  himself  some 
state  in  life  to  which  he  finds  himself  called. 
And,  if  he  has  in  him  the  germs  of  a real  man, 
he  will  wish  to  succeed  well  in  that  calling ; or, 
if  he  is  not  yet  sure  of  what  his  calling  is,  he  is 
at  least  determined  to  succeed  in  whatever  he 
may  afterwards  choose. 

The  earnest  young  man  must,  then,  ask  him- 
self a very  simple  but  a very  serious  question : 
What  must  I do  to  prepare  myself  for  success  in 
life?  If  he  finds  the  true  answer  to  that  ques- 
tion, and  follows  up  the  spirit  of  the  answer,  he 
will  never  in  his  old  age  look  back  on  his  life 
and  call  it  a failure.  For  God  has  a calling  in 
life  for  every  one  of  us,  and  if  we  prepare  our- 
selves well  for  that,  we  must  pass  on  successfully 
to  the  end.  God  has  not  intended  that  any 
young  man  should  fail  in  life.  All  that  is  neces- 
sary is  that  we  should  choose  the  state  of  life  for 
which  He  has  made  us,  and  prepare  ourselves 
well  for  that.  Men  do  fail  every  day ; but  it  is 
because  they  are  not  in  their  proper  places,  or 
have  not  prepared  for  them  in  their  youth. 

What  preparation,  then,  do  you  need  to  con- 
tinue your  journey  and  enter  successfully  on  this 
new  course  of  life ; why  have  you  come  to  col- 
lege ? Probably  you  will  answer,  to  become 
educate.  That  is  it  exactly,  to  become  edu- 
cated. But  now  we  must  follow  up  our  question 
with  another : What  is  the  meaning  of  this  word 


COLLEGE. 


33 


educated  ? It  comes  from  an  old  Roman  word — 
e-dueere,  which  signifies  to  draw  out.  That  is, 
you  have  come  here  to  be  drawn  out — not,  I 
hope,  to  be  drawn  and  quartered;  but  to  have  all 
the  faculties  and  powers  of  your  soul,  mind  and 
body,  brought  out  in  all  their  native  strength  and 
vigor.  That  is,  you  are  here  to  develop  your 
manhood,  to  bring  out  all  that  is  in  you.  Each 
one  is  here  to  make  the  most  of  himself.  That 
is  education ; and  it  is  indeed  for  that  you  came 
to  college. 

As  3 mu  are  composed  of  body,  mind,  and 
soul;  so  your  education  should  be  ph}mical, 
mental,  and  moral.  He  who  is  trained  in  one  of 
these  respects,  to  the  exclusion  of  the  others,  is, 
properly  speaking,  not  educated  at  all ; that  is 
all  the  powers  of  his  manhood  are  not  brought 
out;  he  lacks  something  of  being  a complete 
man,  something  in  soul,  mind,  or  body. 

The  extraordinary  development  of  the  muscles, 
with  little  attention  to  mind  or  soul,  gives  us  the 
prize-fighter.  The  extraordinary  development  of 
the  mind,  with  little  attention  to  body  or  soul, 
gives  us  the  lean,  lank  infidel,  or  the  dreaming 
philosopher,  turning  the  world  upside  down  with 
his  wickedness  or  nonsense,  and  leaving  to  men 
of  broader  and  better  thought  the  weary  task  of 
building  it  all  over  again.  The  extraordinary 
development  of  the  soul,  with  little  attention  to 
mind  or  body,  gives  us  the  simple  enthusiast, 
y^hose  mind  and  bod}^  are  too  weak  to  hold  the 
spirit,  which  becomes  an  angel  because  he  dis- 
daiqed  to  remain  a man. 


34 


EXCELSIOR. 


Educating  our  lowest  nature  only,  makes  us 
lower  than  men — beasts;  educating  our  intel- 
lectual nature  only,  makes  us  worse  than  men — 
devils ; educating  our  moral  nature  only,  makes 
us  better  than  men — angels.  But  if  we  wish  to 
remain  simply  men,  w^e  must  educate  the  whole 
nature  of  man.  This  education  must  he  harmo- 
nious, moving  together,  all  the  powers  receiving 
due  attention  in  their  turn.  As  the  body  ac- 
quires vigor,  agility,  and  grace ; the  mind  must 
acquire  strength,  wisdom,  and  knowledge ; and 
the  soul  purity,  truth,  and  charity.  Men  thus 
educated  are  models  of  grace  and  beauty,  lords 
of  wisdom,  and  friends  of  God. 

Such  w^ere  Adam  and  Eve  before  the  fall,  per- 
fect, without  education,  from  the  hand  of  their 
Maker.  Adam,  type  of  manly  strength  and 
proportion ; Eve,  fairest  of  women ; whose  minds 
were  bright  intelligence,  and  whose  souls  were 
pure  as  the  morning  dews  of  Paradise.  They 
wmlked  the  groves  and  valleys,  mountains,  and 
flowery  fields  of  Eden ; vigorous  as  the  noonday, 
lovely  as  the  morning.  They  looked  upon  all 
nature  and  read  as  in  a book ; the  green  earth 
and  the  starry  heavens  were  the  bright  open 
pages  on  which  the  words,  formed  into  histories 
and  poems,  more  grand  and  beautiful  than  sage 
ever  wrote  or  poet  dreamed.  Day  and  night 
their  hearts,  not  thinking  evil,  rose  to  God  an 
endless  hymn  of  praise. 

But  they  fell.  A cloud  obscured  the  bright- 
ness of  all  these  glories.  Their  bodies  grew  fee- 


COLLEGE. 


35 


ble,  old,  and  wrinkled;  their  minds  lost  their 
natural  intelligennce  and  vigor ; and  their  souls 
looked  no  longer  upon  the  face  of  God,  but  only 
“as  through  a glass,  darkly.”  It  was  indeed  a 
“ fall man  descended  suddenly  and  forever  from 
the  model  type  of  Paradise  to  the  type  which  we 
behold  around  us.  But  though  he  fell  he  did  not 
lose  his  manhood ; and  every  one  of  us  has  in 
himself  the  powers  of  Adam,  weakened  indeed, 
but  still  the  same  powers.  Often  silent  and  even 
unknown  to  us,  but  always  existing  in  the  depths 
of  our  being — oh,  for  the  means  to  bring  them 
out,  to  lead  out  those  hidden  qualities  of  our 
nature,  to  educate  ourselves,  till  we  return  once 
more  to  those  model  types  of  the  first  children 
of  the  world,  and  become  like  the  perfect  man 
fashioned  by  the  hand  of  the  Divinity ! 

Alas,  we  cannot.  There  is  too  much  to  do. 
We  have  not  the  power  to  become  as  Adam  was. 
But,  with  the  help  of  God,  we  can  do  something. 
If  we  can  never  become  perfect  we  must  at  least 
aim  to  be  perfect.  He  who  aims  highest  may 
not  hit  his  mark,  but  he  will  certainly  strike 
higher  than  one  whose  aim  is  lower.  We  may 
never  become  so  vigorous,  wise  and  good  as  Adam 
was,  but  we  must  try  to  become  so ; that  is,  we 
must  try  to  become  as  vigorous,  wise,  and  good 
as  possible.  Our  aim  will  then  be  high,  and  we 
may  be  sure  that  our  success  will  be  greater  than 
that  of  those  who  have  no  desire  for  excellence — 
that  passion  of  noble  minds. 

As  students,  it  is  your  duty  to  see  how  you 


36 


EXCELSIOR. 


may  aim  at  tins  perfection  by  tliorouglily  edu- 
cating yourselves  physically,  morally  and  men- 
tally. 

No  student  should  neglect  those  manly  exer- 
cises necessary  for  the  healthy  development  of 
his  body.  Students,  in  general,  have  too  little 
regard  for  this  matter.  They  imagine  that  edu- 
cation consists  only  in  training  the  mind.  Hence 
we  see  so  many  pale,  delicate  scholars,  men  who 
are  affected  by  the  slightest  change  of  weather, 
vdio  shiver  if  to-day  is  one  degree  colder  than 
yesterday ; who  are  sure  to  have  a headache  or 
a slight  cold  if  they  happen  to  be  caught  for  a 
moment  in  a little  shower  of  rain, — men,  in  fact, 
who  seem  to  use  their  bodies  as  barometers  and 
thermometers,  rather  than  as  real  bodies  of  flesh 
and  blood.  It  is  true  that  there  are  often  heredi- 
tary causes  of  ill  health ; but  most  of  these  pale 
students  owe  their  feebleness  of  body  to  their 
own  negligence.  They  sat  all  their  time  at  their 
desks,  forgot  the  swing,  forgot  the  game  of  ball, 
forgot  even  the  walk  and  the  fresh  air — forgot 
their  own  bodies  altogether.  Is  it  any  wonder 
that  they  wake  up  after  a few  years  and  find 
that  their  constitutions  are  ruined  ? They  imag- 
ined that  their  bodies  needed  only  a little  sleep 
and  a great  deal  of  food.  Now  they  find  that 
they  can  no  longer  sleep,  but  toss  from  side  to 
side  on  their  weary  beds ; they  can  not  even  eat, 
for  their  stomachs  are  enfeebled  with  too  much 
food  and  too  little  exercise.  They  are  broken 
down,  and  their  active  minds  are  fast  wearing 


COLLEGE. 


37 


out  what  little  power  is  left  in  their  bodies.  The 
student,  more  than  any  one  else,  should  learn  to 
command  his  appetite,  to  take  abundant  exercise, 
and  not  let  his  impeiious  intellect  run  riot  with 
all  the  powers  of  his  manhood.  Remember  that 
if  your  mind  becomes  master  of  your  weak  body 
it  will  have  no  mercy;  it  is  a burning  flame 
which  becomes  more  active  the  more  it  burns, 
till  nothing  is  left  but  spirit  and  ashes ; the  spirit 
rises,  men  bury  your  ashes  in  the  ground,  and 
all  is  over. 

It  is  a false  notion  that  men  of  genius  have 
been  generally  careless  of  physical  culture.  Look 
at  the  portraits  of  the  great  men  of  the  world, 
and  you  will  be  surprised  at  their  fine  forms  and 
manly  proportions.  In  the  very  dawn  of  Grecian 
literature  we  find  old  Homer  traveling  about 
Greece  on  foot  reciting  his  matchless  poems. 
What  a fine  example,  that  of  the  robust  old 
man  of  genius  taking  exercise,  which  the  puny 
poets  of  our  day  would  call  very  hard  work ! 

But  we  are  not  without  our  great  poets  also. 
Bryant,  the  patriarch  of  American  poets,  walks 
the  streets,  the  fields,  and  the  forests,  with  all 
the  vigor  of  a young  man.  And  - yet  young 
men  profess  to  believe  it  a sign  of  genius  to  be 
delicate  in  health.  These  young  men  will  find 
the  geniuses  of  the  wmrld  against  them.  Wash- 
ington, Napoleon,  Hannibal,  Csesar,  Alexander, 
and  the  rest,  could  march  through  the  snows  of 
winter  or  the  heat  of  summer,  lie  down  on  the 
ground  under  the  canopy  of  heaven,  and  win  the 
4 


38 


EXCELSIOR. 


battles  of  the  world.  Sir  Walter  Scott  was 
never  so  happy  as  when  he  was  tramping  over 
his  native  hills  like  one  of  his  own  moss-troop- 
ers. Burns  wrote  his  best  poems  after  working 
all  day  on  his  poor  farm.  Shakespeare,  the 
most  universal  of  geniuses,  retired,  in  the  prime 
of  his  renown,  from  intellectual  and  courtlv  Lon- 
don,  to  live  a country  life  on  his  own  blew  Place 
at  Stratford-on-Avon. 

But  our  Saviour  is  our  best  example  in  this, 
as  in  everything  else.  He  is  himself  the  per- 
fect Adam,  the  true  model  who  has  given  him- 
self as  a pattern  for  all  men  in  all  things. 
The  portraits  and  descriptions  of  our  Blessed 
Lord  before  the  time  of  His  Passion,  repre- 
sent Him  as  the  type  of  majesty,  grace  and 
every  human  beauty  and  proportion.  Yes,  God, 
in  making  the  “human  form  divine,”  the  most 
excellent  work  of  the  physical  creation,  evi- 
dently designed  that  we  should  develop  all  the 
powers  of  our  bodies  as  well  as  those  of  the  mind 
and  the  spirit. 

But  we  must  remember  that  a well-developed 
body  is  not  simply  a fat  one.  A man  may  be 
fleshy,  and  he  is  not  to  be  blamed  for  that,  if  he 
cannot  help  it;  but  he  must  take  no  credit  to 
himself  for  his  useless  burden  of  fat.  It  is 
rather  a sign  of  disease  than  of  health,  especially 
when  excessive.  Strength,  agility,  and  manly 
proportion  are  the  signs  of  a well-developed 
body.  Can  you  enter  with  spirit  into  all  manly 
games  and  enjoy  them  without  fatigue?  Can 


COLLEGE. 


39 


you  take  long  walks  over  tke  country,  run,  leap, 
and  carry  home  your  tired  little  brother  on  your 
shoulders,  without  being  sick  next  day?  If  you 
can,  you  are  strong?  Are  all  your  limbs  and 
muscles  under  your  control  at  a moment’s 
notice?  Can  you  recover  when  near  falling,  one 
foot,  like  a brother,  quick  to  help  the  other? 
Do  you  delight  in  playing  base  ball,  alley-ball, 
and  other  games  requiring  great  activity?  If 
so,  you  are  agile.  Do  you  stand  straight,  your 
shoulders  thrown  back,  and  your  body  supported 
on  both  legs?  Do  you  move  about  without 
stooping,  or  slouching,  or  dragging  your  feet, 
but  with  a firm,  easy  step,  and  your  hands  out 
of  your  pockets?  If  you  do,  your  general 
appearance  is  manly,  whether  you  wear  broad- 
cloth or  homespun. 

But  if  you  are  compelled  to  answer  Ho  to  all 
these  questions,  then  you  are  not  strong,  agile, 
or  well-proportioned;  and  it  is  high  time  that 
you  should  commence  to  take  more  active  inter- 
est in  the  hours  of  recreation.  And  do  not  be 
satisfied  to  walk  around  at  a leisurely  pace, 
though  that  is  better  than  nothing  at  all.  Go 
into  the  active  sports,  even  rapid  walking,  and 
throwing  your  arms  about  you,  to  send  the 
blood  tingling  through  every  vein.  You  will 
then  soon  find  a new  vigor  in  ever  fiber  of  your 
body,  and  even  your  mind  will  be  more  keen' 
and  powerful,  and  your  soul  more  pure  and 
better  sustained  in  its  empire  over  mind  and 
body. 


40 


EXCELSIOR. 


Do  not  say  that  you  were  born  weak  and 
have  always  been  in  delicate  health.  Perse- 
vering, long-continued  exercise  will  accomplish 
wonders.  Caesar  hardly  lived  through  the  years 
of  infancy;  but  he  determined  to  become  an 
orator  in  spite  of  his- puny  body  and  weak  lungs. 
He  made  both  strong  enough  for  his  purpose  by 
running  up  hill  and  declaiming  to  the  wunds 
when  he  got  there.  Dr.  Winship  was  advised 
by  his  physicians  to  lift  weights  to  strengthen 
his  breast;  and  he  kept  on  lifting  till,  though  a 
small  man,  he  is  the  strongest  in  the  world, 
lifting  nearly  three  thousand  pounds. 

We  can  all  become  well  developed  in  our 
bodies  if  we  take  the  proper  means ; and  I 
would  earnestly  advise  every  young  man  to 
neglect  no  hour  which  may  furnish  the  means  of 
educating  himself  in  this  particular,  of  improving 
the  health  and  strength  of  his  body.  It  will  be 
no  loss  of  time.  He  who  has  taken  his  recrea- 
tion can  often  comprehend  in  a moment  what 
would  otherwise  puzzle  his  brain  for  hours.  I 
would  especially  warn  you  not  to  waste  your 
precious  out-door  hours  in  playing  chess,  or  at 
any  game  which  compels  you  to  sit  still  and  fret 
your  mind,  while  you  should  be  moving  actively 
with  a mind  entirely  free  from  care  and  study, 
that  you  may  go  back  all  fresh  and  joyous,  not 
fagged  out,  to  your  desk  and  your  class-room. 
Thus  far  for  the  education  of  the  body. 

It  seems  almost  out  of  my  place  to  speak  here 
of  matters  connected  with  the  proper  training  of 


COLLEGE. 


41 


your  spiritual  nature.  God  has  appointed  His 
own  ministers  for  that  purpose.  But  I may  tell 
you  that  no  one  is  truly  educated  who  is  not 
religious,  and  does  not  thoroughly  understand 
the  religion  which  he  professes  to  believe.  The 
soul  is  not  merely  one  of  the  -parts  of  man ; it 
is  the  highest,  the  greatest,  the  holiest ; and  he 
who  neglects  his  religious  education,  neglects  the 
welfare  of  the  best  part  of  his  being.  He  takes 
care  to  develop  his  lower  nature,  hut  forgets  the 
higher ; as  though  a man  should  train  his  sense 
of  smell,  and  forget  his  sight  and  hearing;  or, 
as  though  one  should  cultivate  his  moustache, 
and  neglect  his  common  sense.  Education,  as 
we  have  seen,  signifies  the  development  of  all 
our  powers ; it  is  therefore  self-evident  that  we 
cannot  be  educated,  in  any  true  sense  of  the 
word,  without  being  well-grounded  in  all  that 
relates  to  the  welfare  of  our  spiritual  nature. 

It  is  also  worth  your  attention  to  remember 
that  the  great  day  of  scoffers  is  over.  The  age 
is  growing  more  earnest.  To  use  a common 
expression,  skepticism  is  becoming  unpopular. 
Men  are  beginning  to  find  out  that  there  is 
something  better  about  them  than  either  flesh  or 
intellect.  This  is  the  case  with  those  who  have 
no  knowledge  of  the  truth,  as  well  as  with  those 
who  have.  All  men  are  becoming  interested  in 
something  beyond  and  above  them.  It  is  for 
that  reason  that  so  many  are  led  away  by  spirit- 
ualism and  every  new  excitement,  trying  to  find 
the  truth.  Try,  then,  to  take  a deep  interest  in 

4* 


42 


EXCELSIOR. 


all  that  concerns  your  moral  education ; for  that 
is  the  most  important  of  all,  without  which  the 
others  are  altogether  useless  and  often  even 
dangerous.  ■ 

As  for  your  intellectual  education,  which  is  too 
often  considered  the  only  education  necessary,  I 
have  to  give  you  one  advice  which  embraces  all : 
Be  thorough.  .AVhen  you  come  to  college  you 
should  mark  out  a plan  Avhich  you  will  pursue 
to  the  end.  This  plan  must  depend  on  the  time 
you  can  give  to  study  and  on  the  objects  you 
have  in.  life.  If  you  have  but  a short  time  to 
spend  in  acquiring  knowledge  and  developing 
your  mind,  your  studies  should  embrace  those 
things  which  are  to  be  most  needful  to  you  in 
after  life,  according  to  the  ancient  maxim : “Let 
the  boy  learn  those  things  which  he  is  to  put  in 
practice  when  he  becomes  a man.”  That  is  a 
good  rule  when  rightly  understood ; but  as  often 
taken  it  is  a most  pernicious  one.  Men  often 
make  it  a cloak  to  cover  and  excuse  ignorance. 
One  poor,  stupid  individual  says,  I am  to  be  -a 
farmer;  all  the  education  I need  is  reading, 
writing  and  arithmetic,  for  these  are  all  that  I 
shall  ever  use.  Very  true,  if  he  means  to  spend 
his  time  only  in  work  and  making  sharp  bar- 
gains so  as  to  collect  and  heap  up  some  money. 
Another  says,  I Avish  to  be  a merchant,  so  I 
shall  study  only  reading,  writing,  arithmetic,  and 
book-keeping,  for  I shall  use  only  these.  Very 
true,  if  his  only  ambition  is  to  get  more  money. 
A third  says,  I am  to  be  a lawyer,  I need  only 


COLLEGE. 


43 


reading,  writing,  arithmetic,  and  law ; for  I shall 
use  nothing  else.  Very  true,  if  his  highest  aim 
is  to  be  a poor  lawyer  or  to  fill  some  petty  office. 
In  such  cases  as  these,  if  men  have  no  more 
manhood  about  them,  if  they  are  not  smitten 
with  the  grand  passion  of  the  desire  of  excel- 
lence, then  let  them  go,  they  are  not  worthy  of 
a noble  education. 

But  if  they  are  nature’s  noblemen  they  will 
look  higher,  they  will  aim  to  call  into  exercise 
all  the  powers  which  God  has  given  them.  And 
here  I must  notice  another  common  fault.  How 
often  have  I felt  sad  when  I saw  young  men  of 
fine  promise  wasting  away  their  minds,  studying 
without  a purpose  or  an  end  in  view ; first  taking 
up  one  class,  then  another,  just  to  try  how  it 
would  go.  Why  not  study  according  to  some 
system?  If  one  has  but  a single  term,  or  a 
single  year,  to  spend  in  study,  he  may  be  ex- 
cused for  taking  up  only  what  he  is  sure  to  need 
in  practical  life. 

But  most  students  have  at  least  a few  years 
at  their  disposal.  Why  not  take  advantage  of 
this  precious  time,  and  make  men  of  themselves  ? 
Mere  knowledge  is  not  enough  to  develop  one’s 
mind,  especially  when  that  knowledge  is  indis- 
criminate. He  may,  indeed,  thus  get  a sort  of 
knowledge-box,  containing  a little  of  everything, 
with  nothing  in  order.  Such  a mind  may  be 
compared  to  an  old  garret  full  of  everything,  hut 
all  its  contents  good  for  nothing. 

What  the  mind  needs  is  power  to  think  and 


44 


EXCELSIOR. 


act  for  itself.  All  the  knowledge  of  the  world 
would  he  of  little  use  to  a mind  not  trained  and 
able  to  use  its  knowledge.  The  great  object  of 
study,  then,  should  he  to  enable  us  to  think  well 
on  all  subjects.  Mere  cramming  in  of  dry  facts 
is  not  enough  for  this.  The  course  of  studies 
which  we  follow  should  then  be  such  as  will 
draw  out  all  the  powers  of  our  minds,  and  draw 
them  out  in  order  and  perfect  harmony.  Every- 
thing must  be  taken  in  its  proper  time,  and  no 
power  neglected.  The  perception,  the  reason, 
the  imagination,  the  memory,  the  moral  powers, 
and  even  the  passions,  must  all  be  trained  with 
care. 

Eow  a partial  or  imperfect  course  of  study  can 
never  do  this.  The  mathematics  are  eminently 
suitable  for  cultivating  the  perception  and  the 
reasoning  powers.  But  they  deal  in  absolute 
certainties,  and  their  exclusive  study  would  un- 
fit us  for  the  various  chances  of  life,  where  there 
is  so  much  to  be  considered  that  is  changeable 
and  irregular.  The  study  of  history  and  the  lan- 
guages should  therefore  always  accompany  math- 
ematics as  a sort  of  antidote  to  their  powerful 
bias ; and,  also,  as  a means,  in  connection  with 
literature  and  the  arts,  of  refining  and  polishing 
our  ideas.  History  will  also  teach  us  charity 
and  compassion  for  the  follies  of  mankind,  winch 
the  rigid  truths  of  mathematics  would  tend  to 
make  us  despise.  Philosophy  will  teach  us  the 
relations  we  bear  to  God  and  to  each  other,  and 
also  give  us  a more  intimate  knowledge  of  our- 


COLLEGE. 


45 


selves.  The  natural  sciences  will  teach  us  to 
admire  the  wonderful  works  of  creation.  But 
their  influence  again  must  be  modified  by  the 
teachings  of  philosophy  and  theology;  else  we 
might  be  tempted  to  consider  only  the  grandeur 
of  the  creation  and  forget  the  Creator. 

We  see,  then,  that  the  arrangement  of  a 
proper  course  of  study  is  a matter  of  the  highest 
importance,  if  we  wish  to  become  real  scholars, 
using  all  the  mind  which  God  has  given  us,  not 
a part.  We  can  also  see  what  a foolish  thing  it 
is  for  an  inexperienced  young  man  to  attempt  to 
arrange  a course  for  himself,  and  still- worse  to 
follow  no  course  at  all.  Wise  men  have  thought 
carefully  over  all  these  matters  for  ages,  and 
they  have  by  degrees  laid  down  a certain  order 
of  study  which  is  commonly  called  a college 
course.  What  can  be  more  wise  in  a young 
man  than  to  follow  such  a course?  He  has 
before  him  the  experience  of  ages  telling  him 
that  it  is  the  best  method  by  which  he  can  ob- 
tain the  complete  use  of  all  his  faculties.  Why 
not  take  their  experience  against  his  inexperi- 
ence, and  become  an  intellectual  man  so  far  as 
his  natural  powers  will  allow  ? 

The  young  man  who  has  done  this  has  laid 
down  the  very  best  foundation  on  which  he  can 
build  the  success  of  after  life,  no  matter  what  his 
occupation  in  life  may  be.  His  mind  is  now 
developed,  and  he  can  make  any  use  of  it  he 
wishes.  If  he  has  not  neglected  his  moral  edu- 
cation he  will  be  certain  to  make  good  use  of  his 


46 


EXCELSIOR. 


cultivated  mind,  and  thus  be  a good  man,  as  well 
as  a successful  one  in  after  life. 

Such  an  educated  young  man  is  ready  for  the 
world.  If  he  wishes  to  study  law  his  well  regu- 
lated mind  grasps  the  principles  of  the  science 
with  ease,  and  he  rises  with  rapid  strides  to  emi- 
nence and  esteem.  If  he  prefers  medicine,  he  is 
certain  to  become  that  good  doctor  whom  every- 
body trusts.  If  he  is  fond  of  business,  he 
becomes  a merchant  prince.  If  he  loves  the 
broad  acres  of  his  native  farm,  he  will  double  its 
products  and  beauties  in  a few  years.  If  he  is 
happy  only  near  the  altar  of  his  God,  he  becomes 
a master  in  the  science  of  the  saints,  and  a 
powerful  instrument  in  the  hands  of  God  for 
saving  souls.  Whatever  his  calling,  he  is  emi- 
nent among  his  fellows,  a leader  in  his  society  in 
every  good  and  noble  work. 

How  fondly  I do  hope  for  that  good  time 
when  every  intellectual  young  man  on  entering 
college  will  be  content  with  nothing  short  of  a 
full,  thorough  course  of  study,  with  no  dropping- 
out  of  a class  here  and  there,  and  then  begging 
for  a diploma  to  which  he  has  no  title ; instead 
of  pressing  on  manfully  till  he  can  demand  his 
diploma  as  a right,  not  as  a favor,  till  his  Alma 
Afater  will  be  proud  to  bestow  upon  him  her 
degrees  and  her  benedictions. 

Then  he  will  go  forth  into  the  world  as  a 
young  man  well  prepared  for  the  battle.  How, 
too  many  go  out  to  seek  the  lower  places  in 
society,  when  they  might  be  able  to  and  should 


COLLEGE. 


47 


take  the  highest.  A few  years  spent  in  syste- 
matic study  would  make  them  men  for  life ; but 
they  gh  forth  half  educated,  and  life  is  a w^eary, 
if  not  a vain  struggle.  I know  there  are  a few 
exceptions ; a great  genius  will  make  himself  felt 
in  spite  of  all  obstacles ; but  the  rule  is,  thorough 
education,  or  failure  in  life. 

My  dear  young  friends,  you  that  have  the 
blest,  God-given  ambition  within  you,  do  not 
smother  it.  Educate,  educate  ; bring  out  the  full 
powers  of  your  bodies,  minds  and  souls.  Do  not 
be  content  with  a year  or  five  months’  education. 
You  will  meet  thoroughly  educated  men  in  every 
walk  of  life,  no  matter  what  you  choose ; and  if 
you  are  not  also  thoroughly  educated,  you  will  he 
forced  to  take  your  place  below  them.  These 
are  golden  years  for  you ; use  them  well.  These 
years  are  rich  with  fruit;  you  have  only  to 
stretch  forth  your  hand  and  it  is  yours.  These 
are  years  of  preparation ; and  when  your  last 
college  year  comes  to  its  close,  let  it  leave  you 
complete  men,  ready  to  do  whatever  God  has  in 
store  for  you. 


48 


EXCELSIOE. 


CHAPTER  IV. 

GOOD  MANNERS. 

DUOATION,  thougb.  all-impor- 
tant, is  not  the  only  thing  neces- 
sary to  secure  success  in  life; 
and  hence  it  is  not  the  only 
thing  which  needs  your  atten- 
tion while  at  college.  Agree- 
able manners  are  no  less  essen- 
tial ; and  they,  in  fact,  when  well 
understood,  will  be  found  to  be 
but  the  refinement  and  comple- 
tion of  a true  education,  so  far  as  concerns  our 
intercourse  with  our  fellow  men. 

And  yet  we  meet  every  day  with  well  mean- 
ing and  intelligent  persons  who  make  very  little 
of  the  rules  of  politeness,  considering  them  as 
matters  quite  beneath  their  notice,  and  worthy 
only  the  attention  of  courtiers  and  dandies,  and 
contending  that  a person  of  good  heart,  with  a 
little  common  sense,  may  mingle  in  any  society 
with  perfect  ease  and  propriety.  It  is  true  that 


GOOD  MANNERS. 


49 


every  law  of  etiquette  which  merits  the  approval 
of  an  intelligent  man,  must  have  its  foundation 
in  goodness  of  heart  and  common  sense ; but  it 
is  not  true  that  every  well  meaning,  sensible 
person  will  know  what  is  proper  to  be  done  in 
good  society,  unless  he  has  first  learned  what  are 
the  laws  of  that  society.  When  an  educated 
foreigner,  of  the  best  disposition,  comes  to  this 
country,  we  make  him  wait  for  a certain  time 
before  allowing  him  the  rights  of  citizenship. 
Why  is  this?  It  is  because  he  does  not  under- 
stand the  laws  of  the  country,  and  we  ask  him 
to  wait  till  we  think  he  has  had  time  to  learn 
what  they  are. 

A nation  is  a number  of  people  associated 
together  for  common  purposes,  and  no  one  ques- 
tions the  right  of  those  people  to  make  laws  for 
themselves ; society  is'  also  an  organized  associa- 
tion, and  has  a perfect  right  to  make  laws  which 
shall  be  binding  upon  all  of  its  members.  ISTow, 
what  are  called  the  rules  of  politeness  are 
nothing  more  than  the  customs  or  laws  of  good 
society;  and  no  one,  however  fine  his  education, 
or  however  great  his  wealth,  power,  or  fame, 
should  feel  himself  wronged  in  the  least  if  this 
society  refuses  him  admission  until  he  has  made 
himself  fully  acquainted  with  its  laws.  If  a 
person  not  a citizen  of  the  United  States,  should 
attempt  to  exercise  the  rights  of  citizenship,  he 
would  find  himself  prevented  from  doing  so  by 
all  the  force  in  the  power  of  the  government ; in 
like  manner,  if  a person  should  attempt  to  thrust 


50 


EXCELSIOR. 


liimself  into  society  in  defiance,  or  in  ignorance 
of  its  customs,  lie  would  find  himself  excluded 
by  every  influence  which  could  be  brought  to 
bear  against  him.  The  laws  of  society  are  even 
more  inflexible  than  those  of  any  government 
or  of  any  other  association;  Calhoun  said  they 
were  like  those  of  the  Medes  and  Persians,  abso- 
lutely fixed.  Society  can  be  neither  bullied, 
bribed,  nor  coaxed.  The  bully  is  collared  and 
taken  out  by  force ; the  vulgar  rich  man  finds 
that  his  money  is  accepted,  but  that  he  is 
laughed  at ; and  he  who  tries  to  coax  himself  into 
favor  receives  a kind  advice;  it  is  this.  Wait 
awhile,  sir;  when  you  have  learned  what  are 
the  habits  of  individuals  who  move  in  good 
society,  you  may  call  again,  and  you  will  then 
find  yourself  welcomed  with  pleasure.  For 
society,  like  the  nation,  is  very  glad  to  have 
new  members;  it  is  particular  only  about  the 
qualifications,  not  the  number  of  its  members. 

We  may  now  see  what  a reasonable  thing 
politeness  is — the  laws  of  the  society  in  which 
we  wish  to  move ; and  we  may  also  understand 
how  simple  it  must  be,  when  we  reflect  that 
these  laws  are  based  upon  common  sense.  But, 
you  may  object,  many  of  the  rules  of  politeness 
have  no  sense  in  them.  This  is  the  answer  to 
that  objection : those  so-called  rules  of  polite- 
ness which  are  not  based  upon  reason  are  not 
valid,  they  have  no  claim  to  your  regard ; they 
are  like  laws  passed  in  violation  of  the  constitu- 
tion, not  binding  upon  any  one ; for  reason  is  the 


GOOD  MANNEBS. 


51 


constitution  of  the  laws  of  good  society.  The 
customs  of  society  which  we  are  bound  to  follow 
are  not  artificial,  but  natural ; not  arbitrary,  but 
reasonable.  Hence  we  must  reject  all  customs 
of  society  which  are  opposed  to  reason,  to  justice, 
and  to  morality. 

It  is  evident,  therefore,  that  we  are  not 
obliged  to  follow  the  whims  of  society,  or  the 
vagaries  of  fashion ; for  nothing  can  have  less 
foundation  in  common  sense  than  these ; and  it 
is  indeed  one  of  the  first  proofs  of  an  intelligent 
man  to  see  him  paying  no  attention  to  the 
extremes  of  whatever  may  be  the  prevailing 
fashion  of  the  day. 

If  it  be  the  caprice  of  the  hour  to  wear  long 
coats,  the  man  of  sense  will  not  wear  his  down 
to  his  boots  and  look  like  a youngster  dressed  in 
the  robes  of  his  grandfather ; if  it  be  the  fashion 
to  wear  short  coats,  he  will  not  make  a jacket  of 
his  and  look  like  a horse-jockey.  These,  and 
such  like  follies,  are  no  part  of  the  requirements 
of  good  society,  for  they  are  not  founded  on 
reason. 

The  same  may  be  said  of  many  extravagant 
opinions  which  are  the  special  rage  of  the 
moment.  Some  persons  are  not  in  the  habit  of 
thinking  for  themselves,  but  believe  a story 
because  they  find  it  in  the  newspaper,  or  because 
“ everybody  says  so.”  Such  persons  are  carried 
away  by  popular  excitement  and  passions ; and 
are  sure  to  believe  in  the  latest  nonsense ; to-day 
in  Millerism;  to-morrow  in  Mormonism;  and, 


52 


EXCELSIOR. 


next  day,  just  as  the  people  around  them  happen 
to  think.  Thus  we  see  that,  though  it  is  quite 
proper  to  follow  society  so  long  as  society  follows 
reason,  yet  we  must  always  be  on  our  guard 
against  extremes,  and  not  make  simpletons  of 
ourselves  because  our  neighbors  choose  to  do  so. 
In  other  words,  good  manners  do  not  require  us 
to  give  up  our  common  sense. 

Politeness,  then,  being  but  a system  of  reason- 
able customs,  intended  for  our  own  good,  we 
have  only  to  learn  what  these  customs  are,  and 
afterwards  practise  them ; just  as  it  is  necessary 
for  a man  who  wishes  to  be  a good  citizen,  to 
learn  first  what  are  the  laws  of  the  country  in 
which  he  proposes  to  live,  and  afterwards  obey 
them. 

The  first  thing  required  of  us  by  the  laws  of 
society  is 

Cleanliness. — Nothing  is  of  more  import- 
ance ; even  rags  are  preferable  to  dirt.  A man 
may  wear  the  finest  linen  and  the  richest  cloths 
and  furs;  he  may  have  the  intellect  of  Webster 
and  the  manners  of  Chesterfield ; but  if  his 
dress,  his  person,  his  conversation,  or  his  habits, 
are  unclean,  he  is  not  fit  to  be  a member  of  good 
society. 

That  the  dress  may  be  clean  it  is  necessary 
that  the  hat,  coat,  vest,  pants,  and  boots,  should 
be  brushed  well  and  often,  and  the  underclothes 
changed  at  short  intervals,  especially  in  warm 
weather.  But  in  this,  as  in  everything  else,  we 
must  not  forget  our  standard  of  common  sense. 


GOOD  MANNERS. 


63 


Beau  Brummell,  a celebrated  English  dandy, 
used  to  say  that  his  rule  was  three  shirts  a day ; 
and  I have  seen  some  over-particular  boys  go  to 
the  wash-room  as  often  as  that  to  black  their  boots. 
But  there  is  a better  rule  than  that  of  numbers  to 
follow  in  these  things— brush  or  change  your 
dress  whenever  it  is  soiled.  Kemember  that 
new  clothing  is  not  necessary  to  the  gentleman, 
but  that  cleanliness  is.  This  is  a necessity  which 
was  painfully  impressed  on  the  mind  of  the 
poor  AVelsh  student,  who  wrote  home  to  his 
mother,  requesting  her  to  send  him  eleven  more 
shirts,  as  every  gentleman  at  the  University 
was  expected  to  have  twelve.  All  of  the  dress 
should  be  clean,  but  there  are  three  articles 
which  require  especial  care,  otherwise  they  will 
become  positive  abominations ; these  are : boots, 
stockings,  and  pocket-handkerchiefs. 

Cleanliness  of  person  is  of  even  greater  conse- 
c|uence-than  cleanliness  of  dress,  and  its  neglect 
is  always  inexcusable.  If  you  have  been  out  in 
wet  weather  your  dress  may  have  spots  of  mud 
and  your  boots  may  have  lost  their  polish  for 
the  time,  without  any  fault  of  yours ; but  there 
can  never  be  any  excuse  for  an  unclean  person 
so  long  as  there  is  clean  water  to  be  had. 

To  be  clean  in  person,  more  is  needed  than 
simply  washing  the  hands  and  face  and  combing 
the  hair  every  morning.  The  feet  must  have 
constant  care,  as  every  one  knows  who  has  any 
sense  of  delicacy.  To  come  into  any  company 
with  dirty  feet,  even  though  they  be  covered 
5* 


54 


EXCELSIOR. 


with  the  most  polished  calf,  is  an  insult,  an  out- 
rage, which  can  be  neither  forgiven  nor  for- 
gotten. 

Besides,  no  one  can  keep  his  person  clean 
without  bathing  the  whole  body  frequently,  at 
least  during  warm  weather.  If  you  have  not 
the  convenience  of  a bath-room,  a basin  of  clean 
water,  with  a sponge  and  a rough  drying  towel, 
will  answer  very  well.  But  some  means  of 
thorough  bathing  is  an  absolute  necessity. 

The  hair  will  also  require  attention  to  keep  it 
free  from  dust,  dandruff,  and  other  impurities. 
For  this  it  should  be  well  brushed  and  combed 
every  morning;  and,  at  short  intervals,  tho- 
roughly washed  out  with  soap  and  water. 

Remember  also  the  nails;  those  blue  half- 
moons are  not  at  all  fair  to  look  upon.  The 
teeth,  too,  must  be  well  brushed  every  morning. 
Soap  and  water  are  the  best  materials  to  keep 
them  purified. 

When  washing  and  bathing,  do  your  work 
well,  use  plenty  of  soap  and. plenty  of  water,  and 
afterwards  rub  perfectly  dry.  For  the  health  it 
is  better  than  pills  or  powders ; and  for  personal 
appearance  it  is  preferable  to  jewels  and  fine 
clothes. 

But  cleanliness  requires  something  more  than 
even  stainless  garments  and  a clean  person.  A 
man  is  more  unclean  and  less  fit  to  enter  good 
society  after  having  uttered  one  foul  word  than 
if  he  were  covered  with  mud  _from  the  road- 
side. 


GOOD  MANNERS. 


55 


Unclean  conversation  consists  of  profanity 
and  vulgar  expressions;  and  no  one  guilty  of 
either  of  these  vices,  in  public  or  in  private,  can 
be  considered  a true  gentleman.  If  mud,  dust, 
and  dirt,  which  soil  only  the  dress  or  the  body, 
render  us  unfit  for  company,  how  much  more 
unfit  shall  we  be  made  by  foul  words,  which 
defile  the  mind,  the  thoughts,  the  very  soul.  I 
can  not  conceive  of  a more  despicable  companion 
than  a profane  man,  or  a more  loathesome  one 
than  a vulgar  talker;  you  should  avoid  the 
former  as  you  would  a rattlesnake,  and  the  latter 
as  you  would  the  most  unclean  thing  that  crawls 
the  earth;  if  you  are  found  in  the  company  of 
either  you  should  be  ashamed  to  enter  into  the 
presence  of  your  mother  or  your  sister. 

A gentleman  will  avoid  not  only  oaths  and 
curses,  but  also  unmeaning  and  silly  expressions 
used  by  snobs,  fops,  and  bullies,  to  show  their 
smartness.  He  will  avoid  not  only  indecent 
language,  but  also  low  expressions  of  every  kind. 
Carelessness  in  the  choice  of  words  and  expres- 
sions is  a sure  sign  of  an  ill-bred  person.  Even 
a habitual  disregard  of  the  rules  of  grammar 
marks  the  vulgar  man. 

To  be  a gentleman,  then,  your  language  must 
be  chaste,  simple  and  correct.  A well-bred  per- 
son will  not  have  five  minutes’  conversation 
with  you  without  knowing  well  how  you  stand 
as  a gentleman  yourself.  Your  language  is  the 
mark  of  your  character ; and  by  the  words  you 
use  you  show  what  are  your  familiar  habits. 


56 


EXCELSIOR. 


There  are  different  degrees  of  impolite  lan- 
guage : _ 

The  most  impolite  words  are  vulgarisms. 

The  next  are  profane  expressions. 

Then  boasting,  talking  about  the  faults  of 
others,  and  all  kinds  of  silly  language. 

After  that,  bad  grammar,  mispronunciation,  ckc. 

AVith  cleanliness  of  dress,  of  person,  and  of 
conversation,  we  shall  possess  the  first  require- 
ment of  good  manners,  provided  that  our  habits, 
our  actions,  are  also  marked  by  the  same 
quality. 

Perhaps  the  most  coirimon  habit  of  uncleanli- 
ness is  that  of  performing  one’s  toilet  in  public. 
This  should  be  done  with  care  at  the  wash-stand, 
in  the  bath-room,  before  the  toilet-table,  or  in 
the  dressing-room, — but  never  in  public,  unless 
you  wish  to  appear  extremely  vulgar. 

I have  heard  of  “a  person  of  wealth  who 
goes  to  church  early,  and  is  sure  to  take  out  his 
knife  and  cut  and  clean  his  finger-nails  before 
service  commences.”  I have  heard  of  “another, 
who  has  a classical  education,  who  in  church 
uses  his  tooth-pick,  not  because  his  teeth  need 
picking,  but  simply  to  keep  himself  occupied.” 
“Persons  frequently  work  at  the  ears  ‘before 
folks.’  I remember,  when  a child,  seeing  a 
woman  in  church  put  her  little  finger  in  her  ear, 
elevate  her  elbow,  and  give  it  one  grand 
shaking.”  Certainly  those  persons  would  have 
shown  themselves  more  polite,  to  say  the  least, 
had  they  performed  their  toilet  at  home,  and  said 


GOOD  MANNERS. 


57 


their  prayers  after  going  to  church.  Another 
very  uncleanly  and  disagreeable  habit  Dickens 
amusingly  refers  to,  in  a sketch  of  his  early 
recollections ; recalling  one  of  his  schoolfellows  : 
“ The  manners  of  Master  Mawls  were  suscept- 
ible of  much  improvement ; whenever  we  see  a 
child  (and  he  might  have  added  a grown  person) 
intently  occupied  with  its  nose,  to  the  exclusion 
of  all  other  objects  of  interest,  our  mind  reverts, 
in  a flash,  to  Master  Mawls.”  A truly  graphic 
picture. 

Many  persons  are  in  the  habit,  in  public,  of 
combing  their  hair  and  whiskers,  brushing  their 
coat  and  hat,  especially  the  latter  if  it  is  a 
beaver,  arranging  the  collar  or  neck-tie,  (fee.  All 
such  habits  are  often  disgusting,  and  always  out 
of  good  taste,  except  in  cases  of  real  necessity, 
and  then  they  should  be  performed  as  quietly 
and  privately  as  possible. 

There  are  almost  numberless  habits  which 
young  persons  contract  without  thinking,  or 
because  they  do  not  know  them  to  be  in  bad 
taste,  but  which  are  always  disagreeable  to  per- 
sons of  refinement. 

One  of  these  is  putting  the  hands  into  the 
pockets ; it  is  extremely  improper  to  do  so, 
besides  it  gives  an  ungraceful  position  to  the 
body.  But,  you  may  say,  my  hands  are  always 
a bother  to  me  in  company.  Ifeot  if  you  do  not 
keep  continually  thinking  about  them.  Let 
them  alone,  and  they  will  assume  graceful  posi- 
tions themselves,  But  if  you  are  always  think- 


58 


EXCELSIOR. 


ing  about  tliem  and  fidgeting  witli  them  to  make 
them  look  more  proper,  you  will  be  sure  to  do 
something  with  them  which  will  betray  you  into 
an  act  of  impoliteness,  or  at  least  of  ungraceful- 
ness. Your  hands  were  made  to  adorn  your 
body  and  to  perform  useful  actions,  not  to  appear 
stuck  on,  or  to  perform  silly  offices.  So  don’t 
put  your  hands  into  your  pockets  unless  you 
want  to  put  some  article  into  the  pocket  or  take 
some  article  out ; don’t  keep  running  your  hand 
over  your  face  or  through  your  hair  unless  there 
is  something  the  matter  with  those  parts  of  your 
body.  Do  not  fidget  with  them  in  any  way, 
playing  with  keys,  knives,  (fee.,  as  though  your 
hands  were  things  you  did  not  know  what  to  do 
with ; but  let  them  rest,  lie,  or  hang  naturally, 
without  any  particular  care  on  your  part,  and 
then  they  will  be  always  ready  to  execute  your 
will. 

Other  habits  which  scarcely  bear  mention  are, 
biting  the  nails,  and  scratching  or  picking  at  any 
part  of  the  body ; I need  not  say  that  all  such 
practices  are  extremely  disgusting. 

Habits  akin  to  these  are,  soiling  or  injuring  in 
any  way  the  furniture  or  rooms  in  which  we  are, 
or  with  which  we  come  in  contact.  Never  enter 
a public  hall,  or  a private  room,  a class-room,  a 
dwelling-house,  an  office,  or  any  place  inhabited 
by  respectable  people,  without  first  cleaning 
your  boots.  Neither  is  it  a gentlemanly  act  to 
bring  with  you  into  any  such  place  an  umbrella 
streaming  with  water.  It  is  equally  improper  to 


GOOD  MANNERS. 


59 


place  your  hat,  coat,  or  any  article  of  clothing, 
upon  the  furniture  ; nor  will  you  he  considered 
to  be  a person  of  good  manners  if  you  put  your 
feet  upon  the  furniture,  or  the  stove,  lean  hack 
in  your  chair,  or  do  anything  else  which  can  soil 
or  injure  anything  around  you.  The  truly  polite 
man,  remember,  never  shows  the  sole  of  his  shoe 
except  to  the  shoemaker.  Clean  your  boots 
before  you  enter,  and  afterwards  keep  your  feet 
flat  on  the  floor,  then  that  matter  will  be  all 
right,  and  you  will  not  be  in  danger  of  falling 
into  that  vulgar  habit  of  putting  the  feet  as 
high  as  the  head,  or  of  sprawling  them  all  over 
the  floor. 

A person  will  also  make  his  company  un- 
pleasant by  using  oils  and  perfumes  too  freely. 
The  handkerchief  may  be  rendered  more  agree- 
able by  a drop  of  perfume,  and  the  hair  more 
beautiful  by  a little  oil ; but  a scentless  handker- 
chief and  clean,  well-brushed  hair,  are  in  more 
simple  taste  for  a gentleman,  who  should  always 
follow  nature  and  simplicity,  rather  than  artifice 
and  foppishness ; but  if  you  will  use  ointments 
and  perfumes  beware  of  too  much,  or  you  will 
be  in  danger  of  following  the  example  of  the 
boy  who,  while  exhaling  all  the  odors  of  the  per- 
fumery shop,  cried  out  in  the  joy  and  pride  of  his 
heart,  “If  you  smell  a smell,  that’s  me!” 

‘ ‘ Spitting  and  clearing  the  throat  may  some- 
times be  necessary,  even  in  public,  but  it  should 
be  done  as  quietly  as  possible,  with  the  hanker- 
chief  to  the  mouth.”  Spitting  upon  the  floor, 


60 


EXCELSIOR. 


wlietlier  it  be  in  the  parlor,  nTi  a -gtair-way,  or 
even  in  a public  room,  is  an  intolerable  offence 
against  cleanliness  of  which  no  real  ^ gentleman 
will  ever  be  guilty.  If  you  must  spit,  use  your 
handkerchief  or  leave  the  room,  and  make  as 
little  noise  as  possible.  Some  persons  seem  to 
take  a delight  in  hawking  and  spitting,  in  public, 
as  though  they  wished  everybody  to  know  .what 
they  were  about ; or  as  though  it  was  an  • agree- 
able occupation  which  they  wished  to  keep'  up 
as  long  as  possible;  and  then,  after  the^^get 
through,  to  mend  the  matter  and  cap  the  clj^ax, 
they  coolly  inform  you  that  they  have  'caught  a 
bad  cold;  certainly  a very  interesting  ,piqce  of 
information,  after  they  have  disgusted  ^ydu  for 
five  or  ten  minutes. 

The  fact  is  that  spitting,  at  best,  is  a disagree- 
able necessity ; and,  if  it  must  be  done,  the  less 
noise  and  the  less  said  about  it  the  better. 

But  what  shall  we  say  of  the  tobacco-spitter  ? 
What  a shame  it  is  that  we  are  obliged  to  men- 
tion this  disgusting  habit ! Can  we  conceive  of 
anything  more  unclean  with  which  respectable 
people  are  obliged  to  come  in  contact,  in  the 
daily  intercourse  of  society?  The  very  fact  that 
some  men,  and  intelligent  ones  at  that,  do  chew 
tobacco,  is  a certain  proof,  if  any  were  needed, 
that  man  is  an  animal.  For  surely  never  does 
he  look  more  like  a filthy  beast  than  when  he 
shows  his  mouth  full  of  the  half-liquid  nastiness ; 
and  is  not  ashamed  to  spew  it  down  the  corners 
of  his  lips  and  even  out  upon  the  floor  in  our 


GOOD  MANNEES. 


61 


very  presence.  And  when  we  come  near  him, 
the  sense  of  smell  is  eAmn  more  offended  than 
that  of  sight  had  been.  Such  a man  neA’er 
breathes  the  pure  air  of  heaven;  the  sweetest 
breezes  of  morning  go  to  his  lungs  tainted  with 
the  poison  of  his  oaaui  mouth.  He  is  degraded. 
Ho  matter  how  high  he  stands,  he  could  stand 
higher  and  purer  than  he  does.  0 that  every 
youth  would  say  from  his  heart,  I Avill  never  sell 
myself  to  this  devil,  he  shall  ha^m  no  power 
over  me.  But  if  you  have  sold  your  poor  body 
to  this  dirty,  spewing  devil  of  tobacco,  neA-er  let 
man,  woman,  or  child  knoAV  it.  CheAV  the  Aule 
thing  in  secret,  dark  places,  aAAmy  from  the  light 
of  day,  and  never  be  seen  in  public  Avith  the 
mark  of  your  miserable  slaAmry.  Wash  your 
mouth  and  lips,  and  try  to  clean  your  breath, 
before  you  come  into  the  presence  of  ladies  or 
gentlemen.  Let  no  one  aaBoui  you  loAm  or 
respect  be  pained  and  disgusted  by  seeing  or 
smelling  this  filth  about  the  person  of  their  poor 
friend. 

Europeans  highly  inA^eigh  against  the  intolera- 
ble practice  of  indecent  American  gentlemen  who 
smoke  and  cheAA"  tobacco  in  presence  of  ladies,  leaA’- 
ing  behind  them,  in  the  cars,  ferry-boats,  depots, 
steamboat  parlors,  cfrc.,  a disgusting  rAer  of  to- 
bacco juice.  A lady  traAmling  in  the  East  AAms 
so  unfortunate  as  to  be  seated  opposite  a tobacco- 
spitter ; in  the  heat  of  discussion  he  did  not  cor- 
rectly measure  the  distance  of  his  expectorating 
pOAA'ers,  and  the  accursed  cud,  juice,  and  all,  fell 
6 


62 


EXCEL8I0B. 


upon  her  dress;  he  saw  the  accident  without 
offering  the  slightest  apology.  It  was  too  much 
of  cool  impudence  to  be  endured ; the  lady  rose, 
and  quietly  hut  firmly  said:  “You  will  please, 
sir,  take  hack  that  deposit.”  He  was  compelled 
to  do  so  at  the  expense  of  a dandy-white  pocket- 
handkerchief. 

Smoking,  though  not  at  all  so  disgusting,  is 
also  forbidden  in  general  company,  by  the  rules 
of  politeness.  In  some  cities  it  is  forbidden  on 
the  public  streets,  and  in  the  parks  and  public 
gardens ; it  is  not  allowed  in  public  halls,  respect- 
able steamboat  cabins,  in  the  presence  of  ladies, 
or  iij,  passenger  cars.  It  is  also  forbidden  in  pri- 
vate parlors.  Even  though  a lady  should  permit 
you  to  smoke  in  her  presence  it  is  impolite  to  do 
so ; it  is  also  impolite  to  smoke  in  any  apartment 
which  is  at  any  time  occupied  by  general  com- 
pany, even  though  no  ladies  should  be  there  at 
the  time. 

The  taking  of  snuff  is  not  an  unclean  habit  of 
itself;  but  you  must  be  careful  to  put  it  no 
where  except  into  your  nostrils.  Do  not  scatter 
the  dust  over  your  own  garments  or  those  of 
your  neighbors ; and  if  you  take  it  at  table  see 
that  no  particles  sail  away  to  light  upon  the 
food ; it  is  not  pleasant  seasoning. 

One  more  habit  of  uncleanliness  and  I have 
done  with  this  subject.  Never  do  anything 
which  may  deprive  you  of  your  senses ; for  if 
you  do,  you  will  be  certain  to  act  in  some  way  of 
which  you  will  be  ashamed  when  you  recover. 


GOOD  MANNERS. 


63 


No  one,  however  polite  and  gentlemanly,  can  be 
sure  of  actions  the  moment  he  has  lost  the  full 
control  of  his  reason.  Only  yesterday  I saw  a 
man  lying  drunk  on  the  muddy  sidewalk,  and  a 
dozen  dirty  ruffians  around  him.  I turned  away 
in  shame  from  the  poor,  lost  wretch.  What  a 
pitiful  object!  Men  rightly  name  him  a beast; 
they  do  not  use  the  word  man.  And  is  not  the 
beast  even  his  superior?  The  beast  never  de- 
grades his  nature ; and  is  there  any  beast  so  un- 
clean as  this  poor  object.  0,  but,  you  say,  I 
never  was  drunk  and  I never  will  be ; what  has 
this  to  do  with  me?  Nothing  at  all,  my  dear 
young  friend ; but  see  that  you  never  break  this 
manly  resolution,  and  remember  that  that  drunk- 
ard was  once  as  resolved  as  you  are  now.  He 
fell  into  the  mud,  arad  became  filthy ; and  he  is 
not  the  only  one.  See,  then,  that  you  keep 
yourself  clean.  The  temptation  comes  on  little 
by  little;  do  not  yield  an  inch.  Never  let  the 
devil  lead  you  into  that  hell ; if  you  do  he  will 
throw  you  into  the  mud,  and  then  take  you  to 
the  other  hell  below.  The  devil  is  on  earth, 
and  he  keeps  a little  hell  with  him  to  practice 
the  poor  fools  who  go  to  him.  He  has  different 
names  in  different  languages  and  so  has  his  hell. 
In  English  he  is  called  saloon-keeper,  and  his 
hell  is  called  saloon ; the  fire  gets  several  titles : 
Whiskey,  wine,  brandy,  &c.  My  dear  young 
friends,  resolve,  with  the  help  of  God,  that  you 
will  never  taste  liquor  inside  the  door  of  a 
saloon.  If  I have  but  one  young  reader  who  is 


64 


EXCELSIOR. 


thankful  to  God  for  the  mind,  soul,  and  heart, 
which  God  has  given  him,  let  him  at  least  take 
this  resolution,  and  not  sell  for  a trifle  his  man- 
hood and  his  glorious  pros})ects  for  the  future. 

My  young  friends,  these  are  some  of  the  prin- 
cipal points  connected  with  the  chief  requi- 
site of  good  manners,  cleanliness.  Remember 
that  no  arts  can  make  a man  polite  who  is  un- 
clean in  either  dress,  person,  conversation,  or 
habits. 

You  have  another  advantage  if  you  attend 
fully  to  cleanliness — you  have  risen  in  the  scale 
of  manhood ; you  are  a purer  and  better  man ; 
you  are  more  sure  of  the  love  and  assistance  of 
your  friends,  more  sure  of  success  in  life. 
Purity  of  dress,  purity  of  body,  purity  of 
speech,  and  purity  of  habit,  will  surely  bring 
with  them  purity  of  mind,  heart,  and  soul;  you 
will  be  a greater,  a kindlier,  and  a better  man. 

Neatness. — After  cleanliness,  a becoming 
personal  appearance  requires  that  you  should 
give  your  attention  to  the  kindred  quality  of 
neatness.  This  quality,  which  means  correct- 
ness and  simplicity,  in  opposition  to  carelessness 
and  extravagance,  concerns  chiefly  the  dress  and 
the  personal  appearance,  but  also  refers  to  our 
speech,  our  actions,  and  in  general  to  all  those 
things  over  which  we  exercise  any  control,  as 
the  houses  in  which  we  live,  the  grounds  which 
we  cultivate,  our  shops,  ofiices,  studies,  and 
places  of  business,  together  with  whatever  we 
do  in  these  places,  the  merchant  showing  his 


GOOD  MANNERS. 


65 


neatness  in  tlie  order  and  arrangement  of  his 
articles  of  merchandise,  the  book-keeper  in  his 
accounts,  the  mechanic  in  the  products  of  his 
hand,  the  author  in  the  manner  of  his  composi- 
tion, the  publisher  in  the  style  of  the  volumes 
he  issues — each  one,  according  to  his  pursuit, 
giving  proof  of  whatever  abundance  or  defici- 
ency of  taste  and  neatness  there  is  in  him. 

To  dress  in  a manner  pleasing  to  those  with 
whom  we  wish  to  associate,  it  is  necessary  that 
we  should  sail  with  them  on  the  sea  of  fashion. 

But  though,  to  maintain  our  place  in  the 
social  world,  we  must  sail  freely  with  the  rest 
over  this  sea  of  fashion,  yet  we  must  never  lose 
sight  of  the  north  star  of  good  sense ; else  we 
shall  dasli  Avith  ten  thousand  other  votaries  upon 
the  breakers,  shoals,  and  quicksands,  where  so 
many  become  the  daily  sport  of  the  fickle  dame. 

Yes,  you  must  be  in  the  fashion,  otherwise 
you  may  as  well  be  out  of  the  world ; for,  after 
all  that  we  may  say  against  fashionable  dress  it 
is  nothing  more  than  the  prevailing  mode  in 
which  the  world  chooses  to  clothe  itself;  so 
that  no  one  who  does  not  lire  out  of  the  world 
can  live  out  of  the  fashion.  You  must,  then, 
be  ruled  by  fashion,  and  all  that  is  left  for  you 
to  do  is  to  see  to  it  that  your  ruler  does  not 
become  a tyrant.  You  are  a man,  and  have, 
therefore,  been  created  with  a free  will ; you  are 
an  American,  and  have,  therefore,  been  born 
with  the  privilege,  as  well  as  the  right,  of  using 
this  free  will;  take  care,  then,  that  no  tyrant,  not 
6* 


66 


EXCELSIOR. 


even  fasliion,  lords  it  over  you;  use  your  own 
taste,  or,  if  you  are  diffident  of  that,  select  as 
your  patterns  persons  of  acknowledged  good 
sense,  those  who,  although  they  always  dress 
according  to  the  prevailing  mode,  ape  not  after 
the  newest  styles  any  inore  than  they  stick  to 
the  oldest;  persons,  in  fact,  who  dress  according 
to  the  dictates  of  common  sense,  whose  dress 
attracts  no  special  attention  from  any  one,  but 
is  always  neat  and  simple,  neither  new-fashioned 
nor  old-fashioned. 

There  are  two  extremes  to  be  avoided — be 
neither  a sloven  nor  a fop ; the  one  is  too  careful 
about  his  dress  the  other  too  careless.  Here,  as 
everywhere  else,  choose  the  golden  mean.  The 
sloven  has  little  regard  as  to  how  his  dress  is 
made,  cares  not  wffiether  it  fits  well  or  ill, 
whether  it  is  in  the  fashion  or  out  of  it;  and 
when  he  puts  it  on,  throws  it  over  his  body  with 
the  greatest  indifference  as  to  arrangement  and 
good  looks.  Every  thing  about  him  is  slouchy. 
His  boots  may  be  of  the  finest  calf,  but  they  are 
too  large,  and  scarcely  ever  polished ; his  pants 
and  coat  may  be  of  glossy  broad-cloth,  and  his 
vest  of  white, satin;  but  the  pants  are  baggy,  or 
so  long  that  they  go  into  the  mud  under  his 
boots,  or  so  short  that  his  legs  look  like  bean- 
poles, or  so  narrow  that  he  goes  by  the  name 
of  spindle-shanks,  and  the  coat  and  vest  would 
suit  any  man,  younger  or  older,  taller  or 
shorter,  fatter  or  leaner,  just  as  well  as  they 
do  him ; his  hat  may  be  a choice  beaver ; but  it 


GOOD  3IANNERS. 


67 


is  as  large  as  Franklin’s  or  as  small  as  that  of  a 
dandy  without  brains ; or  it  is  unbrushed  and 
bent  in  and  out  in  every  shape,  like  a fierce 
highwayman’s.  His  hair  goes  uncut  for  months ; 
and  his  beard  is  always  ragged  and  untrimmed. 
These  are  all  matters  of  the  least  consequence 
to  him;  his  mind  is  above  such  trifles. 

Such  is  the  sloven.  Some  call  him  untidy ; 
some  say  he  is  eccentric;  but,  by  whatever  name 
he  is  known,  he  is  certainly  no  gentleman;  for 
a gentleman  is  always  neat  in  his  dress. 

The  fop  is  exactly  the  opposite  of  all  this ; 
the  other  gives  no  attention  to  his  dress — he 
gives  to  it  all  his  attention.  Everything  about 
him  is  not  only  in  the  fashion,  but  it  is  in  the 
very  extreme  of  the  fashion.  The  other  is 
remarked  by  every  one  for  his  slouchiness ; he  is 
remarked  by  every  one  for  his  lady-like  prim- 
ness. It  often  seems  a pity  that  he  was  not 
born  a woman  instead  of  being  as  he  is,  but 
half  a man.  How  he  would  luxuriate  in  silks 
and  satins,  jewels,  and  pretty-colored  ribbons ! 
The  little  manikin,  how  happy  he  would  be  in 
paints  and  powders  and  pomades,  and  how  it 
would  gladden  his  little  dandy  soul  to  pick  out 
the  newest-fashioned  hoops  and  waterfalls ! 
How,  alas,  he  is  forced  to  content  himself  wfith 
the  latest  style  of  boots,  peg-bottom  pants, 
swallow-tailed  coats,  Parisian  hats,  gloves,  and 
such  like.  How  he  envies  the  ladies  their 
greater  privileges,  with  their  thousand  and  one 
trinkets!  But  he  makes  up,  so  far  as  he  can, 


68 


EXCELSIOE. 


by  giving  all  possible  attention  to  the  cut  and 
curl  of  his  hair,  the  training  of  his  downy 
whiskers  and  moustache,  the  sporting  of  rings, 
watch  chains,  and  other  fancy  bits  of  jewelry  ; 
but,  more  than  all,  to  the  color  and  arrangement 
of  his  neck-tie. 

You  have  heard,  no  doubt,  of  that  noted 
meeting  of  two  young  men,  when  one  said; 

“Good  morning,  Jones,  how  do  you  manage 
it?  You  always  have  the  fanciest  and  neatest 
neck-tie  on  Broadway ; and  your  whiskers  are 
all  perfection.” 

“Well,  I believe,”  replies  the  flattered  youth, 
“they  do  look  pretty  well;  but,  you  see,  I give 
my  whole  mind  to  them.” 

Now,  it  is  very  well  to  dress  neatly;  and  bad 
as  it  is  to  be  a dandy,  it  is  .much  worse  to  be  a 
sloven ; but  when  it  comes  to  giving  your  whole 
mind  to  dress,  as  Jones  does,  the  matter  becomes 
ridiculous. 

We  are  men,  and  not  peacocks;  and  he  who 
depends  for  his  manhood  or  his  gentlemanliness 
upon  his  tailor,  his  barber,  and  his  looking- 
glass,  will  never  show  in  himself  anything  of  the 
real  man  or  the  real  gentleman. 

These  two  characters,  the  fop  and  the  sloven, 
despise  each  other  heartily ; the  gentleman 
laughs  to  himself  at  them  both,  and  takes  the 
golden  mean  between  them.  His  dress  is  plain, 
and  simple,  but  always  neat.  He  avoids  jewelry 
of  all  kinds,  wisely  leaving  that  to  the  ladies. 
He  avoids  all  bright  colored  garments,  even  gay 


GOOD  MANNEES. 


69 


neck-ties.  The  ladies  will  take  charge  of  the 
colors  as  well  as  of  the  jewels.  Well-fitting 
garments,  of  such  material  as  is  suited  to  the 
occasion,  are  all  that  are  necessar}^  to  the  gentle- 
man who  wishes  to  appear  well-dressed,  without 
vanity  on  the  one  hand  or  carelessness  on.  the 
other.  The  following  remarks  in  this  connec- 
tion are  worthy  of  your  attention : 

“It  is  the  duty  of  all  men,  young  and  old,  to 
make  their  persons,  so  far  as  practicable,  agree- 
able to  those  with  wliom  they  are  thrown  in 
contact.  By  this,  we  mean  that  they  should  not 
offend  h}''  singularity  or  slovenliness.  Let  no 
man  know  by  your  appearance  what  trade  you 
follow.  You  dress  your  person  not  }mur  busi- 
ness. Be  careful  to  mould  the  fashion  of  the 
times  to  your  own  personal  peculiarities. 
Fashion  is  to  be  your  servant,  not  your  master. 
Therefore  never  dress  in  the  extreme  of  fashion. 
Only  adopt  it  as  far  as  is  consistent  with  your 
face  and  figure.  That  which  will  become  one 
man  ill  becomes  another;  and  for  all  to  follow 
the  same  model,  is  obviously  absurd.  The  ex- 
ercise of  a little  judgment  on  your  part  will 
enable  you  to  adopt  so  much  of  the  prevailing- 
style  in  your  dress  as  to  show  that  you  are 
acquainted  with  the  fashion,  without  sacrificing 
your  personal  appearance  for  the  scrupulous  con- 
formity to  its  laws.  The  best  possible  impres- 
sion you  can  make  by  your  dress,  is  to  jnake  no 
separate  impression  at  all,  but  to  harmonize  its 
material  and  shape  with  your  own  figure,  so  that 


70 


EXCELSIOR. 


it  becomes  part  of  you ; and  people,  without 
recollecting  how  you  were  clothed,  remember 
that  you  looked  well,  and  were  dressed  becom- 
ingly. 

“An  objection  may  be  urged  here  that  atten- 
tion to  dress  is  dangerous.  We  think  not. 
Extravagance  is  dangerous,  but  extravagantly 
dressed  people  are  seldom  dressed  well.  We 
constantly  meet  multitudes  of  people  dressed  in 
every  imaginable  style.  Here  is  one  in  the  best 
of  broad-cloth  and  the  costliest  jewelry,  but  who 
looks  exceedingly  vulgar ; here  another,  habited 
plainly,  in  good  taste,  is  gentlemanly  in  his 
appearance  at  half  the  cost.  Showy  and  flaring 
clothes  argue  mental  poverty  of  the  w^earer. 
The  secret  of  being  well  dressed  is  but  the  exer- 
cise of  judgment  and  good  sense — it  invariably 
requires  more  care  than  cash ; and  instead  of 
making  a young  man  extravagant,  it  is  a saving 
of  half  the  money  it  would  cost  to  clothe  him  in 
the  vulgar  and  pretending  style  which  so  many, 
now-a-days,  unfortunately  adopt.” 

Manliness.— With  due  attention  to  cleanli- 
ness and  neatness,  you  will  present  a respectable 
appearance  in  society;  but  if  you  attend  to 
“only  that,  and  nothing  more,”  you  will  be  no 
better  than  a lifeless  statue,  a well  dressed 
mummy,  or,  perhaps,  one  of  Artemus  Ward’s 
celebrated  “wax  Aggers.” 

You  are  a man,  and  must,  besides,  look  to 
your  manliness.  The  difference  between  a wax 
figure  and  a man  lies  chiefly  in  the  fact  that  one 


GOOD  MANNERS. 


71 


is  alive  and  the  other  is  not ; that  one  can  speak 
and  act  while  the  other  is  dumb  and  motionless. 
Those,  unfortunate  ladies  who  seem  unable  to 
speak  or  move  in  company,  but  keep  their  silent 
seats  by  the  wall,  are  called  wall -flowers ; and 
those  unfortunate  gentlemen  who  stand  or  sit 
around,  in  a similar  predicament,  may  very  well 
be  called  wax  figures. 

ISlow  these  wall-flowers  and  wax  figures  may 
be  the  most  estimable  people  in  the  world,  they 
may  have  talent,  wisdom,  and  even  genius ; they 
may  challenge  our  admiration  for  their  good- 
ness ; we  may  love  them  as  our  most  near  and 
dear  friends ; we  may  wish  that  we  were  half  as 
worthy  of  their  friendship  and  society  as  we 
know  them  to  be  of  ours ; we  may  even  feel  that 
they  care  very  little  for  our  accomplishments,  or 
perhaps  despise  them;  and  yet  we  pity  them 
from  our  hearts,  and  would  not  for  the  world 
that  we  were  so  apparently  helpless  in  society 
as  they  are.  We  feel  instinctively  that  they 
are  not  real  men  and  women  when  they  come 
into  company;  they  are  well  dressed,  present 
a perfectly  respectable  appearance  in  every  way, 
but  have  no  life,  no  action,  no  speech  ; they 
are,  for  the  time,  in  spite  of  all  their  other 
good  qualities,  simply  wall-flowers  and  wax 
figures. 

AVe  exhibit  our  manliness  in  our  conversation 
and  in  our  actions;  and  in  both  of  these  the 
gentleman  will  show  his  manliness  to  be  gentle- 
manliness.  That  is,  the  first  quality  of  a true 


72 


EXCELSIOR. 


gentleman  is  gentleness ; for  he  is  a gentle  man, 
not  a boisterous  or  a rough  one. 

Gentleness  implies  the  possession  of  a good 
heart,  one  that  takes  pleasure  in  the  happiness 
of  others,  does  everything  that  may  add  to  their 
pleasure  or  take  away  from  their  inconvenience. 
A gentleman  will  never  say  a word  or  commit 
an  action  which  can  give  unnecessary  pain  to 
any  one,  man,  woman  or  child,  high-born  or 
low-born,  rich  or  poor. 

The  man  possessed  of  a little  false  politeness 
may  show  himself  well-mannered  in  presence  of 
the  accomplished,  the  great,  and  the  wealthy; 
but  the  real  gentleman  shows  himself  well-man- 
nered in  presence  of  all  persons,  without  regard 
to  race,  birth,  color  or  fortune. 

It  is  related  of  our  great  and  good  Washing- 
ton, that  he  never  failed  to  return  the  bow  of  the 
poor  old  negroes,  who  loved  to  throng  the  places 
and  streets  through  which  he  was  wont  to  pass, 
and  when  some  of  his  friends  expressed  their 
surprise,  he  made  this  noble  reply:  “Would  you 
have  me  outdone  by  a negro  in  politeness?” 

A somewhat  similar  anecdote  is  recorded  of  a 
person  of  widely  different  character,  George 
IV.  of  England,  who  is  a striking  example  of 
the  value  of  polished  manners,  in  supplying,  in 
a certain  way  and  degree,  the  want  of  moral 
worth  and  intellectual  abilities. 

Louis  XIV.,  though  a despot,  was  neverthe- 
less a gentleman  of  the  first  water,  as  indeed  all 
his  countrymen  seem  to  be  by  nature.  One  day 


GOOD  MANNERS. 


73 


in  passing  out  of  his  palace  accompanied  by  a 
retinue  of  grandees,  he  was  saluted  by  a market 
woman,  and  gracefully  returned  the  compliment 
by  lifting  his  hat,  to  the  no  small  astonishment 
of  the  courtiers.  Those,  pretty  gentlemen  imag- 
ined that  the  king  had  degraded  himself  by  the 
action ; but  he  rebuked  them  and  honored  him- 
self by  saying;  “Is  not  the  king’s  mother  a 
woman?” 

A like  incident  is  related  of  our  own  Henry 
Clay,  a genuine  republican,  as  well  as  one  of 
nature’s  noblemen,  a true  gentleman.  Nature’s 
noblemen  are  all  gentlemen,  whether  they  walk 
behind  the  plough  or  sit  upon  a throne. 

Mr.  Clay,  in  company  with  some  friends,  was 
met  by  an  aged  negro  woman,  who  saluted  him. 
He  returned  the  compliment,  and  the  gentlemen 
were  of  course  greatly  astonished,  and  enquired 
of  the  great  man  if  he  recognized  negroes.  The 
noble  reply  and  cutting  rebuke  came  quickly,  “ I 
do  not  suffer  negroes  to  excell  me  in  politeness  !” 
The  chief  rule  of  politeness,  in  speech  and 
actions,  is  the  Golden  Rule : 

“Do  UNTO  OTHEKS  AS  YE  WOULD  THAT  THEY 
SHOULD  DO  UNTO  YOU.”' 

Whoever  follows  that  rule  will  never  offend. 
If  you  wish  to  know  whether  a certain  word  or 
answer  is  polite,  ask  yourself  whether  you  would, 
under  similar  circumstances,  be  pleased  to  have 
the  same  word  or  the  same  answer  addressed  to 
yourself.  If  you  wish  to  know  whether  a cer- 
tain action  is  well-mannered  and  pleasing  to 


74 


EXCELSIOR. 


others,  ask  yourself  if  you  would  be  pleased  to 
have  the  same  action  done  to  yourself.  The 
answers  to  these  questions  will  show  you  what  is 
right  and  what  is  wrong,  what  is  polite  and  what 
is  impolite,  for  you  to  do. 

One  of  the  first  requirements  made  of  us  when 
we  enter  any  comj^any  is,  to  forget  ourselves  as 
individuals  and  remember  that  v/e  are,  for  the 
time,  only  a part  of  the  company.  We  must 
therefore  do  and  say  as  little  as  possible  that  is 
not  pleasing  to  all  our  companions.  This  makes 
it  improper  to  form  cliques  or  private  parties  in 
the  general  company.  When  we  gather  to- 
gether for  amusement  or  recreation,  all  should  be 
for  all,  so  that  all  may  be  happy.  No  subject  of 
conversation  should  be  started  which  can  please 
but  two  or  three,  or  which  may  array  one-half 
of  the  company  against  the  other ; still  less 
should  you  start  or  engage  in  a conversation 
which  will  wound  the  feelings  of  even  one  of 
your  companions.  By  the  very  fact  that  you 
form  a part  of  the  compan}^  you  are  bound  to 
treat  all  the  members  as  brothers.  You  must, 
for  the  time,  lay  aside  all  5mur  pet  notions,  pri- 
vate affairs,  and  peculiar  opinions  on  every  sub- 
ject, if  you  have  any  reason  to  think  that  they 
will  be  offensive  to  any  of  those  with  wh'om  you 
agree  to  associate ; you  must,  so  to  speak,  merge 
yourself  in  the  company,  for  the  general  happiness 
of  yourself  and  that  of  each  and  every  one  of 
your  friends. 

If  it  should  happen  that  your  conscience  will 


GOOD  MANNERS. 


75 


not  allow  you  to  abstain  from  the  expression  of 
opinions  which  would  offend,  then  it  is  your  place 
to  retire ; for  you  have  no  right  to  mar  the 
pleasure  of  others  by  thrusting  in  by  sheer  force 
your  own  unwelcome  ideas  into  a company  that 
have  collected  for  the  purpose  of  social  enjoy- 
ment. 

This  rule  applies  to  all  social  gatherings  and 
promiscuous  assemblages,  where  persons  of  dif- 
ferent parties  and  opinions  meet  together  on  a 
common  footing,  such  as  evening  parties,  dinners, 
public  celebrations  and  holida,ys,  when  all  the 
people  come  together,  schools,  colleges,  &c.  On 
these  occasions,  and  in  these  places,  people  wish 
to  enjoy  friendly  intercourse  with  their  com- 
panions ; and  no  one  will  thank  you  for  bringing 
up  subjects  of  contention  and  dispute.  Hence 
the  gross  impropriety,  at  these  times,  of  per- 
sonal, religious,  political,  and  other  topics,  which 
are  sure  to  create  misunderstandings  and  hard 
feelings. 

There  are  proper  places  for  these  matters. 
They  may  all  be  discussed  in  private  conversa- 
tion. If  you  feel  it  your  duty  to  correct  the 
false  ideas  of  a friend,  you  may  speak  to  him  at 
his  leisure,  and  reason  with  him  quietly  when 
there  is  no  longer  any  danger  of  disturbing  or 
annoying  others.  Religious  matters  may  be  dis- 
cussed in  this  way,  and  also  in  the  church ; politi- 
caT  questions  may  thus  be  sifted,  and  also  on  the 
stump  and  in  the  halls  of  legislation ; as  for  per- 
sonal subjects  of  conversation,  they  are  always 


76 


EXCELSIOR. 


out  of  place,  except  when  treated  with  the  utmost 
charity. 

It  is  a miserable  state  of  society  where  the 
people  are  in  a constant  jar  on  these  and  similar 
subjects.  Argument,  indeed,  is  not  conversa- 
tion, any  more  than  is  a duel  or  a game  of  chess  ; 
like  them,  it  is  a contention,  fit  for  only  two 
contestants,  and  should  never  engage  a whole 
company. 

Let  us  not  forget,  then,  the  first  means  of 
making  our  company  agreeable.  We  must  be 
all  for  all,  no  one  for  himself,  but  each  one  for 
every  one  else.  This  is  according  to  the  golden 
rule ; for  no  one  would  wish  his  own  feelings  to 
be  hurt  or  his  presence  disregarded  by  others. 

Another  means  of  making  ourselves  agreeable 
is  courtesy.  Being  all  to  all  is  a genei’al  social 
requirement;  courtesy  is  a special  one,  and 
refers  to  our  politeness  as  shown  to  particular 
persons.  Here,  again,  the  golden  rule  is  an 
admirable  guide.  Perform  those  actions  towards 
others,  and  only  those,  which  you  would  have 
them  perform  towards  you,  or  towards  those 
whom  you  love.  Treat  a lady  as  you  would 
have  all  men  treat  your  sister,  or  y(5ur  mother ; 
treat  a gentleman  as  you  would  have  all  persons 
treat  your  father,  your  brother,  or  yourself. 

By  acting  in  this  way  you  will  avoid  two 
faults.  You  will  never  he  so  mpolite  as  to  be 
rude  or  uncouth,  and  you  will  never  be  so  over 
polite  as  to  be  silly  and  foppish. 

For  instance,  it  is  a very  commori  habit  to 


GOOD  3IANNERS. 


77 


stare  at  strangers,  and  at  whatever  belongs  to 
them.  Some  persons,  on  entering  a parlor  or  a 
private  room,  travel  around  the  apartment  with 
their  eyes,  in  such  earnest  scrutiny  of  every 
object,  that  a timid  person  would  take  them  for 
sheriffs  or  policemen.  You  would  not  be  pleased 
to  have  any  one  stare  around  your  private  rooms 
in  such  a way ; treat  them  as  you  would  be 
treated. 

It  is  even  more  vulgar  to  stare  at  strangers 
themselves.  I am  sorry  to  say  that  this  ill-bred 
habit  is  common  with  school-boys  and  girls,  and 
even  with  full-grown  students.  A stranger 
comes  to  visit  the  place,  or  he  is  on  business, 
and  forsooth  he  must  be  stared  right  in  the  face, 
till  the  blood  rushes  to  his  brows  in  shame  and 
anger.  Would  you  be  pleased  to  have  your 
father  thus  gazed  out  of  countenance  by  a gaping 
crowd,  as  though  he  were  the  man  of  the  moon? 

But  when  it  comes  to  ladies,  it  is  shameful 
that  young  men’s  manly  hearts  do  not  teach 
them  better.  If  you  saw  your  sisters  stared  at 
in  such  a way,  would  not  the  hot,  angry  blood 
rush  to  your  face?  A young  man  who  respects 
his  own  mother  will  never  stare  at  any  woman, 
with  his  mouth  open,  like  a gawk  rooted  to  the 
ground,  as  though  he  never  expected  to  see 
another  daughter  of  Eve  until  the  day  of  judg- 
ment. 

There  is,  of  course,  no  harm  in  looking  re- 
spectfully for  a moment  at  any  person  or  thing ; 
but  to  stand  and  gaze  or  stare  is  odiously  vulgar. 
7* 


78 


EXCELSIOR. 


Over  politeness,  though  not  so  .bad  as  impo- 
liteness, is  extremely  silly  and  unmanly.  True 
courtesy  springs  from  sincerity  of  heart  and 
manliness  of  soul.  An  outside  show  of  what  we 
do  not  feel  is  not  politeness.  All  forced  formali- 
ties, stiff  and  cold  as  winter,  no  matter  how  fine 
they  may  glitter,  do  not  constitute  true  courtesy, 
which  always  comes  fresh  and  warm  from  the 
heart.  Do  not  try  so  much  to  show  that  you 
are  polite  as  to  feel  so ; your  politeness  will  then 
spring  naturally  into  action. 

Yes,  a good  heart  is  here  a matter  of  neces- 
sity. You  must  feel  courteous  in  order  to  be 
so ; you  must  have  charity  and  patience,  to  bear 
with  the  faults  of  others ; you  must  try  to  make 
the  best,  and  not  the  worst,  out  of  them ; every 
one  has  something  good  in  him,  if  we  can  only 
find  it  out ; and  bow  much  pleasanter  to  look  for 
wdrat  is  good  than  for  what  is  bad.  We  must 
learn  to  yield  to  others,  at  times;  pass  over 
their  whims,  and  remember  that  we  are  not  per- 
fect ourselves;  pride  is  one  of  the  chief  marks 
of  impoliteness,  and  must  be  subdued  before  we 
can  appear  true  gentlemen.  ISlo  one,  whatever 
his  worth  or  station,  has  any  right  to  be  insolent 
or  disrespectful  to  his  fellow-men.  Let  your 
politeness,  then,  be  from  the  heart,  and  for 
every  one. 

Let  it  also  spring  from  a manl}^  soul.  Do 
nothing  which  is  childish,  affected  or  mean- 
spirited.  Many  persons  are  always  waving 
their  hats  after  the  grandest  fashion,  bowing  till 


GOOD  3IANNERS. 


79 


their  heads  nearly  touch  the  dust,  and  are  alto- 
gether so  excessively  polite  that  we  are  never 
easy  in  their  presence.  Some  have  the  happy 
art  of  performing  these  actions  with  much  grace, 
and  an  appearance  of  naturalness  which  is  ex- 
ceedingly charming;  but,  for  the  majority,  they 
become  stumbling  blocks  which  make  the  unfor- 
tunate actors  look  either  very  awkward  or  very 
silly.  They  may  well  be  dispensed  with  alto- 
gether. 

There  are  others  who  are  forever  cringing  and 
fawning  upon  those  who  happen  to  be  a little 
above  them  in  the  world.  IS’ever  thus  degrade 
your  manhood.  God  has  created  you  free,  you 
are  free-born,  do  not  make  of  yourself  a social 
slave.  Be  courteous,  polite,  gentlemanly  with 
every  one;  give  to  every  one  the  honor  due  to 
him  as  a man,  and  the  respect  to  which  his  tal- 
ents, worth,  or  position,  entitle  him.  But  do  not 
fawn  upon  him,  - because  he  happens  to  have 
more  money  than  has  fallen  to  your  lot,  or 
because  he  chances  to  occupy  a higher -position 
in  life  than  it  has  pleased  God  to  give  you; 
neither  frown  upon  him,  if  he  happen  to  be 
poorer,  or  chance  to  occupy  a lower  place  than 
you.  Fawning  and  frowning  are  both  signs  of 
a base  mind ; be  you  a man  and  do  neither. 

A good  heart  will  impel  you  to  all  acts  of  kind- 
ness and  courtes}^  towards  others,  whenever  it  is 
in  your  power  to  perform  them.  Some  are  very 
sure  to  do  so  towards  strangers,  but  not  towards 
their  own  friends.  You  will  see  them  all  kind- 


so 


EXCELSIOr. 


ness  and  attention  towards  persons  they  meet  in 
company,  especially  if  those  persons  be  ladies; 
this  is  most  commendable,  and  shows  the  best 
kind  of  a disposition,  provided  they  do  the  same 
for  their  own  fathers,  mothers,  brothers,  sisters, 
and  intimate  friends.  You  will  see  others  very 
respectful  to  those  whom  they  consider  their 
superiors  or  their  equals,  but  sneering  at  those 
Avhom  they  deem  their  inferiors;  such  persons 
are  mean-spirited  cowards,  who  take  advantage 
of  the  weak  and  the  helpless,  but  cringe,  like 
base  creatures  as  they  are,  before  real  men  and 
women.  No  gentleman  will  take  any  advan- 
tage of  the  weakness  or  ignorance  of  any  per- 
son, however  poor  and  humble.  The  habit 
which  some  boys  and  young  men  have  of  ridi- 
culing one  of  their  unfortunate  companions  is 
most  despicable. 

There  is  nothing  more  important  in  life,  or 
which  requires  more  care,  than  this  ability  to 
carry  ourselves  easy,  without  insolence  or  ser- 
vility, as  gentlemen  among  men.  The  impolite 
aristocrat  struts  along  as  though  nature  had 
made  him  superior  to  other  men ; the  impolite 
man  of  humble  life  holds  down  his  head  as 
though  nature  had  made  him  inferior  to  other 
men:  one  sneers,  the  other  fawns;  both  think 
they  are  polite,  but  neither  is  so;  the  one  is 
composed  of  the  stuff  of  which  despots  are 
formed,  the  other  of  that  degraded  earth  of 
which  slaves  are  made. 

The  American  will  be  neither  tyrant  nor  slave. 


GOOD  MANNERS. 


81 


American  politeness  is  essentially  manliness, — 
respect  for  the  aged,  the  venerable,  and  the  good ; 
disrepect  for  no  one.  American  liberty  is  not 
the  license  to  do  as  we  please,  regardless  of  the 
feelings  and  the  rights  of  others.  AVe  respect 
all  men  simply  because  they  are  men ; and, 
besides,  we  respect  them  for  their  office  or  posi- 
tion, or  for  their  worth.  But  in  all  this  regard 
for  others  we  never  forget  the  respect  due  to 
ourselves — and  herein  lies  the  golden  means  of 
liberty,  and  of  politeness ; and  here  again  do  we 
find  the  whole  matter  summed  up  in  the  Divine 
Rule : 

“Do  AS  YOU  WOULD  BE  DONE  BY.” 

Table  Etiquette. — At  table,  more  than  any 
where  else,  we  show  what  manner  of  men  we 
are ; and  he  who  can  take  his  seat  at  dinner 
in  a respectable  company,  and  conduct  himself 
there  in  a way  creditable  to  himself  and  to  his 
friends,  may  very  well  pass  for  an  accomplished 
gentleman.  Certainly,  if,  after  having  gone 
through  this  ordeal,  he  is  seen  to  lack  some  of 
the  gentilities  of  life  in  other  places,  they  will 
be  found  to  he  quite  insignificant,  and  not  to 
alter  his  standard  as  a gentleman. 

The  reason  for  this  is,  that  at  the  table  all  the 
essentials  of  good  manners  are  called  into  requi- 
sition,— cleanliness,  neatness,  and  manliness,  as 
exhibited  in  our  personal  appearance,  our  actions, 
and  our  conversation.  These  qualities  are  here 
especially  necessary  in  the  order  in  which  they 
?^re  named.  Cleanliness,  in  all  respects,  is  an 


82 


EXCELSIOR. 


imperative  necessity ; in  person,  in  dress,  and  in 
every  thing  you  do  or  say  from  the  moment  you 
enter  the  dining-room  till  the  moment  you  retire. 
Be  nothing,  do  nothing,  say  nothing,  which  can, 
by  any  one,  be  considered,  even  in  the  slightest 
degree,  unclean. 

If  cleanliness  inspires  satisfaction  with  your 
appearance  and  conduct,  and  even  respect  for 
yourself,  neatness  compels,  in  addition  to  these, 
admiration  ; and,  if,  besides,  you  show  yourself 
possessed  of  manliness,  you  will  elicit  universal 
applause,  and  find  yourself  looked  up  to  as  a 
pattern  of  all  that  is  excellent  in  the  notion 
which  men  have  of  a real  gentleman.  How 
many  a one  refers  the  beginning  of  his  success  in 
life  to  the  favorable  impression  which  he  first  made 
at  the  table  of  a generous-hearted  host  or  hostess. 

Table  etiquette,  in  particular,  is  often  consid- 
ered to  be  but  a mere  jumble  of  fanciful  rules, 
entirely  arbitrary,  without  a particle  of  necessity 
or  of  common  sense  at  their  base ; and,  conse- 
quently, to  be  without  the  least  claim  upon  our 
attention,  except  when  we  happen  to  take  our 
meals  in  the  presence  of  some  one  who  is  noted 
for  his  over  attention  to  matters  of  politeness. 
But,  on  examination,  you  will  find  that  this 
prejudice  is  without  any  foundation.  All  the 
rules  of  table-etiquette  which  are  worthy  of 
your  attention,  are,  like  the  other  rules  of  polite- 
ness, based  upon  common  sense,  and,  like  them, 
may  be  referred  to  one  of  the  three  heads  of 
Cleanliness,  Neatness,  and  Manliness. 


GOOD  MANNERS. 


83 


Manliness  requires  that  you  should  avoid  every 
thing  which  may  displease  or  even  unnecessarily 
discommode  the  host,  the  guests,  or  the  waiters. 

If  you  are  invited  to  be  the  guest  of  another, 
the  first  thing,  then,  which  should  engage  your 
attention  is — not  to  come  too  early ; for  in  that 
case  you  would  be  in  the  way,  and  your  friends 
would  probably  feel  bound  to  entertain  you,  at 
the  expense  of  their  own  time  and  convenience, 
until  meal-time ; besides,  you  might  excite  the 
suspicion  that  you  came  so  early  to  make  sure 
of  the  feast — a certain  sign  of  greediness. 

Neither  must  you  arrive  too  late;  for  then 
you  will  disturb  everybody,  and  make  of  your- 
self a nuisance ; but  try  to  be  just  in  time. 
Punctuality,  even  to  the  moment,  is  the  rule  of 
gentlemen  as  well  as  of  great  men. 

If  the  entertainment  be  a ceremonious  one, 
you  may  be  requested  to  take  a lady  in  charge, 
to  whom  you  will  give  your  left  arm,  passing 
before  her  as  you  step  into  the  dining-hall, 
where  you  will  give  to  her  your  constant  atten- 
tion, seeing  that  all  her  wants  are  supplied,  and 
this,  of  course,  whether  she  be  a young  lady  or 
one  advanced  in  years,  a friend,  or  a compara- 
tive stranger.  The  true  gentleman  treats  all 
ladies  with  marked  deference  and  respect,  and  if 
he  makes  any  difference  in  his  attentions  it  is  in 
favor  of  the  elderly,  the  helpless,  and  those  who 
appear  to  be  slighted  or  neglected  by  others. 
Never  urge  a lady  to  take  wine  with  you,  offer- 
ing it  once  is  sufficient. 


84 


EXCELSIOR. 


In  taking  your  seat  at  table  you  will  follow 
the  customs  of  the  place,  and  the  wishes  or  ex- 
ample of  your  host  or  hostess. 

While  grace  is  saying,  whether  your  belief  is 
the  same  as  that  of  your  host  or  not,  you  should 
bow  your  head,  in  token  of  respect,  and  ask 
God’s  blessing  yourself.  The  object  of  religion 
being  the  honor  of  the  Creator,  everyone  should 
be  respectful  and  attentive  during  any  of  its 
exercises. 

Many  persons  show  themselves  awkward  in 
taking  their  seat,  or  afterwards  in  sitting  at 
table.  Be  seated  with  ease,  without  rattling 
your  chair;  not  so  far  from  the  table  as  to 
endanger  your  dress  in  taking  food  or  drink,  nor 
BO  near  as  to  press  against  the  table  and  shake  it 
at  every  movement  of  your  body.  Unfold  your 
napkin  and  lay  it  across  your  knees,  never 
pinning  it  over  your  breast  like  an  alderman  or 
a slobbering  infant. 

After  you  have  taken  your  seat,  “try  to  sit 
easily  and  gracefully,  but  at  the  same  time  avoid 
crowding  those  beside  you.”  Keep  your  elbows 
ofi’  the  table ; and  make  as  little  noise  as  possi- 
ble with  your  knife  and  fork,  or  any  of  the 
dishes,  moving  your  hands  with  care  so  as  to 
avoid  any  awkward  or  disagreeable  action,  such 
as  spilling  water,  tea,  or  coffee,  or  any  liquid, 
dropping  jDieces  of  food,  or  scattering  anything 
on  the  cloth,  overturning  cups,  dishes,  glasses, 
<kc.;  all  of  which  are  excessively  annoying  to 
those  seated  at  table,  and  bring  shame  to  your- 
self. 


GOOD  MANNEBS. 


85 


Should  any  accident  occur,  however,  try  to 
retain  self-possession,  and  do  not'  make  it  worse 
hy  a frightened  fussy  attempt  to  repair  it,  hut 
do  calmly  Avhat,  under  the  circumstances,  can  be 
done,  and  show  quiet  concern  for  any  injury  that 
may  have  been  done  to  the  apparel  of  those  near 

Be  sure  to  make  no  noise  in  chewing  or  sup- 
ping your  food ; and  do  nothing  which  may  in 
any  way  shoAV  haste,  greed,  or  vulgarity.  Some 
persons  disgust  a whole  table  by  their  offensive 
manner  of  taking  their  food.  You  may  hear 
them  across  the  dining-room,  slopping  and  grind- 
ing like — -certainly  not  like  gentleman. ; or,  if  you 
are  so  unfortunate  as  to  look  their  way,  you  will 
see  their  mouths  so  full  as  to  make  them  red  in 
the  face  ; and  when  they  begin  to  try  to  swallow, 
you  fear  there  is  danger  of  suffocation.  Others  are 
guilty  only  of  using  their  own  knife  for  the  but- 
ter and  salt,  putting  their  fingers  into  the  sugar- 
bowl,  blowing  their  tea,  coffee,  or  soup,  drinking 
before  wiping  their  lips,  and  thus  greasing  their 
glasses,  or,  perhaps,  rolling  up  their  coat-sleeves 
and  wristbands,  as  if  they  were  preparing  for 
earnest  work.  All  such  habits  are  excessively 
disgusting  and  unclean.  Do  not  break  bread  in 
your  soup  nor  tip  your  plate ; sip  your  soup  qui- 
etly from  the  side  of  the  spoon,  and  not  the 
point.  Never  refuse  soup — it  is  rude.  It  is  ill- 
bred  to  accept  everything  that  is  offered  you. 
Do  not  take  a second  time  of  soup,  fish,  pastry, 
or  pudding. 

8 


86 


EXCELSIOR. 


To  cut  up  all  the  meat  on  your  plate,  as  if  it 
were  for  a child,  or  for  a person  with  a lame 
hand,  would  be  a mark  of  greediness. 

Dry  bread  should  be  broken  as  it  is  wanted, 
and  put  into  the  mouth  with  the  fingers ; never 
cut  with  the  knife,  nor  bitten  from  the  roll  or 
slice,  unless  it  is  buttered. 

Eat  not  so  fast  as  to  be  waiting  for  others,  nor 
so  slowly  as  to  keep  others  waiting  for  you ; and 
never  call  twice  for  any  dish  that  may  cause 
unnecessary  delay. 

Partake  sparingly  of  delicacies  and  of  all  arti- 
cles which  are  served  in  small  quantities,  always 
declining  them  when  they  are  offered  a second 
time. 

Avoid  picking  out  choice  pieces  of  food ; oth- 
ers may  also  have  their  preferences.  You  may 
often  hear  ill-bred  persons  say  “that  is  just  my 
favorite  bit,”  as  though  they  only  had  a right  to 
all  “favorite  bits.”  Such  an  ignorant,  selfish  per- 
son will  sometimes  overturn  a plate  of  bread  to 
get  at  the  bottom  piece,  because,  forsooth,  he  is 
fond  of  a well-baked  crust  or  of  a nice  soft  piece. 
Selfishness  at  table  is  the  most  unmanly  trait 
which  can  be  shown,  and  puts  the  people  guilty 
of  it  at  once  on  a level  with  those  brutes  which 
quarrel  over  their  feed. 

Yet  if  your  host  should  ask  what  portion  you 
prefer,  state  your  preference  freely  and  at  once ; 
for  his  request  is  intended  as  a compliment  to  you, 
which  it  would  be  rude  on  your  part  to  disregard. 

Never  pass  remarks  upon  the  food  which  is 


GOOD  MANNERS. 


87 


placed  before  you ; if  you  dislike  any  dish,  decline 
to  partake  of  it,  but  say  nothing  about  it ; espe- 
cially do  not  give  your  reasons  why  it  is  dis- 
tasteful to  you,  for  they  may  disgust  instead  of 
edify  the  company.  Neither  spend  much  of  your 
time  in  praising  any  dish,  no  matter  how  fond 
you  may  be  of  it,  unless  you  wish  to  be  taken 
for  an  epicure.  Taking  food  is,  in  reality,  an 
animal  and  sensual  gratification,  and  it  does  not 
become  a man,  possessed  of  an  intellect  and  of  a 
moral  nature,  to  spend  his  time  talking  about  the 
feeding  of  his  body.  It  is  said  that  man  was 
made  a little  lower  than  the  angels ; but  these 
food-talkers  seem  to  have  been  made  a little 
higher  than  the  beasts. 

Do  not  talk  while  your  mouth  is  full. 

Do  not  fill  )mur  plate  too  full ; but  if  it  is  sup- 
plied by  your  host,  take  what  he  gives,  without 
any  observations  on  the  great  or  the  small 
amount,  unless  he  be  a very  intimate  friend  and 
there  be  no  strangers  present.  Never,  indeed, 
take  any  undue  liberties  in  talking  or  acting  at  the 
table  of  another,  so  as  to  make  yourself  the  prin- 
cipal personage,  unless  your  host  desires  you  to 
do  so.  Those  would-be  smart  people  who  take 
these  liberties,  and  imagine  that  they  are  acting 
the  part  of  fine  gentlemen,  are  much  mistaken. 

Many  persons  who  have  come  to  the  use  of 
their  reason  seem  to  be  ignorant  of  the  purposes 
for  which  knives,  forks,  and  spoons  are  made. 
For  their  information,  I would  say  that  knives 
are  made  to  cut  food,  not  to  carry  it  to  the  mouth, 


EXCELSIOR. 


forks  being  intended  for  that  purpose ; and  spoons 
are  made  to  carry  liquids  from  the  plate  to  the 
fnouth.  So,  do  not  put  a knife  into  your  mouth, 
unless  you  wish  to  cut  yourself;  except  in  case 
the  fork  is  so  small  as  to  be  inconvenient,  when 
the  knife  is  excusable  on  the  plea  of  necessity, 
which  knows  no  law. 

Use  a dessert  spoon  in  eating  tarts,  puddings, 
curries,  (fee.  Cheese  is  eaten  with  the  fingers ; 
also,  dry  and  fresh  fruit.  Apples  and  pears  are 
cut  into  quarters  before  paring,  peaches  and  apri- 
cots are  split  in  the  middle,  and  the  stone  is 
removed  with  the  point  of  the  knife.  Small 
fruits,  such  as  plums  and  cherries,  are  put  into 
the  mouth  whole,  and  the  stones  deposited  in 
the  hand  closed. 

Do  not  use  your  own  knife  or  fork  to  help 
yourself  or  others  to  butter  or  anything  else ; use 
the  one  beside  the  dish. 

Eggs  in  the  shell  must  be  opened  at  the  large 
end,  not  with  the  knife,  which  must  never  come 
near  them,  except  for  salt,  but  with  the  prongs 
of  the  fork,  or,  better  still,  with  a small  spoon. 
With  this  the  salt  and  butter  are  mixed  in  the 
egg.  The  shell  must  be  broken  up  and  left  on 
the  plate. 

If  you  wish  to  cough,  spit,  or  sneeze,  turn  your 
head  from  the  table  and  use  your  handkerchief, 
putting  it  again  immediately  into  your  pocket. 

Never  use  your  napkin  as  a hankerchief;  it  is 
intended  for  the  lips  and  the  fingers. 

It  is  rude  to  put  bones,  potato-peelings,  (fee., 


GOOD  MANNERS. 


89 


on  the  table-cloth ; to  crack  nuts  with  the  teeth 
at  table;  to  take  from  the  table  candies,  nuts, 
fruits,  (fee. 

Do  not  leave  the  table  before  your  host. 

Finally,  eat  and  drink  with  moderation  ; nei- 
ther too  fast  nor  too  much.  Many  persons  have 
begun  a career  of  intemperance  at  the  social  table 
of  a dear  friend.  Many  a dyspeptic  owes  his 
disease  to  the  same  happy  occasion. 

After  enjoying  the  hospitality  of  another’s 
board,  it  is  not  in  good  taste  to  depart  imme- 
diately, as  though  you  were  indeed  a boarder ; 
besides,  health  requires  that  you  should  rest  from 
all  serious  cares  for  some  time  after  taking  a 
hearty  meal.  Says  a wise  old  saw: 

“ After  dinuer  rest  a Avlnle, 

After  supper  walk  a mile.” 

Such  are  the  principal  laws  of  table  etiquette, 
whose  observance  is  required  of  you  by  society  ; 
and  you  may  see  that  they  are  all  truly  nothing 
more  than  a man  of  delicacy  and  good  sense 
would  be  apt  to  practice  without  any  instruction. 
Indeed,  your  own  good  disposition  and  common 
sense  must  always  be  your  guide,  both  in  these 
matters  which  I have  mentioned  and  in  all  oth- 
ers which  may  require  your  attention.  Differ- 
ent places  and  different  people  have  different 
customs,  and  this  common  sense  of  yours  must 
be  ever  quick  to  notice  what  are  the  particular 
customs  of  the  people  in  whose  company  you  are 
for  the  time.  Hot  that  I would  have  you  slav- 
ishly copy  the  habits  of  others,  but  only  modify 


90 


EXCELSIOB. 


your  own  by  theirs ; provided  always,  that  there 
is  nothing  opposed  to  delicacy  and  good  sense  in 
what  they  do.  But  there  is  in  good  manners  a 
wide  margin,  which  allows  perfect  freedom  of 
taste  to  all  persons ; so  that  the  peculiar  idiosyn- 
cracies  of  each  one  may  find  full  expression, 
without  necessarily  betraying  him  into  any  ex- 
travagance or  vulgarity.  The  French,  English, 
Germans,  Belgians,  Americans,  (fee.,  have  each 
their  special  ways  of  doing  many  things : as  also 
have  those  in  humble  and  those  in  easy  circum- 
stances, as  well  as  all  the  different  classes  of 
social  life. 

The  gentleman  will  conform  himself,  with  an 
unerring  instinct  and  a delicate  tact,  to  the  ways 
of  the  society  in  which  he  finds  himself.  He 
makes  himself  at  home  in  the  cottage  as  well  as 
in  the  brown-stone  mansion ; always  easy,  never 
embarrassed ; neither  oppressed  by  the  splendor 
of  the  wealthy,  nor  inconvenienced  by  the  scant 
accommodations  of  the  poor;  taking  fine  halls 
and  furniture,  rich  carvings,  splendid  paintings, 
beautiful  statues,  refined  ladies  and  gentlemen, 
charming  music,  delicate  viands,  and  elegant 
accommodations  of  all  kinds,  or  poor  but  hon- 
est and  intelligent  men  and  women,  with  plain 
fare  and  the  best  accommodations  which  they 
can  provide,  all  as  matters  of  course.  He  is 
happy,  and  acts  as  equal  with  equals,  in  both 
places;  and,  departing  from  each,  he  leaves  be- 
hind him  the  memory  and  the  name  of  gen- 
tleman. 


GOOD  MANNERS. 


91 


Q- 

it- 

One  who  does  not  do  this,  who  apes  after  the 
grand  ways  of  some  people,  and  shoM's  off  his 
superfine  politeness  before  others,  or  acts  in  any 
odd  manner,  will  soon  be  noticed  in  all  compa- 
nies as  a vulgar  upstart. 

Take  the  instincts  of  a good  heart  for  your 
guide,  hold  fast  to  the  dictates  of  common  sense, 
and  let  it  never  slip  out  of  your  head  that  all 
men  are  brothers— yow  are  equal  to  the  highest 
and  not  above  the  lowest. 

Peactical  Hints. — “ The  difference  between 
the  gentleman  and  the  clown  consists,  not  in 
rank,  wealth,  education,  or  even  intelligence,  hut 
rather  in  a thousand  little  things.”  The  follow- 
ing hints,  therefore,  though  each  one  may  seem 
quite  insignificant,  form,  when  taken  together,  a 
code  of  laws  almost  as  worthy  our  attention  as 
those  which  are  found  in  the  statute  book. 

When  talking  xuith  strangers,  or  in  their  pres- 
ence, no  not  lake  it  for  granted  that  they  think 
as  you  do.  I have  known  persons  to  speak  with 
violence  against  a certain  religion,  or  a certain 
party,  or  a certain  man,  and  you  may  imagine 
their  feelings  when  they  afterwards  learned  that 
the  strangers  with  whom  they  had  conversed 
were  warm  friends  of  those  against  whom  they 
had  spoken  with  such  ill-timed  zeal. 

When  obliged  to  refuse  a request,  do  so  with 
as  much  gentleness  and  kindness  as  possible. 
Horace  speaks  of  the  “suaviter  in  modo” — gen- 
tleness with y^rm?^e5■s— ytruly  a gentleman’s  motto. 
You  must  be  firm,  and  learn  to  say  the  little 


92 


EXCELSIOR. 


words  “yes”  and  “no”  when  necessary;  but  say 
them  in  an  agreeable  mannerj  All  persons  can 
say  “yes”  as  a gentleman  would;  but  it  takes 
the  gentleman  himself  to  say  “no”  so  kindly 
that  you  would  prefer  it  to  another  man’s  “yes.” 
In  truth,  it  is  more  delightful  to  be  refused  by 
some  persons  than  to  obtain  our  request  of 
others. 

Do  not  xvhistle  in  company  or  in  public  places. 
Last  summer  I met  a music-teacher  every  day, 
who  used  to  whistle  in  my  face  and  in  that  of 
everybody  whom  he  passed  on  the  street. 

Do  not  drum  with  the  feet  or  the  fingers.  It 
is  a rude  habit,  of  which  thoughtless  persons  are 
often  guilty,  without  meaning  any  harm. 

Playing  with  the  pocket-knife,  jingling  keys, 
loose  change,  &c.,  are  faults  of  a like  character. 

Do  not  make  a parade  of  your  jewelry,  watch, 
or  other  valuables.  If  you  wish  to  see  what  is 
the  time  of  day  it  is  not  necessary  to  take  par- 
ticular pains  to  show  that  you  carry  a fine  time- 
piece. 

In  company  do  not  look  repeatedly  at  your 
watch,  even  in  a quiet  manner ; to  do  so  will  not 
be  taken  as  a compliment  to  your  friends,  who 
will  suppose  that  you  are  weary  of  their  society. 
There  is  no  harm,  however,  in  looking  at  your 
watch,  if  it  should  be  necessary  for  you  to  leave 
at  a certain  time,  to  take  the  cars,  for  instance. 
Be  guided,  as  usual,  by  good  sense. 

"'Loud  talking  in  public  places  is  very  rude. 
Little  parties  should  keep  their  personal  conver- 


GOOD  MANNERS. 


93 


sations  to  themselves.  Nothing  shows  good 
breeding  more  than  a quiet  manner,  a mellow 
voice,  and  the  decorousness  and  gentleness  which 
accompany  that  style  of  speech.” 

“Never  stand  and  talk  in  the  open  door  when 
you  propose  to  go.  We  have  seen  a delicate 
lady  rise  to  dismiss  her  company,  after  they  had 
reached  the  door  and  must  go  right  away;  we 
have  seen  such  a lady  stand  till  she  turned  pale 
with  fatigue  or  cold,  while  the  visitor,  ruddy  and 
strong,  would  stay  for  ten  minutes  to  say  just 
one  word  more,  and  then  stop  again  in  the  hall, 
and  again  on  the  steps,  and  again  on  the  side- 
walk. When  you  have  decided  to  leave,  be  off 
at  once.” 

“At  the  entrance  of  a visitor  you  should  rise, 
unless  5mu  are  a professional  man  in  your  office.” 

''Swinging  in,  or  tilting  ones  chair,  is  ex- 
tremely ill-bred.” 

Staring  at  others,  especially  with  an  eye-glass, 
is  impertinent.  ' 

To  follow  a lady  in  the  street,  or  turn  to  stare 
at  her,  is  the  mark  of  a ruffian. 

Swearing,  or  improper  speech  of  any  kind,  is 
a sure  sign  of  an  ill-mannered  man. 

“Calling  to  the  waiter  with  a loud  voice,  in  a 
public  room,  and  striking  violently  on  the  table, 
are  indications  of  extreme  ignorance.” 

Asking  many  questions  and  telling  long  sto- 
ries would  soon  make  you  an  intolerable  bore  in 
society. 

In  doing  a friendly  act  for  another,  do  not 


94 


EXCELSIOR. 


make  liim  feel  kow  ohliging  you  are.  An  En- 
glishman once  offered  liis  coat  to  a shivering 
companion.  “It  keeps  me  very  comfortable,” 
said  he,  “and  I know  it  will  make  you  warm.” 
“No,  take  mine,”  said  a Frenchman,  who  was 
standing  hy,  “I  do  not  need  it;  I am  very  warm 
without  it.”  The  Englishman  was  kind  but  not 
polite;  the  Frenchman  was  both. 

^'Introduce  no  person  until  you  are  sure  it  is 
agreeable  to  both  parties.  Introduce  gentlemen 
to  ladies,  not  ladies  to  gentlemen,  and  younger 
persons  to  those  who  are  older — the  lesser  always 
to  the  greater.” 

As  for  the  form  of  introduction,  you  may  say, 
“Mr.  Jones,  let  me  introduce  to  you  Mr.  Smith  ;” 
or,  “Allow  me  to  present  to  you  Mr.  Smith;”  or, 
“I  have  the  honor  (or  pleasure)  to  present  to  you 
my  friend,  Mr.  Smith;”  or,  more  simply,  “Mr. 
Jones,  my  friend,  Mr.  Smith.” 

Remember  that  ‘ ‘ too  much  familiarity  breeds 
contempt;"'  be  satisfied  with  friendly  relations, 
without  becoming  too  intimate.  “Distance  lends 
enchantment  to  the  view.”  There  are  none  of 
us  perfect;  besides,  we  should  respect  the  per- 
sonality of  our  friend,  as  being  something  sacred 
between  himself  and  his  Maker.  No  one  can 
have  more  than  one  or  two  very  near  friends, 
even  though  he  should  be  acquainted  with  all  the 
world. 

Do  not  be  guilty  of  practical  johes.  It  is  very 
poor  wit  which  wounds  another’s  feelings ; and  no 
gentleman  will  indulge  in  it,  however  tempting. 


GOOD  MANNERS. 


95 


Do  not  leave  a stranger  without  a &eat;  but 
never  offer  your  own,  if  there  is  another  in  the 
room. 

Always  take  off  your  hat  in  the  presence  of  a 
lady.  Many  persons  neglect  this  in  public  halls 
where  ladies  are  present,  but  it  is  a mark  of  im- 
politeness. 

In  public  places  it  is  not  necessary  to  salute 
an  acquaintance  the  second  time  you  meet  him. 

Do  not  tire  others  with  long  stories  about  your 
own  troubles  or  affairs. 

Never  receive  a favor  without  at  least  a 
“Thank  you,”  or  pass  before  another,  step  on  a 
dress,  or  commit  any  blunder  by  mistake,  with- 
out at  least  an  “Excuse  me.” 

Here  are  twenty-one  things  by  which  many 
persons  show  themselves  ill-mannered : 

‘ ‘ Boisterous  laughter. 

“Beading  when  others  are  talking. 

“ A want  of  reverence  for  superiors. 

“ Keceiving  a present  without  some  manifes- 
tation of  gratitude. 

“Making  yourself  the  topic  of  conversation. 

“ Laughing  at  the  mistakes  of  others. 

“ Joking  others  in  company. 

“ Correcting  older  persons  than  yourself,  espe- 
cially parents  and  superiors. 

‘ ‘ To  commence  talking  before  others  are 
through. 

“ Answering  questions  when  put  to  others. 

“ Commencing  to  eat  as  soon  as  you  get  to  the 
table. 


96 


EXCELSIOR. 


“ AVliispering  or  talking  loudly  in  cliurch, 
at  a lecture  or  concert,  or  leaving  before  it  is 
closed. 

“ Gazing  at  strangers,  or  listening  to  the  con- 
versation of  others,  when  not  addressed  to  your- 
self, or  intended  for  your  hearing. 

“ Reading  aloud  in  company  without  being 
asked,  or  talking,  whispering,  or  doing  anything 
that  diverts  attention  while  a person  is  reading 
for  the  pleasure  of  the  company. 

“Talking  of  private  affairs  loudly  in  cars, 
ferry-boats,  stages,  or  at  a public  table ; or  ques- 
tioning a person  about  his  business  or  his  per- 
sonal and  private  matters  anywhere  in  company, 
especially  in  a loud  tone. 

“In  not  listening  to  what  one  is  saying  in 
company,  unless  you  desire  to  show  contempt  for 
the  speaker.  A well-bred  person  will  not  make 
an  observation  while  another  of  the  company  is 
addressing  himself  to  it. 

“ Breaking  in  upon  or  interrupting  persons 

who  are  eng^a^ed  in  business. 

.00 

‘ ‘ Peeping  from  private  rooms  when  persons 
are  passing,  coming  in  or  going  out. 

“ Cutting  or  biting  the  finger-nails  in  com- 
pany, picking  the  teeth,  scratching  the  head  or 
pulling  hairs  therefrom. 

“ Handling  articles  in  a private  room  or  office, 
asking  their  price,  use,  &c.,  or  touching  or  read- 
ing any  written  paper;  it  is  a great  imperti- 
nence.” 

Never  stand  talking  with  a friend  in  the 


GOOD  MANNERS. 


97 


middle  of  a sidewalk,  making  everybody  pass 
around  you ; and  never  skulk  along  on  the  left- 
hand  side,  but  “take  the  right”  in  all  cases, 
unless  you  meet  a lady  on  a narrow  walk,  when 
you  may  take  the  outside.  Two  persons  abreast 
meeting  one  person,  should  not  sweep  him  ofi’into 
the  mud ; but  the  nearest  should  fall  back  a step 
and  pass  in  single  file.  When  two  walk  to- 
gether, and  it  is  necessary  for  one  to  precede  the 
other,  the  general  rule  is,  that  the  one  deserving 
of  most  attention  precedes,  unless  there  be  danger 
or  uncertainty  ahead.  The  young  man  steps 
aside,  bows,  and  allows  the  lady,  or  the  clergy- 
man, or  the  older  man,  as  the  case  may  be,  to 
pass  on — but  if  his  companion  be  fearful  or 
ignorant  of  the  way,  he  Avill  boAV,  and  pass  ahead 
himself — that  is,  he  will  give  his  companion  the 
most  honorable  place,  unless  that  be  the  post  of 
danger,  in  which  case  he  will  boldly  assume  it 
himself. 

Pass  before  a lady  going  up  a flight  of  stairs ; 
allow  her  to  precede  you  in  the  descent. 

Keep  good  company,  or  none. 

Never  break  your  engagements ; a gentlemen’s 
word  should  be  as  sacred  as  an  oath. 

NeA-er  fail  to  apologise  when  guilty  of  a fault; 
pride  in  this  respect  has  destroyed  many  warm 
friendships. 

Do  not  take  up  the  time  of  your  friend,  by 
sitting  and  talking ; he  may  have  pressing  need 
of  the  moments  you  are  Avasting,  and  Avish  you 
were  in  the  SandAAUch  Islands. 

9 


98 


EXCELSIOR. 


“Never  speak  of  a man’s  virtues  before  bis 
face,  nor  of  bis  faults  behind  his  back.” 

You  should  lift  or  at  least  touch  your  hat 
respectfully  with  the  right  hand,  on  meeting  an 
acquaintance,  especially  if  a clergyman,  a lady, 
or  an  elderly  person. 

Do  not,  without  permission,  sit  or  remain 
covered  in  the  presence  of  these  latter  persons  or 
any  other  superior. 

In  passing,  you  should  allow  a lady  or  an  old 
person  to  take  the  inside  of  the  walk,  when  the 
outside  might  be  dangerous  ; otherwise  you  may 
follow  the  general  rule,  “turn  to  the  right.” 

A gentleman’s  conduct  towards  ladies  is 
marked  by  respectful,  not  familiar,  acts  of  polite- 
ness. 

It  is  a sign  of  a had  heart,  as  well  as  of  had 
manners,  to  show  a want  of  consideration  for  the 
feelings  of  others.  Do  not,  therefore,  laugh  at 
the  mistakes  of  others,  or  try  to  ridicule  them 
by  drawing  attention  to  their  faults  or  blunders ; 
rather  strive  to  correct  your  own. 

I have  now  given  you  a brief  outline  of  the 
requirements  of  good  manners.  Your  common 
sense  and  gentlemanly  disposition  to  do  what  is 
proper,  must  supply  what  I have  omitted. 

You  will  learn  by-and-by,  what  a wonderful 
help  these  good  manners  are  in  passing  through 
life.  It  is  the  polite  merchant  that  grows 
wealthy ; the  polite  lawyer  that  has  his  hands 
full  of  cases  ; the  polite  physician  that  has  a 
large  practice ; the  polite  statesman  that  rules 


GOOD  MANNERS. 


99 


his  country;  and  even  the  polite  minister  of  God, 
that  wins  most  souls  for  Heaven. 

Without  politeness,  talent  is  nothing,  educa- 
tion is  nothing,  strength  is  nothing,  beauty  is 
nothing,  wealth  is  nothing,  rank  is  nothing,  and, 
in  this  country,  even  power  is  nothing ; with  it, 
they  are  everything,  and  even  though  they  be 
lacking,  it  will  win  a way  for  you  into  the  most 
refined  circles  of  society,  and  be,  of  itself  almost, 
the  means  of  obtaining  for  you  happy  success  in 
life. 


100 


EXCELSIOR. 


CHAPTER  V. 

CONVERSATION. 

ONVERSATION  is  a matter  of 
so  much  interest  to  all  men,  as 
social  beings,  and  of  so  much 
importance  to  young  men  who 
hope  to  succeed  in  the  world, 
that  I have  thought  it  worthy 
of  a separate  chapter. 

This  accomplishment  is  to 
_ some  persons  a gift;  like  the 

poet,  they  are  born  with  their  glorious  powers. 
But  many  who  converse  intelligently  and  pleas- 
antly have  become  masters  in  the  art  by  patient 
care  and  study ; and  all  persons  of  even  ordinary 
abilities  would  find,  if  they  made  the  effort,  that 
conversation,  like  every  other  accomplishment, 
is  an  art  to  be  acquired  as  well  as  a gift  of 
nature. 

The  poet  is  indeed  born ; but,  in  s})ite  of  the 
proverb,  he  is  also  made.  It  is  true,  that  from 
sowing  mullen  seeds  we  shall  not  gather  roses ; 


CONVERSATION. 


101 


but  it  is  equally  true,  that  if  we  plant  the  seed 
of  the  rose  in  barren  ground,  and  leave  it  to 
grow  without  care,  it  will  no  longer  be  the  queen 
of  the  garden.  In  like  manner,  the  greatest 
genius,  without  the  circumstances  and  training 
which  bring  out  and  cultivate  his  powers,  could 
never  become  the  poet,  the  artist,  the  orator,  the 
statesman,  whom  we  revere. 

So  with  all  the  good  things  of  civilized  life ; 
they  are  in  part  the  gift  of  nature,  and  in  part 
the  fruit  of  culture.  The  poet  is  born  and  made, 
the  orator  is  born  and  made ; and  the  conversa- 
tionalist is  no  exception — he,  too,  is  born  and 
made. 

Study,  then,  to  acquire  the  power  of  convers- 
ing freely  and  agreeably  with  your  friends  and 
the  companions  you  may  meet  in  society.  Na- 
ture has  given  you  as  it  were  the  rudiments  of 
conversation ; it  is  in  your  power  to  develop  this 
gift  until  you  become  perfect  master  of  your 
speech,  in  all  places,  with  all  persons,  and  under 
all  circumstances.  Not  that  it  is  well  to  talk 
always ; for,  according  to  the  proverb,  speech  is 
silver  and  silence  is  gold ; but  it  is  well  to  be 
able  always  to  say  the  right  word  in  tile  right 
time.  Excessive  talking  on  silly  subjects  is  very 
tiresome ; but  dull  silence  is  also  tiresome.  The 
young  man  who  is  trying  to  rise  in  the  world 
must  understand  when  to  be  silent,  for  silence  is 
often  very  necessary;  but  he  must  also  under- 
stand when  and  how  to  speak,  for  speech  is  often 
still  more  necessary. 

9* 


102 


EXCELSIOR. 


For  your  words,  I would  advise  you  to  take 
the  plain  out-spoken  English,  not  troubling  your 
head  whether  it  comes  from  the  Saxon  or  from 
the  Latin ; hut  attending  only  to  the  fact  that  it 
is  simple,  elegant  English,  which  all  persons  can 
understand.  Avoid  every  low  or  vulgar  word 
and  expression  as  you  would  unclean  food;  plain- 
ness is  not  vulgarity.  Pronounce  every  word 
correctly ; if  you  have  forgotten  how,  do  not  use 
the  word  until  you  have  looked  into  your  dic- 
tionary. Make  no  grammatical  blunders ; if  you 
are  not  sure  of  jmurself,  consult  your  grammar. 
Purity  of  language  is  the  first  requisite  for 
agreeable  and  entertaining  conversation.  Note 
these  three  marks  of  vulgarity  in  pronouncing 
words:  1st.  Not  sounding  vowels  distinctly 

and  correctly.  2d.  Mispronouncing  proper 
names.  3d.  Not  pronouncing  ing  at  the  end  of 
words. 

For  further  hints  and  advice  to  those  who  wish 
to  improve  their  conversational  powers,  I cannot 
do  better  than  to  refer  them  to  the  following  ex- 
cellent remarks  of  a recent  writer,*  who  “insists, 
from  his  own  experience,  that  conversation  is  an 
art  as  Well  as  a gift ; and  that  where  it  is  not  a 
gift,  the  deficiency  may  be  more  surely  supple- 
mented by  art  than  almost  any  other : ’ ’ 

“I  will  ask  you  to  consider  that  single  depart- 
ment of  speech,  which  we  call  conversation.  Did 
you  ever  think  how  great  a ' power  in  the  world 


* The  author  of  a “ Letter  to  a Silent  Friend,”  in  the  Atlantic 
Monthly  for  August,  1865. 


CONVERSATION. 


103 


this  is?  See  how  early  it  begins  to  shape  our 
opinions,  our  plans,  our  studies,  our  tastes,  our 
attachments,  etc.  I remember  that  a casual  re- 
mark, dropped  in  conversation  by  a beloved  and 
revered  relative,  long  before  I had  entered  my 
teens,  made  me  for  years  feel  more  kindly  to- 
wards the  much-abused  natives  of  the  Emerald 
Isle,  though  I have  no  doubt  that  she  whose 
word  I had  listened  to  with  so  much  deference, 
was  entirely  unsuspicious  of  having  lodged  such 
a fruitful  seed  in  my  memory.  If  you  can  re- 
call the  formative  periods  of  your  own  life,  I have 
no  doubt  you  also  will  find  hundreds  of  similar 
instances,  where  a new  direction  was  given  to 
your  sentiments  and  purposes  by  some  quite 
random  words  of  friendly  and  domestic  thought. 
Consider  how  large  a part  of  the  life  of  most 
human  beings  is  spent  in  society  of  some  sort, 
and  then  reflect  how  that  society  is  bound  to- 
gether and  constituted  as  it  were  by  familiar 
speech,  and  you  will  begin  to  appreciate  the  ex- 
tent of  the  power  of  conversation.  Compare  this 
power  with  that  of  written  language — as  books, 
letters,  (fee.,  or  even  with  more  formal  spoken 
language,  such  as  orations,  sermons,  and  the 
like — and  I think  you  vdll  allow  that  it  sur- 
passes them  all  in  its  diffusion  and  its  perma- 
nence. We  talk  to  keep  up  good  feeling,  to  en- 
liven the  else  dull  hours,  to  give  expression  to 
our  interest  in  one  another,  and  throw  off  the 
burden  of  too  much  private  care  and  thought. 
We  have  also  in  special  cases  more  serious  ends 


104 


EXCELSIOR. 


in  view,  when  we  talk  to  reprove  or  encourage, 
to  console  or  arouse.  Conversation  establishes  a 
personal  relation  between  yourself  and  another 
soul.  You  can  hide  you  thoughts  under  your 
words,  if  you  choose  to  be  a hypocrite ; but  I 
am  taking  for  granted  that  you  are  a man  of 
truth,— ‘a  man  of  your  word,’  as  the  common 
phrase  happily  has  it.  I assume  that  you  would 
be  glad  to  talk,  because  you  wish  to  form  sin- 
cere and  friendly  relations  with  your  fellow  men. 
Silence  is  unsocial:  there  lies  its  condemnation. 
True  social  feeling,  true  warmth  and  cordiality, 
naturally  expresses  itself  in  words.  I have  no- 
ticed that  a great  deal  of  taciturnity  comes  from 
a distrust  or  suspicion  that  our  words  may  be 
misconstrued,  or  that  they  may  not  be  appre- 
ciated, or  that  they  may  chance  to  give  serious 
offense.  Now,  in  my  opinion,  one  had  better 
make  innumerable  blunders  than  indulge  such 
unworthy  fears  and  suspicions.  A little  less 
vanity,  and  vastly  more  courage  and  self-forget- 
fulness— such  is  the  remedy  to  be  administered 
to  many  of  the  taciturn. 

“ And  what,  after  all,  constitutes  the  charm 
and  the  power  of  conversation,  and  makes  it  so 
desirable  an  attainment?  Not,  certainly,  the 
amount  of  knowledge  one  can  bring  into  play ; 
for,  as  I have  already  shown,  instruction  is  a 
secondary  object  of  conversation ; and  it  is  well 
known  also  that  some  of  the  most  learned  and 
best-informed  men  have  been  very  poor  talkers. 
But  neither  can  you  rely  upon  brilliant  talents. 


CONVERSATION. 


105 


or  original  genius,  or  even  upon  wit  and  Immor, 
to  make  the  most  charming  converser.  The 
qualities  more  immediately  in  requisition  for  this 
end  are  moral  and  social.  Truth,  courage,  def- 
erence, good-nature,  cheerfulness,  sympathy, 
courtesy,  tact,  charity— these  are  ingredients  of 
the  best  conversation,  which  it  would  seem  that 
no  one  need  despair  of  attaining,  and  without 
wliich,  in  large  measure,  the  most  brilliant  wit, 
the  liveliest  imagination  must  soon  repel  rather 
than  attract.  And  observe  also,  in  connection 
with  this,  that  it  is  not  so  much  the  words  which 
a man  utters  as  the  tones  of  his  voice  which  ex- 
press these  moral  and  social  qualities.  Harsli, 
rude,  blunt,  severe  tones  will  spoil  the  greatest 
flow  of  ideas  or  the  utmost  elegance  of  lan- 
guage. . . . Borne  cynical  or  unsocial  char- 

acter, deeming  himself  superior  to  the  vulgar 
vacuity  and  insipidity,  will  take  no  part  in  the 
every-day  talk,  which  deals  so  largely  in  com- 
monplace and  truism.  ‘Absurd  waste  of  time 
and  breath!’  he  exclaims.  ‘Of  what  use  this 
incessant  harping  on  the  weather,  or  the  renewed 
inquiries  after  one’s  health,  or  the  utter  point- 
less, if  not  insincere,  exchange  of  daily  civilities? 
Who  is  the  wiser  for  it?  What  possible  good 
can  it  do  anybody?’  Let  us  look  a little  at  this, 
Mr.  Cynic.  You  think  it  a waste  of  breath  to 
greet  a friend  with  a ‘good  morning,’  or  to  give 
your  testimony  to  the  beauty  of  the  day?  Of 
course  you  are  right,  if  one  should  never  open 
his  mouth  but  to  impart  a new  idea,  or  to  an- 


106 


EXCELSIOR. 


nounce  some  startling  fact.  But  wliat  would 
you  substitute  for  the  morning  salutation? 
Nothing.  And  would  you  really  have  two 
friends  or  brothers  meet  on  the  threshold  of  a 
new  day,  and  interchange  blank  silence?  I ad- 
mit there  is  no  variety  in  the  words.  But  it  is 
the  heartiness  we  put  into  them  which  gives 
them  their  value.  For  myself,  I can  truly  say, 
that  man^  aad  many  a time  this  morning  salu- 
tation, spoken  out  with  a generous  fullness,  has 
touched  my  heart  as  with  a happy  prophecy, 
which  the  day  was  sure  to  fulfill.  As  to  the 
dreadfully  threadbare  topic  of  the  weather,  I 
must  confess  I often  hear  it  to  satiety ; but  that 
is  when  it  ceases  to  be  the  mere  prelude  to  the 
dialogue,  and  occupies  one’s  whole  talk.  ‘What 
a glorious  day  we  have!’  when  interpreted  ra- 
tionally, means  nothing  less  than  this : ‘ Come, 
let  us  enjoy  together  the  lavish  bounty  of  the 
Creator!’  We  maybe  sensible  of  a newer  and 
purer  joy  for  such  an  appeal.  Already  we  were 
glad  to  have  the  sun  shine  so  brightly ; but  it 
seems  doubly  bright  now  that  our  friend  has 
invited  us  to  share  his  joy. 

“But  now  I fancy  you  replying  to  all  this — 
‘You  do  not  hit  my  difficulty.  I have  no 
trouble  in  talking  to  a chosen  companion.  My 
friend  ‘draws  me  out,’  because  I am  his  friend. 
In  his  preasence  my  tongue  is  easily  loosed ; I 
have  no  hesitation  in  saying  exactly  what  I wish, 
and  there  are  innumerable  things  that  I wish  to 
say.  But  the  great  majority  of  men  ‘ shut  me 


CONVERSATION'. 


107 


up.’  All  my  fluency  departs  when  they  enter. 
There  is  an  indescribable  awkwardness  in  our 
interview.’ 

“ I frankly  admit,  that  it  is  very  unreasonable 
to  suppose  we  can  talk  equally  well  and  feel 
equally  at  ease  with  all  kinds  of  persons.  Not 
only  organization,  but  habits,  occupations,  and 
culture,  make  inevitable  differences  between 
men,  such  as  render  it  less  easy  for  them  to 
converse  together.  This,  perhaps,  cannot  be  es- 
sentially remedied.  But  the  true  remedy  is  to 
be  sought  in  a more  hearty  recognition  of  that 
common  humanity,  which  underlies  all  shades 
and  diversities  of  human  character.  You  hap- 
pen to  be  thrown  into  the  same  public  convey- 
ance with  a man  of  no  literary  or  intellectual 
tastes.  ‘All  his  talk  is  of  oxen,’  or  perchance 
of  his  speculations  and  profits  in  trade.  More- 
over, he  offends  your  ear  by  a shocking  disre- 
gard of  grammar  and  vulgarisms  of  pronunciation. 
Your  first  reflection  is,  ‘What  can  I have  to  say 
to  such  a man?  How  unfortunate  to  be  con- 
demned to  such  company!’  Yet  is  there  not 
something  human  Were  it  only  as 

an  intellectual  exercise,  why  not  try  to  find  out 
the  real  man  beneath  all  these  wrappages  ? 

‘ ‘ But  how  to  draw  him  out?  What  effectual 
method  to  break  through  this  hard  or  coarse 
co-vering?’  I have  no  infallible  directions  to  give 
you.  But  you  must  first  have  a genuine  interest 
in  him  as  a new  specimen  of  a man : and  then 
you  must  be  able  to  inspire  him  with  confidence 


108 


EXCELSIOIL 


in  you,  confidence  that  you  respect  him  for  his 
human  nature,  and  hold  yourself  to  be  on  an 
equality  with  him,  inasmuch  as  ‘ man  measures 
man,  the  world  over.’  Start  some  topic  which 
will  evidently  not  he  remote  from  his  familiar 
range,  and  hy  a little  tact,  you  will  easily  find 
other  related  topics,  till  at  last,  as  the  field  con- 
tinually widens,  you  will  both  be  amazed  to  see 
how  many  common  interests,  desires,  beliefs,  you 
had,  and  how  much  unexpected  benefit  each  has 
received  from  the  other.  Were  there  no  other 
advantage  to  be  sought  from  the  power  of  general 
conversation,  this  alone  should  be  enough  to  in- 
duce  us  to  cultivate  it : that  so  many  uncomforta- 
ble social  distinctions  would  thereby  be  removed. 
Have  you  not  often  heard  it  said,  that  if  certain 
classes  only  ‘knew  each  other  better,’  they 
would  be  better  friends,  no  longer  separated  by 
mutual  envies;  jealousies,  and  contempt.  How 
conversation  is  the  readiest  way  to  this  mutual 
acquaintance,  and  it  specially  behooves  one  of 
the  educated  class  to  make  the  first  advances  in 
conversation.  Talk  of  the  virtue  of  silence!  I 
will  tell  you,  from  my  own  experience,  of  a 
thousand  cases  where  the  simple  failure  to  speak, 
has  kept  up  a coolness  and  alienation,  which  one 
little  word  would  have  dispersed  forever.  Among 
the  many  sins  and  weaknesses  which  I have  to 
lay  at  my  own  door,  few  give  me  greater  com- 
punction than  the  cowardice — -or  whatever  else 
it  was-^which  kept  back  the  timely  words  that 
ought  to  have  been  uttered,  but  were  not. 


CONVEBSATION. 


109 


“It  would  seem,  that,  if  conversation  is  an  art, 
like  other  arts,  there  must  be  rules  and  methods 
to  attain  to  it.  This  is  true ; but  mere  facility, 
propriety,  or  elegance  of  speech,  is  but  a small 
part  of  the  discipline  required  to  make  an  agree- 
able and  profitable  talker.  You  must  have 
something  to  express,  something  that  you  long 
to  utter,  something  that  you  feel  it  would  be  for 
the  advantage  of  others  to  hear.  For  the  fur- 
nishing of  mind  and  heart  comes  before  any 
special  power  to  hring  out  of  one’s  treasury  things 
new  or  old.  In  other  words,  the  power  to  con- 
verse well  is  not  an  isolated  and  independent 
power ; it  has  a close  relation  to  the  entire  char- 
acter, moral  and  intellectual.  An  enlightened 
conscience  would  make  many  persons  better 
talkers  than  they  are  now,  for  it  would  present 
the  matter  in  the  light  of  a duty.  A conscious- 
ness of  intellectual  power  or  of  ample  learning, 
makes  one  more  ready  to  open  his  mouth  before 
intelligent  men ; and  yet  it  is  no  good  reason  for 
maintaining  silence  in  the  presence  of  some 
eminent  scholar,  that  he  knoivs  so  much  more 
than  you.  Why  not  come  to  him  as  a learner? 
The  art  of  putting  questions  well  is  no  small 
part  of  the  art  of  conversation.  You  can  de- 
rive information  from  him  in  the  most  direct  and 
impressive  manner,  while  at  the  same  time  you 
are  showing  a pleasing  deference  to  his  superior 
knowledge.  Or  suppose  the  case  reversed,  and 
that  you  are  the  more  learned  of  the  two,  may 
you  not  benefit  some  young  scholar  by  question- 


110 


EXCELSIOR. 


ing  liim  so  skillfully,  that  lie  shall  seem  to  have 
imparted  all  the  information  evolved,  instead  of 
receiving  it  ? The  ‘ wisest  of  mankind  ’ always 
declared  that  he  merely  drew  out  the  sentiments 
of  those  he  talked  with.  He  assisted  in  the  de- 
livery of  their  thoughts.  He  simply  helped 
them  to  that  most  valuable  knowledge — the 
knowledge  of  themselves.  He  was  forever  put- 
ting questions  to  them,  with  a result  which  often 
surprised  and  sometimes  made  them  angry,  but 
which,  at  any  rate,  effectually  served  the  inter- 
ests of  truth.  And,  upon  the  whole,  I do  not 
know  any  rule  for  making  a good  talker  which 
deserves  a more  prominent  place  than  this : Put 
YOUE  QUESTIONS  PROPERLY,  AND  ASK  MANY  QUES- 
TIONS. Observe  how  naturally  nearly  all  con- 
versation begins  with  an  inquiry.  ‘ When  did 
you  arrive  ?’  ‘ Are  you  a stranger  here  ?’  ‘ How 

far  did  you  walk  to  day  ?’  ‘ Which  view  did  you 

most  enjoy?’  ‘Hid  you  hear  any  news  from  the 
seat  of  war?’  The  simple  reason  of  this  method, 
as  already  intimated,  is,  that  it  puts  the  questioner 
in  a more  modest  position.  He  whom  you  ques- 
tion, has  the  agreeable  consciousness  of  being 
able  to  impart  something  which  you  have  not. 
You  put  yourself  in  the  background,  and  make 
him  tlie  important  person.  He  is  therefore  at 
once  amicably  disposed  towards  you,  and  is  not 
likely  to  let  the  conversation  languish,  so 
auspiciously  begun.  He,  in  turn,  becomes  the 
questioner,  and  so,  in  not  many  moments,  you 
stand  on  the  footing  of  equals.  But  remember. 


GONVEBSATION. 


Ill 


all  this  is  true  only  on  the  condition  that  the 
questions  are  properly  put.  If  they  manifest  an 
impertinent  curiosity,  a mere  disposition  to  pry 
into  affairs  which  do  not  belong  to  one — if  they 
are  of  a nature  to  expose  the  ignorance  of  the 
questioned,  even  though  not  intended  for  such — 
if  they  are  incessant,  and  unrelieved  by  any  af- 
firmations, as  though  you  were  unwilling  to  com- 
mit yourself,  or  grudged  to  impart  your  knowl- 
edge— and,  finally,  if  the  tone  and  voice  of  the 
questioner  imply  a feeling  of  superiority,  then, 
instead  of  promoting  conversation,  you  will  have 
done  your  worst  to  check  it.  Again,  before  put- 
ting your  questions,  consider  a little  the  character 
of  the  man  or  woman  whom  you  would  address ; 
for,  while  some  evidently  delight  in  being  the  ob- 
jects of  interrogation,  others  are  as  plainly,  be- 
yond a very  moderate  amount,  annoyed  by  it. 
You  will  gain  nothing  by  the  rudeness  of  press- 
ing your  questions  upon  unwilling  ears.” 

[This  advice  is  well  illustrated  by  the  following 
anecdote  of  Benjamin  Franklin:  On  a cold, 
rainy  day,  Franklin,  half  famished  and  frozen, 
happened  to  stop  at  this  inn,  and  requested  a 
night’s  lodging  and  a warm  supper.  The  owner, 
an  inquisitive  old  woman,  while  busying  her- 
self with  pans  and  kettles,  addressed  the  follow- 
ing questions  to  the  guest:  From  down  East? 
Yes.  Late  hour;  what  business  do  you  follow? 
Married?  How  many  children?  Where  are 
you  going?  Ac.  This  was  too  much  for  the 
weary  traveler,  and  to  put  an  end  to  such  in- 


112 


EXCELSIOR. 


quisitiveness  lie  said : My  good  dame,  call  in  here 
your  husband,  sons,  daughters  and  neighbors. 
Wlien  they  were  assembled,  Franklin  said  to 
them:  Friends,  I have  sent  for  you  to  inform 
you,  that  my  name  is  Be.njamin  Franklin;  I was 
l)orn  in  Boston,  am  a printer  by  trade,  have'  no 
wife,  no  children,  no  money,  am  going  to  Phila- 
delphia. Now  please  let  me  eat  my  supper  in 
peace,  and  good  night  to  you  all.]  To  continue 
the  quotation : 

“Conversation  implies  some  reciprocity — not 
by  any  means  an  equal  amount  of  words  on  both 
sides,  but  at  any  rate,  some  sign  of  intelligence, 
some  expression  of  interest,  some  listening  ear 
and  face  to  encourage  you ; else  it  were  better  to 
utter  your  monologue  to  the  woods  and  flowers. 

“Another  rule  of  conversation,  as  old  at  least 
as  George  Herbert,  is : To  talk  with  men  on 

THE  SUBJECTS  WHICH  BELONG  TO  THEIR  PECULIAR 
CALLING  OR  OCCUPATION, — with  a farmer,  about 
his  crops ; Muth  a merchant,  about  the  markets ; 
with  a sailor,  about  the  charms  and  perils  of  the 
sea,  etc.  Let  it  be  only  with  considerable  quali- 
fication that  you  accept  this  rule.  I like  Cole- 
ridge’s comment  on  it:  Talk  with  a man  about 
his  trade  or  business,  if  your  object  is  to  get 
information  on  such  points ; but  if  you  wish  to 
know  the  man  himself,  try  him  on  all  other  topics 
sooner.  The  rule,  however,  is  a convenient  one ; 
it  is  almost  instinctively  adopted  in  general  soci- 
ety ; and  if  judiciously  applied,  it  may  express  a 
friendly  feeling,  which  it  is  very  desirable  to  com- 
mence with.  It  is  not  applied  judiciously  when 


CONVERSATION. 


113 


you  seem  to  assume  by  it  that  your  interlocutor 
is  limited  to  these  topics,  and  that  ‘ the  cobbler 
must  stick  to  his  last  ’ in  word  as  well  as  deed. 
Or,  again,  if  your  questions  shall  have  the  air  of 
‘ pumping  ’ him  you  will  not  make  much  progress 
towards  friendly  communication ; for  that  seems 
an  unfair  advantage  to  take  of  your  position, 
besides  that  it  is  making  of  him  a mere  conve- 
nience, not  treating  him  as  an  equal,  hlo  one 
likes  to  be  catechised  after  he  has  grown  to  man’s 
estate.  I advise  you,  therefore,  to  use  this  rule 
simply  as  a convenient  introduction  to  conversa- 
tion, where  other  methods  fail,  and  to  rely  more 
upon  a rule  which  is,  in  some  respects,  the  re- 
verse of  this : Begin  by  talking  about  those 

THINGS  WHIOH  INTEEEST  YOUESELF,  assuming  that 
your  interlocutor  is  interested  in  them  also.  But 
I must  warn  you  that  here  even  more  tact  and 
discretion  are  required  than  in  any  other  case. 
It  is  plain  that  I must  add  to  my  rule,  provided 
your  interest  does  not  lie  in  things  too  remote 
from  common  apprehension  and  sympathy.  Be- 
member  what  I have  already  said  about  our 
‘common  humanity.’  Do  not  be  so  absorbed  in 
your  favorite  study  that  you  shall  not  also  have 
an  eye  and  a heart  for  matters  pertaining  to  the 
general  welfare. 

“Let  me  -lay  it  down  as  a further  rule:  To 

MAKE  IT  A POINT  TO  INFOEM  YOUESELF  ON  A VAEI- 
ETY  OF  TOPICS.  One  of  the  greatest  hindrances 
to  profitable  and  entertaining  conversation  is  the 
extremely  limited  range  of  ideas  with  which  most 
10* 


114 


EXCELSIOR. 


})ersons  are  familiar.  They  could  doubtless  tell 
you  of  a great  many  facts  which  have  interested 
tliem ; hut  ask  them  for  their  ideas,  and  they  are 
dumb.  They  will  talk  to  you  of  persons  as  long 
as  you  will  listen,  hut  oi principles  they  seem  to 
have  only  the  remotest  conception.  Now  I do 
not  quite  agree  that  ‘ personality  is  the  bane  of 
conversation;’  for  persons  come  nearer  to  our 
every-day  sympathies,  and  one  need  not,  one 
does  not,  always  bring  them  forward  for  gossip 
and  scandal.  But  does  it  not  denote  extreme 
poverty  of  thought  to  introduce  personalities  into 
every  conversation?  Let  them  rather  be  illus- 
trations, and  thus  stepping-stones  to  something 
higher  and  more  edifying.  Come  now  and  then, 
at  least,  fully  prepared  for  something  like  intel- 
lectual gymnastics.  Put  your  whole  strength 
into  the  conflict.  Glather  up  all  your  forces  of 
thought  and  knowledge,  and  do  your  best,  as  a 
man  among  men,  contending  not  for  victory  or 
display,  but  for  the  truth  and  the  right.  Now 
I am  not  pretending  that  you  can  make  a debat- 
ing club  out  of  every  mixed  company  you  may 
chance  to  meet,  but  only  that  you  should  carry 
into  all  society  a readiness  to  discuss  the  higher 
topics,  whenever  they  .come  up  naturally  to  mind. 
Here  it  is  tact  again,  and  evermore  tact,  which 
is  required  to  make  the  rule  efilcient — tact,  to 
prevent  ‘lugging  in’  unseasonable  topics — tact, 
to  avoid  too  long  a discussion — tact,  to  keep  out 
offensive  egotism — tact,  in  general,  to  adapt  one’s 
self  to  one’s  surroundings. 


CONVERSATION. 


115 


“ I have  exalted  ‘tact’  in  conversation,  but  I 
would  exalt  simplicity  no  less.  Lay  aside  the 
too  many  folds.  Learn  the  courage  to  ‘ speak 
right  out,’  when  you  know  that  your  heart  is 
charged  with  no  malice  or  vanity,  that  you 
should  fear  to  speak.  Have  you  never  envied 
the  courage  of  children  in  this  respect?  I have. 
And  it  has  seemed  to  me  that  to  ‘ become  as  little 
children’,  is  nowhere  more  urgently  required 
than  here,  and  that  no  rule  would  sooner  make 
talkers  out  of  the  silent  ones.”  ^ 

Lbttbks. — Letters  may  be  considered  as  a 
kind  of  written  conversation ; and  almost  every 
observation  which  has  been  made  concerning 
conversation  proper  may  with  equal  propriety  be 
applied  to  the  writing  of  letters.  The  language 
should  be  pure  and  simple  English,  neither 
vulgar  nor  over-learned.  Correctness  is  even 
more  essential  than  in  common  conversation. 
In  the  latter,  “slips  of  the  tongue”  are  often 
excusable.  But  in  writing,  we  are  supposed  to 
have  more  leisure,  and  therefore  there  is  no  ex- 
cuse for  the  use  of  an  improper  word,  for  a 
violation  of  a rule  of  syntax,  or  for  the  mis- 
spelling of  a word.  A single  fault  of  this  kind 
has  often  blighted  the  prospects  of  a hopeful 
and  promising  young  man ; and  the  letter  which 
he  trusted  would  pave  the  way  for  his  promotion 
in  life  has  become  the  chief  obstruction  in  his 
onward  path  to  eminence.  Use,  then,  pure,' 
simple  English,  which  all  persons  can  under- 
stand, and  with  which  the  most  correct  scholar 


116 


EXCELSIOR. 


can  find  no  fault.  But  beware  of  that  other 
common  fault  of  making  your  letters  stiff  and 
formal ; let  your  letter,  like  your  speech,  come 
right  from  the  heart.  Have  no  pretensions 
which  you  do  not  feel.  And,  in  general,  take 
for  your  guide  the  rules  and  instructions  which 
have  been  laid  down  above  for  conversation. 

PEACTICAL  DIKECTIONS. 

It  is  supposed  in  these  days  of  cheap  postage 
and  general  correspondence,  there  are  few  per- 
sons who  do  not  know  how  to  prepare  a letter  so 
that  its  appearance  at  least,  if  not  its  contents, 
shall  be  correct,  neat,  and  in  good  style ; but  for 
the  benefit  of  these  few,  some  directions  may  be 
desirable,  as  well  as  some  suggestions  to  those 
who  do  know  what  is  required  on  these  points, 
but  not  on  others  connected  with  the  subject. 

Letter  paper  of  good  quality,  but  perfectly 
plain,  except  the  initials  of  the  writer  embossed 
oil  it,  is  in  the  best  taste.  For  a ceremonious 
letter,  the  paper  should  be  “letter  size.”  En- 
velopes should  correspond  in  style  and  quality 
with  the  letter.  Buff,  yellow,  or  pearl-colored 
envelopes,  may  be  used  for  business  letters,  or 
those  of  less'  ceremony.  Billed  paper,  though 
admissible,  is  not  in  such  good  style  as  unruled. 
You  should  have  a page  of  ruled  lines  to  slip 
under  the  sheet,  if  you  cannot  write  straight 
without ; also  a small  piece  to  slip  in  envelopes, 
for  writing  the  direction  evenly. 

If  your  letter  is  to  be  a long  one,  you  may 
commence  as  near  the  top  of  the  page  as  you 


CONVEBSATION. 


117 


please,  there  is  no  rule  for  this ; for  a shorter 
letter,  begin  proportionately  lower;  for  only  a 
few  lines,  arrange  it  so  that  the  whole,  signa- 
ture and  all,  will  be  on  one  page.  Write  the 
date  near  the  right-hand  side  of  the  first  page, 
one  line  below  the  name  of  your  place  of  residence, 
giving,  if  in  the  city,  also  your  street  and  number ; 
if  in  the  country,  your  postTtown,  county,  and 
state.  Attention  to  this  rule  will  be  a great 
convenience  to  your  correspondent,  and  also  con- 
duce- to  the  safety  of  letters  addressed  in  re])ly 
to  yourself.  About  two  lines  below,  at  the 
left-hand,  you  make  some  personal  address.  In 
a ceremonious  letter,  the  name  of  the  person  ad- 
dressed— “Mr.”  or  “Mrs. ,”  is  placed  above 

the  greeting — “Dear  Sir,”  or  “Madam.”  Use 
good  hlack  ink ; pale  ink  is  inexcusable,  when 
Avith  a little  pains,  and  at  small  expense,  a good 
quality  may  always  be  had.  Blue  ink  is  never 
safe  to  use  for  letters,  for  if  it  gets  damp  the 
Avriting  Avill  become  illegible.  If  you  make  a 
mistake  in  a Avord,  it  is  better  to  score  it  OA-er, 
and  Avrite  aboA^e,  rather  than  trying  to  erase  it 
by  scratching  Avith  a knife  and  Avriting  in  the 
same  place.  At  the  end  of  your  letter,  after  a 
few  Avords  of  respect,  more  or  less  formal,  as  the 
occasion  requires,  your  signature  comes  on  the 
right-hand  side,  in  rather  a larger  hand  than  the 
letter  itself.  A line  beloAV  this,  toAvards  the 
left-hand,  you  put  the  name  and  address  of  your 
corresponclent,  especially  in  a ceremonious  letter ; 
this  also  insures  greater  safetv  in  deliAwry  in  let- 


118 


EXCELSIOR. 


ters  that  are  to  go  a great  distance,  and  risk 
having  the  envelopes  worn  off. 

In  the  form  of  envelopes,  fashion  is  almost  as 
variable  as  in  dress ; however,  a very  long  and 
narrow  one  is  hardly  ever  in  good  taste,  except  for 
small  notes ; square  looking  ones  have  a clumsy 
appearance.  Your  envelope  may  have  your  ini- 
tials embossed  on  the  overfold,  at  the  point,  to 
correspond  with  the  letter  paper,  in  colors  if  you 
wish,  though  plain  white  is  more  elegant. 

The  folding  of  a letter  is  of  almost  as  much 
importance,  where  appearance  is  concerned,  as 
the  handwriting ; and  a handsome  clear  hand  is 
almost  an  excuse  for  errors  in  orthography  or 
grammar,  or  would  be,  were  it  possible  to  call 
them  excusable.  Your  letter  should  be  folded 
with  exact  care  to  fit  the  envelope,  that  is,  so  as 
not  to  fit  tightly;  only  practice  can  teach  this. 
In  folding  a letter,  have  the  doubled  part  of  the 
sheet  towards  you,  and  fold  that  over;  in  this 
way  you  will  be  more  secure  of  keeping  the 
edges  even.  If  your  letter  is  of  more  than  one 
sheet,  number  the  pages,  and  fold  each  sheet 
separate — it  will  be  clumsy  if  folded  together. 
In  directing  your  letter,  do  not,  after  the  fashion 
of  so  many  persons,  especially  ladies,  crowd  it 
all  into  one  corner,  leaving  nearly  the  whole  en- 
velope blank.  It  is  in  far  more  distinguished 
taste  to  begin  about  half  way  from  the  top,  or 
even  one-third,  if  the  direction  is  to  be  long. 
After  the  name  of  your  correspondent,'  comes,  if 
in  a city,  the  number  and  name  of  the  street — 


CONVERSATION. 


119 


commencing  the  line  a little  more  to  the  right, 
then  following  the  same  rule,  the  city’s  name  and 
the  State ; for  a country  town,  always  give  the 
name  of  the  county  and  State.  You  ma}^  either 
use  the  usual  abbreviations  of  the  names  of  the 
States,  or  give  them  in  full,  but  never  of  a city 
or  town;  Yew  York,  Boston,  Philadelphia  must 
always  be  written  in  full.  The  same  rule  ap- 
plies in  a letter  for  foreign  countries ; the  name 
of  the  country.  Prance,  Spain,  Italy,  England, 
must  be  written  at  length ; and  in  writing  frorn. 
foreign  countries  to  America:  United  States  of 
North  America,  or  Lima,  Peru,  South  America, 
as  the  case  may  be,  in  full. 

Always  give  your  correspondent  his  title,  if 
he  has  a professional  one.  To  a clergyman 
Rev.  or  Very  Rev.,  as  his  rank  entitles  him ; to  a 
Bishop  Right  Rev.,  and  Most  Rev.  to  an  Arch- 
bishop, with  D.  D.  also  following  the  name,  as 
all  are  supposed  to  have  the  degree  of  Doctor  of 
Divinity.  If  you  are  aware  a clergyman  belongs 
to  a religious  order,  it  is  also  courteous  to  place 
the  initial  letters  of  its  name  after  his,  in  smaller 
characters,  as  0.  S.  C.,  S.  J.,  or  0.  8.  A;  respect- 
ively indicating  the  members  of  the  Congregation 
of  the  Holy  Cross,  of  the  Society  of  Jesus,  and 
of  the  Order  of  St.  Augustine. 

In  addressing  the  President  of  the  Union,  it  is 
not  now,  so  much  as  formerly,  the  custom  to  use 
the  term  “Excellency;” — “To  the  President  of 
the  United  States,”  is  sufficient.  For  the  Gover- 
nor ol  a State,  a Member  of  the  Cabinet,  or 


1-10 


EXCELSIOR. 


Congress,  a Judge  of  the  Supreme  Court,  or  an 
Ambassador,  always  add  the  prefix  Hon.  (Honor- 
able,) to  their  proper  titles.  Mr. — in  the  case  of 
hlembers  of  the  Cabinet  and  Congress,  for  the 
latter.,  M.  Cxalso  after  the  name.  For  a Judge — 

“Hon.  Judge .”  For  a GoA^ernor,  “Hon. 

Mr. , Governor  of  Hew  York,  or  as  it 

may  be.  Always  address  an  officer  of  the  army 
or  navy,  by  the  title  belonging  to  his  rank,  and 
add  after  the  name  U.  S.  A.  or  U.  S.  H.,  accord- 
ing to  the  arm  of  service  he  belongs  to.  To  a 
physician,  give  his  title  of  Dr.  or  his  name  with 
M.  D.  following  it,  and  no  title  in  that  case;  to 
a gentleman  holding  a professorship  in  a univer- 
sity or  college,  preface  his  name  with  Prof,  or 
Professor,  without  Mr.;  and  remember,  neA^er  to 
degrade  this  honorable  title  by  giving  it  to  the 
exhibitors  of  sleight-of-hand  tricks,  mesmerists, 
or  other  charlatans,  as  has  of  late  groAAua  to  be 
too  much  the  custom. 

Alarried  ladies  are  generally  addressed  by  the 
Christian  name  of  their  husbands,  as  Mrs:  George 
Smith.  And  the  Avives  of  officers,  judges,  &c., 
as  Mrs.  General,  Mrs.  Captain,  or  Mrs.  Judge., 
In  directing  your  letter,  be  careful  the  lapoA^er  on 
one  side,  and  direction  on  the  other  correspond; 
it  gHes  an  up-side-doAvn  look  If  they  do  not. 

It  is  rarely  the  custom  noAV,  to  seal  letters  with 
Avax,  unless  of  some  ceremony;  in  that  case,  a 
crest  or  your  initials  is  the  only  device  admissi- 
ble on  the  signet.  Only  fine  red,  or,  if  in  mourn- 
ing, black  Avax  is  in  leally  good  taste.  It  re- 


CONVERSATION. 


121 


quires  practice  to  make  a neat  seal.  For  notes, 
always  use  very  small  seals  if  you  use  any  at 
all.  A letter  of  introduction  is  always  left  un- 
sealed. Let  a note  be  either  wholly  in  the  first 
person,  or  wholly  in  the  third;  many  persons 
make  a confused  jumble  by  disregarding  this 
rule.  And  beware  of  giving  them,  unless  as- 
sured it  will  be  agreeable  to  the  party  addressed. 
An  introductory  letter  must  be  delivered  in  person. 
A letter  carried  by  one  person  for  another  should 
be  sealed. 

In  writing  a letter  relating  wholly  to  your  own 
interests,  asking  a favor,  requesting  an  autograph, 
or  desiring  any  information,  politeness  strictly  re- 
quires you  to  enclose  a stamp  for  the  reply.  In 
corresponding  with  relatives,  intimate  friends,  or 
persons  of  small  means,  this  also  is  not  only  ad- 
missible, but  kind  and  considerate.  In  writing 
to.  persons  in  narrow  circumstances,  never  show 
any  sense  of  inferiority  in  them,  by  using  any  less 
elegant  style  in  the  material  part  of  your  letter 
or  note ; such  slights  are  always  noticed  and  felt. 

Finally,  for  this  may  be  read  by  some  person 
to  whom  the  warning  is  pertinent,  to  break  the 
seal  of  a letter  addressed  to  another,  is  an  offence 
of  which  the  law. takes  cognizance,  and  meets 
out  due  punishment. 

To  read,  unpermitted,  an  open  letter  belonging 
to  another,  is  morally  as  felonious  and  disreputa- 
ble. The  same  may  be  said  in  regard  to  any 
piece  of  writing  belongiiig  to  another ; mind  your 
own  business.. 

11 


122 


EXCELSIOR. 


CHAPTER  VI. 

VOCATION. 

OAV,  wlien  the  happy  days  of  school 
and  college — the  clear  days  of  hoy- 
hood  education — are  over,  and  the 
sterner  training  of  manhood  begins, 
the  great  question  which  every 
youth  must  ask  himself,  as  he  steps 
from  the  home  of  his  fathers  into 
the  wide,  working  world,  is : What 
shall  be  my  occupation  through 
life?  A thousand  pleasant  roads, 
a thousand  smiling  faces,  a thousand  friendly 
hands,  invite  him  in  every  direction.  And  yet 
but  one  of  all  these  must  be  his ; for  a Jack  of  all 
trades  is  master  of  none ; besides,  he  must  choose 
quickly,  for  a fool  at  forty  is  a fool  indeed. 

Order  is  God’s  first  law ; in  His  works  there 
is  a place  for  everything,  and  everything  is  in 
its  place,  and  unless  man  puts  himself  and  his 
actions  in  harmony  with  this  law,  all  his  labors 
will  leave  him  without  happiness,  and  his  life 


VOCATION. 


123 


will  be  a failure.  The  world  is  full  of  various 
occupations ; and  God  has  so  formed  every 
human  being  that  he  is  best  fitted  for  a certain  one 
of  these.  If  he  chooses  the  right  one  he  will  be 
successful  and  happy ; if  he  chooses  the  wrong  one 
he  will  be  unsuccessful,  and,  of  course,  unhappy. 

This,  then,  is  the  meaning  of  vocation;  it  is 
the  calling  in  life  to  which  every  child  of  Adam 
must  listen,  if  he  wishes  to  be  happy,  and  live 
according  to  the  constitution  which  his  Maker 
has  given  him.  In  this  sense,  all  virtuous  occu- 
pations are  equally  honorable.  If  the  man  who 
digs  in  a canal  follows  the  occupation  for  which 
he  is  best  fitted,  his  life  is  just  as  respectable  in 
a manly  point  of  view,  as  that  of  the  President 
who  is  best  fitted  to  rule  the  nation. 

All  positions,  in  themselves,  are  equally 
noble ; they  become  ignoble  only  when  men  are 
unfitted  for  them-,  or  when  they  become  ashamed 
of  them.  In  like  manner,  all  men  are  equally 
noble  when  they  are  true  to  the  nature  which 
God  has  given  them.  All  men  are  of  free  will 
in  their  creation.  And  no  man  can  become 
mean  or  degraded  except  through  his  own  fault, 
or,  by  the  crime  of  his  ancestors  or  of  his  fel- 
lows. It  thus  appears  that  man  and  all  his 
occupations  are  noble.  There  is  nothing  mean 
made  by  God.  Do  not,  therefore,  look  around 
you  and  say  that  any  necessary  calling  in  life  is 
low,  while  you  call  another  honorable.  What- 
ever is  worth  doing  at  all  is  worth  doing  well ; 
and  anything  which  is  well  done  brings  honor. 


124 


EXCELSIOR. 


not  shame,  upon  the  doer.  Let  not  any  one, 
tlien,  be  so  childish  as  to  ask.  What  station  in 
life  is  respectable?  All  stations  are  respectable. 
Let  the  question  of  every  manly  soul  be,  AVhat 
station  is  fitted  for  me ; and  for  what  station  am 
'I  fitted?  When  he  has  once  found  the  answer 
to  that  question,  he  may  be  sure  that  he  is 
right,  and  let  him  go  ahead,  turning  neither  to 
the  right  nor  to  the  left. 

If  he  finds  himself  best  fitted  to  be  a shoe- 
maker, let  him  not  be  ashamed  of  it,  but  stick 
to  his  last.  Roger  Sherman  was  none  the  worse 
statesman  for  mending  shoes.  If  a farmer,  let 
him  boldly  walk  between  the  handles  of  the 
plow,  as  Washington  did  before  him.  If  a min- 
inister  of  God,  above  all,  let  him  not  faint,  or 
turn  back,  like  a coward,  but  courageously  press 
on  in  the  work  given  him  to  do. 

0 what  a glorious  world  would  this  of  ours  be, 
if  we  all  held  thus  true  to  our  nature ! It  would 
not  be  so  full  of  disappointed  men  and  women  as 
it  is  now ; for,  be  sure,  if  you  try  to  do  some- 
thing for  which  you  are  not  fitted,  in  the  A^ain 
desire  of  respectability,,  you  must  fail.  Nature 
will  not  be  cheated.  If  she  made  you  for  a 
tradesman,  and  you  foolishly  try  to  be  a lawyer, 
you  Avill  be  only  a pettifogger.  If  she  made 
you  for  an  editor,  and  you  try  to  be  a doctor, 
you  will  be  only  a quack.  Nature  will  not  be 
cheated.  If  she  made  you  for  a teacher,  and 
you  persuade  yourself  that  you  are  a statesman, 
you  will  be  only  a foolish  Oorigressraan ; or,  per- 


VOCATION. 


125 


Laps,  only  a bar-room  babbler,  quenching  in 
drink  the  bright  flame  of  your  manhood.  Be  a 
man,  be  a man ! How  much  nobler  to  shovel 
dirt  in  the  street  than  to  have  a dirty  soul ! 

There  is  no  way  in  which  more  young  men 
become  mere  wrecks  than  in  this  silly  race  after 
flashy  notoriety  and  sham  respectability.  They 
see  the  prizes  of  wealth  and  honor  in  the  dis- 
tance, and  rush  headlong,  thinking  to  grasp 
them  at  once ; not  reflecting  that  a road  to  emi- 
nence leads  from  every  station  in  life,  that  each 
one  can  run  best  on  a certain  road,  and  that  if 
he  attempts  to  run  on  the  road  intended  for 
another  he  will  be  jostled  or  stumble  on  the 
track,  and  never  be  able  to  reach  the  end  of  his 
journey. 

First,  then,  let  your  great  study  be  yourself. 
When  you  know  yourself  well  you  will  be  able 
to  tell  for  what  occupation  you  are  fit.. 

To  know  yourself  well  is  not  so  simple  an 
affair  as  you  may  imagine.  You  must  study  all 
your  powers  of  soul,  mind  and  body,  your  facul- 
ties and  your  passions,  your  likings  and  your 
abilities,  and  then  tlie  circumstances  and  the 
people  with  whom  you  have  to  deal.  All  this 
would  be  a hard  task  if  you  were  perfectly 
honest  with  yourself,  and  judged  impartially; 
but  when  pride  and  self-love  come  in,  the  task 
becomes  ten-fold  more  difficult. 

Instead  of  judging  everything  by  reason,  you 
allow  your  pride  and  self-love  to  flatter  you 
beyond  all  bounds.  This  would  not  be  so  bad  if 
11* 


126 


EXCELSIOR. 


they  flattered  you  in  the  right  direction,  and 
persuaded  you  to  bring  into  play  your  best  Cjual- 
ities ; but  this  pride  and  self-love  will  more  often 
persuade  you  that  you  are  fitted  for  an  occupa- 
tion simply  because  somebody  else  has  taken  it 
up  and  succeeded  well.  They  will  whisper,  You 
are  as  good  as  he,  you  are  as  talented,  why  not 
succeed  as  well  as  he..?  Never  hinting  to  you 
that  he  has  some  special  qualification  that  fits 
him  exactly  for  his  business,  while  you  may 
liave  powers  that  will  enable  you  to  succeed 
still  better  in  some  other  calling. 

But  tell  pride  and  self-love  to  get  behind  you, 
and  do  you  try  to  judge  yourself  fairly,  and  find 
out  really  what  you  are,  that  you  may  know 
what  your  true  vocation  is,  and  follow  it  with- 
out flinching.  I have  spoken  so  far  from  a 
human  point  of  view;  but  I need  hardly  tell 
you  that  no  one  should  presume  to  decide  finally 
in  so  important  a matter  without  first  praying  to 
God  for  light.  It  is  not  a question  that  concerns 
time  only  ; our  eternal  good  may  depend,  and 
often  does  depend,  upon  the  occupation  which  we 
have  followed  in  this  world. 

The  first  consideration  which  should  guide  you 
is,  to  avoid  all  occupations  which  do  not  benefit 
mankind.  It  is  the  duty  of  every  man,  to  be  of 
some  use  to  his  fellow  men.  Some  people  engage 
in  business  which  is  hurtful  to  their  fellows; 
others  engage  in  that  which  is  useless — you 
should  reject  both. 

The  best  life  which  we  can  lead,  is  to  live  only 


VOCATION. 


127 


for  God ; for  we  shall  thus  be  more  sure  of  living 
with  Him  hereafter.  After  this,  but  yet  con- 
nected with  it,  comes  the  life,  pointed  out  by 
God  himself,  to  earn  our  bread  by  the  sweat  of 
our  brow.  He  who  lives  an  idle  life,  with  others 
to  wait  on  him,  is  not  a man  at  all,  but  rather  a 
vegetable,  which  men  dig  about  and  manure;  an 
easy  life  perhaps,  but  he  who  lives  so  will  one 
day  have  to  give  an  account  for  thus  abdicating 
his  manhood. 

You  must  act,  and  act  for  the  good  of  others, 
your  fellow  men.  Whether  your  labor  be  bodily 
or  mental,  you  must  labor.  But,  rejecting  all 
useless  and  wicked  occupations,  there  still  remains 
an  abundance  from  which  to  choose.  See  to  it 
that  you  choose  the  one  for  which  you  are  fitted ; 
and  be  not  influenced  in  your  choice  by  pride, 
vanity,  or  self-love.  Bemember  that  there  is  one 
station  in  life,  which  is  waiting  for  you,  one  in 
which  you  will  do  better  than  in  any  other;  find 
that  out,  choose  it,  take  it,  it  is  yours,  your  call- 
ing, your  vocation.  Ho  not  look  to  see  whether 
it  be  noble,  but  whether  it  be  yours;  a father 
in  looking  for  his  child,  does  not  pick  up  the 
finest  one  he  comes  across,  but  searches  for  his 
, own,  which  is  noblest  of  all  to  him ; do  you  search 
for  your  own  field  of  labor  and  choose  that  only. 
It  is  the  noblest  for  you,  and  will  give  you  more 
pleasure  in  after  life,  than  a thousand  fine  occupa- 
tions which  do  not  belong  to  you. 

How,  when  you  have  once  wisely  chosen,  do 
not  turn  back,  but  press  on  boldly,  patiently. 


128 


EXCELSIOR. 


honorably,  till  your  life  is  crowned  with  success. 
Success  is  waiting  somewhere  for  every  youth — in 
the  pulpit,  on  the  farm,  at  the  bench,  in  the  forum 
— somewhere  there  is  sure  success ; let  him  choose 
well  and  then  go  on  in  earnest. 

For  success  in  any  calling,  you  must  attend  to 
some  essential  requisites.  The  first  of  these  is 

Honesty. — Even  if  we  should  forget  that  we 
are  responsible  to  God  for  our  actions,  forget  that 
there  is  an  obligation  to  do  the  right  and  avoid 
the  wrong,  still,  we  should  be  convinced  by 
reason  and  by  observation,  that  Honesty  is  the 
best  policy.  Reason  tells  us  that  the  dishonest 
man  will  sooner  or  later  be  found  out,  and  obser- 
vation confirms  it.  Be  open,  straightforward, 
and  upright  in  all  your  deeds.  Then  men  will 
trust  you,  patronize  you,  and  your  success  will  be 
certain  and  brilliant ; you  will  be  afraid  to  look 
no  man  in  the  face ; never  tremble  for  fear  any 
mean  trick  should  be  discovered. 

If  you  are  a farmer,  do  not  sell  bad  articles, 
pretending  that  they  are  good ; if  you  are  a mer- 
chant, do  not  ask  two  prices,  or  more  than  your 
wares  are  worth,  or  give  scant  measure,  or  cheat 
in  any  way;  if  you  are  a lawyer,  do  not  twist 
the  law  so  as  to  do  injustice,  do  not  pretend  that 
a poor  man  can  win  his  suit,  when  you  know  he 
can 'I  'L.  ■ [Remember  the  profitable  lesson  re- 
cei\r  d by  St.  A.  de  Liguori:  A swine  herd  was 
vainly  endeavoring  to  conduct  a drove  of  these 
animals- through  a narrow,  gate.  After  much 
cursing  and  syvearing  to  little  purpose,  he  ex- 


VOCATION. 


129 


claimed : “ Go,  vile  brutes,  as  lawyers  go  to  hell 
immediately  the  swine,  one  and  all,  passed  through 
the  narrow  gate,  and  St.  Alphonsus,  taking  this  as 
a warning  from  Heaven,  resolved  to  seek  some 
more  useful  and  innocent  occupation.]  If  you  are 
a politician,  do  not  speak  and  write  what  you  do 
not  believe,  do  not  influence  the  passions  of  the 
people  and  make  them  do  wrong,  to  attain  your 
own  party  or  private  ends ; if  you  are  a clergyman, 
do  not  preach  what  you  believe  to  be  false  doc- 
trine, do  not  excuse  any  injustice  because  the  peo- 
ple are  fond  of  it ; if  you  are  a physician,  do  not 
undertake  a case  which  you  do  not  understand, 
or  pretend  to  cure  for  the  sake  of  running  up  a 
bill ; if  you  are  a banker,  do  not  be  a “ skin-flint,” 
taking  the  very  last  cent  which  .you  can  force 
from  a needy  man ; if  you  keep  groceries,  do  not 
sell  liquor  to  any  one,  and  thus  steal  the  bread 
which  belongs  to  his  wife  and  children ; whatever 
your  occupation,  be  an  honest  man,  do  no  mean 
act,  and  you  may  be  sure  that  the  blessing  of 
God  and  His  success  will  be  with  you. 

The  next  thing  to  which  I would  have  you  at- 
tend, is 

Punctuality. — -Keep  your  word,  attend  to 
your  engagements,  break  no  promises,  always  be 
on  time.  It  is  the  very  soul  of  business  life. 
All  great  men  have  been  noted  for  their  attention 
to  the  very  moment.  It  is  of  no  use  to  make 
excuses  in  such  things.  If  it  once  becomes  known 
that  you  are  not  very  particular  about  times  and 
promises,  that  moment  you  are  a marked  man. 


130 


EXCELSIOR. 


and  have  commenced  to  lose  confidence.  You 
are  no  longer  trusted. 

Politeness,  of  which  I have  spoken  more 
fully  in  another  place,  will  also  be  found  essential 
to  real  success.  How  can  the  surly  lawyer  have 
clients?  Where  will  the  boorish  physician  find 
patients  ? When  will  the  haughty  politician  get 
votes  enough  to  elect  him  to  office  ? By  what 
means  will  the  impudent  merchant  coax  in  custo- 
mers? What  kind  of  words  will  the  uncouth 
preacher  use  to  charm  the  admiration  of  his  con- 
gregation? What  success  will  the  tyrannical 
teacher  have  in  winning  the  love  of  his  classes  ? 
Truly,  all  such  men  will  fail  in  life,  and  they  de- 
serve to  fail. 

Oedee  is  a necessity.  The  man  who  works 
without  system  and  has  no  end  in  view,  may  be 
said  to  have  failed  before  he  has  commenced. 
Success  is  absolutely  out  of  his  reach.  Have 
everything  in  its  place,  and  know  just  what  you 
are  doing. 

Caution  also  must  not  be  forgotten.  Beware 
of  those  with  whom  you  come  into  contact.  All 
great  men  have  been  excellent  judges  of  men. 
If  you  are  not  so  by  nature,  you  must  become  so 
by  study.  Bead  carefully  the  book  of  human 
nature,  or  you  will  be  imposed  upon.  Then 
when  you  have  found  true  men,  stick  to  them. 
Do  not  enter  into  any  undertaking  rashly.  Stand 
fast  to  your  own  business.  Bemember  the  old 
Latin  proverb : “ Beware  of  the  man  with  the  one 
book.”  He  who  does  one  thing  will  be  more  apt 
to  succeed,  than  he  who  tries  a hundred. 


VOCATION. 


131 


Barnum,  who  “knows  whereof  he  affirms,” 
gives  the  following  excellent  bits  of  advice  on 
business,  many  of  which  are  equally  applicable 
to  other  pursuits : 

“Money  getting  is  liable  to  abuse,  as  are  also 
other  desirable  things.  We  find  sometimes  the 
miser,  but  he  is  simply  a nuisance,  and  does  more 
harm  than  good ; it  is  a source  of  comfort  that 
some  time  he  will  die  and  leave  his  money  to 
good  uses. 

“ An  Irishman  once  saved  a miser  from  drown- 
ing, and  was  handed  a sixpence.  ‘What,’  said 
he,  IS  this  all  you  give  a man  foi  saving  your 
life?’  Then,  taking  a second  look,  he  said: — 
‘Well,  faith,  and  I guess  it  is  all  that  it  is 
worth.’ 

“Wealth  is  the  golden  key  which  opens  the 
means  of  happiness  and  of  doing  good.  It  is  a 
very  simple  thing  in  America  to  make  money ; 
but  the  most  difficult  thing  is  to  keep  it.  The 
habit  of  spending  less  than  one  earns  is  the  road 
to  wealth.  Many  persons  make  a double  mis- 
take ; they  think  they  know  what  economy 

is,  and  by  not  knowing  at  all  what  it  is,  but 
thinking  they  do,  they  fail  to  learn  and  practice 

it.  ■ They  practice  in  little  mean  ways,  such  as 
saving  the  candle  ends,  or  cutting  down  the  ser- 
vants’ wages  twenty-five  cents  a week.  The 
economy  of  some  women  runs  to  tallow  candles, 
while  they  can  afford  to  expend  their  hundreds 
on  the  street  for  rats,  mice,  and  poodles.  The 
economy  of  some  runs  to  writing  paper;  they 


132 


EXCEL810U. 


use  old  bits  and  ends,  and  perhaps  sometimes  in 
this  way  throw  aAvay  papers  that  contain  valu- 
able figures.  Their  economy  tends  to  one  point 
only.  Like  the  man  who  bought  a penny  her- 
ring, and  hired  a coach  to  take  it  home  in,  they 
save  at  the  spigot  and  waste  at  the  bung. 

“Keep  an  exact  account  of  expenses,  and  the 
items  of  necessity  Avill  not  be  found  double  or 
treljle  Avhat  you  othenvise  expected.  Some  at- 
tempt to  deceive  others  by  appearing  to  be 
Avealthy  when  they  are  not,  thus  keeping  their 
wKes’  noses  to  the  grind-stone  and  ruining  them- 
selves. The  ladies  are  frequently  envious  of 
their  richer  friends,  and  will  suffer  any  sacrifice 
in  Older  to  make  the  same  outward  shoAv  as 
those  whom  they  envy.  This  false  ambition  is 
keeping  thousands  of  families  poor,  and  they  de- 
serve to  be  kept  so. 

“A  man  Avho  uses  intoxicating  drinks  to  ex- 
cess, cannot  succeed  in  business.  He  who  did 
would  be  as  great  a curiosity  as  the  woolly  horse 
or  the  mermaid.  A man  cannot  succeed  unless 
his  brain  is  sober  and  hand  steady. 

“When  a young- man  arrives  at  suitable  age, 
he,  or  his  guardian  for  him,  should  select  the  ex- 
act line  of  life  for  which  he  seems  fitted.  Some 
seem  exactly  intended  for  mechanics,  while  it 
would  be  a long  and  useless  labor  to  teach  it  to 
others,  because  they  are  not  suited  to  that  Amca- 
tion.  In  all  conditions  of  life  you  Avill  find 
many  who  have  mistaken  their  vocation.  Yet 
sometimes  one  may  learn  the  trade  or  calling  for 


VOCATION. 


133 


wHcli  lie  was  intended,  but  failed  because  be  was 
not  located  in  tlie  right  place. 

“Young  men  starting  in  life  should  beware  of 
getting  in  debt.  John  Randolph  once  said,  that 
he  had  discovered  the  philosopher’s  stone.  It 
was,  ‘Pay  as  you  go.’  Some  young  men  strut 
about  in  new  clothes  which  they  have  never  paid 
for,  intending  some  time  to  go  to  work  and  get 
out  of  debt.  There  is  no  class  of  men  with  such 
good  memories  as  creditors,  and  these  young 
men  will  find  the  time  for  paying  come  when 
they  are  not  ready.  PFo  young  man  has  a right 
to  draw  on  the  future  for  what  he  uses  to-day. 
Better  wear  the  old  coat,  and  turn  and  patch  it, 
rather  than  run  in  debt.  You  lose  your  credit, 
your  self-respect  and  that  of  others,  and  will 
never  get  along  in 'the  world. 

“Money  is  like  a fire:  a good  servant,  but  a 
poor  master.  In  debt  you  become  its  slave. 

“When  you  have  laid  down  your  plans,  then 
persevere.  As  David  Crockett  said ; 

‘ Be  sui’e  you’re  riglit,  and  then  go  ahead.’ 

“The  timid  man  becomes  discouraged,  and 
sometimes  when  success  is  in  his  grasp,  lets  go, 
falls  and  is  ruined.  He  loses  the  golden  oppor- 
tunity. 

. “ ‘There  is  a tide  in  the  affairs  of  men,  that 
taken  at  the  flood,  leads  on  to  fortune.’  The 
General  who  ‘ fights  it  out  on  that  line,  if  it  takes 
all  summer,’  is  sure  to  succeed.  We  must  de- 
])end  upon  our  own  personal  exertion.  It  will 
Jiot  do  to  trust  to  the  eyes  of  others.  Frequently 


134 


EXGELSIOlt. 


the  eyes  of  the  employer  are  better  than  the 
hands  of  a dozen  servants. 

“Young  man,  you  'will  not  find  anyone  to 
help  you  along  by  lending  you  money.  The 
only  way  to  make  a fortune  is  to  make  it  your- 
self, and  that  is  the  only  fortune  that  can  he  truly 
enjoyed.  Yo  man  should  ever  indorse  a note 
for  any  one  to  an  extent  which  he  cannot  afford- 
to  lose.  If  you  do  it,  expect  to  give  the  amount. 
By  endorsing  for  a friend,  frequently  a man  not 
only  loses  his  own  fortune,  hut  ruins  his  friend, 
whom  he  means  to  assist. 

“There  is  no  such  thing  as  luck  in  the  world. 
Some  men  are  successful  and  some  unsuccessful, 
hut  it  generally  depends  upon  themselves. 
Many  a fortune  has  been  lost  by  merely  going 
into  something  which  they  knew  nothing  about. 

“The  best  capital  in  the  world  is  politeness 
and  liberality.  Give  the  most  for  the  money 
that  you  possibly  can  afford.  It  is  a matter  of 
policy,  and  will  be  sure  to  succeed.  Don’t  tell 
all  about  your  business.  If  you  do  this,  you 
may  find  somebody  who  will  envy  you,  and  per- 
haps set  up  in  opposition.  If  you  are  losing 
money,  don’t  tell  it,  for  people  will  be  sure  to 
forsake  you.  A wealthy  Quaker  had  a motto : 
‘Keep  your  own  secret.’  A man  never  makes 
anything  by  telling  his  secrets. 

“There  is  nothing  so  difficult  as  to  get  money 
dishonestly.  In  the  long  run,  honesty  is  the 
best  policy.” 

Industry  I place  last,  but  surely  it  is  not 


VOCATION. 


135 


least.  Persevere,  persevere,  never  grow  weary. 
Robert  Bruce  bad  raised  an  army  in  tbe  hope  of 
freeing  his  country,  but  was  defeated  and  forced 
to  take  refuge  in  a cave ; there  he  watched  an 
ant  try  sixty-nine  times  to  bring  a load  up  to  its 
nest  and  fail  every  time,  but,  nothing  daunted, 
it  tried  the  seventieth  time  and  succeeded ; the 
defeated  king  sprang  up  in  exultation  and  said, 
“I  too  will  try  again.”  He  did  try,  and  on  the 
the  glorious  field  of  Bannockburn  crowned  his 
perseverance  with  victory.  Constant  applica- 
tion will  always  be  rewarded  in  like  manner. 
It  is  little  by  little  that  all  solid  success  is  built 
up.  Idleness,  carelessness,  discouragement — 
these  are  the  means  of  losing  your  places  in 
life  ; but  persevering  industry  is  the  means  of 
placing  you  on  the  top  round  of  the  ladder  of  suc- 
cess. Edmund  Burke  says,  alluding  to  another 
of  the  uses  to  be  derived  from  struggle  and 
efibrt:  “Difficulty  is  a severe  instructor,  set  over 
us  by  the  supreme  ordinance  of  a parental 
guardian  and  legislator,  who  knows  us  better 
than  we  know  ourselves,  as  He  loves  us  better 
too.  He  that  wrestles' with  us  strengthens  our 
nerves,  and  sharpens  our  skill ; our  antagonist  is 
our  helper.  This  amicable  contest  with  difficulty 
obliges  us  to  an  intimate  acquaintance  with  our 
object,  and  compels  us  to  consider  it  in  all  its 
relations;  it  will  not  suffer  us  to  be  superficial.” 
Ah ! but,  you  say,  after  all  this  I may  yet 
fail ; do  whatever  they  may,  some  men  are  cer- 
tain to  fail.  If  that  be  so  you  must  submit ; for 


136 


EXCELSIOR. 


it  is  then  evident  that  it  is  not  God’s  will  that 
you  should  step  up  into  the  high  places  of  the 
world.  He  knows  what  is  best  for  us.  Still, 
although  there  are  exceptions,  the  general  rule 
is,  according  to  the  French  maxim,  Help  thyself 
and  God  will  help  thee.  Most  men  have  to 
blame  themselves  for  their  failures. 

But  if  you  cannot  rise  so  high  as  others,  it 
may  be  that  you  are  mistaken  in  your  vocation ; 
your  calling  may  be  among  the  more  humble. 
You  may  be  happier  and  even  nobler  there  than 
anywhere  else,  for  it  is  your  place.  Ho  your 
duty,  and  every  position  is  noble.  Finally, 
whatever  your  calling,  be  a man — be  a man ! and 
then  you  may  stand  up,  in  all  the  nobility  of 
your  spirit,  and  look  the  noblest  and  the  proud- 
est right  in  the  face. 

One  of  nature’s  noblemen  felt  the  full  force  of 
“a’  that,”  when  he  said,  half  in  scorn,  half  in 
triumph,  in  his  quaint  Scottish  dialect : 

Is  there  for  honest  poverty, 

Tliat  liangs  his  head,  and  a’  that  ? 

The  coward  slave  we  pass  him  hy. 

We  dare  be  poor  for  a’  that ! 

For  a’  that  and  a’  that, 

Our  toil’s  obscure,  and  a’  that. 

The  rank  is  but  the  guinea’s  stamp. 

The  man’s  the  gowd  for  a’  that. 

What  though  on  hamely  fare  we  dine. 

Wear  hoddin  gray,  and  a’  that? 

Gie  fools  their  silk  and  knaves  their  'wine, 

A man’s  a man  for  a’  that ; 

For  a’  that,  and  a’  that. 

Their  tinsel  show  and  a’  that : 


VOCATION. 


137 


The  honest  man,  though  e’er  sae  poor, 

Is  king  o’  men  for  a’  that. 

Ye  see  yon  hirkie,  ca’d  a lord, 

Wha  struts  and  stares,  and  a’  that ; 

Though  hundreds  worship  at  his  word. 

He’s  but  a coof,  for  a’  that ; 

His  riband,  star,  and  a’  that. 

The  man  of  independent  mind. 

He  looks  and  laughs  at  a’  that. 

A king  can  mak  a belted  knight, 

A marquis,  duke,  and  a’  that ; 

But  an  honest  man’s  aboon  his  might — 

Crude  faith,  he  maunna  fa’  that ! 

For  a’  that,  and  a’  that. 

Their  dignities,  and  a’  that. 

The  pith  o’  sense  and  pride  o’  worth 
Are  hi-her  ranks  than  a’  that. 

Then  let  us  pray,  that  come  it  may — 

As  come  it  will,  for  a’  that — 

That  sense  and  worth,  o’er  all  the  earth. 

May  bear  the  gree,  for  a’  that  ; 

For  a’  that,  and  a’  that. 

It’s  coming  yet,  for  a’  that. 

That  man  to  man,  the  warld  o’er. 

Shall  brothers  be,  for  a’  that. 

Ah ! that  indeed  will  he  the  golden  age,  when 
“ Man  to  man,  the  world  o’er,  shall  brothers  be.” 
But  might  not  each  one  make  this  practical 
iron  age  the  golden  age  for  himself?  or,  at  least, 
do  his  part  to  make  it  so?  When  he  meets 
what  the  world  calls  his  equal,  he  has  no  trouble 
in  treating  him  as  a brother.  Now,  to  bring 
about  the  good  time  of  which  Burns  sings,  the 
Golden  Age,  when  “Man  to  man,  the  world 
12* 


138 


EXCELSIOR. 


o’er,  shall  brothers  he,”  we  have  only  to  remem- 
ber the  common  brotherhood  of  all  the  sons  and 
daughters  of  Adam  and  Eve.  When  we  meet 
with  one  who  works  a little  harder  than  we  do, 
or  whom  the  world,  for  any  reason,  sneers  at  as 
our  inferior,  let  us  remember  that  the  world  is  a 
heartless  tyrant,  and  let  us  throw  off  its  abomi- 
nable tyranny.  This  person  is  not  necessarily  our 
inferior ; but,  like  ourselves,  he  is  also  a child  of 
Adam,  and  is,  perhaps,  working  out  the  law  of 
his  nature  better  than  we. 

If  he  uses  the  powers  given  to  him  by  Heaven 
as  well  as  we  do  our  own,  his  manhood  is  just  as 
noble.  The  man,  in  Scripture,  who  made  good 
use  of  the  ten  talents,  was  very  much  com- 
mended ; but  so  was  also  he  who  had  but  five 
talents  and  used  them  well.  The  man  who 
receives  five  talents,  and  returns  the  gift 
doubled,  shall  have  great  reward ; while  he  that 
receives  ten  talents,  but  buries  one,  shall  be  con- 
demned, even  though  he  glories  over  his  brother 
for  the  gifts  which  he  has  received  so  freely,  and 
used  so  unworthily. 

Ho  not  dare  to  look  down  on  any  one ; for 
though  he  crawl  beneath  your  feet,  he  may  be 
your  superior.  Men  often  entertain  angels  un- 
aware, and  often,  too,  they  trample  on  men 
better  than  themselves.  It  is  well  for  us  to 
reflect,  that  the  meanest  member  of  the  hum- 
blest race  of  man,  is  own  brother  to  the  highest 
and  noblest.  This  fact  is  just  as  true  now, 
though  not  so  well  believed,  as  it  will  be  in  the 


VOCATION. 


139 


grave  or  at  tlie  judgment.  Aye,  at  the  judg- 
ment and  in  the  grave  all  men  are  equal ; and 
poor  foolish  pride  can  there  find  no  hole  too  low 
to  hide  his  head,  when  he  sees  all  men,  those 
from  rich  houses  and  those  from  wretched  hov- 
els, lying  or  standing,  side  by  side.  I wonder 
whether  silks,  and  satins,  and  glossy  broad- 
cloths will  be  ashamed  of  poor  relations  on  those 
days?  They  say  that  the  potatoes  in  Ireland 
grow  so  fast  sometimes  that  they  have  not  room 
together  in  the  hill,  and  you  may  go  out  of  a 
summer’s  morning,  and  hear  them  scolding — 
“Push  over,  push  over!”  Will  the  grandees  in 
the  grave  order  the  “lower  classes”  to  push  over 
and  give  larger  room  to  their  lordships?  Hay, 
verily,  six  feet  by  two  for  every  one.  The  grave 
and  the  judgment  will  prove  us  all  brethren,  all 
equal ; and  show,  beyond  dispute,  that  of  all  the 
follies  of  man,  there  is  none  so  nonsensical,  so 
laughable  even,  as 

“ Pride,  the  never-failing  vice  of  fools !” 

But  it  is  some  consolation  to  think  that  it  is 
generally  the  mark  of  a fool  to  be  proud,  to  des- 
pise his  fellows.  Sensible  and  well-bred  people 
are  not  supposed  to  indulge  in  this  weakness. 

Yet,  if  this  be  so,  there  must  be  a great  num- 
ber of  fools  in  the  world.  Our  streets  are  often 
full  of  them.  One  is  proud  because  his  great- 
grandfather’s second  cousin  has  left  him  a legacy, 
and  he  can  wear  a finer  broadcloth  and  a taller 
beaver  than  his  old  companion ; and  so  he  struts 
along  the  streets,  like  a peacock  with  new  feath- 


140 


EXGEL8I0E. 


ers,  and  forgets  to  bend  Ins  lofty  head  to  his 
former  friends — he  does  not  see  them  any  more 
• — or,  to  speak  more  properly,  according  to  the 
phrase,  “he  cuts  them.” 

And  even  gentle  woman,  with  her  generous 
heart,  is  too  often  found  despising  some  worthy 
sister,  who  is  not  able,  or  does  not  care,  to  get 
such  a love  of  a bonnet  as  her. own.  She  her- 
self, like  a poor  ignorant  pagan,  falls  on  her  face 
to  adore  the  idol  of  Fashion;  and,  rising  up  with 
the  garments  of  her  slavery  upon  her,  foolishly 
thinks  herself  superior  to  the  noble  woman  who 
is  content  to  walk  uprightly,  without  anxiety  or 
vanity,  in  the  path  of  duty,  which  is  to  her  the 
path  of  pleasure. 

Yes,  even  the  child,  the  little  boy  or  the  little 
girl,  learns  this  foolish  lesson  of  pride  ; and, 
before  it  can  speak  plainly,  is  able  to  tell  you 
who  are  low  society — poor  trash,  who  work  for 
their  living ; and  who  are  respectable — rich  folks, 
who  live  on  the  earnings  of  the  poor.  And  these 
little  children  grow  up  thinking  that  the  great  dis- 
tinction between  people  in  this  world  is  the  dif- 
ference between  fine  clothes  and  coarse  ones — 
never  dreaming  that  honesty  or  a Avell-spent  life, 
talent,  or  virtue  has  anything  to  do  with  the  mat- 
ter. In  their  opinion,  money  and  a good  tailor 
or  dressmaker  can  make  a fine  lady  or  a fine 
gentleman  any  day.  And,  we  might  add,  older 
children  often  reason  in  the  same  way. 

Mrs.  Shoddy,  Mr.  Petroleum,  and  John  Spec- 
ulator, Esquire,  are  considered  very  good  com- 


VOCATION. 


141 


pany,  after  they  have  entered  into  their  new 
palatial  residence  and  given  the  grand  opening 
entertainment  of  the  season.  Very  fine  people, 
very  fine,  very.  Such  little  accomplishments  as 
dressing  in  taste  and  speaking  good  English  are 
matters  of  little  importance.  But  Mrs.  Work- 
away, the  neatest  housekeeper  in  town,  Mr.  Com- 
mon Sense,  and  their  son,  a poor  young  man  of 
great  promise,  are  left  quite  in  the  shade.  The 
world  says,  with  Whang  the  Miller,  in  Gold- 
smith, “They  may  be  very  good  people,  for  all 
it  knows ; but  the  world  is  fond  of  choosing  its 
company. 

There  is  one  satisfactory  reflection  connected 
with  this  matter : Mr.  Common  Sense  and  his 
excellent  family  care  as  little  for  those  stylish 
people  as  they  care  for  him.  He  knows  that 
God  and  Nature  do  not  distinguish  people  by 
their  fine  clothes,  but  by  their  fine  hearts  and 
their  fine  minds. 

People  of  wealth  and  fashion  are  just  as  good 
as  others,  if  they  do  well  and  act  well,  using 
their  moliey  and  their  station  for  their  own  real 
good  and  that  of  their  fellow-men — but  they  are 
no  better.  This  rank  of  wealth  and  station  is 
no  better  than  the  old  rank  of  blood,  which  all 
people  of  sense  have  learned  to  laugh  at.  De- 
spise no  man  but  for  his  own  bad  actions ; admire 
no  man  but  for  his  ov^n  good  deeds. 

As  we  should  look  down  on  no  one  in  the  spirit 
of  tyranny,  so  we  should  look  up  to  no  one  in  the 
spirit  of  slavery.  God  has  made  all  men  of  free 


142 


EXCELSIOR. 


will,  of  the  same  equal  nature;  He  has  died 
equally  for  all ; and  the  highest  respect  He  com- 
mands us  to  give  others  is,  that  we  should  love 
them  as  we  love  ourselves.  It  is  alike  the  com- 
mand of  "God  and  of  Nature  that  we  should 
respect  ourselves  equally  with  all  men.  But  in 
this  we  must  not  bear  ourselves  proudly,  any 
more  than  basely,  but  always  as  men. 

This,  then,  must  be  our  conduct  with  our  fel- 
low-men: To  despise  the  Wrong  wherever  we 
find  it — hate  it  with  all  our  souls ; and  to  honor 
the  Bight  wherever  we  find  it — love  it  with  all  our 
hearts : but  to  despise  no  person,  for  that  is  the 
mark  of  a fool  or  of  a tyrant ; and  to  look  upon 
no  man  as  our  master,  for  that  is  the  mark  of  a 
brute  or  of  a slave.  Let  us  love  God  and  those 
He  loves,  love  the  right,  fear  no  one,  and  know 
that  all  men  are  our  brothers. 

And,  as' for  ourselves,  let  us  train,  as  well  as 
we  may,  all  the  powers  of  our  bodies,  our  minds, 
and  our  souls — become  educated  in  the  better  and 
higher  sense.  And  for  our  occupation  through 
life,  let  us  choose  that,  and  that  only,  f6r  which 
God  has  fitted  us.  And,  in  what  we  have  chosen, 
let  us  become  perfect.  If  we  do  our  work  well, 
become  masters  in  our  labor,  we  shall  become 
noble,  going  on  better  and  better,  higher  and 
higher,  improving  every  faculty  which  God  has 
given  us,  neA^^er  heeding  the  laughers  and  talkers ; 
but  pressing  on  boldly,  yea,  on  and  up,  till  we 
become  first  and  noblest — highest  over  all.  Then, 
though  Death  himself  shall  meet  us,  Ave  shall 


VOCATION. 


143 


still  fling  out  our  banner  higher,  higher,  ‘ ‘ Excel- 
sior! Excelsior!”  and  the  air  of  Heaven  shall 
ring  with  our  cry ! 

The  shades  of  night  were  falling  fast, 

As  through  an  Alpine  village  p<i^ed 
A youth,  who  bore,  ’mid  snow  and  ice, 

A banner  with  the  sti'ange  device, 

Excelsior ! 

His  brow  was  sad ; his  eyes  beneath. 

Flashed  like  a falchion  from  its  sheath, 

And  like  a silver  clarion  rung 
The  accents  of  that  unknown  tongue. 

Excelsior ! 

In  happy  homes  he  saw  the  light 
Of  household  fires  gleam  warm  and  bright ; 

Above,  the  spectral  glaciers  shone. 

And  from  his  lips  escaped  a groan. 

Excelsior ! 

“ Try  not  the  pass,”  the  old  man  said ; 

“ Dark  lowers  the  tempest  overhead. 

The  roaring  torrent  is  deep  and  wide !” 

And  loud  that  clarion  voice  replied, 

Excelsior ! 

“ O stay,”  the  maiden  said,  “ and  rest 
Thy  weary  head  upon  this  breast !” 

A tear  stood  in  his  bright  blue  eye, 

But  still  he  answered,  with  a sigh, 

Excelsior ! 

“ Beware  the  pine-tree’s  withered  branch! 

Bev/are  the  awful  avalanche  1” 

This  was  the  peasant’s  last  good  night, 

A voice  replied,  far  up  the  height, 

Excelsior ! 

At  break  of  day,  as  heavenward 
The  pious  monks  of  Saint  Bernard 


144 


EXGEL8I011. 


Uttered  the  oft-repeated  prayer, 

A voice  cried  thi-ougli  the  startled  air, 
Excelsior ! 

A traveler,  hy  the  faithful  hound. 

Half  buried  in  the  snow  was  found. 
Still  grasping  in  his  hand  of  ice 
That  banner  with  the  strange  device, 
Excelsior ! 

There  in  the  twilight  cold  and  gray. 
Lifeless,  but  beautiful,  he  lay. 

And  from  the  sky,  serene  and  far, 

A voice  fell,  like  a falling- star. 

Excelsior ! 


PART  II. 


FOR  YOUNG  LADIES. 

BY  A LADY. 

(R.  V.  R.) 


145 


■■ 


m 


SELF-SACRIFICE. 


147 


CHAPTER  I. 

SELF-SACRIFICE. 

HE  preceding  portion  of  this  book 
is  addressed  to  gentlemen,  but  by 
no  means  written  exclusively  in 
their  interests.  So  far  is  this  from 
being  the  case  that  there  is  not 
one  page — hardly  one  line — that 
may  not  be  as  profitably  studied 
by  ladies,  and  with  suitable  adapt- 
ation to  their  needs,  put  in  practice 
by  them.  It  is  taken  for  granted  that  that  por- 
tion has  been  well  studied,  and  will  be  held  in 
memory,  so  that  all  passing  reference  made  to  it 
here,  will  be  understood. 

From  earliest  childhood,  until  with  what  is 
supposed  to  be  a “finished”  education,  they 
respectively  leave,  the  young  lady  her  academy 
or  institute,  the  young  gentleman  his  college, 
and  enter  on  the  broad  stage  of  responsible  life, 
brother  and  sister  walk  in  the  same  path,  have 
the  same  object  in  view,  and  must  use  the  same 


148 


EXCELSIOR. 


means  to  obtain  it.  All  that  lias  been  insisted 
on  as  essential  for  the  young  man  to  cultivate 
in  his  moral,  mental  and  physical  faculties,  is  as 
^ absolutely  required  of  the  young  woman,  if  she 
desires  also  worthily  to  fulfil  in  the  world  her 
duty  to  God,  her  neighbor,  and  herself.  Nay, 
more;  in  one  department,  that  of  home,  she 
must  cultivate  with  yet  more  earnest  care,  all 
the  useful  endowments  of  mind,  all  the  lovely 
graces  of  heart,  for  on  her  it  more  exclusively 
depends  to  make  their  common  dwelling-place 
truly  home.  No  words  can  do  justice  to  the 
worth,  the  priceless  value  of  a good  daughter,  a 
good  sister,  a good  wife,  a good  mother,  and  to 
become  capable  of  filling  all  these  stations  well, 
should  be  the  ambition  of  every  young  lady, 
during  the  years  of  preparation  and  study. 

If  the  brother  must  be  kind,  forbearing,  con- 
siderate, protecting,  gentle,  the  sister  must  be 
thoughtful,  patient,  deferential,  watchful  and 
tender,  and  above  all,  cheerful  at  home.  A 
young  girl  may  be  truly  anxious  to  do  her  duty, 
and  do  it  scrupulously,  as  far  as  the  outward 
actions  are  concerned,  but  if  her  gentle  ministry 
is  not  done  cheerfully,  with  a smiling  face  and 
blithe  readiness  to  oblige,  it  will  lose  half  its 
charm.  She  must  do  all  not  only  cheerfully, 
but  disinterestedly.  To  be  self-sacrificing  is 
woman’s  noblest  characteristic;  it  is  from  her 
lips,  not  from  man’s,  comes  the  petition  : 

“ Give  unto  me,  made  lowly  wise. 

The  spirit  of  self-sacrifice.” 


SELFS  A CBIFICE. 


149 


And  lier  heart  is  ever  singing,  as  with  thought- 
ful care  she  provides  for  the  comfort  of  father, 
brother  or  husband ; 

“ I live  for  those  who  love  me. 

For  those  I know  are  true. 

For  heaven  that  smiles  above  me. 

And  awaits  my  spirit  too ; 

For  those  human  ties  that  bind  me. 

For  the  task  by  God  assigned  me. 

For  the  hopes  that  beam  within  me, 

And  the  good  that  I can  do.” 

And  in  pure,  generous,  unselfish  devotion,  in 
her  proper  sphere,  to  the  good  and  happiness  of 
others,  she  finds  a rich  reward.  The  more  dis- 
interested, the  more  unexacting  of  all  return  she 
is,  the  greater  return  is  she  sure  to  receive ; for 

, “ Love  that  asketh  love  again. 

Finds  the  barter  naught  but  pain ; 

Love  that  giveth  in  full  store. 

Aye  receives  as  much  and  more. 

“ Love  exacting  nothing  back, 

Never  knoweth  any  lack ; 

Love  compelling  love  to  pay 
Sees  him  bankrupt  every  day.” 

Even  if,  as  is  often  the  case,  after  having  thus 
given  the  devotion  of  her  heart  and  life,  and 
with  unwearying  painstaking  spent  herself  in 
the  service  of  others,  she  yet  sees  but  a careless, 
unappreciating  return  made  for  it,  that  all  hold 
her  in  but  secondary  estimation  at  best,  and 
give  the  love,  the  gratitude  that  should  be  hers 
to  another ; still  a yet  higher  motive  will  incite 
her  to  continued  perseverance  in  the  same  path 
13* 


150 


EXCELSIOR. 


of  self-sacrifice  for  the  good  of  others,  the 
thought  that,  “It  is  better  to  give  than  to 
receive.” 

If  she  is  tempted  sometimes  to  whisper  to 
herself  in  discouragement  and  repining : ‘ ‘ What 
is  the  use  of  all  this  toil,  these  efforts  for 
others,  when  I get  so  little  return,  nobody  makes 
me  a first  object,  no  one  seeks  my  happiness,  no 
one  ‘loves  me  best,’”  she  will  also  soon,  in  a 
better  mood,  murmur  to  herself : 


“ Oh ! hush  thy  plaint,  poor  jieart. 

And  give  to  others  from  thy  own  large  store, 

So  shalt  thou  share 
In  love’s  diviner  part, 

The  less  they  give  to  thee,  yet  more  and  more. 

‘ To  give  than  to  receive  is  far  more  blest;' 

Be  glad,  poor  heart,  because  none  love  thee  best.” 


AFFJ^GTION  AT  ROME.. 


151 


CHAPTER  II. 


AFFECTION  AT  HOME. 

T is  said  that  a home  without  a 
woman  in  it  is  no  home  at  all.  It 
may  be  as  neat  and  clean  as  hands 
can  make  it ; it  may  be  adorned 
with  taste  and  skill ; works  of  art, 
sculpture,  paintings,  books,  even 
flowers,  little  gems  of  virtu,  knick- 
knacks,  and  womanish  toys — all  the 
accessories  of  elegant  life  may  be 
there,  but,  at  best,  lacking  the  presence  of 
woman,  it  will  be  only  a kind  of  refined  and 
luxurious  museum,  a dwelling-place,  a shelter,  a 
refuge,  for  the  man  who  inhabits  it,  when  he 
gets  weary  of  the  society  of  his  fellow-men  in 
the  outside  world ; where  he  may,  it  is  true, 
“dwell  in  cold  proprieties  forever,”  but  where 
he  can  never  know  the  charms,  the  delights  of 
Home. 

But  we  see  also  in  this  that  it  is  not  the  mere 
superintendence  of  outward  surroundings,  syste- 


152 


EXCELSIOR. 


matic  arrangements  and  attention  to  exterior 
comforts  that  is  most  needed  in  a woman, 
whether  daughter,  sister  or  wife,  for  all  these 
may  he  had  without  her ; but  if,  in  addition  to 
these  indispensable  requisites,  presiding  over  all, 
touching  all  with  the  subtle,  indefinable  charm 
of  womanliness,  she  be  there — amiable,  cheerful- 
hearted,  intelligent — this  cold  shadow  of  a home 
becomes  a warm,  living  reality.  Far  more  than 
this.  All  the  luxuries  of  life,  all  its  more  ex- 
pensive refinements  may  be  wanting  ; there  may 
be  no  means  to  procure  any  adornments  for  it ; 
the  furniture  may  be  the  plainest,  the  homeliest, 
even  taste  for  its-  arrangement  may  he  wanting 
in  the  presiding  deity  of  the  household ; but  if 
she  is  amiable,  if  she  is  cheerful-hearted  and 
intelligent,  her  home  will  be  a bright  and  happy 
one.  And  amiable,  cheerful,  and  more  or  less 
intelligent  every  daughter  of  Eve  may  be,  if 
she  will  take  the  means  to  become  so. 

“ It  may  be  under  i^alace  roof, 

Princely  and  -wide, 

No  pomp  foregone,  lio  pleasure  lost. 

No  'vvisli  denied ; 

But  if  beneath  the  diamond’s  flash 
Sweet,  kind  eyes  hide, 

A pleasant  place — a happy  place 
Is  our  flreside. 

“ It  may  be  ’twixt  four  lowly  walls. 

No  show,  no  pride, 

AVhere  sorrows  ofttimes  enter  in, 

But  ne’er  abide. 


AFFECTION  AT  HOME. 


153 


Yet,  if  she  sits  beside  the  beartb, 

Help,  comfort,  guide, 

A blessed  place,  a heavenly  place. 

Is  our  fireside.” 

All  great  things  have  small  beginnings.  The 
simplest,  lowliest,  have  a part  in  the  great  plan 
of  nature  ; little  efforts  in  the  end  work  great 
actions,  and  it  is  the  lessons  taught,  or  rather 
learned  in  our  early  days,  that  mould  the  char- 
acter and  the  temper  for  all  after  life.  An 
unamiable  turn  of  mind,  an  evil  disposition,  a 
bad  habit,  then  acquired,  is  hardly  ever  in 
mature  age  completely  eradicated,  however  hard 
we  may  struggle  to  root  it  out.  On  the  con- 
trary, each  gentle  grace  that  is  then  permitted 
to  plant  a tender  germ  in  the  heart  will,  in  the 
same  way,  become  so  strongly  rooted  it  may 
resist  all  the  efforts  of  a -worldly  life  to  hinder 
its  growth,  and  bear  at  least  some  blossoms, 
leaves  and  fruit  to  the  end  of  time. 

“ Glierish,  then,  the  gifts  of  cbildliood. 

Use  them  gently — guard  them  well; 

For  their  future  growth  and  greatness. 

Who  can  measure — who  can  tell !” 

But  these  lessons  must  be  learned.  Parents, 
teachers,  friends,  companions,  are  all  the  while 
teaching  us,  not  only  at  home,  and  at  school, 
and  in  our  youthful  days,  but  all  through  life  ; 
yet  all  will  be  lost  on  us  if  we  do  not  on  our 
part  try  to  learn  the  lessons  taught. 

Love,  hope,  and  patience— these  must  be  thy  graces. 

And  in  thy  own  heart  ^ them  first  keep  school.” 


154 


EXCELSIOlt. 


Yes,  these  three  are  the  special  graces  of 
woinanhood,  and  the  means  by  which  she  in- 
fluences all  around  her,  at  home  or  abroad. 

She  must  learn  to  he  loving  at  home  ; loving, 
with  a kind,  unselfish  love,  showing  itself  in 
little  things,  more  than  in  great  ones.  She  has 
few  opportunities  there  for  great  sacrifices,  but 
the  call  for  small  acts  of  self-denial  are  unceas- 
ing, and  a spirit  of  the  loftiest  self-sacrifice,  for 
greater  opportunities,  is  often  thus  acquired  by 
those  who  cultivate  it  in  these  ‘ ‘ small  begin- 
nings.” It  is  woman’s  special  province  to  be 
lovingly  thoughtful  of  the  comfort  of  others  ; 
and  it  is  charming  to  see  the  young  girl,  the 
little  child,  with  this  instinct  of  womanhood, 
trying  to  enter  into  the  feelings  of  all  around,  to 
imagine  their  wants,  and  anticipate  them.  Very 
true  and  very  sad  is  the  experience  given  in  this 
following  paragraph ; so  sadly  true  in  the  greater 
number  of  families,  it  is  wonderful,  the  fact, 
pointed  out,  it  is  not  perceived  and  remedied. 
“ I am  one  of  those  whose  lot  in  life  has  been  to 
go  into  an  unfriendly  world  at  an  early  age ; and 
of  nearly  twenty  families,  in  which  I made  my 
home  in  the  course  of  about  nine  years,  there 
were  but  three  or  four  that  could  be  properly 
designated  as  happy  families,  and  the  source  of 
trouble  was  not  so  much  the  lack  of  love  as  lack 
of  care  to  manifest  it.  The  closing  words  of  this 
sentence  give  us  the  fruitful  source  of  family 
alienations,  of  heartaches  innumerable,  and  of 
sad  faces  and  gloomy  home  circles.  What  a 


AFFECTION  AT  HOME. 


155 


woiicl  of  misery  they  suggest ! l^ot  over  three 
or  four  happy  homes  iii  twenty,  and  the  cause 
so  manifest  and  so  easily  remedied  ! Oh,  in  the 
‘ small  sweet  courtesies  ’ of  life  what  power  re- 
sides ! In  a look,  a word,  a tone,  how  much 
happiness  or  disquietude  maybe  communicated.” 
Mrs.  Browning,  who  has  written  not  a few 
very  deep  and  beautiful  truths,  has  also  drawn 
some  very  lovely  and  pure  pictures  of  simple, 
affectionate  womanhood  in  its  home  aspects,  and 
here  is  one  of  them. 

MY  KATE. 

Sue  was  not  as  pretty  as  women  I know. 

And  yet,  all  your  best,  made  of  sunshine  and  snow, 

Drop  to  shade,  melt  to  naught,  in  the  long-trodden  ways. 
While  she’s  still  remembered  on  warm  and  cold  days. 

My  Kate. 

Her  air  had  a meaning,  her  movement  a grace ; 

You  turned  from  the  fairest  to  gaze  in  her  fiice ; 

And  when  j'ou  had  once  seen  her  forehead  and  mouth. 

You  saw  as  distinctly  her  soul  and  her  truth. 

My  Kate. 

Such  a blue  iuner  light  from  her  eyelids  outbroke. 

You  looked  at  her  silence  and  fancied  she  spoke ; 

When  she  did,  so  peculiar  and  soft  was  the  tone. 

Though  the  loudest  spoke  also  you  heard  her  alone. 

My  Kate. 

I doubt  if  she  said  to  you  much  that  could  act 
As  a thought  or  suggestion ; she  did  not  attract, 

In  the  sense  of  the  brilliant  and  wise,  I infer; 

'Ttcas  her  thinking  of  others  made  them  think  of  her. 

My  Kate. 


156 


EXVELSIOli. 


She  never  found  fault  with  you — never  implied 
Your  wrong  by  her  right ; and  yet  men  at  her  side 
Grew  nobler,  girls  purer,  as  through  the  whole  town 
The  children  were  gladder  that  pulled  at  her  gown. 

My  Kate. 

None  knelt  at  her  feet  as  adorers  in  tlu'all ; 

They  knelt  niore  to  God  than  they  used,  that  was  all. 

If  }mu  praised  her  as  charming,  some  asked  what  you  meant 
But  the  charm  of  her  presence  was  felt  where  she  went. 

My  Kate. 

The  weak  and  the  gentle,  the  ribald  and  rude. 

She  took  as  she  found  them,  and  did  them  all  good ; 

It  always  was  so  with  her,  see  what  you  have ! 

She  has  made  the  grass  greener,  e’en  here — with  her  grave. 

My  Kate. 


CHEERFULNESS  AT  HOME. 


157 


CHAPTER  III. 

CHEEEFULlSrESS  AT  HOME. 

^EARN  to  he  hopeful  at  home.  Hope 
is  but  another  name  for  cheerful- 
ness, that  if  it  sees  all  sombre  around 
it,  looks  forward  brightly,  and  does 
more  than  look  forward : tries  to 
bring  back  the  missing  spirit  of  joy. 
It  is  said,  “ If  people  will  be  good, 
they  will  be  happy.”  Very  true  ; 
but  perhaps  still  more  true,  “If 
people  are  happy  they  Vill  be  good,”  and  it  is 
always  worth  while  to  try  the  experiment.  So 
be  hopeful  of  and  for  every  one.  Whatever  goes 
wrong,  hope,  and  try  your  part  to  make  it  right ; 
whoever  errs,  hope,  and  use  all  your  influence  to 
lead  the  erring  one  back  from  the  wrong  path  ; 
and  do  all  this  by  being  yourself  cheerful,  and 
trying  to  make  all  around  you  so.  In  sorrow, 
trouble,  sickness,  poverty,  the  presence  of  one 
hopeful -hearted,  cheerful-tempered  person,  espe- 
t'ially  if  a woman,  is  strength,  help,  consolation 
14 


158 


EXCELSIOR. 


to  all.  The  very  sight  of  a cheerful  face  will 
often  drive  away  gloom  and  bitterness  from  a 
heart  where  they  have  been  in  full  possession. 
To  the  sorrowful  a cheerful  spirit  will  give  not  only 
sympathy,  but  comfort;  not  only  rest,  but  new 
vigor ; it  will  win  the  sullen  out  of  the  moody 
fit ; it  will  melt  the  obstinate  ; it  will  encourage 
the  timid  and  desponding.  Simple  cheerfulness, 
cheerful  looks,  and  cheerful  words  at  home,  will 
do  all  this  and  more  than  all  this.  It  is  of  more 
good  influence  in  the  family  to  be  habitually 
cheerful  and  hopeful,  than  to  be  able  to  give  the 
most  judicious  advice  and  instruction,  or  spend 
oneself  in  endless  labor  for  the  good  of  others. 

It  is  just  like  sunshine.  Two  houses  on 
opposite  sides  of  a street,  the  one  having  the 
sun  on  it,  the  other  in  the  shade,  though  pre- 
cisely alike  in  all  other  respects,  will  have  a 
totally  different  aspect;  and  so  will  two  families, 
equally  estimable  in  every  way,  and  alike,  ex- 
cept in  one  of  them  possessing  the  treasure  of  at 
least  one  cheerful,  sunny-tempered  member ; the 
other  destitute  of  this  blessing.  Among  all 
home  virtues  there  is  none  of  more  importance 
for  a young  girl  to  cultivate,  if  she  wishes  to 
make  home  happy,  than  the  spirit  of  cheerful- 
ness, as  there  is  nothing  she  should  more 
earnestly  try  to  repress  than  the  least  tendency 
to  fretfulness,  repining,  or  discontent,  that  is  its 
very  opposite.  There  is  nothing  more  wearing 
to  the  spirits  of  all  around  than  tJm  disposition 
to  be  dissatisfied  with  everything  and  everybody 


CHEERFULNESS  AT  HOME. 


159 


at  home,  that  characterizes  many  a young  lady, 
who  abroad  is  all  liveliness,  sweetness,  and 
amiability. 

A passionate  temper  may  cause  a home 
tempest  for  awhile ; a sullen  one  may  at  times 
cast  gloom  around  the  fireside,  but  the  fault- 
finding, repining,  never-satisfied  one,  who  goes 
about  with  a perpetual  frown  on  the  brow,  and 
pout  of  the  lip,  is  a ten-fold  greater  trial  to 
parents,  brothers,  . and  sisters.  Be  cheerful, 
then ; store  up  sunshine  in  your  heart,  and  let 
it  beam  in  your  face,  and  whatever  graces  of 
mind  or  body  you  have  will  be  a thousandfold 
enhanced,  while  on  the  other  hand,  if  to  the 
outside  world  you  seem  homely,  and  lacking  in 
every  charm,  to  “the  dear  ones  at  home  ” you 
will  appear  lovely  and  fascinating. 

HOPE  AND  CHEERFULNESS. 

Dalfy-down-clilly  came  up  in  the  cold. 

Through  the  brown  mould, 

Altliough  the  March  winds  blew  keen  on  her  face. 

Although  the  white  snow  lay  on  many  a place. 

Daffy-down-dilly  had  heard  underground 
The  sweet  rushing  sound  ■ 

Of  the  streams  as  they  hurst  off  their  white,  winter  chains. 

Of  the  whistling  spring  winds,  and  the  pattering  rains. 

“ Now  then,”  thought  Daffy,  deep  down  in  her  heart, 

“ It’s  time  I should  start !” 

So  she  pushed  her  soft  leaves  through  the  hard  frozen  ground, 

Quite  up  to  the  surface,  and  then  she  looked  round. 

There  was  snow  all  about  her — gray  clouds  overhead — 

The  trees  all  looked  dead. 


160 


EXCELSIOR. 


Then  how  do  you  think  DafFy-down-dilly  felt, 

When  the  sun  would  not  shine,  and  the  ice  would  not  melt? 

“ Cold  weather,”  thought  Daffy,  still  working  away ; 

“ The  earth’s  hard  to-day  ! 

There’s  but  a half-inch  of  my  leaves  to  be  seen. 

And  two-thirds  of  that  is  more  yellow  than  green ! 

“ I can’t  do  much  yet,  but  I’ll  do  what  I can ; 

It  is  well  I began  ! 

For  unless  I can  manage  to  lift  up  my  head 
The  people  will  think  that  Spring  herself’s  dead.” 

So  little  by  little  she  brought  her  leaves  out. 

All  clustered  about ; 

And  then  her  bright  flowers  began  to  unfold. 

Till  Daffy  stood  robed  in  her  spring  green  and  gold. 

O,  Daffy-down-dilly,  so  cheerful  and  true ! 

I wish  all  were  like  you ! 

So  ready  for  duty  in  all  sorts  of  weather. 

And  holding  forth  courage  and  beauty  together. 


PATIENCE  AT  HOME. 


161 


CHAPTER  IV. 

PATIENCE  AT  HOME. 

lE  patient  at  home.  If  you  give 
tlie  matter  any  consideration,  you 
will  find  that,  first  of  all,  it  is  with 
your  own  self  you  need  to  be  pa- 
tient. If  you  have  any  right  feel- 
ings, any  aspirations  to  be  good, 
amiable,  noble-minded,  nothing 
will  try  you  more  than  your  con- 
stant short-comings,  your  repeated 
failures  to  reach  the  standard  of  excellence  you 
have  set  before  you.  In  all  who  are  striving 
after  excellence,  whether  moral  or  mental,  this 
standard  will  become  higher  and  higher,  as  they 
add  year  to  year,  will  “grow  with  their  growth, 
and  strengthen  with  their  strength,”  and  so  will 
also  grow  their  need  of  patience  with  self.  That 
will  be  an  unhappy  hour  for  any  human  soul  in 
which  it  says  to  itself,  ‘ ‘ The  point  I have  gained 
is  high  enough,  I am  satisfied  but  all  hours  are 
unhappy  to  that  one  who  still  continues  to  strive 
14* 


162 


EXCELSIOR. 


for  its  end,  but  not  with  patience ; it  has  not 
“learned  the  mystery  of  progression  duly;”  it 
does  not  know  that  in  this  life  the  goal  of  our 
hopes  for  perfection  will  never  be  reached.  Be 
patient,  then,  and  pitying,  with  a divine  pity,  for 
yourself  and  your  faults  and  failures.  It  will  do 
no  good,  either  to  yourself  or  others,  to  get  en- 
raged or  discouraged.  The  noble,  earnest  mind 
will  only  be  incited  by  failure,  and  deeper  con- 
sciousness of  imperfection,  to  fresh  and  more  vig- 
orous efforts  after  goodness. 

“ Not  enjoyment  and  not  sorrow 
Is  our  destined  end  or  way ; 

But  to  act  that  each  to-morroAV 
Finds  us  further  than  to-day.” 

“Wc  speak  with  the  lip,  and  we  dream  in  the  soul. 

Of  some  better  and  hiirer  day ; 

And  our  days  meanwhile  to  that  golden  goal 
Are  gliding  and  sliding  away. 

Now  the  world  becomes  old — now  again  it  is  young, 

B it  ‘ the  better  ’ is  forever  the  word  on  the  tongue. 

“ And  it  is  not  a dream  of  a fancy  proud. 

With  a fool  for  its  dull  begetter; 

There’s  a voice  at  the  heart  that  proclaims  aloud, 

‘ Ye  were  born  to  possess  the  better !’ 

And  that  voice  of  the  heart,  ye  may  believe. 

Will  never  the  hope  of  the  soul  deceive.” 

Even  to  those  who  are  not  conscious  of  these 
better  aspirations,  the  counsel  to  be  patient  with 
self  still  applies.  They  need  to  be  patient  with 
this  very  want,  this  consciousness  of  inferiority 
in  noble-mindedness,  if  they  desire  to  make  even 
the  first  beginning  to  become  noble-minded.  If 


PATIENCE  AT  HOME. 


163 


little  efforts  work  great  actions,  no  less  are  tliey 
the  beginning  of  great  thoughts  and  high  aspi- 
rations. These,  too,  will  find  that 

“ lu  the  daily  round 

Of  duty  and  of  love. 

They  best  will  find  that  patient  faith 
That  lifts  the  soul  above.” 

‘ ‘ There  is  but  a step  from  the  sublime  to  the 
ridiculous,”  is  an  eveiy-day  experience ; one  of 
the  best  illustrations  of  patience  with  self  I ever 
found  was  in  a comic  engraving  of  a poor  little 
donkey,  harnessed  to  a large  cart  heavily  loaded, 
which  the  driver  was  endeavoring  to  urge  on  at 
the  top  of  its  speed  by  a novel  expedient ; fas- 
tened to  some  part  of  its  gear  was  a stick  that 
projected  above  and  beyond  its  head,  far  enough 
to  hold,  suspended  by  a string,  a large  cabbage, 
just  out  of  the  reach  of  the  longing  mouth  of  the 
poor  beast,  but  in  full  view  of  its  eyes.  The 
more  desperate  v/ere  its  efforts  to  grasp  the  deli- 
cious morsel,  the  faster  it  went,  of  . course,  but 
alas ! never  reaching  its  end  any  more  than  we  do. 

Be  Patient  with  Your  Family.  And  first  of 
all  with  your  parents.  It  seems,  at  first  sight, 
almost  a disrespect  to  speak  of  patience  in  this 
connection,  but  in  truth  th-ere  is  hardly  any  fam- 
ily relation  in  which  it  is  more  required.  Child- 
ren, as  they  begin  to  grow  up,  and  exercise  their 
own  reason  and  judgment,  instead  of  relying,  as 
heretofore,  on  simple  obedience  to  those  who  have 
authority  over  them,  become  aware  that  their 
parents  are  not  infallible ; so  far  from  it,  it  not 


164 


EXCELSIOR. 


seldom  happens  that  the  son  or  daughter  is  con- 
scious, in  a question  where  there  is  opposition  of 
views,  that  justice  a.nd  good  sense  is  on  their  side, 
and  only  yield  from  a sense  of  duty,  and  do  it 
ungraciously,  because  impatiently.  Surely  there 
is  no  more  lovely  trait  of  filial  piety  than  this, 
which  would  lead  you  to  be  very  meek  and  for- 
bearing with,  nay,  rather  blind  to  the  faults  of 
your  parents,  or  seeing  them  only  to  excuse  them 
in  your  own  heart  and  veil  them  from  the  eyes 
of  others.  Forbearance  and  kindness  for  their 
infirmities,  mental  or  physical,  in  sickness  or  old 
age,  is  an  obvious  duty,  but  there  are  different 
ways  of  being  dutiful.  One  daughter  will  take 
care  of  an  aged  or  invalid  parent  day  after  day, 
for  years,  zealously,  watchfully,  carefully,  endur- 
ing all  the  fatigue  and  weariness  of  the  position 
without  a murmur,  but  do  it  only  as  a duty,  and 
with  a kind  of  impatient  scorn  and  contempt 
for  the  helplessness  and  imbecility  of  old  age. 
Another  daughter,  in  a like  position,  will  make 
patience  her  first  point,  and  it  will  make  her  ten- 
der, loving,  indulgent,  and  teach  her  so  to  humor 
and  gratify  the  whims  and  “notions”  of  her 
charge,  that  the  second  childhood  will  be,  in  this 
case,  almost  as  cheerful  and  happy  as  the  first 
was  ; while  in  the  other,  however  it  may  be  sur- 
rounded with  bodily  comforts,  it  will  lack  the 
best  and  truest  comfort  of.  all.  Who  does  not 
see  how  great  the  difference  will  be  between  being 
merely  dutiful  and  being  patiently  dutiful  ? Per- 
haps each  will  say,  and  with  equal  truth,  she 


PATIENCE  AT  HOME. 


165 


loves  her  parent,  and  would  not,  for  the  whole 
world,  give  up  to  another  the  privilege  of  taking 
care  of  her  infirm  father  or  mother,  but  assuredly 
the  patient  child  is  the  most  filial-hearted  of  the 
two. 

Be  Patient  with  Brothers  and  Sisters.  It  is 
much  harder  to  be  patient  with  our  equals  in 
position  than  with  either  our  superiors  or  infe- 
riors, but  a much  more  needful  thing,  inasmuch 
as  the  greater  part  of  our  intercourse  in  life  is 
carried  on  with  our  equals.  One  carping,  dispu- 
tatious temper  is  the  bane  of  peace  in  a’  home 
where  there  are  several  brothers  and  sisters,  while 
one  truly  patient  mind  will  sometimes  succeed  in 
reconciling  the  most  discordant  elements,  and 
making  a tranquil  fireside  of  one  that  was  most 
turbulent.  Be  patient,  then,  and  yielding  to  the 
verge  of  right,  but  never  beyond  it. 

Patience  with  servants  is  another  most  impor- 
tant qualification  for  a young  lady  to  strive  to 
acquire,  who  desires  to  know  how  to  make  a 
happy  home.  In  this  country  it  is  said  a really 
good  servant  is  “one  in  a thousand,”  and  that 
the  other  nine  hundred,  and  ninety-nine  vary,  in 
all  degrees,  from  passable  down  to  bad,  worse, 
and  worst.  Is  not  it  possible  that  the  sanie 
classification  may  be  just  as  fairly  applied  to  mis- 
tresses ? It  is  very  certain  that  there  is  no  rela- 
tion in  life  in  which  perfect  good  understanding 
of  mutual  duties  is  more  absolutely  needed  than 
between  the  mistress  of  a house  and  her  domes- 
tics, and  none  in  which  it  is  more  difficult  to 


166 


EXCELSIOR. 


preserve  the  exact  medium  between  undue  famil- 
iarity and  harsh  exaction  and  repulsiveness  ; yet 
this  line  of  separation  must  be  found  and  kept 
by  every  lady  who  desires  at  once  to  do  her  duty 
as  a Christian  and  maintain  her  dignity  as  a mis- 
tress. For  this  the  practice  of  'patience  is  more 
specific  than  that  .of  any  other  virtue.  It  will 
give  the  command  over  self  that  is  the  first  essen- 
tial for  ruling  others ; it  will  prevent  all  over- 
bearing, arbitrary  treatment  of  servants,  yet, 
with  silent,  unyielding  resolution,  assert  the  right 
of  the  mistress  to  be  obeyed.  It  will  teach  how 
not  to  pass  over  faults,  but  to  choose  the  right 
time,  place,  and  way  to  reprehend  them,  and  at 
the  same  time  to  exhibit  a due  consideration  for 
a domestic’s  feelings  and  rights. 

It  will  teach  also  how  to  bear  with  the  igno- 
rance as  well  as  the  faults  of  a servant.  How 
many  a poor  girl,  full  of  good  will  and  good  in- 
tentions, but  not  knowing  how  to  put  them  into 
practice,  has  been  repulsed,  discouraged,  ruined, 
as  far  as  her  efficiency  as  a servant  goes,  by  the 
want  of  a little  patience  in  any  one  of  all  the 
numerous  mistresses  with  whom  she  has  engaged 
to  teach  her  her  proper  business,  and  bear  with 
her  mistakes  and  forgetfulness,  till  the  habit  of 
doing  her  various  duties  properly  was  fully 
formed.  Very  few,  but  very  praiseworthy,  are 
the  examples  of  the  opposite  class  of  mistresses, 
who  have  found  truly  that  “ patient  waiting  is 
no  loss,”  but  secured  a valuable  domestic  aid  and 
an  humble  friend  for  life,  by  the  practice  for  a 
few  weeks  or  months  of  this  beautiful  virtue. 


PATIENCE  AT  HOME. 


167 


The  name  might  here  be  given  of  a lady,  high 
in  station  and  personal  worth,  accomplished  in 
every  sense  of  the  word,  whose  household,  vast 
as  it  is,  is  admirably  conducted  in  every  detail, 
from  cellar  to  garret.  Did  all  her  servants  come, 
ready  taught,  to  her  feet?  ITo;  she  herself 
made  them  what  they  are. 

In  a smaller  household  in  one  of  the  eastern 
cities  the  same  exercise  of  patience  has  met  the 
same  reward,  the  mistress  of  it  having  had  the 
wisdom  to  take  ignorant,  but  seemingly  well 
disposed  girls,  from  the  ship  in  which  they  had 
just  “come  over,”  and  train  them  herself,  giving 
time,  labor,  and  patience,  and  gaining  her  end, 
in  securing  efficient  servants. 

It  may  not  be  out  of  place  to  mention  that  in 
this  latter  household  the  servants  were  taught 
writing  and  arithmetic,  by  the  voluntary,  patient, 
persistent  efforts  of  a child  of  thirteen  years  old, 
who  every  evening,  after  preparing  her  own 
lessons  for  school,  devoted  an  hour  to  her  three 
pupils  in  the  kitchen,  till,  to  their  delight,  each 
one  was  able  to  write  a neat  letter  back  to  the 
“old  counthry”  without  help. 

“ Of  all  the  lovely  virtues 
• That  adorn  and  cheer  our  path. 

Patient  perseverance 


168 


EXCELSIOR. 


CHAPTER  V. 

HOUSEWOEK. 

ROB  ABLY  the  heading  of  this 
chapter  will  be  read  with  a scorn- 
ful curl  of  the  lip  by  many  young 
ladies  who  think  they  best  prove 
their  title  by  professing,  both 
theoretically  and  practically,  their 
ignorance  of  household  duties,  yet 
who  desire  and  expect  at  some 
future  time  to  marry  and  become 
mistresses  of  households.  But,  “a  perfect  wo- 
man, nohly  planned,”  is  a woman  who  includes 
in  herself  all  that  appertains  to  her  part  of 
human  nature,  and  she  knows  the  more  import- 
ant part  to  her  is  the  “home  department.”  A 
lady  who  fills  her  place  here  well,  in  all  its 
various  parts,  is  truly  the  “perfect  woman”  the 
poet  describes,  and  we  are  not  surprised  to  find 
that  while  he  begins  by  finding  her  “ a phantom 
of  delight,”  he  ends  by  discovering  she  is 


HOUSEWORK. 


169 


“ A being  bieathing  tbouglitfiil  breath, 

A traveler  betwixt  life  and  death, 

With  reason  firm,  and  tempei'ate  'will. 

Prudence,  foresight,  strength  and  skill.” 

And  that  she  is  competent  to  fulfil,  in  other 
relations  of  life,  all  the  offices  of  a true  help- 
meet, and  “to  warn,  to  comfort,  and  command.” 
It  is  a grievous  mistake  young  ladies  make 
when  they  look  on  life  from  the  romantic  point 
of  view  rather  than  the  practical.  There  is 
always  some  romance  underlying  even  the  most 
ordinary,  common-place,  everyday  sort  of  life, 
and  it  is  well  for  each  one  who  can  see  it,  and 
make  it  a relief  to  the  monotony  and  weariness 
of  an  unvarying  round  of  duties.  The  mistake 
is  when  they  allow  the  romance  to  come  upper- 
most, and  leave  the  practical  duties  quite  out  nf 
sight,  and  the  result  of  the  error  is  idleness, 
carelessness,  and  utter  indifference  to  the  homely 
wants  of  a household.  It  is  precisely  these  non- 
chalant romantic  ladies  who  are  ever  the  most 
disposed  to  complain  of  the  inefficiency  of  their 
servants,  and  a careful  study  of  the  pro  and  con 
compels  to  the  conclusion  that  they  have  never 
taken  any  care  to  train  their  servants  to  do  any- 
thing, for  the  very  sufficient  reason  they  did  not 
themselves  know  any  better  how  the  work  of  a 
house  should  be  done. 

The  woman  is  to  be  pitied,  whether  married 
or  single,  who,  knowing  nothing  practically  of 
the  cares  of  housekeeping,  is  ignorant  also  of  its 
delights ; for  if  it  has  its  trials  and  disappoiht- 
15 


170 


EXCELSIOR. 


ments,  of  which  we  hear  so  much,  it  has  its 
pleasures  also,  though  they  have  not  been  so 
eloquently  set  forth.  A life  without  regular 
occupation,  for  some  part  at  least  of  each  day,  is 
a dreary,  insipid  life,  no  matter  how  full  it  is  of 
what  we  called  pleasures  and  amusements,  and 
sooner  or  later  ennui  takes  possession  of  the 
lady  who  lives  such  a life,  though,  like  the 
habitual  drunkard,  she  cannot  dispense  with  the 
excitement  of  the  dissipations  to  which  she  is 
accustomed. 

The  lady,  however,  who,  whether  wealthy  or 
of  moderate  means,  da,ily  gives  some  portion  of 
her  time  to  household  duties,  and  takes  a real 
interest  in  all  the  details,  great  and  small,  of  her 
home,  and  who,  moreover,  is  not  only  competent 
to  direct,  but  able  and  willing  to  do  with  her 
own  hands  any  part  of  the  work  when  it  is 
needful  to  supply  the  place  of  a sick  or  missing 
servant,  is  safe  forever  from  this  demon  of  ennui ; 
and  not  only  so,  but  will,  with  far  more  zest, 
enter  into  all  the  lawful  amusements  of  her  age 
and  station.'  The  feet  that  have  during  part  of 
the  morning  been  industriously  moving  around 
in  “household  motions  light  and  free,”  will  in 
the  evening  dance  all  the  more  lightly  and 
merrily,  and  the  hands  that  have  perhaps  been 
wielding  the  broom  or  the  duster,  will  fly  just  as 
deftly  over  the  keys  of  the  piano  or  strings  of 
the  harp. 

Indeed,  knowledge  of  housekeeping,  real  prac- 
tical knowledge,  is  the  most  precious  of  all 


HOUSEWORK. 


171 


accomplisliments,  and  every  sensible  woman  will 
so  regard  it,  and  not,  in  tbe  fashion  of  the  sillier 
portion,  degrade  it  by  giving  it  tbe  name  of 
drudgery,  and  considering  it  a mark  of  elegance 
to  be  ignorant  of  household  details.  It  is  most 
precious,  because  valuable  and  desirable  as  are 
the  various  other  parts  of  a liberal  and  complete 
education,  this  is  indispensable  to  almost  all 
women,  and  nothing  will  supply  the  want  of  it. 
No  man  of  sense,  no  gentleman  of  refinement 
will  marry,  unless  under  a mistake  as  to  her  real 
character,  a lady  who  does  not  know  how  to 
order  a house,  and  keep  all  its  machinery 
properly  in  motion ; and  sadly  disappointed  and 
disgusted  is  many  a one  who  finds  the  woman 
he  has  chosen  not  only  incapable  of  making  a 
home  for  him,  but  unwilling  even  to  learn,  des- 
pising the  needful  care  and  labor,  and  expecting 
from  servants  the  fulfilment  of  their  duties  and 
her  own  too. 

Many  ladies  interest  themselves  in  the 
arrangement  of  the  drawing-room,  parlors,  and 
dining-room,  “company  rooms”  as  they  are 
called,  and  take  care  that  taste  and  refinement 
shall  be  exhibited,  because  elegant,  artistic,  in- 
tellectual pursuits  will  thus  claim  the  admiration 
of  visitors,  but  the  private  family  apartments, 
the  sitting-room,  the  kitchen,  the  sleeping- 
rooms,  will  be  left  to  their  fate,  and  the  fidelity 
or  want  of  fidelity  of  the  domestics. 

The  really  good  housekeeper  and  refined  lady 
while  by  no  means  neglecting  anything  that  can 


172 


EXCELSIOR. 


render  a home  beautiful,  will,  however,  make  it 
her  first  object  to  see  that  it  is  comfortable,  and 
the  real  comforts  of  a home  are  in  the  perfect 
cleanliness  and  convenient  orderly  arrangements 
of  its  more  private  parts,  and  the  regular  syste- 
matic routine  of  housework  and  punctuality  in 
meals.  Though  both  young  ladies  and  gentle- 
men have  equal  need  to  learn  the  importance  of 
“ a place  for  everything,  and  everything  in  its 
place,  a time  for  everything,  and  everything  in 
its  time,”  yet  it  would  seem,  of  the  two  clauses  of 
the  maxim,  the  first  is  more  applicable  for  the 
gentleman,  who  is  most  apt  to  be  untidy — the 
last  to  the  lady,  who  is  more  given  to  be  unpunc- 
tual, especially  in  that  point  of  daily  importance 
to  men  of  all  occupations,  exactness  to  the  din- 
ner hour. 

A lady  who  wishes  her  home  to  be  well 
ordered,  should  be  able  not  only  to  superintend 
and  give  her  orders,  but  to  lend  a helping  hand 
to  her  domestics,  when  from  any  emergency  of 
sickness  or  absence  the  ordinary  routine  of  the 
day  or  week  is  broken  into,  or  when  the  need  of 
instructing  a new  servant  arises.  She  will  thus 
also  save  herself  from  any  attempt  at  imposition, 
by  proving  to  the  servants  she  knoivs  how  all 
ought  to  be  done,  and  will  not  submit  to  the 
work  being  slighted  in  any  way.  Let  her,  if 
there  is  necessity,  with  gloved  hands  and  ’kerchief 
over  her  hair,  take  the  broom  and  sweep  over 
herself  the  neglected  part  of  the  carpet,  in  the 
dark  corner  or  under  the  wardrobe  or  sideboard. 


HOUSEWOBK. 


173 


to  show  the  slatternly  or  ignorant  girl  she  ‘ ‘ sees 
dirt,”  as  the  phrase  has  it,  and  knows  what  good 
sweeping  is.  Let  her  strip  a bed,  and  shake  and 
smooth  it  properly,  and  arrange  the  covers  and 
the  pillows,  and  turn  down  the  sheet  with  the 
exact  symmetry  a well-made  bed  should  have. 
Nay,  let  her  not  shrink  from  going  farther  than 
this,  and  by  that  point  of  points,  that  test  of 
tests,  by  which  the  perfection  of  a good  cham- 
bermaid is  effectually  cleaning  the  bed- 

stead— let  her,  by  showing  how  it  ought  to  be 
done,  and  how  often,  not  leave  a careless  servant 
any  excuse  for  allowing  troops  of  ‘ ‘ horrid  red- 
coats ” to  invade  the  peaceful  slumbers  of  her 
family. 

If  the  cook  is  incompetent  or  absent,  let  the 
lady  be  able,  (in  neat  calico  wrapper — not  a cast- 
off fine  dress,)  to  go  into  her  kitchen,  not  only  to 
prepare  the  delicate  pastry,  cake,  <fec.,  as  some 
ladies  with  an  affectation  of  good  housekeeping- 
do,  but  the  real  substantial  parts  of  an  ordinary 
repast,  the  beef,  potatoes  and  cabbage.  It  is  a 
pity  in  this  the  hands  must  be  subjected  to  some  , 
rough  usage,  but  a far  greater  pity  it  would  be  if 
her  husband  and  children  must  eat  ill-cooked 
viands  or  go  hungry,  and  know  that  their  com- 
fort depended,  not  on  the  wife  and  mother,  but 
on  a hired  cook.  No  ; let  the  true  lady  prove 
she  is 

“A  creature  not  too  bright  and  good 
For  human  nature’s  daily  food,” 

in  a far  better  sense  than  the  poet  had  in  view 
15* 


174 


EXCELSIOli. 


when  he  penned  the  lines.  If,  in  addition  to 
this,  when  her  well-cooked  dinner  has  been  dis- 
cussed and  enjoyed,  she  once  in  a while  shows 
her  girls  the  right  way  to  “wash  the  dishes,” 
for  there  is  a right  and  wrong  way  here,  too,  she 
will  be  more  secure  of  never  seeing  her  table 
disgraced  by  greasy  plates  and  dishes,  knives 
and  forks  with  gritty  or  sticky  handles,  clouded 
tumblers,  and  dull,  tarnished  silver. 

“ If  on  our  daily  course  our  mind 
Be  set  to  hallow  all  we  find, 

New  treasures  still,  of  countless  price, 

God  will  provide  for  sacrifice. 

“ The  trivial  round,  the  common  task 
AVill  furnish  all  we  need  to  ask; 

Room  to  deny  ourselves ; a road 
To  bring  us  daily  nearer  God. 

“ Old  friends,  old  scenes  will  lovelier  be, 

, As  more  of  heaven  in  each  we  see; 

Some  softening  gleam  of  love  and  prayer. 

Shall  dawn  on  every  cross  and  care. 

“ O,  could  we  learn  that  sacrifice. 

What  lights  would  all  around  us  rise. 

How  would  our  hearts  with  wisdom  talk 
Along  life’s  dullest,  dreariest  walk.” 


PLAIN  SEWING. 


175 


CHAPTER  VI. 

PLAIN  SEWING. 

NE  other  requisite  will  not  he  over- 
looked by  the  lady  who  desires  to 
be  a “perfect  woman” — useful  nee- 
dle work.  “ Fancy  work,”  of  one 
kind  or  another,  is  always  the  rage ; 
some  new  sort  is  always  being  in- 
vented, or  some  forgotten  old  one 
brought  forward  again  with  im- 
provements, to  supply  the  place  of 
the  one  that  has  had  its  day  and  is  laid  aside. 
But  “plain  sewing”  never  seems  in  favor,  it  is 
looked  on  as  a weary  task,  to  be  got  rid  of  any 
how  it  can.  Few  families  are  now  without  a 
sewing  machine,  and  their  use  is  most  thankfully 
to  be  received  as  a relief  to  the  over-tasked  mis- 
tress of  a large  family,  with  small  ineans  to  hire 
assistance,  in  the  still  beginning,  never-ending 
task  of  keeping  the  supply  of  house  linen,  and 
husband’s  and  children’s  clothes  up  to  require- 
ments. With  its  help  she  may,  sometimes  at 


176 


EXCELSIOR. 


least,  give  a practical  refutation  to  the  dreary 
old  saying  that  “Man’s work  is  from  sun  to  sun, 
but  woman’s  work  is  never  done,”  and  feel  at 
leisure  occasionally  to  enjoy  the  social  and  intel- 
lectual relaxations  of  life.  But  even  the  most 
perfect  of  sewing  machines,  even  that  which  will 
“stitch,  run,  fell,  hem,  tuck,  gather,  braid,”  and 
finally  “work  the  button-holes,”  cannot  do  all 
and  everything  that  is  comprised  under  the  head 
of  plain  sewing.  Even  for  the  best  of  sewing 
machines  it  is  necessary  for  every  seam  to  be 
accurately  arranged,  and  before  that,  for  every 
article  to  be  cut  out  and  prepared,  and  to  do  this 
well,  with  a proper  regard  for  neatness  in  fit  and 
shape  of  each  garment,  and  due  economy  in  the 
use  of  material,  knowledge  and  care  that  only 
personal  experiejice  will  give  is  needed — knowl- 
edge that  can  only  be  gradually  acquired. 

That  mother  is  a wise  one  who,  instead  of  giv- 
ing her  little  girl  a doll  ready  dressed  and  with 
a complete  wardrobe,  presents  it  as  the  babe  is 
born,  with  materials  to  dress  it  well,  and  shows 
the  little  one  how  both  to  cut  out  and  put  to- 
gether all  the  garments  for  her  new  pet.  It  is 
a double  pleasure  to  the  child,  and  the  beginning 
of  a valuable  store  of  knowledge  for  after  life. 

To  return  to  the  “children  of  a larger  growth,” 
who,  more  the  pity,  learned  long  ago  to  despise 
dolls,  but  who,  many  of  them,  do  not  know  how  to 
make  even  a doll’s  clothes  properly,  it  is  well  if 
even  now  they  will  be  persuaded  that  skill  in  the 
use  of  the  needle  is  not  in  any  station  an  art  to 


PLAIN  SEWING. 


be  despised.  Few  indeed  are  the  women  who  go 
through  life  without  having  felt  the  necessity  of 
knowing  something  of  patching  and  darning,  and 
all  the  varieties  of  mending,  and  no  little  differ- 
-ence  is  there  in  both  the  appearance  and  comfort 
of  apparel  carelessly  mended  or  left  unrepaired, 
and  that  repaired  with  a neatly  arranged  patch, 
or  a smooth  flat  darn ; this  is  especially  the  case 
with  stockings,  which,  if  mended  in  that  disgrace 
in  thrifty  housewives’  eyes,  “gobble  stitch,”  do 
not  last  half  the  time  they  ought,  and  are  a mis- 
ery for  tender  feet  to  wear.  As  to  wearing  un- 
mended hose  because  “ the  holes  wont  show,”  it 
is  to  be  hoped  few  women  are  guilty  of  the 
enormity,  excusable  only  in  that  most  forlorn 
type  of  humanity,  the  “ old  bachelor,”  who,  un- 
happy being,  has  no  one  to  darn  his  stockings 
for  him. 

Even  for  those  who  are  never  under  the  ne- 
cessity that  others  are  all  the  time,  of  exerting 
their  skill  to  keep  up  a respectable  appearance 
by  trying  to  “ mak’  auld  claithes  look  maist  as 
gude’s  the  new,”  there  is  need,  constant  need, 
unless  they  are  very  slatternly  of  that  provident 
stitch  in  time  that  saves  nine  ; and  if  they  are 
wise  they,  too,  will  try  to  ^attain  some  expertness 
in  the  saving  art  of  mending.  It  has  been  re- 
marked somewhere  that  a pretty  hand  never 
looks  so  pretty  as  when  sewing,  and  for  the  fur- 
ther encouragement  of  those  disposed  for  useful 
industry  in  this  respect,  this  old  poem  is  also 
given . 


178 


EXCELSIOR. 


THE  NEEDLE. 

The  gay  belle  of  fashion  boast  of  excelling 
* In  waltz  or  cotillion,  at  whist  or  quadrille, 

And  seek  admiration  by  vauntingly  telling 
Of  drawing  and  painting,  and  musical  skill ; 

But  give  me  the  fair  one,  in  country  or  city. 

Whose  home  and  its  duties  are  dear  to  her  heart, 

Who  cheerfully  warbles  some  rustical  ditty 
While  plying  the  needle  with  exquisite  art. 

The  bright  little  needle,  the  swift  flying  needle, 

The  needle  directed  by  beauty  and  art. 

If  love  have  a potent,  a magical  token, 

A talisman  ever  resistless  and  true, 

A charm  that  is  never  evaded  or  broken, 

A witchery  certain  the  heart  to  subdue : 

’Tis  this: — and  his  armory  never  has  furnished 
So  keen  or  unerring  or  polished  a dart ; 

Let  beauty  direct  it,  so  pointed  and  burnished, 

And,  Oh,  it  is  certain  of  touching  the  heart. 

The  needle,  the  needle,  the  bright  little  needle, 

The  needle  directed  by  beauty  and  art. 

Be  wise,  then,  ye  maidens,  nor  seek  admiration 
By  dressing  for  conquest  and  flirting  with  all ; 

You  never,  whatever  your  fortune  or  station. 

Appear  half  so  lovely,  at  rout  or  at  ball. 

As  gaily  convened  at  a work-covered  table. 

Each  cheerfully  active  and  playing  her  part. 

Beguiling  her  task  with  a song  or  a fable. 

And  plying  the  needle  with  exquisite  art. 

Tlie  needle,  the  needle^the  bright  little  needle. 

The  needle  directed  by  beauty  and  art. 

And  to  end  tliis  cliapter  by  showing  how  ex- 
pertness in  needle  work  may  profit  the  soul  as 
well  as  the  body,  here  is  a motive  for  cultivating 
skill  better  than  all,  to  use  it  in  working  for  the 


PLAIN  SEWING. 


179 


poor.  Few  of  the  laboring  class  of  women,  ex- 
cept those  who  make  their  living  by  their  nee- 
dles, are  either  good  sewers  or  know  how  to  cut 
out  to  advantage ; and  even  those  who  do,  in  the 
ceaseless  toil  to  provide  the  first  necessaries  of 
life,  shelter,  food  and  fuel,  have  little  time  or 
means  to  spend  on  their  clothes.  The  lady  who, 
in  addition  to  the  assistance  in  money  or  neces- 
saries she  is  supposed,  as  a Christian,  to  be 
always  ready  to  bestow  on  the  destitute  or  strug- 
gling poor,  will  regularly  give  also  some  of  her 
time  to  making  clothing  for  them,  will  be  chari- 
table in  an  even  greater  degree  to  her  own  soul, 
by  the  self-denial  she  will  practice  in  taking  it 
from  more  elegant  and  agreeable  occupations. 
This  is  of  far  more  merit  than  the  mere  giving 
from  her  superfluities  can  ever  be ; and  good  sub- 
stantial clothing  made  from  proper  materials  for 
the  use  of  the  poor,  of  far  more  value  and  com- 
fort to  them  than  the  soiled,  half-worn  or  out-of- 
fashion  garments  of  their  own,  some  ladies  dis- 
pense in  what  they  call  charity. 


180 


EXCELSIOR. 


CHAPTEE  VII. 

THE  BESETTING  SIN  OF  WOMEN. 

HESE  cliapters  are  merely  supple- 
mental to  the  preceding  work,  and 
intended  to  supply  to  young  ladies 
the  suggestions  that  could  not, 
without  interfering  with  its  se- 
quence and  consistency,  be  intro- 
duced into  it;  little  reference  is, 
therefore,  made  in  this  part  to 
school  duties.  All  the  motives 
and  inducements  that  were  urged  in  the  chapter 
on  College,  to  persuade  to  diligence,  systematic 
thoroughness,  and  judgment  in  the  selection  of 
studies,  are  of  just  as  much  application  to  the 
young  girl  as  to  the  young  man.  A lady’s  col- 
lege course  may  not,  in  all  its  details,  be  the 
same  as  a gentleman’s,  but  in  its  general  outline 
it  is,  and  its  result,  success  or  failure  in  life,  de- 
pends, in  the  one  .case  as  in  the  other,  on  the 
good  use  made  of  it.  In  nothing  else,  outside  of 
sj)iritual  application,  is  the  warning  more  appo- 


THE  BESETTING  SIN  OF  WOMEN. 


181 


site:  “Let  not  any  part  of  a good  gift  over- 
pass thee,”  than  in  this,  in  the  opportunity — 
vainly  longed  for  by  many  from  whom  it  is  with- 
held— to  obtain  a good,  a complete  education.” 
A due  appreciation  of  the  value  of  this  privilege 
will,  by  increasing  affectionate  gratitude  to  pa- 
rents, who  afford  it  often  at  the  expense  of  denial 
of  personal  gratifications,  counteract  all  danger 
of  filial  love  becoming  cooled  by  absence ; and 
the  desire  to  please  a beloved  father  and  mother, 
to  meet  their  just  hopes  and  expectations,  will, 
or  at  least  should,  be  the  best  incentive  to  ear- 
nest, untiring  diligence.  The  tastes  and  wishes 
of  parents  should  be  consulted  by  pupils  in  the 
selection  of  different  branches  of  study,  rather 
than  their  own  fancies ; their  advice  should  be 
asked  in  respect  to  conduct ; and,  as  far  as  pos- 
sible, the  same  dependence  felt  and  expressed  on 
their  authority  while  at  school,  as  when  under 
their  immediate  care  at  home. 

Letters  to  parents,  though  written  according 
to  the  rules  of  the  institution,  at  regular  inter- 
vals, should  yet  be  the  spontaneous  outpourings 
of  affectionate,  reverential  feelings.  Instead  of 
leaving  all  to  set  times  for  writing,  when  the 
supposed  necessity  of  making,  in  the  first  place, 
a good  composition,  causes  too  often  a stiff,  formal 
appearance  in  their  letters,  it  would  be  well  if 
children  were  more  careful  to  keep  warm  in  their 
hearts  and  memories  the  thoughts  of  home  and  all 
the  dear  ones  there,  that  from  time  to  time  arise 
simply  and  naturallv,  and  thus  treasure  them  up 
16 


182 


EXCELSIOR. 


to  fill  their  letters  with.  Such  letters  as  these 
are  inexpressibly  sweet  and  precious  to  parents. 

A few  words  will  be  said  on  each  of  the  three 
points,  Moral,  Mental,  and  Physical  Education, 
as  applicable  to  ladies. 

Of  the  first,  all  that  has  been  said  by  different 
authors  to  prove  that,  in  moral  nature  and  train- 
ing, women  are,  as  a general  thing,  superior  to 
men,  must,  it  is  to  be  feared,  be  put  down  rather 
to  courtesy  and  generosity  than  to  truth.  They 
are  far  more  frequent  in  the  commission  of  many 
of  the  minor  misdeeds  of  society  than  men  are ; 
the  petty  mischief-maker — the  tale-bearer — the 
scandal-monger — the  detractor,  is  it  not,  nine 
times  out  of  ten,  found  to  be  a woman?  Are 
they  not  more  envious,  more  jealous,  more  bitter, 
more  spiteful,  more  unforgiving  to  each  other, 
than  men?  And  last,  not  least,  are  they  not 
more  deceitful?  If  this  last  be  granted  it  will 
probably  be  with  the  excusing  clause  that,  like 
all  timid  and  weaker  creatures,  they  take  refuge 
in  concealment,  and  by  that  very  admission  the 
point  will  be  unconsciously  granted  that,  in  moral 
nature,  woman  is  not  superior  to  man. 

It  is  not  intended,  however,  by  any  means,  to 
insinuate  that  she  is  inferior.  If  below  him  in 
some  points,  she  is  as  far  above  him  in  others,  and 
probably  an  analysis  of  the  characteristics  of  the 
two  halves  of  humanity  would  result  in  this  con- 
clusion—that  the  chief  failings  on  the  man’s  side 
may  be  summed  up  under  the  general  head  of 
selfishness,  contrasted  by  the  self-devotion  of 


THE  BESETTING  SIN  OF  WOMEN. 


183 


woman  to  the  good  and  happiness  of  others,  at 
the  expense  of  personal  gratification;  and  that 
the  besetting  sin  of  women  is  uncharitableness — a 
disposition  to  judge  harshly — and  speak  severely, 
of  their  own  sex  especially,  in  contradistinction 
to  the  greater  magnanimity  and  generosity  of 
men  to  offenders,  whether  men  or  women.  We 
will  leave  the  gentlemen  to  take  care  of  them- 
selves, and  let  each  decide  under  what  special 
aspect  his  type  of  selfishness  makes  itself  appa- 
rent— egotism,  love  of  ease,  indifference  to  the 
feelings  of  others,  (fee. — and  concern  ourselves 
with  trying  to  amend,  in  any  case  these  words 
may  ii-duence,  the  proneness  of  women  to  un- 
charitableness. “There  is  no  rule  without  an 
exception”  holds  good  in  all  cases,  and  gladly  is 
it  allowed  there  are  noble  instances  of  lofty  self- 
devotion  among  men,  and  among  women,  not  a 
few  whose  lips  are  stainless  from  even  one  wil- 
fully uncharitable  word ; but  it  is  to  the  generality 
these  pages  are  addressed,  and  let  the  consciences 
of  the  majority  of  women  answer,  if  not  with  too 
just  cause.  Let  themselves  be  theirmwn  judges. 
In -any  case  in  which  her  character,  her  good 
name,  is  in  danger,  either  with  or  without  rea- 
son, is  it  not  from  the  harsh  judgments,  the  bit- 
ter comments  of  her  sister  women  she  shrinks  far 
more  than  from  the  fear  of  what  men  will  think  or 
say  of  her?  0,  if  women,  young  and  old,  would 
but  take  to  heart  the  enormity  of  the  evil  of  rash 
judgment,  rash  expression  of  opinions,  rash  de- 
tails of  the  conduct  of  others,  uncharitable  com- 


184 


EXCELSIOR. 


ments  on  words  or  deeds  they  may  not  have 
understood  in  their  real  meaning,  'petty  tale- 
bearing, half,  nay,  nearly  all,  the  quarrels  and 
misunderstandings  of  the  world — the  social  world 
in  which  they  live — would  be  at  an  end.  A so- 
cial millenium  would  commence — -a  complete 
revolution  in  society  would  be  the  result.  The 
uncharitable,  tattling  tongue  of  one  woman ! To 
think  of  the  mischief  it  can  do ! The  pain,  the 
suffering,  the  misery,  the  despair  it  can  cause  in 
the  world ! It  makes  one  tremble  and  shudder 
to  think  of  it ! Only  God  knows  how  many  bro- 
ken hearts  have  gone  in  uncomplaining  silence  to 
the  grave,  struck  to  death  by  the  barbed  tongues 
of  the  scandal-loving  among  women. 

It  is  often  made  the  excuse  for  detailing  some 
precious  morsel  of  evil-speaking,  “I  know  it  to 
be  strictly  true.”  That  is  no  excuse  at  all  for 
telling  the  story ; more : it  is  far  rather  a reason 
for  striving  to  suppress  it.  A lie  can,  and  prob- 
ably will,  die  out  or  be  discovered,  and  the  ma- 
ligned person’s  chai’acter  shine  out  with  brighter 
lustre  for  the  attempt  made  to  tarnish  it ; but  a 
truth — 0,  there  is  inherent  life  in  a truth — even 
a hard,  cruel,  uncharitable  truth,  and  it  may 
wound  to  death  some  poor  heart,  far  more  weak 
than  wicked,  if  it  be  thoughtlessly  proclaimed ; 
while  its  wise  and  merciful  concealment  world 
perhaps  have  been  salvation  for  it,  in  this  would 
and  the  other.  Said  St.  Francis  de  Sales:  “The 
truth  that  is  not  charitable  proceeds  always  from 
a charity  that  is  not  true.” 


THE  BESETTING  SIN  OF  WOMEN. 


185 


No  one  can  estimate  another’s  feelings ; no  one 
can  judge  of  the  sensitive  point  in  another’s  na- 
ture— a more  obtuse  mind  would  not  feel  what, 
to  a tender  and  delicate  one,  would  he  bitter 
pain ; no  one  can  comprehend  how  some  unknown 
circumstance,  or  internal  consciousness  of  appli- 
cation, may  cause,  what  to  them  seems  a very 
trifling  remark,  to  sting  deeply  the  one  of  whom 
it  is  made ; and  therefore,  in  speaking  of  others, 
no  rule  is  safe,  except  the  absolute,  unqualifled 
rule — to  speak  no  evil  of  our  neighbor. 

There  is  equal  reproof  to  the  detractor  and 
comfort  for  the  detracted  in  these  lines : 

“ The  little  griefs — the  petty  wounds — 

The  stabs  of  daily  care; 

‘ Crackling  of  thorns  beneath  the  pot,’ 

As  life’s  fire  burns — now  cold,  now  hot — 

How  hard  they  are  to  bear. 

“ But  on  the  fire  burns,  clear  and  still, 

The  cankering  sorrow  dies ; 

The  small  wound  heals,  the  clouds  are  rent. 

An  through  this  shattered  mortal  tent, 

Look  down  the  eternal  skies.” 

For  those  who,  more  in  thoughtlessness  of 
mind  than  uncharitableness  of  heart,  allow  them- 
selves to  talk  unguardedly  of  their  neighbor,  the 
following  lines  are  also  given : 

“ O,  the  wounds  I might  have  healed, 

The  human  sorrow  and  smart ! 

And  yet  it  never  was  in  my  soul 
To  play  so  ill  a part ; 

But  evil  is  wrought  by  want  of  thought. 

As  well  as  want  of  heart.” 


16* 


186 


EXCELSIOR. 


Let  tlie  young  lady,  who  desires  to  rise  high 
in  the  scale  of  moral  excellence,  guard  herself 
from  all  the  faults  of  human  nature,  hut  watch, 
with  a special,  jealous  watch,  against  this  special 
sin  of  womanhood,  hfo  guard  can  be  too  care- 
ful—no  care  too  great;  for  rash  judgment,  and 
its  sure  companion,  uncharitable  speaking,  are 
lurking  devils,  always  lying  in  wait  and  watch- 
ing for  an  opportunity,  in  all  companies,  in  every 
conversation,  to  find  an  opening  for  insinuating 
their  venom,  sure,  if  they  can  do  it,  of  wounding 
two  souls  at  once — the  detractor  and  detracted. 

It  is  in  smaller  circles  of  societ}^  above  all, 
where  this  guard  is  especially  needed;  the  nar- 
row clique,  the  little  village  circle,  benevolent 
associations  of  ladies,  who,  thrown  together  more 
frequently  and  intimately,  see  more  of  each  oth- 
er’s failings,  and  are  more  prone  to  whisperings 
about  each  other.  Little  remarks  are  made,  now 
and  again,  of  some  absent  one,  “that  mean  no 
harm,”  but,  being  repeated  and  detailed,  grow, 
heaven  knows  how,  into  serious  accusations. 

An  admirable  essay  on  the  moral  and  mental 
elevation  of  woman,  by  Monseigneur  Dupanloup, 
Bishop  of  Orleans,*  which  will  in  the  following 
chapter  be  largely  quoted,  refers  to  this  point, 
giving  the  experience  of  a young  woman.  She 
writes  to  him:  “For  three  years  I have  seen 

society  in  the  provinces ; it  differs  little  from  that 
of  other  (provincial)  places,  I suppose.  Ah, 

■^Translated  for  and  published  in  the  Catholic  World,  October 
and  November,  18G7. 


THE  BESETTING  SIN  OF  WOMEN. 


187 


me ! sometimes  at  the  end  of  the  day  I sum  up 
six  or  seven  hours  spent,  with  or  against  my 
will,  in  gossip  about  my  neighbors  that,  while 
compromising  .charity,  has  exhausted  the  mind 
and  narrowed  the  already  narrow  horizon.” 

Members  of  all  communities,  no  matter  what 
their  object,  or  how  estimable  individually,  need 
to  guard  themselves  from  this  propensity  to  deal 
in  personalities.  In  the  essay  on  “Conversa- 
tion” in  the  preceding  part  of  this  work,  very 
just  and  sensible  remarks  were  made  as  to  how 
far  personal  observations  were  admissible  in  gen- 
eral conversation,  and  the  limit  clearly  defined. 

In  institutes  for  education  of  young  ladies, 
each  one  needs,  if  she  would  preserve  a perfect 
character  for  high-mindedness,  to  be  especially 
careful  on  this  point.  Among  the  young, 
whether  in  the  family  or  at  school,  it  is  the 
“tell-tale”  who  is  the  object  of  general  suspi- 
cion and  aversion,  and  the  character  once  fixed 
on  any  one  is  never  got  rid  of.  When  it  is 
necessary  to  give  information  of  any  breach  of 
discipline  observed  in  another,  it  should  be  done 
simply  and  quietly,  and  left  for  the  directress  to 
deal  with.  Beware  of  whispering  §md  pointing 
out  among  companions  any  fault  of  the  kind,  or 
of  any  other  character ; your  very  confidants  in 
such  cases  will  learn  to  distrust  and  despise  you. 

The  solemn  and  beautiful  precept:  “Judge 
not,  and  you  shall  not  be  judged,  condemn  not, 
and  you  shall  not  be  condemned,”  should  be,  in 
literal  practice,  the  golden  rule  of  women,  their 


188 


EXCELSIOR. 


guard  against  sins  of  uncharitableness  in  thought 
and  word ; as  men  need  to  study  more  in  details 
and  take  in  a more  active  sense  than  they 
usually  do,  the  golden  rule  to  '‘Do  unto  others 
as  ye  would  that  they  should  do  unto  you,”  and 
not  merely  in  passive,  self-loving  indolence,  leave 
others  alone. 


MENTAL  TRAINING. 


189- 


CHAPTER  VIII. 

MENTAL  TRAINING.- 

0 speak  of  mental  training  for 
women  is  always  a difficult  point. 
To  give  it  its  due  importance,  and 
yet  keep  it  in  subjection  to  higher 
duties,  for  strict  as  is  the  obliga- 
tion imposed  on  her  to  use  and 
improve  every  talent  God  has  en- 
trusted to  her  keeping,  it  is  very 
certain  He  has  given  her  some- 
thing to  do  in  this  world  of  even  more  conse- 
quence to  herself  and  others  than  to  become 
proficient  in  literature,  art,  or  science.  It  is 
only  when  she  knows,  and  acts  on  the  knowl- 
edge, that  mental  cultivation  is  not  for  her,  an 
end  in  itself,  but  a means  to  another  end,  to 
enable  her  the  better  to  fulfil  her  womanly  duties, 
especially  as  a wife  and  mother,  that  it  is  safe  to 
urge  it  on  her. 

On  the  other  hand,  it  may  be  said  that  to  cul- 
tivate a taste  for  intellectual  pursuits  is  the  only 


190 


EXCELSIOR. 


way  to  deliver  the  women  of  this  age  from  the 
general  spirit  of  frivolity  that  seems  to  possess 
them,  and  to  enable  them  with  more  credit  to 
themselves  to  occupy  their  place  in  the  world. 

It  is  to  be  feared  that  for  every  one  woman 
who  indulges  in  mental  occupations  to  the  injury 
of  her  domestic  duties,  there  are  a hundred  who 
neglect  them  for  the  far  more  reprehensible  in- 
dulgence of  idleness,  vanity  and  dissipation,  and 
this  as  a matter  of  taste  and  preference,  because 
they  have  no  enjoyment  in  intellectual  pursuits. 
•How  to  impart  this  taste,  how  to  induce  women 
to  seek  relaxation  and  enjoyment  in  such  occu- 
pations, is  the  real  problem ; if  that  could  be 
solved,  the  way  to  reconcile  devotion  to  any 
mental  pursuit,  with  the  faithful  and  cheerful 
performance  of  domestic  duties,  would  be  a com- 
paratively easy  task. 

It  is  very  hard  to  define  woman’s  true  place 
in  the  world,  her  rights  and  duties ; to  put  her  in 
the  exact  position  she  should  occupy,  between 
the  absurd  and  outrageous  one  claimed  by  the 
misnamed  “strong  minded”  woman’s  rights 
woman— the  weakest  and  most  foolish  of  their 
sex — and  that  assigned  to  her  by  those  who 
would  have  her  consider  herself  hardly  as  a 
responsible  being,  having  no  duties  except 
domestic  ones,  no  claims  except  to  protection, 
indulgence,  and  fondness  from  men. 

It  is  said,  in  the  Jewish  Liturgy  occurs  this 
episode : The  men  in  the  body  of  the  synagogue 
chanting  alternately  with  the  women  in  the 


MENTAL  Training. 


191 


galleries  say:  “We  thank  Thee,  0 Lord,  that 
Thou  hast  not  created  us  women.”  Whereupon 
the  women,  in  the  true  spirit  of  the  devout  sex, 
respond:  “We  thank  Thee,  0 Lord,  that  Thou 
hast  created  us  as  it  hath  pleased  Thee.”  No 
better  illustration  could  be  found  for  defining  the 
spirit  with  which  woman  should  be  actuated  if 
she  will  only  understand  it,  and  take  it  to  its 
full  extent ; that  is,  see  and  believe  that  God  has 
created  her  subordinate  to  man.  She  is  the 
completion  of  his  nature,  as  he  is  the  beginning 
of  hers.  He  cannot  do  her  part  in  the  world, 
neither  can  she  do  his.  The  master  minds  in  all 
arts  and  sciences  are  the  minds  of  men. 

A clever  American  ’ author,  a woman  too, 
says:  “It  is  true  there  are  and  have  been 
women  who  have  distinguished  themselves 
greatly  in  the  higher  branches  of  art  and  liter- 
ature, and  on  whom  the  light  of  genius  has 
clearly  descended.  But  can  the  annals  of  women 
produce  a female  Shakspeare,  a female  Milton,  a 
Goldsmith,  a Campbell,  or  a Scott?  What 
woman  has  painted  like  Raphael  or  Titian,  or  like 
the  best  artists  of  our  own  times?  Mrs.  Darner 
and  Mrs.  Siddons  had  a talent  for  sculpture,  so 
had  Marie  -of  Orleans,  the  accomplished  daughter 
of  Louis  Phillippe.'-”'  Yet  what  are  the  produc-' 
tions  of  these  talented  ladies  compared  to  those 
of  Thorwaldsen,  Can  ova,  Chantrey,  and  the 


* Had  this  author  lived  a little  longer  she  would  have  added 
the  names  ol  Miss  Ilosmer,  and  other  American  lady  artists  who 
are  a glory  to  their  native  land. 


192 


EXCELSIOR. 


master  chisels  of  the  great  American  statuaries. 
Women  have  been  excellent  musicians,  and  have 
made  fortunes  by  their  voices ; but  is  there 
among  them  a Mozart,  a Bellini,  a Michael 
Kelly,  an  Auber,  a Boieldieu?  Has  a woman 
made  an  improvement  on  a steam  engine  or  on 
anything  connected  with  the  mechanic  arts  ? 
And  yet  these  things  have  been  done  by  men  of 
no  early  education,  by  self-taught  men.  A good 
tailor  fits,  cuts  out  and  sews  better  than  the  most 
celebrated  female  dressmaker.  A good  man 
cook  far  excels  a good  woman  cook.  Whatever 
may  be  their  merits  as  assistants,  women  are 
rarely  found  who  are  very  successful  at  the  head 
of  any  establishment  th'at  requires  energy  and 
originality  of  mind.  Truth  is,  the  female  sex  is 
really  as  inferior  to  the  male  in  vigor  of  mind 
as  in  strength  of  body ; and  all  arguments  to  the 
contrary  are  founded  on  a few  anomalies,  or 
based  on  theories  that  can  never  be  reduced  to 
practice.” 

What,  then,  if  this  does  not  all  go  to  prove 
she  is  inferior?  It  simply  goes  to  prove  she 
cannot  take  man’s  place  in  the  world,  she  cannot 
be  the  head  and  leader,  she  cannot  cope  with 
hhn  on  an  equality  even  ; that  her  proper  place  is 
subordinate  to  his,  and  that  she  must  submit  to 
acknowledge  it,  without  thereby  expressing  any 
discontented  sense  of  inferiority,  because,  like  him, 
she  is  simply  filling  the  place  God  created  her 
for,  and  for  which  alone  she  is  fitted.  She  should 
use  to  their  uttermost  exteiit  the  talents  and  in- 


MENTAL  TRAINING. 


193 


fluence  in  the  world  that  God  has  given  her,  hut 
not  proudly  insist  on  claiming  an  equality  He 
has  not  given.  Her  glory  is  in  her  humility ; 
her  honor  in  her  generous  spirit  of  subjection  to 
superior  claims.  The  most  blessed  of  all  women 
was  “exalted”  precisely  by,  and  because  of  her 
humility. 

With  these  thoughts  for  a foundation,  we  may 
venture  to  show  woman  how  lofty  her  claims 
may  be  made  to  respect  and  consideration  for  in- 
tellectual endowments,  and  try  to  excite  some 
ambition  for  higher  pursuits  in  those  who,  in 
disregard  and  neglect  of  God’s  good  gifts,,  fritter 
away  in  idleness,  dress,  gossip  and  petty  dissipa- 
tion, all  their  lives,  or  at  least  all  the  leisure 
they  can  obtain  from  duties  they  dare  not 
neglect.  For  the  better  disposed,  those  who 
faithfully  fulfil  domestic  duties,  but  who  have 
not  .thought  how  they  can  put  to  the  best  profit 
odd  time,  hours,  half-hours,  spare  ininutes,  that 
even  the  busiest  have  at  their  disposal  some- 
times, for  such  as  these  it  can  be  shown  there  is 
encouragement  to  use  them  in  intellectual  occu- 
pations, with  the  hope  of  finding  some  really 
valuable  result  in  thus  using  even  such  rem- 
nants of  time. 

For  this  purpose  we  cannot  do  better  than 
take  for  guide  the  essay  lately  given  to  the 
world  by  Monsiegneur  Dupanloup,  Bishop  of 
Orleans.  A noble,  advocacy  of  her  rights,  and  a 
series  of  wise  and.  benevolent  counsels  and  sug- 
gestions, for  winch  every  high-minded  woman 
17 


194 


.EXCELSIOR. 


whom  they  reach  will  give  him  heart-warm 
gratitude.  The  quotations  made  will  not  be  in 
the  order  he  gave  them,  but  as  best  comes  in 
with  the  comments  to  be  made  on  thefin  for 
American  ladies.  It  must  be  remembered,  too, 
these  pages  are  not  written  so  much  for  the  more 
superior-minded  among  women,  who  can  do  their 
own  thinking,  as  to  persuade  those  of  ordinary 
intelligence,  those  who  are  only  conscious  of 
mediocrity  of  talent,  to  try  to  acquire  informa- 
tion, and  not  to  be  discouraged  from  cultivating 
and  using  their  gifts,  however  humble  they  may. 
be,  for:  “One  need  not  create  master-pieces  to 
prove  the  possession  of  talent;  God  sends  dew 
to  little  flowers  as  well  as  to  great  trees,  and 
humble  works  may  receive  the  fecundity  of  a 
good  action.  Some  must  console  a few  souls 
only,  and  like  daily  bread  meet  the  day’s 
requirements,  without  enduring  to  the  morrow.” 
Another  chapter  however  must  take  up  the 
.subject. 

CONTENT. 

“ I envy  not  the  rarer  poets’  gifts ; 

I ne’er  repine 

That  God  hath  given  unto  them  a worth 
Exceeding  mine. 

“ Vf  ith  thankful  heart  tliat  I can  feel  their  power 
I take  my  seat 

To  listen  to  the  loftier  strain  they  sing 
Low  at  their  feet. 

“ I do  not  seek  to  echo  in  my  verse, 

That  higher  strain ; 


MENTAL  TEAINING. 


195 


For  the  poor  thrush  to  strive  like  lark  to  soar 
And  sing,  were  vain. 

“ Contentedly  I dwell  within  the  shade, 

And  trill  my  song. 

Glad  if  it  gives  a passing  joy  to  one ' 

Of  all  the  throng. 

“ Because  from  God  alike  our  gifts  all  come, 
And  all  fulfil. 

If  rightly  used,  the  little  and  the  great, 

His  gracious  will. 


R V.  E. 


196 


EXCELSIOR. 


CHAPTER  IX. 

MENTAL  TEAINING. 

{Continued^ 

ONSEIGNEUK  Dupanloup’s 
point  of  departure  is  this:  “I 
declare  unhesitatingly  that  it  is  • 
a woman’s  duty  to  study  and  to 
educate  herself,  and  that  intel- 
lectual labor  should  have  a place 
reserved  among  her  special  oc- 
cupations, and  among  her  most 
important  obligations. ’ ’ “I say, 
with  St.  Augustine,  no  creature  to  whom  God 
has  confided  the  lamp  of  intelligence,  has  a right 
to  behave  like  a foolish  virgin,  letting  the  oil  be- 
come exhausted  because  she  has  neglected  to  re- 
new it ; letting  that  light  die  out  that  was  to 
have  enlightened  her  path,  and  that  of  others, 
too,  if  only,  as  in  the  case  of  some  wives  and 
mothers,  that  of  her  husband  and  children.”  It 
is  not  then  a matter  of  choice  for  a conscientious 
woman,  whether  she  will  or  will  not,  occupy 


MENTAL  TEAINING. 


197 


some  part  of  her  time  in  study  ; it  is  a duty, 
something  she  is  bound  to  do  if  she  would  not 
subject  herself  to  a penalty  in  this  life  and  the  next 
- for  omitting  it.  Further  on  the  Bishop  begins 
to  define  the  ends  for  which  she  should  study, 
carefully  giving  home  duties  the  precedence,  he 
declares  study  will  in  all  cases  fit  a woman  better 
for  fulfilling  them,  for,  “If  women  are  not  the 
first  apostles  of  'the  home  circle,  no  one  else  can 
penetrate  it ; but  they  must  render  themselves 
thoroughly  capable  of  fulfilling  their  apostleship.” 
Intellectual  gifts,  whether  little  or  great,  must 
always  be  supposed,  in  the  order  of  Providence, 
to  correspond  with  the  duties  that  will  be  re- 
quired of  their  possessors  in  their  families  and 
the  world  ; and  therefore  the  more  they  are  cul- 
tivated the  better  will  ordinary  duties  be  per- 
formed. 

Another  important  consideration  for  women  is 
to  secure  some  more  lasting  charm  than  mere 
youthful  beauty.  “ As  she  loses  it,  the  worth  of 
her  mind  must  increase  in  her  husband’s  eyes, 
and  esteem  perpetuate  affection.”  Especially 
must  this  be  the  case  where  the  husband  is  a 
man  of  intellectual  tastes,  for  his  mind  will  grow 
and'  mature,  and  if  the  wife  does  not  try  to  keep 
pace  with  him,  “ There  will  be  brought  about 
between  them  what  one  may  call  a mental  sepa- 
ration." Mental  superiority  in  women  gives  a 
security  for  happiness  in  married  life,  and  a ma- 
ternal influence,  over  sons  especially,  that  nothing 
else  can  give,  because  it  makes  her  not  only  an 
17* 


198 


EXCELSIOR. 


object  of  affection,  but  a necessary  part  of  their 
higher  and  better  life,  if,  always,  she  takes  care 
to  keep  in  her  true  womanly  place ; if  while  ‘ ‘ she 
feels  they  are  proud  of  her,  and  have  need  of  her, ' 
it  does  not  make  her  presumptuous.” 

Monseigneur  Dupanloup  shows  the  influence 
that  can  be  exercised  on  her  circle  of  society  by 
a woman  who  systematically  cultivates  her  mind ; 
how  the  tone  of  it  can  become  elevated,  and  in 
place  of  idle  or  mischievous  gossip,  long  discus- 
sions of  dress,  or  whole  evenings  spent  in  danc- 
ing, she  may  introduce,  in  re-unions  at  her  own 
house  at  least,  more  rational  methods  of  enjoy- 
ment. It  is  a matter  of  congratulation  that  as- 
sociations of  friends  for  reading  and  discussion . 
of  books,  in  which  ladies  take  equal  part,  are 
becoming  known  in  some  of  the  cities  of  this 
country.  Every  mistress  of  a house  can  and 
should  do  her  part  to  spread  this  most  rational 
and  agreeable  plan  for  social  amusement.  Pri- 
vate musical  associations  are  also  becoming  more 
common,  and  in  both  these  cases,  regular  eve- 
nings for  meeting  are  the  custom,  and  in  regular 
routine  at  the  house  of  each  member.  With 
some  of  these  associations  the  very  sensible  rule 
prevails  to  have  “ no  refreshments,”  or  only  the 
most  inexpensive  kind,  in  order  that  families  of 
cultivated  tastes  but  limited  means  may  not 
be  excluded  by  the  impossibility  of  providing 
for  the  entertainment  of  their  friends  in  their 
turn. 

There  must  be  and  there  should  be  social 


MENTAL  TEAINING. 


199 


meetings  for  amusement,  especially  among  tlie 
young,  and  it  is  a matter  of  congratulation  to 
find  they  are  not  now  altogether  what  “ soci- 
ables” formerly  were,  mere  meetings  for  danc- 
ing, flirting,  gossip,  and  the  display  of  dress. 
Every  young  lady  who  cultivates  h.er  own  mind, 
and  tries  in  her  immediate  circle  to  spread  this 
better  spirit,  is  doing  a good  work  for  God,  her 
neighbor,  and  herself.  It  is  not  to  be  supposed 
that  dancing  is  proscribed ; far  from  it.  The 
occasional  and  moderate  indulgence  in  an  amuse- 
ment so  natural  to  the  young,  the  gay  and  light- 
hearted,' will  only  give  a greater  zest  to  m'ore  in- 
tellectual enjoyments,  if  they,  too,  are  cultivated. 
It  is  only  desirable  in  re-unions  to  substitute 
something  better  than  dancing  or  frivolous  talk 
for  a first  object  in  meeting  together. 

Mons.  Dupanloup  allows  the  force  of  three,  ob- 
jections that  are  made  to- women  being  studious, 
but  gives  reasonable  answers  to  all  three.  1st. 
“A  neglect  of  practical  duties.  This  danger  must 
be  met  by  fortifying  practical  education,  by  giv- 
ing young  girls  habits  of  order  and  regularity 
which  double  time  and  assign  a place  in  life  to 
every  duty;  and  above  all,  habits  of  practical 
and  solid  piety,  which  means  nothing  else  than 
a courageous  fulfillment  of  duty. 

“ 2d.  An  exaltation  of  imagination,  leading 
to  craving  for  intellectual  enjoyments  that  can- 
not always  be  granted.  Here  again  piety  alone 
can  preserve  the  equilibrium.  The  important 
point  is,  to  make  education  respond  to  the  gifts 


200 


EXCELSIOR. 


of  God.  Excessive  culture  is  dangerous  ; insuf- 
ficient culture  perhaps  more  so. 

“ 3d.  Pride.  This  must  be  prevented  by  good 
sense  cultivated  in  a Christian  manner.  It  is  to 
be  remarked  that  if  mental  culture,  like  personal 
charms,  can  excite  pride,  study  has  at  least  a 
counterpoise.  It  gives  an  enlightened  serious- 
ness to  the  mind,  while  successes  due  to  beauty 
and  dress  cannot  but  be  mischievous  and  frivo- 
lous. We  may  be  sure  that  a cultivated  mind 
is  of  all  others  the  best  fitted  to  a comprehen- 
sion of  duty.  It  is  intelligent  humility,  that  is 
to  say,  true  modesty,  which  preserves  from  ped- 
antry.” 

Nothing  is  more  lamentable  than  the  folly 
of  women  who  consider  the  education  finished 
when  they  leave  school.  “At  that  age  they 
have  barely  information  enough  to'  enable  them 
to  study  alone.  Leading  strings  are  no  longer 
needed  in  their  education,  and  that  is  all. 
They  are  simply  capable  of  continuing  their 
studies,  and  of  enjoying  the  pleasures  of  indi- 
vidual exertion.  If  a girl  could  be  made  to  be- 
lieve this,  a serious  and  earnest  future  would  be 
secured  to  her.  Young  girls  should  regard  the 
close  of  their  first  duties  as  the  beginning  of  a 
life-long  work,  and  on  their  marriage  ',  in  the 
first  place,  should  establish  study  as  one  of  the 
duties  of  existence.  Later,  they  are  engrossed 
with  the  education  of  their  children,  and  can  no 
longer  work  to  please  themselves.  But  even 
then  the  precious  habit  will  cling  to  them  as  an 


MENTAL  TRAINING. 


201 


inestimable  consolation  to  be  enjoyed  in  every 
leisure  hour ; and  it  remains  to  fill  the  void 
that  becomes  so  irksome  when  children  escape 
from  their  mother’s  guidance,  and  she  has  once 
more  freedom  and  leisure  without  youth,  its  joys 
or  its  energy.  Labor  is  a faithful  friend,  that 
adapts  itself  to  the  age  and  disposition  of  every 
being  who  takes  it  as  a companion  for  life.” 

There  may  be  many  who  are  willing  to  em- 
ploy rationally  the  gifts  Grod  gives  them,  but 
who  do  not  know  how  this  could  be  done.  They 
would  gladly,  perhaps,  spend  the  hours  wasted 
on  novels,  of  a more  or  less  objectionable  class, 
in  reading  of  a higher  character,  if  they  knew 
what  to  take  up.  Each  should  study  her  own 
tastes  and  abilities  in  the  first  place,  and  also 
her  opportunities ; the  object  is  not  to  become 
learned,  but  duly  to  use  and  strengthen  by  use 
her  faculties  of  mind.  Those  who  have  talent 
for  any  art — music,  drawing,  modeling — let  them 
cultivate  that,  not  in  an  idle,  desultory  fashion, 
but  seriously  trying  for  proficiency  and  for  un- 
derstanding of  its  rules  and  principles. 

Where  books  are  accessible  for  the  purpose,  a 
regular  course  of  reading  may  be  taken  up  on 
any  subject  that  appears  inviting,  taking  notes 
of  all  that  is  especially  interesting.  A study 
begun  from  a sense  of  duty,  may  seem  uninter- 
esting at  first,  but  if  persevered  in  becomes  ab- 
sorbingly delightful. 

During  the  last  half . century  a multitude  of 
books  have  been  written,  making,  by  their  popu- 


202 


EXCELSIOn. 


lar  style,  wliat  were  formerly  very  dry  abstract 
subjects,  comprehensible  and  inviting.  History, 
in  particular,  has  been  so  illustrated  by  personal 
biographies,  that  one  could  hardly  select  that-  of 
any  country  tvithout  finding  the  interest  grow 
the  more  it  is  studied.  Geology,  botany,  natu- 
ral history  in  all  its  branches,  has  been  popu- 
larized by  books,  strictly  scientific  in  their 
teachings,  and  yet  easy,  familiar,  engaging,  in 
style.  Travels  again  are  an  inexhaustible  source 
of  mental  improvement.  Truly,  there  is  no 
want  of  material  for  study  more  or  less  within 
the  reach  and  comprehension  of  all,  if  the  will 
to  study  he  not  lacking,  as  alas ! it  is  in  nearly 
all  of  our  generation  of  young  ladies. 

Ho  point  is  of  more  consequence  than  to 
prove  how  easily  studious  habits  can  and  should 
be  reconciled  to  domestic  duties  in  the  greater 
number  of  cases.  With  rich  women  always; 
and  even  those  whose  time  is  filled  up,  ap- 
parently, by  the  necessities  of  household  occupa- 
tions, because  they  cannot  hire  enough  assistance 
to  dispense  with  the  labors  of  their  own  hands, 
if  they  have  the  will,  can  find  the  way  to  study. 
Monseigneur  Dupanloup  says:  “Clearly,  house- 
hold cares  and  home  duties  have  a superior 
claim ; husband,  children,  domestics,  must  be  the 
first  interest  of  a woman  who  understands  the 
hierarchy  of  her  duties;”  yet,  “my  advice,  if  it 
must  be  precisely  defined,  would  be  that  she  re- 
serve at  least  two  hours — if  possible  three  hours 
— of  each  day,  for  life,  for  intellectual  culture.” 


MENTAL  TRAINING. 


203 


“Good  gracious!”  many  a woman  will  say, 
“wliere  are  the  two  or  three  hours  a day  to  be 
.found,  what  shall  they  be  taken  from?”  This 
point  is  by  no  means  overlooked,  and  the  plain 
answer  giyen  by  the  able  essa.y  is,  “Let  us  be 
honest  and  confess  there  are  two  obstacles  to  the 
leisure  required — talking  and  dress.”  Yes; 
gossip  and  finery.  If  all  of  her  thoughts,  her 
time,  her  interest,  that  she  can  spare  from  house- 
hold duties,  are  taken  up  with  these  two  objects, 
it  is  truly  out  of  the  power  of  nearly  all  women 
to  give  any  time  to  mental  improvement.  The 
lady  who,  even  with  the  help  of  a sewing 
machine,  thinks  it  necessary  to  tuck,  flounce,  or 
trim  in  some  way  every  dress  she  wears ; whose 
undergarments  are  all  more  or  less  embroidered, 
ruffled  or  braided ; who,  to  keep  in  the  fashion, 
is  all  the  while  compelled  not  only  to  be  making 
new  dresses,  but  is  perpetually  remodeling  her 
old  ones ; _ who,  • not  content  with  sufflcient 
variety  for  neatness,  comfort,  and  propriety, 
according  to  her  station,  is  always  seeking  for 
novelties  in  costume,  to  rival  in  appearance  her 
compeers ; such  an  one  has  truly  no  more  time 
for  literary  pursuits  than  sufflces  for  the  study  of 
the  monthly  fashion  magazine,  and  no  more  im- 
proving topics  of  conversation  than  its  delightful 
pages  afford,  varied  and  spiced,  now  and  then, 
with  gossip  and  personal  scandal. 

It  must  be  taken  for  a fixed  necessity  by  those 
who  wish  to  adorn  their  minds,  that  some  , part 
of  the  time  they  use  to  adorn  their  bodies  must 


204 


EXCELSIOR. 


be  given  up  for  the  purpose ; and  if  they  would 
elevate  their  whole  mental  being  they  must  learn 
to  abstain  from  the  trifling  gossiping  talk  that  is 
the  most  lowering,  vulgarizing,  and  exhausting 
of  all  mental  employments. 

Self-denial  on  these  points,  systematic  arrange- 
ment of  household  duties,  strict  punctuality,  and 
habits  of  order,  “combined  with  a simplicity 
that  suppresses  useless  exactions,  multiply  an 
industrious  woman’s  hours  and  make  it  possible 
to  meet  any  demand.”  If  even  with  this  the 
hours  be  wanting:  “Very  well,  I say,  for  want 
of  regular  hours  let  a woman  devote  odd  minutes 
to  study.  There  are  always  some  in  the  busiest 
lives ; moments  that  occur  between  the  various 
occupations  of  the  day;  and  she  must  learn  to 
work  by  fits  and  starts,  in  a desultory  fashion. 
There  is  a wide  difference  between  the  woman 
who  reads  sometimes  and  the  woman  who  never 
reads.  If  the  desire  to  reserve  a short  time  for 
study  led  to  nothing  more  than  the  acquisition 
of  the  science  of  odd  minutes,  the  result  would 
be  very  important.  ■ The  science  of  odd  minutes  ! 
It  multiplies  and  fertilizes  time,  but  books  cannot 
impart  it.  It  gives  habits  of  order,  attention, 
and  precision,  that  react  from  the  external  to  the 
moral  life.  The  most  cheerful  women,  the  most 
equable,  serviceable,  and,  I may  add,  the  health- 
iest women,  are  those  who  are  intelligent  and 
industrious,  and  who,  through  the  medium  of  a 
well-ordered  activity,  have  discovered  the  secret 
of  reconciling  the  duties  they  owe  to  God,  to  their 
families,  and  to  themselves.” 


MENTAL  TRAINING. 


205 


The  substance  of  this  essay,  so  full  of  heart- 
felt benevolence  and  wisdom,  that  most  applied 
to  American  women,  has  been  given.  The  ex- 
tracts, so  lucidly  explaining  her  responsibility  to 
God  for  His  gifts  to  her,  and  so  practically  show- 
ing the  use  to  be  made  of  them,  are  left  to  the 
conscience  of  every  lady  reader. 

“ O w:!Ste  not  thou  the  smallest  thing 
Created  by  Divinity, 

For  grains  of  dust  the  mountains  make. 

And  atomies  infinity. 

And  waste  not  thou  the  smallest  time, 

’T  is  man’s  insane  infirmity  ; 

For  well  thou  knowest,  if  aught  thou  knowest. 

That  moments  make  eternity.” 


18 


206 


EXCELSIOR 


CHAPTER  X. 

PHYSICAL  TRAINING. 

GREAT  deal  is  said  now-a-days 
on  the  physical  education  of  men, 
and  a little,  not  half  enough,  on 
that  of  women.  Not  half  enough 
because  of  the  two  the  point  has 
hitherto  been  the  most  neglected 
with  her,  and  yet  as  being,  in 
America,  generally  the  most  frail 
in  constitution,  she  needs  physi- 
cal training  the  most.  There 
are  far  more  lady  invalids  than  gentlemen ; mild 
valitudinarians,  never  either  very  sick  or  very 
well,  who  go  through  life  very  uselessly,  a doleful 
burden  on  themselves  and  their  unlucky  friends. 
Of  the  greater  part  of  these  it  is  presumably 
certain,  if  they  had  early  in  life  contracted 
healthy  habits,  of  regular  and  sufficient  exercise 
especially,  they  would  have  been  brisk,  energetic 
women,  capable  and  eager  to  do  the  work  God 
gives  them  in  their  own, households,  or  in  the  world, 


PHYSICAL  TRAINING. 


207 


instead  of  filling  no  other  place  than  the  very 
undesirable  one  of  giving  other  people  an  oppor- 
tunity of  exercising  their  patience.  For  real  in- 
valids no  tenderness  and  compassion  is  too  great, 
but  for  these  irritating  people,  whose  ailments 
are  the  effects  of  indolence  and  mismanagement, 
it  is  hard  to  feel  any  patience  at  all. 

It  is  the  fact,  not  one  woman  in  a hundred, 
whose  occupations  do  not  compel  it,  ever  takes 
enough  exercise.  Even  little  girls  and  young 
ladies,  as  compared  with  their  brothers  of  the 
same  age,  are  sedentary  in  their  amusements, 
and  consequently  take  less  exercise.  For 
younger  girls  there  are  always  some  few  active 
sports  that  give  them  a chance,  as  well  as  their 
brothers,  to  exercise  their  limbs  enough  to  put  the 
blood  in  circulation,  and  their  voices  sufficiently 
once  in  a while  to  inflate  the  whole  lungs  ; but 
for  young  ladies  there  has  been  a great  want  of 
something  of  the  kind.  Of  late  years  there  has 
been  some  little  improvement,  but  very  little. 
Calisthenics  do  not  fully  supply  the  want.  The 
apparatus  is  cumbrous,  not  always  at  hand,  and 
worst  of  all,  a woman’s  dress  is  such  a restraint 
on  freedom  of  action ; to  have  the  benefit  of 
calisthenics  it  is  necessary  to  change  it  and 
assume  a costume  better  adapted  for  liberty  of 
movement,  a trouble  very  few  care  to  take. 

The  exercises  of  physical  training  schools, 
established  in  some  cities,  are  exceedingly  beau- 
tiful; they  must  be  seen  to  be  appreciated. 
Every  limb,  joint  and  muscle  is  exercised,  and 


208 


EXCELSIOR. 


made  strong  and  supple.  The  evolutions  are 
performed  simultaneously  hy  all,  to  music,  a,nd 
under  the  guidance  of  a drill-master.  Both 
ladies  and  gentlemen  frequent  them.  They  are 
far  more  efhcieut  in  producing  elegance  of  form 
and  carriage,  and  grace  of  motion,  than  dancing 
schools  can  ever  be  ; and,  as  regards  improve- 
ment of  health,  there  can  be  no  comparison. 
They  are,  however,  not  available  for  many 
persons. 

Yet  still  some  other  means,  more  in  the  reach 
of  all,  are  at  hand.  Skating  in  winter,  and  cro- 
quet in  summer,  is  doing  something  to  supply 
the  want,  and  it  would  be  well  if  archery,  so 
much  in  vogue  with  English  ladies,  could  also  be  * 
more ' generally  introduced  as  another  induce- 
ment to  out-of-door  amusements  among  Ameri- 
can young  ladies. 

It  is  a mistake  when  little  girls  are  encouraged 
to  engage  in  only  quiet,  ''  lady-like”  plays,  and 
informed  that  all  noisy  ones  are  hoidenish  and 
rude.  If  there  is  “a  time  for  all  things,”  there 
is  a proper  time  for  being  noisy  for  a sensible 
purpose,  and  this  purpose  is,  as  a wise  and 
humane  doctor  averred  in  excuse  for  over- 
musical babies : 

“’Tis  always  belter 
To  lay  no»fetter 
Upon  the  chest ; 

To  expand  the  lungs 
By  use  of  tongues 
Is  surely  best.” 

There  are  three  obstacles  that  women  in  gen- 


PHYSICAL  TRAINING.  . 


209 


eral  put  in  the  way  of  good  physical  training, 
and  personal  vanity  is  at  the  root  of  all  three  of 
these  objections.  First,  they  dislike  instinct- 
ively all  that  can  deprive  them  of  the  delicate, 
waxen  beauty  that  is  especially  prized  among 
themselves,  and,  as  they  suppose,  most  admired 
by  gentlemen.  A healthy,  robust,  ‘ ‘ wholesome 
looking  woman,-  is  by  the  generality  of  her  sex 
considered  coarse,  though  she  may  be,  and 
probably  is,  the  possessor  of  a finer  skin,  bright- 
ened with  purer  blood,  than  half  the  pale,  refined, 
“aristocratic”  looking  belles  who  plume  them- 
selves on  their  superiority.  To  produce  this 
whiteness  of  skin  there  are  thousands  who, 
though  they  would  on  no  account  paint,  yet 
do  not  scruple  to  use  deleterious  powders,  and 
sedulously  avoid  all  that  can  roughen  or  tan 
the  complexion,  as  free,  sufficient  and  regular 
exposure  to  the  air,  in  all  weathers,  must  do, 
more  or  less. 

The  second  obstacle  to  good  physical  training 
is,  that  in  dress  they  are  guided  not  by  common 
sense,  that  would  at  least  try  to  adapt  fashion 
to  comfort  and  health,  but  by  the  sole  object  to 
be  as  much  in  the  prevailing  mode  as  possible. 

Thirdly,  they  have  altogether  erroneous  ideas 
as  to  what  true  beauty  of  form  consists  in,  and 
are  always  trying,  by  ill-judged  constraints  of 
the  waist,  feet  and  hands,  to  make  them  smaller 
than  nature  intended.  With  all  these  obstacles 
to  free  movement  of  the  person,  it  is  impossible 
that  women  can  ever  have,  even  in  proportion  to 
18* 


210 


EXCELSIOR. 


their  strength,  as  much  exercise  as  men,  who  in 
all  three  respects  are  free  from  restraint. 

There  are  some  sensible  women  to  whom 
these  remarks  have  no  application,  but  for  the 
most  part  they  are  stereotyped,  and  follow  one 
another’s  lead,  precisely  as  a flock  of  sheep  do, 
and  probably,  in  these  matters,  with  as  much  or 
as  little  exercise  of  reason. 

During  the  prevalence  of  east  winds  in 
Spring,  those  “juping  March  breezes,”  wbicb, 
preceding  April  showers,  “make  way  for  May 
flowers,”  there  are  thousands  of  ladies,  in  the 
cities  especially,  who  pass  days  and  weeks  with- 
out out-of-door  exercise,  not  only  because  of  the 
discomfort  of  the  weather,  hut  “because  it  spoils 
the  complexion  so.”  They  make  the  same  ob- 
jection to  the  sun  in  summer  and  the  frost  in 
winter;  so  that,  taking  the  whole  year  round, 
there  are  few  days  indeed  that  precisely  suit 
their  fastidious  ideas  as  suitable  even  for  a gentle 
promenade  on  the  fashionable  side  of  the  street, 
and  at  the  fashionable  hour.  The  brisk,  vigor- 
ous walk,  allowing  the  arms  also  some  freedom 
to  move,  that  gentlemen  may  enjoy,  is  almost 
unknown  to  ladies,  and  probably  there  are  few 
of  the  latter  who  will  not  lift  their  hands  in 
astonishment  and  dismay,  if  told  that  for  a 
woman  of  average  health  and  strength,  four 
miles  a day  of  rapid  walking  is  about  the  right 
amount  of  exercise  for  preserving  and  improving 
the  health.  Of  course,  in  hot  weather  this  rule 
needs  modification. 


PHYSICAL  TRAINING. 


211 


Those  ladies  who,  either  from  necessity  or 
choice,  “do  their  own  chamberwork,”  and  pass 
at  least  one  hour,  often  more,  daily  with  open 
windows,  sweeping,  dusting,  and  moving  furni- 
ture, need  very  little  of  what  may  be  called 
artificial  exercise ; in  such  work  every  limb  and 
every  muscle  is  brought  into  play  in  the  very 
best  and  most  natural  manner,  and  the  result  is, 
an  equally  glowing  satisfaction  of  mind  and 
body,  in  the  triple  consciousness  of  a duty  per- 
formed, the  exercise  taken,  and  the  neatly- 
arranged,  comfortable  dwelling. 

It  is  precisely  the  many  inducements  given  for 
out-of-door  exercise,  and  the  systematic  rules 
that  oblige  all  to  partake  of  it,  that  make 
country  institutions  for  education,  beyond  com- 
parison, preferable  to  city  ones,  for  ladies  espe- 
cially ; the  latter  may  have  every  other  advan- 
tage, but  lacking  this,  a city  education  can 
never  he  as  perfect,  physically,  as  a country  one. 
What  in  the  country  is  only  graceful,  natural 
ease,  and  freedom  of  voice  and  movement,  is  in 
the  city  rude  romping. 

The  second  and  third  obstacles  women  put  in 
the  way  of  sufficient  exercise,  must  be  considered 
together.  If  a woman  of  the  average  degree  of 
intelligence,  taste,  and  education,  is  taken  into 
the  presence  of  some  chef  d' oeuvre  of  statuary 
art,  either  ancient  or  modern,  in  which  feminine 
beauty  is  depicted,  either  draped  or  ur\draped,  if 
she  speaks  out  her  thoughts  candidly,  without 
the  affectation  of  admiring  because  she  is  ex- 


212 


EXCELSIOR. 


pected  to  admire,  her  first  exclamation  is : 
“Dear  me!  why,  what  a big  waist,  feet,  and 
hands  it  has,”  accompanied  perhaps  by  a com- 
placent glance  at  her  own,  that  have,  by  years 
of  persevering  efibrt,  been  reduced  to  the  stand- 
ard of  fashionable  ideas  of  beauty  in  form. 
But  to  the  eyes  of  the  artist,  the  anatomist,  and 
the  sensible  woman,  how  different  is  the  impres- 
sion made.  And  why?  Because  they  see  in 
the  masterpiece  before  them  that  exact  propor- 
tion of  parts,  which,  combined  with  grace  of 
outlines  and  elegance  of  attitude,  constitutes  true 
beauty  of  form.  An  unnaturally  small  waist, 
with  equally  unnaturally  full  development  of  the 
bust,  is  Avhat,  in  the  eyes  of  nearly  all  women, 
constitutes  a fine  figure;  because  their  ideas  are 
taken  from  a modistes  lay  figure,  not  the 
“human  form  divine”  as  truthfully  depicted  in 
the  works  of  the  masters  of  art.  They  would 
think  the  Venus  de  Medicis  herself  needs  a pair 
of  French  corsets  and  a pound  of  cotton  batting 
to  bring  her  up  to  their  standard  of  beauty. 
Said  a lady  of  this  class,  describing  in  enrap- 
tured admiration  the  figure  of  a friend:  “She  js 
quite  tall,  and  forty  inches  round  the  shoulders 
and  bust,  while  her  waist  is  only  nineteen 
inches!”  That  is  about  the  circumference  of  an 
ordinary  stove  pipe.  Another  young  lady,  who 
would  have  been  exceedingly  indignant  at  any 
imputation  being  cast  on  her  delicacy  of  mind 
and  modesty,  and  who  probably  was  only  more 
sincere  in  expressing  what  others  think  without 


PHYSICAL  TRAINING. 


213 


putting  into  words,  gave  this  plain  reason  to  the 
author  for  trying  to  produce  this  unnatural  com- 
pression and  development  of  the  person:  “There 
is  nothing  more  attractive  to  gentlemen.”  Good 
heavens ! . to  what  lengths  will  not  vanity  lead 
women  ? 

As  regards  hands  and  feet,  the  former,  fortu- 
nately, cannot  be  subjected  to  any  great  degree 
of  distortion,  for  that  is  the  right  word  to  use, 
yet  nevertheless  they  often  do  penance  for  their 
owner’s  vanity  in  many  an  hour  of  benumbed 
compression  in  tight  kid  gloves.  But  for  the 
latter,  what  Mrs.  Partington  calls  the  “torches 
of  the  imposition,”  have  certainly  never  inflicted 
one  hundredth  part  of  the  agonies  that  have 
been  endured,  with  misplaced  fortitude,  by 
young  ladies,  and  old  ones  too,  in  their  determi- 
nation to  show  as  small  a foot  as  possible,  and 
to  wear  for  that  purpose  iSlo.  2 or  No.  3 boots, 
when  nature  most  eloquently  implores  a size  or 
two  larger  in  each  case.  In  course  of  time 
nature  is  generally  compelled  to  succumb,  and  by 
persevering  process  of  compression,  the  foot  is 
reduced  in  size,  but  almost  always  at  the  expense 
of  shape,  as  the  unnatural  enlargement  of  the 
big-toe  joint  in  so  many  cases  proves. 

No  question  is  more  common  among  ladies, 
discussing  dress  and  toilet  matters,  than,  “What 
number  boots  do  you  wear?”  and  if  the  reply  is 
No.  3 or  No.  4,  the  interrogator,  in  pretended 
surprise,  but  really  gratified  vanity,  will  say 
A^ery  often,  “Why  I only  Avear  tAVO  and  a half. 


214 


EXCELSIOR. 


and  they  are  quite  big  for  me;  I could  wear 
number  two’s.”  Whereupon  the  number  three 
lady  will,  on  her  next  visit  to  her  shoemaker, 
try  if  she  cannot  force  her  foot  into  a size 
smaller  boots,  and  finding  she  ca?z,  buys  them, 
and  endures,  with  heroic  constancy,  long  weeks 
or  months  of  suffering  until  her  feet,  like  a Chi- 
nese infant’s,  have  learned  to  accommodate 
themselves  to  their  narrow  quarters. 

The  poet  who,  in  a paroxysm  of  enthusiasm — 
or  nonsense — described  how  his  lady-love’s  feet, 
beneath  her  dainty 

“Petticoat, 

Like  little  mice  peeped  in  and  out,” 

must  either  have  had  most  absurd  ideas  of  pro- 
portion, or  the  lady  herself  must  altogether  have 
had  the  dimensions  of  Mrs.  Tom  Thumb. 

A traveler  in  the  Orient,  going  through  a part 
of  the  country  where  the  hostility  of  the  natives 
to  Europeans  would  have  endangered  his  life, 
disguised  himself  by  staining  his  skin  and 
assuming  the  costume  of  the  country  so  effec- 
tually that,  speaking  the  language  to  perfection, 
he  believed  he  could  defy  detection.  He  did  so, 
indeed,  till  an  unusually  acute,  but  fortunately 
for  him,  unusually  magnanimous  chief  of  one  of 
the  tribes,  detected  him  by  noticing  the  shape  of 
his  feet,  which,  from  wearing  civilized  foot  gear, 
was  quite  dissimilar  from  the  natural  shape,  seen 
in  the  Arab  foot  that  has  never  known  any 
cramping  confinement  in  its  sandal. 


PHYSICAL  TRAINING. 


215 


Dickens,  wlio  never  lets  any  of  tlie  absurdities 
of  human  nature  pass  unnoticed,  lias  a capital 
scene,  illustrating  the  vanity  of  women  regarding 
little  feet,  in  “ Nicholas  Nickleby,”  where  “ Miss 
Knag,”  describing  the  unrivaled  smallness  of 
the  feet  of  “her  family,”  illustrated  by  the  exhi- 
bition of  her  own,  is  brought  up  short  by  the 
remark,  “they  must  be  just  like  club  feet.” 

This  topic — the  want  of  common  sense  and 
good  taste,  in  the  the  majority  of  women,  in 
pnysical  training — could  be  enlarged  on  much 
farther;  enough,  however,  has  been  said  for 
those  who  are  willing  to  give  the  matter  consid- 
eration, and  to  try  if  they  cannot  act  more  in 
accordance  with  the  dictates  of  enlightened 
reason,  and  of  refined  judgment,  to  see  where 
they  had  better  begin;  on  the  larger  number, 
who,  it  is  feared,  will  prefer  the  gratification  of 
ignorant,  tasteless  vanity,  at  the  expense  of 
health  and  comfort,  it  is  useless  to  waste  more 
time  or  argument. 


216 


EXCELSIOR. 


CHAPTER  XL 
MISCELLANEOUS. 

OR  men  tliere  are  as  many  “voca- 
tions” in  the  world  as  there  are 
professions,  callings  and  trades,  but 
it  would  appear  that,  in  the  esti- 
mation of  women,  there  is  but  one 
vocation  for  them — to  be  married ; 
to  become  wives,  mothers  and  mis- 
tresses of  households,  and  to  enter 
on  this  vocation  they  give  their 
most  earnest  aspirations  in  all  the  earlier  years 
of  womanhood,  whether  they  acknowledge  the 
fact  or  not.  iSlor  is  it  wrong  for  a woman  to 
desire  married  life,  if  it  is  in  the  order  of  Provi- 
dence, and  those  who  would  prohibit  all  thoughts 
on  the  subject,  who  proscribe  as  improper  and 
unbecoming  all  such  considerations  of,  and  rea- 
sonings about,  such  a probable  future  to  young 
ladies,  are  taking  very  useless  pains  for  an  im- 
possible end.  The  simple  truth  is,  the  vocation 
God  does  send  to  the  greater  part  of  women  is 


MISCELLANEO  US. 


217 


precisely  this  and  no  other — to  become  what  in 
the  expressive  German  phrase  is  called  the 
“house  mother.” 

It  is  the  case  even  with  that  very  large  class 
of  women  in  this  country,  those,  not  of  the  un- 
educated, lowest  rank,  but  of  more  or  less  intel- 
ligence and  refinement,  whose  circumstances 
compel  them  to  apply  to  some  calling  in  both 
city  and  country.  They  take  up  teaching,  the 
lower  metiers  of  the  fine  arts,  (now  happily 
becoming  more  and  more  placed  within  their 
reach,  by  the  establishment  of  schools  of  design 
for  women,  in  several  of  our  cities),  they  enter 
stores  as  saleswomen,  they  give  themselves  to 
many  manual  occupations  where  taste  and  neat- 
ness are  required,  besides  what  is  considered 
their  peculiar  province,  needlework  of  all  kinds ; 
but  even  these  we  say  never  take  up  any  calling 
as  a man  does  his,  as  for  life. 

There  is  not  one  who  does  not  look  for  some 
other  futm-e,  whether  they  find  it  or  not,  but  the 
fact  is,  almost  all  do  find  the  future  they  look 
for,  simply  because  they  were  intended  to  find 
it;  and  the  ranks  they  leave  are  continually 
filled  up  by  those  who,  in  their  turn,  take  the 
work  as  a temporary  expedient.  It  has  been, 
well  remarked  that  the  fact  of  woman  looking- 
on  marriage  as  her  real  and  proper  end  and  aim 
is,  and  always  will  be,  the  greatest  bar  to  the 
claims  of  late  years  made  for  her  of  equal  rights 
to  enter  on  professions  and  callings  hitherto  con- 
sidered to  belong  to  men  alone.  Considering  it 
19 


218 


EXCELSIOR. 


only  as  a temporary  expedient,  she  never  gives 
to  the  study  of  any  calling  the  pains  a man 
does  in  order  to  become  proficient,  because  he 
looks  on  it  as  a life  object. 

If  the  larger  part  of  women,  then,  are  born 
to  be  married,  why  should  they  not  think  of  it, 
provided  always  they  think  in  the  right  way? 
They  will  and  do  think  of  it,  and  the  only  right 
course  to  be  taken  with  the  young  is  to  give 
them  just  and  sensible  ideas  on  the  subject,  or 
they  will  have  false  and  romantic  ones.  Most 
young  ladies  seem  to  think  the  whole  lore  of  the 
matter  comes  by  intuition,  and  either  look  on  it 
from  the  wholly  romantic  point  of  view,  expect- 
ing “love  after  marriage”  will  be  just  a second 
edition,  revised  and  improved,  of  love  before,  or 
if  one  having  a little  more  sense  gives  some 
consideration  to  the  certain  duties  and  pos- 
sible trials  of  married  life,  the  probability 
is  she  glosses  all  over  with  vague  sentimental 
ideas,  very  unlike  the  hard  realities  she  will 
find  of  one  kind  or  another,  and  enters  on  her 
married  life  with  expectations  that  will  be 
disappointed. 

It  is  the  truth,  that  nothing  in  this  life  is  of 
^ more  importance  for  a woman  to  take  a practical 
view  of  than  marriage,  nothing  in  which  she 
should  be  more  carefully  guided  by  reason  and 
good  sense,  and  nothing,  unfortunately,  in  which 
she  is  so  much  influenced  by  feeling,  impulse, 
even  accident.  She  will  often  spend  more  anx- 
ious thought,  take  more  solicitous  care,  in  the 


MISCELLANEO  US. 


219 


choice  of  her  house,  and  the  selection  of  its  fur- 
niture, than  to  study  the  disposition,  and  ascer- 
tain the  habits  of  him  who  is  to  be  its  master. 
“None  are  so  blind  as  those  who  will  not  see,” 
and  of  the  multitudes  of  improvident  and  ill- 
assorted  marriages  that  occur  daily,  there  are 
very  few  that  do  not  owe  all  their  misery  to 
simple  rashness.  “ Marry  in  haste  and  repent 
at  leisure,”  has  passed  into  a proverb,  with  more 
living  illustrations,  most  likely,  than  any  other. 
The  woman  is  wise  who  has  the  courage  and 
prudence  to  weigh  in  time  the  different  degrees 
of  suffering,  in  disappointing,  misplaced  affec- 
tions before  marriage,  or,  for  the  momentary 
gratification  of  a love  that  cannot  last,  laying 
up  for  herself  a life-long  repentance;  or  pre- 
paring for  herself  the  temptation  to  do  even 
worse,  in  severing  by  divorce  those  ties  God  has 
declared  shall  never,  but  for  one  cause,  be  broken. 

Women  in  this  matter  have  no  choice  but 
that  of  accepting  or  rejecting  offers  made  to 
them ; but  to  compensate  for  this  they  have  far 
greater  powers  of  adaptation  than  men  have. 
They  can  more  easily  conform  themselves  to 
circumstances,  and  to  the  characters  of  their 
husbands,  than  the  husband  can  adapt  his  to  his 
wife’s. 

We  call  this  a compensation  for  the  want  of 
choice  they  have,  and  so  it  is,  but  it  makes  a 
wife’s  responsibilities  greater,  for  she  is  the  more 
to  blame  for  estrangement,  if  either,  after  mar- 
riage, finds  the  disposition  and  tastes  of  the 


220 


EXCELSIOR. 


other  different  from  what  was  expected.  Any 
close  observer  will  perceive  that  the  happiest 
and  most  united  marriages  are  not  those  where 
there  is  the  greatest  similarity  of  disposition, 
but  those  where,  while  each  character  has  some 
traits  in  which  the  other  is  lacking,  the  wife  has 
the  good  sense  to  put  in  practice  this  facility  of 
adapting  herself  to  her  husband’s  peculiarities  of 
mind  and  taste.  It  is  supposed,  of  course,  as 
far  as  her  conscience  will  sanction. 

Precisely  because  a wife’s  greatest  claim  on  her 
husband  is  for  protection,  his  greatest  claim  on 
her  is  for  submission,  and  just  in  proportion  as 
each,  in  little  things  even  more  than  great, 
understand  and  fulfill  these  duties,  will  their 
marriage  be  a united  and  happy  one.  Self-sac- 
rifice is  the  truest  womanly  virtue,  and  above 
all  in  a wife;  not,  as  some  do,  by  ostentatiously 
making  martyrs  of  themselves,  but  in  this 
loving,  unobtrusive  adaptation  of  herself  to  her 
husband’s  tastes  and  wishes.  Unless  singularly 
unfortunate  in  the  husband  she  has  found,  more 
unfortunate  than  is  very  often  the  case,  such 
conduct  as  this  will  be  the  best  security  for  some 
degree  of  happiness  in  marriages,  where  the  wife 
finds  herself  mistaken  in  her  expectations. 

“Well  begun  is  half  done,”  is  remarkably 
true  of  marriage.  The  management  of  the  first 
few  months,  after  the  novelty  of  their  new  life 
has  a little  worn  off,  but  especially  management 
on  the  wife’s  side,  will  probably  give  the  tone  to 
their  whole  ensuing  life.  An  error  at  that  time. 


MISCELLANEOUS.  221 

the  first  discordance  of  wills,  the  first  manifes- 
tation of  difference  of  tastes  and  dispositions, 
will  be 

“ The  little  rift  within  the  lute, 

That,  by  and  by,  will  make  all  music  mute, 

And,  ever  widening,  slowly  silence  all.” 

Let  the  young  wife  beware,  then,  of  making 
this  “little  rift,”  by  even  the  shadow  of  a first 
quarrel.  Quarrels  are  evil  weeds,  that  cannot 
be  extirpated ; each  one  leaves  a seed  that  will 
in  time  spring  up,  and  produce  a plant  stronger 
and  more  deeply  rooted  than  the  last. 

A perfect  marriage  is  so  beautiful  that  God 
Himself  chose  it  as  the  type  of  the  holiest,  the 
closest  of  all  unions,  that  between  Himself  and 
His  church,  and  by  the  mouth  of  His  Apostle, 
He  holds  up  this  union  as  an  example  of  the 
reverence  a wife  should  have  for  her  husband  : 
“Being  subject  to  their  husbands  as  (the  church) 
to  the  Lord.” — (Eph.  v.)  A true  wife’s  affection 
and  respect  will  ennoble  her  husband  in  her 
eyes,  even  if  he  is  mentally  her  inferior,  and 
where  he  is  the  superior,  her  efforts  to  be  worthy 
of  him  will  ennoble  her.  When  a husband  has 
great  and  lofty  aims  in  the  world,  no  sympathy, 
no  encouragement  he  can  meet  will  so  support 
and  cheer  him  as  that  of  an  earnest,  true- 
hearted wife. 

“ I have  seen  one  whose  eloquence  commanding. 

Roused  the  rich  echoes  of  the  human  breast; 

The  blandishments  of  wealth  and  ease  withstanding, 

That  hope  might  reach  the  suffering  and  opprest, 

19* 


222 


EXCELSIOR. 


“ And  by  bis  side  there  moved  a form  of  beauty, 

Strewing  sweet  flowers  along  his  path  of  life, 

And  looking  up  Avith  meek  and  love-lent  duty ; 

I called  her  angel,  but  he  called  her  Wife.'" 

These  chapters  are  chiefly  for  ladies,  and  these 
lines  following  will  he  appreciated  by  them,  but 
perhaps  also  meet  eyes  to  which  they  are  more 
specially  addressed ; 

WILT  THOU  LOVE  HER  STILL  ? 

“ Wilt  thou  love  her  still,  when  the  sunny  curls 
That  over  her  bosom  floAV 

Will  be  faced  Avith  the  silver  threads  of  age. 

And  her  step  fall  sad  and  slow  ? 

Wilt  thou  love  her  still,  when  the  summer  smiles 
On  her  lips  no  longer  live  ? 

‘ I Avill  love  her  still, 

With  right  good  will !’ 

Thou  Avilt  love  her  still  ? Then  our  cherished  one 
To  thy  sheltering  arms  Ave  give. 

“ Wilt  thou  love  her  still,  when  her  changeful  ej'^es 
Have  groAvn  dim  Avith  sorroAv’s  rain ; 

When  the  bosom  that  beats  against  thy  own 
Throbs  sIoav  with  the  weight  of  pain ; 

V^hen  her  silvery  laugh  rings  out  no  more. 

And  vanished  her  youthful  charms  ? 

‘ With  free  good  Avill, 

I shall  love  her  still ! ’ 

Thou  AAult  love  her  still  ? Then  our  dearest  one 
We  give  to  thy  loving  arms.” 

“ Remember  no  grief  has  she  ever  known. 

Her  heart  is  light  and  free ; 

None  other  with  falterless  step  has  pressed 
Its  innermost  shrine  but  thee  ! 

Then  wilt  love  her  still,  when  the  thoughts  of  her  youth 
In  their  blushing  bloom  depart  ? 


MISCELLANEO  US. 


223 


‘ Through  good  and  id, 

I will  love  her  still ! ’ 

Thou  wilt  love  her  still  ? Then  our  darling  take 
To  the  joy  of  thy  noble  heart ! 

“ When  her  father  is  dead,  and  the  emerald  sod 
Lies  soft  on  her  mother’s  breast ; 

When  her  brother’s  voice  is  no  longer  heard, 

And  her  sister’s  hushed  to  rest, — 

Wilt  thou  love  her  still  ? for  to  thee  she  looks. 

Her  star  on  life’s  troubled  sea ! 

‘ I will  love  her  still. 

Through  good  and  ill ! ’ 

With  the  marriage  vow  on  her  youthful  lip, 

Then  we  give  our  child  to  thee ! ” 

A chapter  on  married  life  would  be  incomplete 
without  some  words  on  maternal  duties.  It  is 
said  there  is  a growing  tendency  among  married 
women  of  education  to  hold  these  duties  as  oner- 
ous, to  be  unwilling  to  take  the  responsibilities 
and  endure  the  trials  and  cares  of  maternity. 
The  young  lady  who  thinks  of  entering  on  mat- 
rimony without  also  seriously  considering  before 
God  what  her  duties  will  be  in  this  relation,  and 
whether  or  not  she  will  have  the  courage,  patience, 
and  tenderness  to  fulfill  them,  “commits  a folly 
and  a crime.”  A large  part  of  the  duties  of  mar- 
ried life  consists  in  the  care  of  children,  and  the 
burden  must  be  borne  mostly  by  the  mother. 
Very  selfish  and  ungenerous  is  the  woman’s  heart 
that  is  fain  coldly  to  reject  this  most  beautiful 
and  holy  of  all  her  duties,  and,  if  forced  to  do  so, 
reluctantly  takes  up,  as  a hard  cross,  what  God 
intended  should  be  for  her,  if  faithful,  rather  a 
crown  of  honor  and  rejoicing. 


224 


EXCELSIOR. 


Bishop  Dupanloup  makes  it  one  of  his  strong- 
est arguments  for  mental  cultivation  in  young 
ladies,  and  its  persevering  continuance  after  mar- 
riage, that  they  are  bound  by  all  laws  of  God 
and  Nature  to  become,  in  their  earlier  years,  the 
instructor,  and  later,  the  guide  and  example  of 
their  children.  He  says,  in  substance:  “ Ladies 
cannot  be  real  companions  and  help-mates  to 
their  husbands — they  cannot  bear  the  part  which 
they  ought  to  bear  in  the  education  of  their  child- 
ren without  this  kind  of  interest  and  cultivation 
in  themselves.”  “The  mother  should  be  the 
first  teacher  both  of  boys  and  girls,  and  school- 
days are  sometimes  made  to  come  too  soon  in  the 
life  of  children,  on  account  of  the  idleness  and 
incapacity  of  young  parents.” 

All  of  these  chapters,  but  especially  this  one, 
are  merely  suggestive.  They  do  not  profess  to 
do  more  than  give  those  to  whom  they  are  ad- 
dressed subjects  for  reflection,  which  they  them- 
selves must  follow  out  to  their  proper  conclusions. 

In  any  other  view  they  are  very  incomplete, 
and  will  sadly  fail  in  their  purpose  if  they  do  not 
lead  those  who  read  them  far  deeper  into  the 
subjects  introduced  than  opportunity  has  allowed 
the  author  to  go. 

MOTHERHOOD. 

I thought  my  cup  of  joy  was  full,  my  heart  was  overflowing. 
With  its  sense  of  perfect  happiness,  its  brimming  of  eontent ; 

I felt  no  need  of  other  love  than  the  love  still  ever-growing — 
The  deep,  calm  love  the  true  wife  feels,  with  all  her  being 
blent. 


MISCELLANEO  US. 


225 


But  O,  mothers,  happy  mothers ! who  share  with  me  this  sweet- 
ness— 

This  fullness  and  beatitude  of  woman’s  perfect  life — 

Ye  know  t:ow  like  a crowning  crown,  in  glory  and  completeness. 
Comes  the  added  joy  of  motherhood  to  the  most  blessed  wife. 

My  heart  is  joying  in  your  joy,  I am  full  of  glad  thanksgiving. 
That  thousands  share  my  blessedness,  my  mother-hope  and 
pride. 

Not  only  in  the  present  day,  the  passing  moment  living. 

But  prophecying  future  years ; a future  grand  and  wide. 

But  O,  ye  know  the  trembling,  the  wistful,  passionate  yearning. 
Half-trusting  in  God’s  pitying  love — half-fearful  for  love’s 
sake — 

That  the  little  life  that  came  from  heaven,  ere  yet  earth’s  lessons 
learning. 

Some  waiting  angel  still  stands  by,  back  unto  heaven  to  take. 

O mothers,  childless  mothers  ! ye  who  have  known  the  blessing. 
The  depth  of  wordless  rapture,  the  thrilling  joy  I know ; — 
The  nestling  of  the  little  head,  the  tiny  hands  caressing — 

But  through  the  same  deep  rapture  reached  a deeper  depth  of 
woe. 

My  heart  is  grieving  in  your  grief,  my  eyes  with  pity  weepmg. 
To  think  of  you  with  empty  arms,  forsaken  and  bereft ! 

And  I closer  clasp  the  little  form,  upon  my  bosom  sleeping. 

And  pray  with  yet  more  earnest  prayers  my  darling  may  be 
left. 

Yet  in  every  alternation  of  hope  and  anxious  questing. 

In  all  the  swaying  to  and  fro  ’tween  rapturing  joy  and  pain. 
One  deep,  sweet  thought  is  ever  mine,  one  full,  unvarying  blessing. 
The  holy  rights  of  motherhood  I can  never  lose  again. 

Whether  my  child  remains  with  me  on  earth,  or  back  to  heaven 
God  calls  the  tiny  baby-life,  when  a few  short  days  are  o’er — 
Or  to  see  him  in  his  manhood’s  pride,  to  my  mother-love  be  given. 
My  child  that  God  hath  given  me  is  my  child  forevermore. 

R.  V.  R. 


226 


EXCELSIOB. 


CHAPTER  XII. 

MISCELLANEOUS. 

{Continued.') 

HERE  are  numberless  little  hien- 
seances,  the  observance  or  non- 
observance  of  which  mark  the 
perfection  or  lack  of  good  breed- 
ing among  ladies.  Mere  conven- 
tional forms  are  not  here  alluded 
to ; they  have  their  value,  and  it 
is  well  to  acquire  as  large  a knowl- 
edge of  them  as  possible;  but 
governing  the  conduct  by  their  rules  does  not 
make  the  lady  in  the  absence  of  something 
better.  Many  a woman,  in  total  ignorance  of 
conventional  rules,  is  yet,  by  the  possession  of 
this  “something  better,”  so  guided  in  manners 
as  to  have  the  most  just  claim  to  the  title  of 
perfect  lady.  It  may  be  defined  as  a nice  sense 
of  propriety,  guided  by  goodness  of  heart;  and 
the  latter,  if  cultivated,  almost  inevitably  leads 


MISCELLANEO  US. 


227 


to  the  former,  and  both  are  susceptible  of  culti- 
vation. 

Probably,  the  manners  of  St.  Paul,  the 
Apostle,  bad  as  elegant  finish  as  the  world 
ever  saw  in  a being  with  the  nature  of  ordi- 
nary humanity;  his  code  of  good  manners, 
contained  in  parts  of  his  epistles,  vms  inspired 
by  God  Himself,  and  is  undoubtedly  the  most 
perfect  ever  recorded.  The  concise  epitome  of 
all  is  contained  in  a few  verses  from  two  of  his 
epistles,  “Charity  is  patient,  is  kind:  Charity 
envieth  not,  dealeth  not  perversely : Is  not 

puffed  up,  is  not  ambitious,  seeketh  ■ not  her 
own,  is  not  provoked  to  anger,  thinketh  no 
evil,  rejoiceth  not  in  iniquity,  but  rejoiceth  with 
the  truth:  Beareth  all  things,  believeth  all 

things,  endureth  all  things.”  (1  Cor.,  xiii.) 
And : “ Whatsoever  things  are  true,  whatsoever 

modest,  whatsoever  just,  whatsoever  holy,  what- 
soever lovely,  whatsoever  of  good  fame,  if  there 
be  any  virtue,  if  any  praise  of  discipline,  think 
on  these  things.”  (Phil,  iv.) 

It  is  hoped  in  all  that  has  been  said  in  these 
chapters,  if  tried  by  the  test  of  St.  Paul’s  code, 
nothing  will  be  found  that  is  not  in  strict  accord- 
ance vfith  its  spirit;  many  other  thoughts  like 
these  would  suggest  themselves  to  any  one 
studying  to  apply  it  to  their  own  conduct.  But 
how  many  think  of  applying  this  code  to  the 
little  every-day  intercourse  of  society  and 
domestic  life?  Yet  it  was  precisely  in  this 
view  it  was  given  by  the  Apostle.  The  eight 


228 


EXCELSIOR. 


beatitudes  in6lude,  it.  is  said,  in  themselves  in- 
struction for  the  perfect  practice  of  the  spiritual 
part  of  Christianity  in  every  station  of  life,  so 
may  it  he  said  of  these  precepts,  they  include  the 
whole  practice  of  Christian  etiquette. 

If  many  of  the  things  pointed  out  to  do  or  to 
avoid  seem  of  very  trifling  consequence,  we  can 
only  reply  by  quoting,  in  all  reverence,  “He 
that  is  faithful  in  that  which  is  least,  is  faithful 
also  in  that  which  is  greater ; and  he  that  is  un- 
just in  that  which  is  little,  is  also  unjust  in  that 
w^hich  is  greater.”  And  is  it  not  by  trifles 
almost  our  whole  lives  are  made  up?  A few 
miscellaneous  remarks  will  finish  all  there  is 
opportunity  left  to  say. 

In  company,  young  ladies  would  do  well  to 
avoid  the  ouer-afiectionateness  of  manner  to  lady 
friends  that  is  too  much  the  habit  among  them. 
The  constant  practice  of  kissing  is  a positive 
annoyance  to  the  more  sensible  portion,  and  in 
the  street,  or  on  meeting  at  a public  assembly, 
it  is  looked  on  with  absolute  disgust  by  the  more 
refined.  There  are  thousands  who  never  meet 
an  acquaintance  anywhere  without  going  through 
this  form,  for  it  is  generally  nothing  more.  Two 
groups  of  ladies  meeting,  especially  in  the  street, 
and  going  through  this  greeting,  is  indeed  a 
moving  sight,  not  to  the  sensitive  heart,  but  the 
risible  muscles.  The  spectacle  is  simply  ridicu- 
lous. At  proper  times  and  in  proper  places, 
real,  sincerely  felt  affection  may  be,  and  ought 
to  be  indulged,  but  this  exaggerated  and  public 


MISCELLANEO  US. 


229 


manifestation  of  indiscriminate  regard,  is  one  of 
those  “customs  more  honored  in  the  breach  than 
the  observance.”  A clever  girl  defined  the 
standard  of  manners  of  a new  acquaintance  by- 
describing  her  as  “one  of  the  kissy  sort;”  and 
another  said,  she  always  dreaded  meeting  certain 
of  her  acquaintance,  “ because  their  kisses  were 
so  terribly  juicy.” 

Of  the  same  standard  of  elegance  are  the  cus- 
toms of  some  young  ladies  at  social  parties  of 
sitting  close  together,  holding  each  other’s  hands, 
laying  their  arms  around  each  other’s  necks,  or 
promenading  the  room  encircling  each  other’s 
waists.  None  of  these  things  are  wrong  in  the 
right  place,  they  are  only  not  right  in  the  wrong 
one.  Ladies  may  he  sure  that  gentlemen,  for 
whose  edification  they  generally,  in  public,  show 
off  these  “airs  and  graces,”  only  laugh  at  them. 

Do  not  permit  a gentleman,  who  is  a mere 
ordinary  acquaintance,  to  read  with  you  from 
the  same  book  or  paper,  to  sit  with  his  arm  rest- 
ing on  the  back  of  your  chair,  to  touch  your 
curls,  or  in  short  any  of  the  ill-bred  familiarities 
ignorant  young  men  offer  till  taught  better  by 
the  lady.  Never  allow  a gentlemen  to  inspect  a 
ring  on  your  hand,  a bracelet,  or  above  all  a 
brooch  while  wearing  it.  Take  it  off  to  be  ex- 
amined and  then  replace  it. 

In  these  days,  when  everybody  has  his  or  her 
photograph  taken,  too  many  young  ladies  do  not 
scruple  to  bestow  their’s  on  every  chance  ac- 
quaintance who  requests  it.  No  persuasions 
20 


230 


EXCELSIOR. 


ought  to  prevail  on  a really  modest  girl  to  allow 
lier’s  to  come  into  the  possession  of  any  but  her 
nearest  and  dearest  friends.  If  she  bestows  it 
indiscriminately  on  gentlemen  acquaintance,  she 
risks  having  it  exhibited  to  their  companions, 
and  her  face  and  her  name  becoming  known  to 
those  she  would  blush  to  be  supposed  to  know. 
Akin  to  this,  and  not  less  reprehensible,  is 
accepting  the  likenesses  of  gentlemen.  There 
are  some  girls — ladies  they  are  not — who  use 
every  means  to  obtain  as  many  portraits  as  they 
can,  and  enshrining  them  in  an  album,  exhibit 
these  precious  souvenirs  of  their  folly  to  their 
friends,  to  provoke  their  envy  by  this  token  of 
the  number  of  cavaliers  they  have  in  their 
train. 

No  lady  will  accept  a present  of  any  value 
from  a gentleman  who  is  not  entitled  by  right  to 
offer  it.  A bouquet,  a book,  or  similar  trifles 
are  different,  but  any  thing  of  intrinsic  value 
should  be  politely,  but  firmly  declined.  Only  a 
man  ignorant  of  the  usages  of  refinement,  pre- 
sumes to  offer  such  gifts. 

Some  ladies,  so  far  from  shrinking  from  the 
acceptance  of  presents  from  gentlemen,  will 
endeavor  to  obtain  them  by  hardly  concealed 
manoeuvres.  This  was  the  well-merited  rebuke 
a gentleman  once  gave  with  a gold  thimble  thus 
forced  from  him : 

“ I send  you  this  thimble 
For  finger  nimble, 

I hope  it  will  fit  when  you  try  it ; 


MISCELLANEO  US. 


231 


It  will  last  you  long 
If  it’s  half  as  strong 
As  the  hint  you  gave  me  to  buy  it.” 

“Pliilopoenas  ” are  also  of  tins  class;  the  gen- 
tleman is  alivays  expected  to  pay  whether  he 
wins  or  loses.  A lady  will  decline  having  any- 
thing to  do  with  them;  or  with  wagers  for 
gloves,  Ac.,  that  some  lay  with  the  full  intention 
of  exacting  the  penalty. 

On  a par  wdth  these  kinds  of  meannesses — 
for  however  sportively  carried  on,  it  is  real  mean- 
ness under  all — is  that  of  contracting  pecuniary 
obligations  to  gentlemen  by  accepting  frequent 
invitations  from  them  to  places  of  amusement, 
courses  of  lectures,  concerts,  summer  excursions, 
Ac.,  and  even,  as  some  do,  procuring  these  invi- 
tations by  hints  of  the  lady’s  desires  for  them. 
A lady  who  has  no  relative  to  serve  as  her 
escort,  and  is  dependent  on  the  kindness  of 
acquaintances,  could  and  ought  to  have  it  under- 
stood, that  if  she  accepts  frequently  the  conve- 
nience of  a gentleman’s  escort,  she  desires  and 
intends  to  provide  for  her  own  expenses,  and  if 
he  is  a gentleman  he  will  appreciate  her  inde- 
pendence, and  respect  her  the  more  for  not  being 
willing  to  incur  such  obligations  to  him.  As 
every  lady  is  dependent  on  gentlemen  for  such 
needful  escort  and  protection ; if  there  is  no  one 
she  can  claim  it  from  as  a right,  and  does  not 
wish  to  be  debarred  from  all  social  amusements, 
it  cannot  be  wrong  for  her  to  avail  herself  of 
such  as  it  is  in  her  power  to  procure,  but  this 


232 


EXCELSIOR. 


does  not  justify  her  in  levying  such  a tax  on  the 
purses  of  mere  acquaintance,  as  a single  winter’s 
frequenting  of  such  places  would  amount  to  in 
the  aggregate. 

The  lady  author,  quoted  in  a previous  chapter, 
says,  speaking  of  conversations  between  ladies 
and  gentlemen:  “It  is  a problem  difficult  to 
solve,  why  so  many  ladies  of  good  abilities  and 
cultivated  minds,  and  who  always,  with  their 
own  sex,  talk  like  intelligent,  sensible  women, 
should,  as  soon  as  they  get  into  conversation  with 
a gentleman,  seem  to  take  leave  of  rationality,  and 
demean  themselves  like  utter  fools.  We  grieve 
to  see  a charming,  modest,  refined  young  lady, 
almost  the  moment  a gentleman  begins  to  tallr  to 
her,  changing  her  whole  demeanor,  and  quickly 
becoming  bold,  forward  and  nonsensical.  We 
are  glad  to  see  vivacity  in  women  of  all  ages, 
and  if  they  have  a sprinkling  of  wit  and  humor, 
so  much  the  better.  But  we  wish  them  to  do 
themselves  justice,  and  not,  when  conversing  with 
men,  run  wild,  and  give  themselves  up  to  all 
manner  of  folly.” 

So  much  for  the  coquettish  and  silly:  but  she 
has  a word,  too,  for  those  who  have  a leaning  to 
err  on  the  other  side,  and  to  assume  too  much 
when  conversing  with  gentlemen : 

“ Generally  speaking,  it  is  injudicious  for  ladies 
to  attempt  arguing  with  gentlemen  on  political 
or  financial  topics.  All  the  information  that  a 
woman  can  possibly  acquire  or  remember  on 
these  subjects  is  so  small,  in  comparison  with  the 


MISGELLANEO  US. 


233 


knowledge  of  men,  that  the  discussion  will  not 
elevate  her  in  the  opinion  of  masculine  minds. 
Still,  it  is  well  for  a woman  to  desire  enlighten- 
ment, that  she  may  comprehend  something  of 
these  discussions  when  she  hears  them  from  men ; 
therefore,  let  her  listen,  but  refrain  from  contro- 
versy or  argument.  Men  are  very  intolerant 
towards  women  who  are  prone  to  contradiction 
and  contention,  when  the  talk  is  of  things  con- 
sidered out  of  their  sphere ; hut  very  indulgent 
to  a modest  and  attentive  listener,  who  only  asks 
questions  for  the  sake  of  information.  Men  like 
to  dispense  knowledge  ; but  few  of  them  believe 
that,  in  departments  exclusively  their  own, 
they  can  profit  much  by  the  suggestions  of 
women.” 

The  practice  that  prevails  with  ladies  of  this 
country,  more  than  any  other,  of  making  Sunday 
morning  the  time,  and  a church  the  place,  for  the 
display  of  their  newest  and  most  fashionable 
attire,  is  in  the  worst  possible  taste.  All  respect 
should  be  shown  to  the  sacred  time  and  place, 
but  neatness  and  propriety  having  been  provided 
for,  the  more  simply  dressed  and  quietly  una- 
dorned a lady  is,  the  more  becoming  and  congru- 
ous will  be  her  costume.  Who  has  not  heard  St. 
Jerome’s  famous  philippic  against  the  over-dressed 
ladies,  who  appeared  at  church  in  his  time : 

“ Yet  worldly  is  that  heart  at  best, 

That  heats  beneath  a broidered  veil ; 

And  she  who  comes  in  glittering  rest 
To  mourn  her  frailty,  still  is  frail.” 


20* 


234 


EXCELSIOR. 


The  author  quoted  a page  back,  herself  a 
Protestant,  notices,  with  warm  approbation,  the 
practice  of  tlie  ladies  of  some  Catliolic  countries 
of  having  a special  and  very  plain  dress  for 
church — a black  dress,  a mantle  with  hood  that 
shades  the  face,  and  veil,  both  also  of  plain 
black.  She  earnestly  wishes  such  an  appro- 
])iiate  and  commendable  custom  could  be  intro- 
duced in  this  country.  Such  a wish  is,  however, 
hopeless ; but  is  it  not  possible  for  ladies  to  mod- 
ify the  too  profuse  display  of  their  finery  in 
church  ? 

Space  will  not  allow  the  notice  of  many  other 
manifestations  of  lack  of  reason,  lack  of  taste, 
and  lack  of  independence  of  mind  among  women ; 
so  common,  indeed,  that  they  pass  without  a 
thought  being  given  to  them  by  nearly  all.  If 
only  every  lady,  every  conscientious  woman,  in- 
stead of  allowing  herself  to  be  led  by  custom, 
fashion,  and  vanity,  would  do  her  own  thinking, 
and,  taking  St.  Paul’s  standard  of  ethics,  model 
herself  on  it,  the  difference  in  her  own  life  and 
the  lives  of  those  she  influences  would  soon  be- 
come perceptible.  Duties  would  become  evident 
she  never  before  suspected,  and  duties  already 
known  would  no  longer  be  looked  on  as  degrading 
drudgeries,  but  ennobled  by  high  motives.  Po- 
mance  would  not  be  destroyed,  but,  put  in  its 
proper  place — in  subjection  to  the  realities  of 
life — help  to  make  them  interesting.  She  would 
look  with  equal  disfavor  on  a useless,  idle,  vain, 
dressing,  gossiping,  flirting,  novel-reading  life, 


MISGELLANEO  US. 


235 


without  an  aim  or  end,  except  self-gratification, 
and  the  bold,  presuming,  aggressive  life  claimed 
by  the  mistaken  “ women’s-rights  ” portion  of  her 
sisters.  Simply  content  with  the  place  God  gives 
her,  because  it  is  the  one  he  gives,  she  would 
have  no  other  ambition,  nor  desire  any  greater 
happiness — for  none  greater  could  be  attained  in 
this  life — than  she  would  surely  find  in  the  en- 
deavor to  live  up  to  all  its  requirements. 


VEESES 

TO  ASSIST  THE  MEMORY  IN  RETAINING 
THE  SUBSTANCE  OF  THE  PRE- 
CEDING CHAPTERS. 


PART  I. 


FOR  YOUNG  GENTLEMEN. 


237 


LIFE. 


239 


CHAPTER  I. 

LIFE. 

Passing  along  life’s  devious  ways, 

How  shall  we  our  Creator  praise, 

And  guard  at  once  our  own  weak  heart, 
And  others  show  the  better  part  ? 

By  trying,  with  an  earnest  will. 

Mind,  body,  soul  to  train  with  skill ; 

Learning  wuth  artless  art  to  please. 

Look  more,  and  speak  with  well-bred  ease; 

Gaining  kind  friends  by  kindly  act. 

By  deference,  politeness,  tact. 

For  still,  as  through  life’s  ways  we  go. 
Again  we  win  what  we  bestow. 

And  all  may  wield  this  potent  spell,  ' 

If  duly  trained  and  chastened  well. 


240 


EXCELSIOll. 


CHAPTEE  II. 

HOME. 

Who  knows  not  that,  in  Nature’s  plan, 
“The  child  is  father  to  the  man?” 

For  what,  at  home,  we  learn  to  be. 

Just  that  the  outward  world  will  see. 

The  vulgar  boy — the  base,  low  churl — 
The  selfish,  rude,  unmannered  girl — 

Or,  gentle,  polished  and  polite. 

The  lady  true  and  little  knight. 

Are  formed  and  modeled  by  the  care 
That  fashions  heart  and  manners  there. 

Let  not  rough  words  or  angry  jar 
The  peace  of  hearth  and  table  mar. 

Nor  bitter,  hard,  ungenial  ways 
Make  saddened  thoughts  for  after-days. 

When  first,  at  morn,  you  meet  each  friend, 
A cheerful  “avant-courier”  send. 


HOME. 


241 


And  let  a smiling,  glad  “good-morrow,” 
Give  prophecy  of  joy,  not  sorrow; — 

At  night,  a gentle,  low  “good  even,” 
Fall  like  a blessing  asked  from  heaven. 


By  kind,  obliging,  thoughtful  deed 
Try  to  forestall  each  daily  need 

Of  all  around.  With  modest  grace, 
Take,  as  your  due,  the  lowest  place, 

And  not,  with  selfish  vain  conceit. 
Dispute,  and  claim  the  upper  seat. 

The  courtesy  you  hold  due  to  others 
Give  to  your  sisters  and  your  brothers. 


Chill  is  the  heart  and  base  the  mind, 
That  can  repay  a parent  kind 

With  hard  contempt  or  cold  neglect, 
And  childhood’s  hallowed  ties  reject; 

Or  blush,  because  old-fashioned  ways 
Suit  not  the  taste  of  modern  days. 

The  softest  chair,  most  loving  tone. 
And  cosiest  nook  should  be  their  own ; 

And  every  sweet,  endearing  art, 

That  shows  a truly  filial  heart, 

21 


242 


EXCELSIOR. 


Their  tender  care,  in  earlier  day, 

Should  with  fond  gratitude  repay. 

If  thus,  by  true  politeness  moved. 

At  home  good  heart  and  sense  be  proved, 

We  treasure  up  a blessed  store 
Of  memories  sweet  forevermore. 


SCHOOL  OR  COLLEGE. 


243 


CHAPTEE  III. 

SCHOOL  OK  COLLEGE. 

At  school  a little  world  you  find, 

To  train  your  soul — ^your  heart — your  mind, 

Duly  to  fill,  at  riper  age. 

Your  place  upon  the  world’s  great  stage; 

For  every  monaent  here  spent  well 
Upon  your  after-life  will  tell. 

If  just  ambition  rightly  rule 

The  golden  years  you  spend  at  school. 

You  will  not  waste  the  measured  power. 
Nor  idly  spend  one  precious  hour. 


Uod  gave  you  body,  mind  and  soul. 

Each,  then,  with  its  due  care  control. 

With  healthy  form  and  graceful  ease. 
Learn  by  your  outward  looks  to  please ; 

With  mind  imbued  with  knowledge  pure, 
Eespect  and  deference  secure ; 


244 


EXCELSIOR. 


And,  more  than  all,  from  earliest  youth. 
Your  soul  train  to  unswerving  truth. 


Aun  high — even  though  your  point  you  miss, 
Some  higher  mark  you  gain  by  this. 

Than  if — lest  failure  should  befall — 

You  took  no  lofty  aim  at  all. 

The  noble  mind,  with  passion’s  fire. 

Makes  excellence  its  first  desire. 


Strive  earnestly,  by  plan  and  rule. 

To  miss  no  benefit  of  school. 

Knowledge  at  random  loosely  sought. 
At  wisdom’s  real  expense  is  bought; 

Yet  special  studies  choose,  that  will 
Give  for  your  chosen  life  more  skill. 

So  spend  each  year  that  when,  at  last 
These  college-days  shall  all  be  passed. 

Justly  your  Alma  Mater’s  pride. 

You  seek  a stage  more  grand  and  wide. 


GOOD  MANNERS. 


245 


CHAPTER  IV. 

GOOD  MANNERS. 

Learning  will  not  suffice,  you’ll  find, 
Unless  the  manners  be  refined. 

If  in  the  social  world  you  aim 
For  full  success,  and  worthy  name  ; 

You  must,  with  constant,  careful  tact, 
Mould  by  its  laws  your  every  act ; 

But  taking  still  for  truest  guides, 

Good  sense,  and  guileless  heart  besides, 

For  every  man  of  common  sense 
O’errules  mere  fashion’s  vain  pretence. 

And  leaves  all  modish  dandy  rules, 

In  dress  or  manners,  to  the  fools. 


Good  manners  just  four  points  include, 
And  if  these  all  be  understood. 

And  practiced  on  a settled  plan. 

You- are  a finished  gentleman. 

21* 


246 


EXCELSIOR. 


The  first  is  perfect  cleanliness, 
in  person,  habits,  speech,  and  dress, 

With  generous  freedom,  joy  to  lave 
In  the  clear,  sparkling,  limpid  wave ; 

Whether  your  capillary  crown 
Be  raven,  flaxen,  golden,  brown, 

Or  with  regret  you  sometimes  hear 
“Red-head”  assail  your  Avounded  ear; 

Remember  this — the  brush  and  comb 
Must  often  in  close  contact  come. 

Neglected  teeth  and  nails  still  must 
Give  the  beholder  deep  disgust, 

But  oh ! with  still  more  anxious  care 
For  conversation  clean  prepare. 

Let  no  foul  Avords,  impure  and  vile. 

Or  sinful  oaths  your  lips  defile. 

Fops,  snobs,  and  bullies,  freely  use 
Language  the  Avell-bred  all  refuse ; 

And  think  they  show  a Avittier  mind 
The  more  their  talk  is  unrefined. 


Forget  yourself,  your  feet,  your  hands. 
And  how  you  sit,  or  Avalk,  or  stand; 

Don’t  fidget  with  your  AAmtch  or  keys ; 
Or  try  too  much  to  seem  at  ease ; 


GOOD  MANNERS. 


247 


Or  make  each  one  who  sees  you  sick 
By  grimace  or  affected  trick ; 

Don’t  let  your  feet  be  sprawling  spread, 
Or  tilted  up  above  your  head. 

In  short,  just  modest,  quiet  be. 

As  nature  and  good  sense  decree. 


“Spiced  gales  of  Araby  the  blest,” 

Are  sweet,  but  surely  not  a guest 

Whose  ’kerchief  and  whose  hair  exhales 
More  perfume  than  Arabian  gales. 


’Tis  pity  if  you  have  a cold. 

But  worse  if  the  sad  fact  be  told ; 

By  every  kind  of  uncouth  sound 
Annoying  every  one  around  ; 

So  let  the  secret  be  confined 
To  your  own  handkerchief  and  mind. 


Tobacco’s  taste  is  only  known 
To  man  and  one  vile  worm  alone.* 

And  all  the  comment  we  can  make : — 

’Twere  well  if  man  no  share  would  take, 

*The  tobacco  worm,  the  only  insect  that  will  feed  on  the 
plant. 


248 


EXCELSIOR. 


But  leave  the  odious,  filthy  weed, 
The  still  more  filthy  worm  to  feed. 


Good  manners’  second  point  of  grace 
Is  neatness  in  our  dress  and  ways ; 

Simplicity  in  look,  word,  act, 

Taste,  order,  comeliness,  in  fact ; 

That  sense  of  just  propriety, 

That  in  well-balanced  minds  we  see. 

Give  fashion  all  its  proper  due 
As  far  as  fashion’s  rules  suit  you, 

For  here  again  must  sense  and  tact 
To  each  one’s  needs  be  rule  exact. 

Nor  fop,  nor  sloven,  but  between 
Chose  carefully  the  golden  mean ; 

Though  linen  coarse  and  broadcloth  rough, 
Or  even  plain,  gray  hodden  stuff, 

Endue  your  form,  be  they  but  clean, 

The  truer  gentleman  is  seen. 

Than  if  arrayed,  a dandy  pert. 

In  flashy  jewelry  and — dirt. 


Whether  you  be  or  poor  or  rich, 
A kingdom  rule  or  dig  a ditch; 


GOOD  MANNERS. 


249 


Whate’er  your  place  in  Nature’s  plan, 
You  may  be  this — a mainly  man. 

This  holds  the  third  important  place, 

In  points  the  gentleman  to  trace. 

The  gentle  man,  observe  this  well. 

Whose  manners  best  his  title  tell. 

Whose  kindly  thought  will  ever  measure 
His  happiness  by  others’  pleasure. 

No  matter  what  their  station  be. 

All  claim  alike  his  courtesy. 

Good  manners’  first,  best,  golden  rule 
Is  deeply  graved  upon  his  soul. 

The  Gospel  rule,  “ To  others  do 
As  ye  would  they  should  unto  you.” 

With  this  you  never  can  offend. 

Or  grieve  the  most  sensitive  friend. 


When  you  in  social  converse  meet. 
Be  cheerful,  genial,  but  discreet. 

Don’t  talk  apart,  with  one  or  two. 
As  if  the  rest  were  naught  to  you. 

But  unto  each  in  turn  attend. 

And  pleased  attention  try  to  lend. 


Never  dispute  or  disagree 
With  anything  you  hear  or  see, 


250 


EXCELSIOR. 


Or  try,  by  angry  force,  to  make 
All  others  your  opinions  take. 

Choose  always  private  place  and  season. 
Mildly  with  erring  friends  to  reason. 


Let  courteous  actions  also  show 
Good  manners’  kindly  ways  you  know. 

Don’t  stare  at  strangers  in  surprise. 
Nor  scan  their  dress  with  curious  eyes. 

Nor  make  a mental  catalogue, 

Down  to  the  very  cat  and  dog. 

Of  all  you  see,  if  e’er  you  come 
Within  the  precincts  of  his  home. 


But,  above  all,  avoid  to  gaze 
Too  boldly  in  a lady’s  face. 

To  you  each  woman  should  appear 
As  mother  or  as  sister  dear. 

All  womanhood  may,  in  their  name, 
Eespect  and  honor  justly  claim. 

“In  others  patiently  endure 
Errors  and  faults — you  may  be  sure. 

In  much  that  you  unconscious  do, 
Yoi(,  others  try,  as  they  try  you.” 


GOOD  MAWNEES, 


251 


Don’t  study  courtly  airs  and  graces, 

Bows,  smirks  and  monkeyfied  grimaces, 

ISTor  fawn  on  rank,  or  wealth,  or  station. 
By  flattery  base ; nor  seek  occasion. 

In  any  mean,  unmanly  way. 

Court  to  the  “upper  ten”  to  pay. 

Be  mwnly-hearted,  upright,  true, 

Give  each  and  all  the  reverence  due. 

But  still  retain  respect  for  self. 

Though  low  your  station,  small  your  pelf ; 

And  if  you  meet  one  lowlier  still. 

Show  equal  courtesy  and  good  will. 

Three  acts  will  mark  the  coward  base. 
And  brand  him  with  deserved  disgrace — 

The  lame  or  the  deformed  to  shock, 

By  heartless  laugh  or  cruel  mock ; 

God’s  simple  ones  to  tease  and  jeei% 

Or  at  the  ignorant  poor  to  sneer. 

No  truer  sign  of  meanest  mind 
Than  this  despicable  mark  we  find. 

The  golden  rule  begins  and  ends, 

All  on  which  courtesy  true  depends. 


But  table  manners  are  the  test, 

That  prove  the  heart  and  training  best ; 


252 


EXCELSIOR. 


If  here  you  justly  make  your  claim 
To  gentlemanly  rank  and  name, 

No  one  will  e’er  that  claim  attack, 
Though  in  some  minor  points  you  lack. 

Be  timely  coming  to  a feast. 

But  not  with  too  unseemly  haste. 

And  with  still  greater  cautious  care, 

Of  coming  after  time  beware. 

If  you  ’re  requested,  be  quite  ready 
To  give  your  left  arm  to  a lady ; 

With  her,  in  going  through  the  door, 

It  is  your  place  to  pass  before. 

And  while  at  table  quietly 
Study  her  wishes  to  supply. 

A blessing  ask,  if  grace  is  said, 

With  reverent  downcast  eyes  and  head, 

And  if  by  others  ’tis  forgot. 

In  your  own  heart  forget  it  not ; 

Don’t  crowd  or  push  another  guest. 
Hands,  elbows,  on  the  table  rest ; 

Be  noiseless  with  knife,  fork,  and  plate ; 
Be  self-possessed,  and  moderate ; 

Let  every  movement  be  discreet. 
Deliberate,  gentle,  guarded,  neat. 

Kefuse  not  soup,  but  nicely  sip 
From  the  spoon’s  side  and  not  its  tip  ; 


GOOD  MANNERS. 


253 


Don’t  bite  your  bread,  nor  br^k  it  up 
To  drop  the  pieces  in  your  soup ; 

And  always  say  you  do  not  wisb 
A second  help  pf  soup  or  fisb. 

Don’t  try  of  every  disk  to  taste, 

Nor  eat  your  food  witb  greedy  baste. 

For  if  too  hurriedly  you  eat 

You’ll  spill  your  gravy,  drop  your  meat ; 

And  never  let  your  neighbors  see 

Your  peelings,  bones,  or  such  debris  (da-bree) 

Scattered  upon  the  cloth  around. 

Or  dropped  upon  the  carpet  found  ; 

And  do  not  masticate  your  food  • • 

As  if,  cow-lilce,  you  chewed  a cud. 

To  use  your  knife  to  help  to  salt 
Or  butter  is  a serious  fault. 

Don’t  make  your  fingers  sugar  tongs, 

Another  of  the  vulgar  wrongs. 

No  well-bred  person  e’er  you  see 
Pufi'  out  his  lips  and  “ blow  ” his  tea, 

Nor  with  an  unwiped  greasy  lip, 

From  any  glass  or  cup  to  sip. 

You  must  not  bite  or  cut  your  bread 
Unless  it  be  with  butter  spread. 

Don’t  urge  a lady  to  take  wine 
If  offered  once,  and  she  decline. 

22 


254 


EXCELSIOR. 


All  fruits, *botli  dry  and  fresh,  and  cheese. 

Eat  with  your  fingers  if  you  please. 

Divide  large  fruit  with  dainty  care. 

And  neatly  then  the  quarters  pare. 

Split  peaches  and  remove  the  stone, 

With  knife-point  it  is  deftly  done. 

Eat  with  a spoon  all  sorts  of  berries. 

And  as  for  gages,  plums,  and  cherries, 

The  stones,  please  always  understand. 

Take  from  the  mouth  with  half-closed  hand. 

Don’t  crack  nuts  with  your  teeth — in  truth 
It  spoils  the  nuts  and  crackers  both. 

Ne’er  pocket  any  dainty  bit 
In  private  greediness  to  eat. 

Of  delicacies  rich  and  rare 

Help  yourself  with  hand  most  spare. 

And  ne’er  with  selfish,  greedy  art. 

Insinuate  “your  favorite  part,’’ 

But  if  you’re  ashed  w'hich  it  shall  be, 

Accept  it  with  simplicity. 

Epicurean  remarks  the  wise 
And  truly  manly  will  despise. 

With  mouth  crammed  full  of  food  don’t  mumble, 
’Twill  make  your  talk  a funny  jumble. 

When  you  are  helped  just  take  with  ease 
What  quantity  your  host  may  please. 


GOOD  MANNERS. 


255 


Yet  not  so  easy  and  so  free 
Assume  too  great  a liberty, 

As  if  you  thought  yourself  most  able, 

And  finest  gentleman  at  table. 

If  you  desire  to  be  refined, 

Use  knife,  fork,  spoon,  as  they’re  designed. 

If  you  should,  in  a moment  rash. 

Reverse  their  use,  perhaps  you’d  gash 

A mouth  already  quite  too  wide, 

And  shock  all  who  might  see  beside. 

The  use  of  spoons  we  all  suppose 
That  every  human  being  knows  ; 

’Tis  said  in  mouth  of  each  babe  born 
Is  golden  spoon  or  one  of  horn. 

To  help  yourself,  or  any  friend. 

Do  not  your  knife,  fork,  spoon  e’er  lend. 

Of  such  mistakes  have  careful  heed ; 

Use  what  is  placed  for  public  need. 

Bread,  nuts,  and  fruit,  dear  sir  and  madam, 
Eat  in  the  mode  of  Eve  and  Adam, 

When  thumb  and  fingers  well  supplied 
All  other  implements  beside. 

Napkins  and  handkerchiefs  pray  mind 
Have  each  their  proper  use  assigned : 

The  first  use  only  for  your  lips. 

And,  if  you  soil  your  finger-tips. 


256 


EXCELSIOR. 


For  'kerchief’s  use,  a delicate  mind 
Must  teach  you  how  to  be  refined ; 

When  using  it  you’ll  turn  aside 
To  cough  or  sneeze,  then  deftly  hide 

Safe  in  your  pocket’s  recess  deep. 

And  out  of  sight  the  nuisance  keep. 

Finally,  be  this  understood — 

Food’s  made  for  man,  not  man  for  food ; 

So  eat  and  drink,  in  moderation, 

Just  what  you  need  for  the  occasion, 

And  do  not,  by  intemperate  greed. 

Seem  like  a soulless  beast  to  feed  ; 

From  table  with  the  host  arise  ; 

In  converse  witty,  calm,  and  wise ; 

Some  little  space  of  time  delay 
Ere  leave  you  take  and  go  away. 

Such  are  the  rules  of  etiquette. 

At  well-bred  tables  always  met ; 

At  home,  ‘‘good  sense”  and  ease,  of  course. 
May  somewhat  modify  their  force. 


“ Trifles,”  ’tis  said,  and  not  amiss, 
Make  up  the  sum  of  human  bliss. 
“ If  you  your  lips 
Would  keep  from  slips. 


GOOD  MANNERS. 


257 


Five  rales  observe  witb  care — 

Of  wbom  you  speak, 

To  Avbom  you  speak, 

And  how  and  when  and  where!'- 

Learn  with  an  equal,  kindly  grace. 

And  firmness  to  say  no  or  yes. 

Don’t  whistling  on  the  streets  be  caught 
“ As  fools  do,  just  from  want  of  thought.” 


Don’t  kick  your  feet,  nor  with  them  drum. 
Nor  yet  with  fingers ; do  not  hum. 

As  if  in  vacant  reverie. 

Nor  idly  in  your  pocket  play 

With  jingling  keys,  or  rattling  change; 
Sach  tricks  to  gentlemen  are  strange  ; 

Don’t  fidget  with  your  knife  or  watch  ; 

Or  strive  admiring  eyes  to  catch 

With  pin,  or  chain,  or  signet  ring. 

Or  any  other  showy  thing. 

If  need  he,  see  the  time  of  day. 

Just  in  a modest,  quiet  way. 


In  public  halls,  a guarded  voice 
gentleman  will  make  his  choice. 

By  unassuming  quiet  grace, 

Proving  he  knows  his  proper  place; 
22* 


258 


EXCELSIOR. 


When  you  depart,  don’t  bore  a friend 
With  farewells  seeming  without  end, 

And,  standing  in  a draughty  door. 
Have  still  to  say  a “ few  words  more.” 


Except  in  business  time  and  place, 
For  visitors  you  rise  always. 


Ne'er  swing  your  chair  or  tilt  it  back. 
Unless  propriety  you  lack. 


Never,  with  eye-glass  in  your  eye, 
Like  puppy  stare  at  passers-by. 


Only  a ruffian,  base  and  rude. 
Upon  a lady  would  intrude. 

By  turning  in  the  street  to  gaze. 
Or  venturing  her  steps  to  trace. 


Ne’er  at  hotels  or  restaurants 

With  noisy  fuss  make  known  your  wants. 


A kind  deed,  if  politely  done. 

Is  more  like  two  kind  acts  than  one. 


/ ■ 

GOOD  ATANNERS.  259 

Thus,  when  such  gentle  deeds  you  do, 

Make  your  friend  feel  he  favors  you. 


Before  your  services  you  lend 
To  introduce,  consult  each  friend. 

And  do  not  take  the  fact  for  granted 
By  both  the  introduction’s  wanted. 


“ By  too  familiar  custom’s  use. 
Contempt  and  weariness  ensues;” 

So  with  u,  certain,  cautious  care. 
Decline  your  every  thought  to  share. 

You  will  not  love  your  friend  the  less 
By  practicing  this  cautiousness ; 

And  rather  win  his  best  esteem 
As  you  the  more  retiring  seem. 


The  wit  that  can  another  wound 
In  gentlemen  is  never  found. 


Let  not  a stranger  need  a chair, 

But  keep  your  own  if  more  are  there. 


Uncover  where’er  ladies  are, 
At  concert,  lecture,  or  bazaar. 


260 


EXCELSIOR. 


By  these  three  marks  we  know  a bore — 
Long  stories  we  have  heard  before  ; 

Details  about  his  own  affairs, 

His  hopes  and  fears,  his  pains  and  cares  ; 

By  strings  of  questions  without  end ; 

Kind  heaven  ! from  bores  deliverance  send. 


“Please”  is  but  a little  word,  and  “thank  you”  is  not 
long; 

Their  use,  whene’er  there’s  need,  alike  to  young  and  old 
belong. 


If  need  requires  that  you  should  haste, 
And  some  one  in  advance  be  passed. 

Don’t  rudely  push,  but,  bowing  slightly, 
You  may  proceed  ahead  politely; 

If  any  blunder,  or  mistake. 

Or  heedless  oversight  you  make. 

That  can  another  cause  distress — 

As  stepping  on  a lady’s  dress. 

Or  stumbling  in  another’s  way, 

“ Excuse  me,”  always  quickly  say. 

But  if  in  others  you  perceive 
Such  awkward  things,  always  believe 

’Tis  ignorance,  and  kindly  try 
All  faults  to  veil  you  may  espy  ; 


GOOD  MANNEBS. 


To  jeer  or  feagh  would  on  your  part 
Prove  ill-bred  mind  and  evil  heart. 


With  noble  mind  delight  to  show 
Superior  claims  you  feel  and  know, 

And  ne’er  your  hat. or  seat  retain 
In  priestly  presence,  or  again 

A lady’s,  or  one  in  whose  years 
The  reverent  claims  of  age  appears. 

Or  one  who  holds  a ruling  station. 

Or  claims  the  deference  of  the  nation. 

Until  they  courteously  permit 
Your  hat,  or  point  you  to  your  seat. 


Avoid  the  self-conceit  that  makes 
One  eager  to  correct  mistakes. 

And,  most  of  all,  with  tender  care. 
With  parents  of  this  fault  beware. 


Ne’er  talk  of  self,  nor  thrust  your  word 
Unwished  for  ; let  each  one  be  heard. 

And  each  one  for  himself  reply 
To  questions.  Don’t  stand  listening  by 

To  converse  not  to  you  addressed  ; 

Let  prying  queries  be  repressed ; 


262 


EXCELSIOR. 


We  have  no  right  to  try  to  learn 
All  that  our  neighbor  may  concern. 

Listen  with  patient  courtesy 
To  all,  though  tedious  some  may  he. 


Remember  always  in  a church, 

It  is  God’s  house  and  heaven’s  porch. 

Keep  silence  strict — let  not  one  word 
Of  idle  talk  be  ever  heard. 

In  lecture-room  and  concert-hall 
Regard  the  rights  of  one  and  all, 

And  do  not,  by  your  private  talk, 
The  pleasure  of  another  baulk. 

Nor  all  the  audience  offend, 

By  going  out  before  the  end. 


In  company  it  always  looks 
Ill-bred  to  be  absorbed  in  books ; 

And  breaking  in  on  conversation, 

By  reading  out  without  occasion  ; 

But  when  some  eloquent,  sweet-voiced  guest. 
The  host  and  company  request 

To  read  aloud,  then  show  your  breeding. 

By  silent  listening  to  the  reading. 


GOOD  MANNERS. 


263 


Don't  watch,  from  cracks  all  who  pass  by, 
Like  “Peeping  Tom  of  Coventry.” 


To  bite  your  nailg  is  quite  ill-bred, 
Still  more  to  use  them  on  your  head. 


In  company  your  teeth  to  pick 
Will  make  refined  beholders  sick. 

Intruding  on  a busy  friend 
In  business  hours,  you  may  depend 

Won’t  raise  you  in  his  estimation  ; 
Nor  if  you  use  the  same  occasion 

To  handle  private  property. 

Ask  use  or  price  of  all  you  see ; 

Or  with  audacity  still  greater. 

Read,  or  e’en  touch,  a written  paper. 


Ne’er  with  a friend,  in  prolonged  talk, 
Monopolize  the  public  walk ; 

Keep  to  the  right  on  each  occasion, 

A rule  that  knows  but  this  evasion  : . 

When  on  a narrow  path,  or  street, 

A lady  or  old  man  you  meet,  . 

The  rule  you  waive,  and,  for  their,  sake. 
The  less  convenient  side  you  take. 


264 


EXCELSIOR. 


Again,  if  ever  there  is  need 
In  narrow  path  one  should  precede',  • 

The  superior,  in  age  or  standing. 

Takes  the  first  place,  as  most  commanding  ; 

Unless  there's  danger  in  the  case, 

And  then  it  is  the  inferior’s  place  ; 

For  brave  young  hearts  are  always  ready 
As  guard  for  clergy,  age,  or  lady. 

Precede^  a lady  up  a stair. 

But  follow,  coming  down,  with  care. 

That  on  her  dress  you  may  not  step. 

Or  cause  her  any  awkward  trip. 

With  ladies,  gentlemen  are  ever 
Polite,  deferent,  familiar  never. 


Don’t  heedlessly  engagements  make, 
But  Avord  once  given  never  break  ; 

A gentleman,  from  first  to  last. 

Is  bondman  to  his  word  once  passed. 


That  mind  is  generous,  true,  and  strong. 
That  humbly  OAvns  it  has  done  wrong ; 

“I  bow  before  the  noble  mind 
That  freely  some  great  wrong  forgives. 


GOOD  MANNERS. 


265 


“Yet  nobler  is  tbe  one  forgiven. 

Who  bears  that  burden  well,  and  lives.” 

No  present  friend  with  praise  assail, 

Nor  at  his  faults,  in  absence,  rail. 

Better  alone  forever  be 

Than  mix  with  worthless  company. 

“Tell  me  the  company  you  keep, 

And  I will  tell  you  what  you  are,” 

I always  hold,  for  wisdom  deep. 

An  olden  proverb  rich  and  rare. 


I pray  you  heed  these  maxims  well. 

Their  worth  your  after  life  will  tell ; 

Not  beauty,  talent,  rank,  or  power, 
Supplies  the  lack,  in  social  hour. 

Of  hnowledge  of  good  manner  s rules, 

Nor  all  the  learning  of  the  schools  ; 

Nor  even  grandest  moral  worth. 

Nor  all  the  wealth  upon  the  earth; 

While  though  some  other  points  you  need, 
Possessing  that  you  will  succeed. 

And  surely,  in  the.  course  of  time, 

With  rapid  feet,  triumphant  climb 

Up  to  the  heights  at  which  you  aim. 

And  win  yourself  an  honored  name. 

23 


266 


EXCELSIOR. 


CHAPTER  V. 

CONVERSATION. 

God  gives  to  all  some  sort  of  speech, 
But  study  and  experience  teach 

How  in  the  art  we  may  excel, 
Learning  to  talk  and  listen  well. 

The  first  rule  is  by  proverb  told — 

“ Speech  silver  is,  but  silence  gold.^’ 

Therefore  this  wisdom  first  attain. 

Of  when  to  talk  and  when  refrain. 

Talk  moderately,  that  others  too 
May  “say  their  say”  as  well  as  you. 

Be  wisely  silent  when  you  see 
'Tis  best  that  you  a listener  be  ; 

But  show,  by  look  of  interest  kind. 
You  lend  a pleased,  attentive  mind. 

When  conversation  languid  fiows. 
Try  with  some  word  to  interpose. 

And  bring  its  former  interest  back, 
Or  start  it  on  a fresher  track. 


CONVERSATION. 


267 


Study  to  gain  a clear,  pure  voice, 

Nor  low  nor  loud; — and  make  your  choice 

The  simple,  plain,  unstudied  word. 

Such  as  in  common  parlance  heard. 

Cant  terms  and  vulgar  words  eschew — 
They  should  not  be  even  known  to  you. 


Don’t  talk  your  knowledge  to  display, 
Lest  rather  ignorance  you  betray ; 

Yet  still  be  ready,  if  desired. 

To  share  the  wisdom  you’ve  acquired. 


Talk  not  too  much  of  your  affairs, 
Nor  question  others  about  their’s. 

Except  some  frank,  congenial  mind. 
In  casual  meeting,  you  may  find. 

Who  can  appreciate  good  sense 
And  speak  with  plain  intelligence 

About  your  business  or  his  own. 

Yet  not  in  too  familiar  tone. 


Despise  not  common  words  and  ways. 
The  cordial,  social,  little  phrase. 

That  holds  society  together. 

Remarks  about  the  wind  and  weather, 


268 


EXCELSIOR. 


And  every-day,  trite  observations, 
The  staple  of  naost  conversations; 

They  serve  a purpose  wise  and  good. 
Though  suiting  not  a cynic’s  mood. 


If  among  poor,  unlettered  men 
Accident  casts  you,  even  then 

Don’t  cloak  yourself  in  selfish  pride, 

Nor  their  sad  ignorance  deride, 

But  try  to  light  the  spark  divine 
That  in  each  human  soul  doth  shine. 

Often  beneath  the  coarsest  rind 
Some  seed  of  precious  worth  we  find. 

Perhaps  in  Providence’s  intent 

Words  you  could  speak  may  have  been  sent, 

If  not  wrapped  u]a  in  silent  scorn. 

To  cheer  or  counsel,  help  or  warn. 

“A  little  word  in  kindness  spoken, 

A moment  or  a tear. 

Has  often  healed  the  heart  that’s  broken. 
And  made  a friend  sincere. 

“ A word — a look — has  crushed  to  earth 
Full  many  a budding  flower. 

Which,  had  a smile  but  owned  its  birth. 
Would  bless  life’s  darkest  hour. 


CONVERSA  TIOE: 


269 


“ Then  deem  it  not  an  idle  thing 
A pleasant  word  to  speak ; 

The  face  you  wear,  the  thoughts  you  bring, 
A heart  may  heal  or  break.” 


Be  ready,  with  an  humble  grace, 

To  take  at  times  a lower  place ; 

Glad  if  one  wiser  will  to  yoii 
Impart  his  “treasures  old  and  new;” 

Nor  be  ashamed,  with  candid  ease, 
To  use  this  simple  art  to  please. 


“A  man  of  one  idea”  alone’ 

Has  ne’er  in  social  converse  shone. 

With  all  this  counsel,  wise  and  clever, 
He’d  be  a prosy  bore  forever. 

Bead,  listen,  think,  until  your  brains 
Varied  and  generous  store  contains. 

Then  talk,  and  you  will  surely  find 
Pleased  listeners  in  each  kindred  mind. 


In  letters  the  same  rules  apply 
Which  you  may  well  be  guided  by ; 

But  of  your  spelling  take  good  heed. 
And  syntax  study  well  indeed; 

23* 


270 


EXCELSIOR. 


For  written  faults  you  cannot  make 
The  same  excuse  for  your  mistake 

That  conversation’s  heat  affords, 

So  guard  alike  ideas  and  words ; 

Don’t  let  them  stiff  and  formal  be, 

But  all  come  heart-warm,  fresh,  and  free ; 

In  simple  word  and  phrase  reveal 
The  kindly  thoughts  you  truly  feel. 


VOCATION. 


271 


CHAPTER  VI. 

VOCATION. 

“ Ho ! all  who  labor,  all  who  strive, 

Ye  wield  a lofty  power; 

Do  with  your  might,  do  with  your  strength. 
Fill  every  golden  hour  ; 

The  glorious  privilege  to  do 
Is  man’s  most  noble  dower. 

Oh ! to  your  birthright,  to  yourselves. 

To  your  own  souls  be  true  ! 

A weary,  wretched  life  is  their’s 
Who  have  no  work  to  do.” 


When  His  fair  finished  world  God  saw 
He  made  for  it  this  primal  law : 

Order  should  be  its  settled  plan. 

And  be  the  proper  guide  for  man. 

The  fittest  place  each  one  can  find 
Is  that  for  which  he  was  designed. 

It  matters  not,  or  high  or  low. 

If  God’s  decree  has  willed  it  so ; 


272 


EXCELSIOR. 


Ambitious  hopes,  mistaken  pride, 

Tempt  some  from  their  right  path  aside. 

Others,  with  craven,  faithless  heart. 

Too  cowardly  to  take  the  part 

Assigned  them,  idle  life  away 
As  if  one  endless  holiday. 

“Who  lags  for  dread  of  daily  work, 
And  his  appointed  task  would  shirk. 
Commits  a folly  and  a crime  ; 

A soulless  slave, 

A paltry  knave, 

A clog  upon  the  wheels  of  time  ; 
With  work  to  do,  and  store  of  health. 
The  man’s  unworthy  to  he  free 
Who  will  not  give. 

That  he  may  live. 

His  daily  toil  for  daily  fee.” 


Let  judgment,  then,  in  this  appear — 

Be  not  deceived  by  pride  or  fear ; 

Nor  think  that  e’en  the  lowest  place 
Can  ever  noble  mind  disgrace. 

Nay,  rather  know  the  maxim  true — 

“ Honoring  your  trade  will  honor  you.” 

Judge  yourself  fairly,  justly  then. 
Unbiased  hy  all  other  men ; 

Consider  well  each  separate  power. 

Each  talent  God  has  made  your  dower ; 


VOCATION. 


273 


And  know  he  will  account  demand 
Most  strictly  from  His  creature’s  hand. 

Use  reason  calm  your  choice  to  make, 

But  let  your  reason  counsel  take 

From  prayer  to  God  for  light  and  strength 
To  choose  what  He  would  have  at  length. 

“Where  duty  lies, 

There  is  highest  sacrifice  ; 

Oft  in  meanest  tasks  on  earth 
Faith  doth  show  her  genuine  birth. 
Giving  them  immortal  worth.” 

But  while  of  pride  you  must  beware. 

Of  false  humility  take  care. 

’Tis  said  that,  in  the  devil’s  eyes. 

This  pride,  that  apes  an  humble  guise. 

Is  his  beloved  and  darling  sin. 

And  countless  souls  for  him  doth  win. 

With  generous  trust,-  and  brave,  high  heart. 
Fear  not  to  take  a ruling  part ; 

If  conscious  God  has  called  you  there. 

And  helped  you  well  your  soul  prepare ; 

And  this  thought  rules  your  chosen  plan, 
“Glory  to  God — good  will  to  man.” 

When  once  you’ve  wisely  made  your  choice. 
Be  deaf  to  every  tempting  voice. 


274 


EXCELSIOR. 


Press  on  and  up,  with  steady  aim, 
Heedless  alike  of  praise  or  blame. 

" Like  a star, 

That  maketh  not  haste. 
That  taketh  no  rest — 
Let  each  be  fulfilling 
His  God-given  hest.” 


Seeking  the  end  you  have  in  view. 

To  God  and  your  own  soul  be  true. 

Loathe  and  avoid  all  trickery  base. 

Be  honest  in  words,  looks  and  ways. 

Be  punctual,  as  though  a crime 
Heedless  to  waste  another’s  time. 

Be  civil;  courtesy  nothing  costs. 

And  wins  us  friends  in  countless  hosts. 

Be  orderly ; let  system  rule. 

And  have  its  p>lace  for  every  tool. 

Be  cautious;  do  not  rashly  trust. 

But  ne’er  suspect,  unless  you  must. 

“Ne’er  run  in  debt” — “pay  as  you  go,” 

Is  a maxim  of  maxims  that  all  should  know. 

“ The  wise  man  his  secret  will  carefully  keep," 
Lest  another  success  should  at  his  expense  reap. 

Be  watchful  and  prompt,  for  success  is  oft  grasped 
By  the  hand  that  is  ready  before  it  be  passed. 


VOCATION. 


275 


Be  industrious  and  earnest,  persevere,  persevere ; 
Step  hy  step  brings  success  daily,  Hourly  near. 

“ ’Tis  a lesson  you  should  heed, 

Try  again; 

If  at  first  you  don’t  succeed, 

Try  again ; 

Then  your  courage  should  appear. 

For  if  you  will  persevere, 

You  will  conquer,  never  fear, 

Try  again.” 


Whate’er  your  calling,  still  be  brave. 

Neither  a tyrant  nor  a slave ; 

But  think  you  see,  in  every  other 
Whom  you  may  meet,  a man  and  brother. 

Let  heart  and  mind  your  standard  he 
Of  truest  aristocracy. 

And  look  with  reverence  on  the  man 
Who  fills  his  place  in  heaven’s  plan; 

If  President  or  cross-legged  tailor, 

A Commodore  or  common  sailor ; 

“All  are  but  workers — hour  by  hour. 

With  hearts  that  are  brave  and  true. 

From  dawn  to  dark,  through  the  whole  day’s  length. 
Each  gives  with  an  earnest  will  his  strength 
To  the  work  he  finds  to  do. 


276 


EXCELSIOR. 


“ But  a grander  task  for  all  remains, 

Wkick  will  only  end  with  Time ; 

And  this  grand  task  is  ’mid  the  ceaseless  din 
Of  the  constant  struggle  that  hems  us  in 
To  MAKE  OUB,  LIVES  SUBLIME.” 


PART  II. 


FOR  YOUNG  LADIES. 


I**' 


-V 


•;':i 


;c: 


■ 


EXCELSIOR. 


279 


CHAPTER  I. 

“ Oft  in  lowliest  tasks  of  earth 
Faith  will  find  its  genuine  birth  : 
Giving  them  immortal  w'orth.” 

She  who  this  living  faith  would  know, 
Must  strive  these  things  to  learn  and  do  ; 

In  daily  duties’  round  to  learn 
An  inner  spirit  to  discern, 

And  with  a generous,  earnest  will. 

Each  mean,  unworthy  thought  to  still. 

Find  how  the  tastes  of  all  to  please. 

And  take  no  joy  in  careless  ease  ; 

But  blithe  and  cheerful  day  by  day. 
Keep  step  by  step  her  upward  way 

To  noblest  height  of  womanhood — 
Self-sacrifice  for  others  good. 


280 


EXCELSIOR. 


CHx\PTER  II. 

’Tis  not  alone  housewifely  care 

That  maketh  home  seem  bright  and  fair. 

And  though  it  all  be  duly  set, 

If  love’s  sweet  smile  be  lacking  yet; 

•If  frowning  brow  and  sullen  face 
Show’s  want  of  pure  affectioji’s  grace  ; 

Nor  luxury,  nor  pomp,  nor  pride. 

Nor  every  gift  of  wealth  beside. 

Can  make  it  home  : love  only  knows 
How  to  make  home  where’er  it  goes. 

The  gentle  kiss — the  kind  caress, 

A word  in  tones  of  tenderness; 

How  many  a pain  of  heart  and  mind 
Would  soothing  comfort  in  them  find. 

Learn,  then,  in  girlhood’s  pliant  days. 

To  practice  all  love’s  gentle  ways ; 

In  little  things  its  spirit  shows. 

And  in  their  2:jractice  daily  grows. 

'Till  rising  up  in  power  and  strength 
It  reaches  loftiest  heights  .at  length. 


EXCELSIOR. 


281 


CHAPTER  III. 

Be  hopeful,  sunny,  cheerful,  bright, 
Whate’er  betides  by  day  or  night. 

A cheerful  mind,  like  sunny  gleams, 
Gilds  harshest  facts  with  golden  beams; 

’Tis  rest  unto  the  weary  heart ; 

To  angry  moods  ’twill  calm  impart; 

It  melts  the  stubborn  ; to  the  Aveak 
’Twill  courage  and  endurance  speak  ; 

Light,  help  and  comfort,  Avisdom,  grace, 
All  enter  Avith  a cheerful  face. 


282 


EXCELSIOR. 


CHAPTER  IV. 

With  self  must  patience  needs  begin, 
And  day  by  day  some  progress  win. 

Yet  still,  as  day  shall  follow  day 
Before  it's  stretched  a longer  way. 

And  yet  more  distant  seems  its  goal, 
The  nobler  be  the  eager  soul. 


The  truly  filial  child  is  she 
Who  does  her  duty  patiently. 

Not  from  mere  duty's  strictest  need. 
That  gentler  motives  will  not  heed  ; 

But  adding  unto  duty’s  law 
Those  kindlier  impulses  which  draw 

From  helpless  sickness  or  old  age 
Still  stronger  reasons  to  engage, 

A patience  which,  by  every  sign, 
Proves  that  its  source  is  all  Divine. 


“Its  perfect  work  let  patience  have, 
’Twill  many  a sin  and  sorrow  save  ; 

And  calm  and  even  life  will  glide 
If  patience  doth  with  thee  abide. 


EXCELSIOR. 


CHA.PTER  V. 

The  homely  ways  of  daily  toil 
Perhaps  at  times  the  hands  may  soil. 

The  broom,  soft,  rosy  palms  annoy. 

And  “kitchen  work”  may  quite  destroy 

Romantic  dreams  of  wedded  life,  ' 

But  the  true  woman  and  true  wife 

Finds  in  its  quiet  round  of  care. 

Its  daily  toils,  a treasure  rare. 

The  humblest  tasks  her  hands  fulfil, 

She  makes  a source  of  pleasure  still 

In  work  well  done,  and  calmly  blest, 

Her  heart  and  mind  alike  will  rest ; 

While  husband,  children,  servants  praise 
The  simple  wisdom  of  her  ways. 


284 


EXCELSIOR. 


CHAPTER  VI. 

The  ladies  of  these  latter  days 
Too  oft  neglect  old-fashioned  ways ; 

The  thrifty  .ways  their  grand-dames  knew 
How  ancient  garments  to  renew  ; 

How,  with  elaborate,  patient  care. 

The  much-worn  stockings  to  repair 

By  loose  drawn  rows  of  smooth  flat  darn 
With  cotton  soft  or  even  yarn. 

’Tis  pity  these  economic  ways 

That  won  our  grandmammas  such  praise. 

Are  now-a-days  near  set  aside 
By  thriftless  idleness  and  pride. 


EXCELSIOR. 


285 


CHAPTER  VII. 

Is  there  a sharper,  crueler  dart, 

Piercing  more  quickly  to  the  heart. 

Is  there  a venomed  arrow  keen 
More  fatal  than  detraction’s  spleen, 

More  subtle  poison  ever  spread. 

Than  whispered  scandal’s  words  of  dread. 

Or  bitterer  tears  than  oft  are  wrung 
By  woman’s  sharp  unbridled  tongue  ? 

Say  not,  “I  know  the  thing  is  true,” 

Even  though  ajDpearing  so  to  you, 

It  will  not  justify  your  cause 
In  breaking  charity’s  fair  laws. 

“ Speak  good  of  all,  or  silent  be,” 

Is  the  sure  rule  of'  charity, 

“ Judge  not”  comes  with  this  promise  sweet, 
“ And  you  no  judgment  hard  shall  meet.” 

And  they  who  neighbors  ne’er  condemn 
Know  mercy  surely  waiteth  them, 


286 


EXCELSIOU. 


GIIAPTEE  VIII. 

A -woman  perfect  and  complete 
Needs  first  to  be  a housewife  neat ; 

If  -v\'ife,  on  wifely  duties  bent, 

If  mother,  on  her  charge  intent ; 

But  she  who  has  a vacant  mind, 

An  intellect  all  unrefined ; 

Who  never  cares  in  any  booh 
That  has  no  “ fashion  plates  ” to  look ; 

Will  live  but  a poor,  vacant  life — 

An  ignorant  mother — childish  wife ; 

From  lack  of  knowledge,  not  of  will, 
Her  duties  only  half  fulfil. 


EXGELSIOB. 


287 


CHAPTER  IX. 

God  givetR  each  some  gift  and  grace, 
And  fits  each  soul  for  its  own  place. 

But  strict  account  He  yet  will  ask, 
How  each  fulfil  the  appointed  task ; 

And  use  each  talent,  Virgins  five 
The  light  of  knowledge  kept  alive  ; 

And  fed  that  inner  lamp,  the  mind. 
With  wholesome  food,  for  it  designed; 

While  other  five  the  light  divine. 
Allowed  to  dwindle,  waste,  and  pine. 

For  lack  of  food.  Then,  piteous  fate, 
Their  folly  knew — alas  ! too  late. 


288 


EXCELSIOE. 


CHAPTER  X. 

’Tis  sad  to  see  Low  liealtli  and  grace 
To  fashion’s  idle  laws  give  place; 

How  day  by  day  the  natural  waist 
Grows  less  and  less,  as  tighter  laced ; 

And  prisoned  feet,  and  aching  hands, 
Are  bound  by  fashion’s  cruel  bands ; 

And  all  that  nature  fairly  made 
In  well  proportioned  size  displayed. 

By  long  and  painful  force  compelled 
To  barbarous  distortions  yield. 


EXCELSIOR. 


289 


CHAPTEE  XL 

The  instinct  of  each  wonaan’s  heart 
Should  teach  her  how  to  act  her  part. 

’Tis  God  who  hath  her  place  assigned, 
And  given  to  her  a pliant  mind, 

And  quick  perceptive  power  to  see 
Just  what  a duteous  wife  should  be. 

By  gentle,  mild,  adaptive  mood, 

She  wins,  persuades,  incites  to  good ; 

And  if  the  purer,  loftier  soul 
Will  thus  her  husband  best  control ; 

While  if  he  towers  far  above. 

She  makes  herself  worthy  his  love. 

’Tis  by  submission  wmmen  rule, 

And  she  who  best  her  heart  doth  school 

In  all  humility’s  sweet  ways 

Will  win  most  honor  and  most  praise. 


290 


EXCELSIOR. 


CHAPTER  XII. 

The  rules  of  breeding  most  exact 
Of  finest  feeling,  sense  and  tact, 

In  the  Apostle’s  words  we  find 
Adapted  to  each  human  mind. 

They  teach  us  all  we  need  to  know 
For  guidance,  wheresoe’er  we  go. 

And  by  their  -practice  we  will  learn 
New  meanings  daily  to  discern. 

They  govern  heart,  and  mind,  and  will, 
And  give  each  nobler  motives  still. 

And  yearnings,  daily  more  intense, 

For  higher  heights  of  excellence. 


